Chapter one
Can I close my eyes for a moment and think? Just think of a quiet time, a time when I didn't have to be on my guard. I'm scared, lonely, broke, and running from a mad woman who's trying to kill me. Victoria. I can feel her always. She's like a spider crawling around the edges of my mind. I can't figure out how I've managed this long without her catching me.
.
Leaning back on the dirty seat of the bus, I look out the window and watch the street lights glide past my eyes. Stopping at a red light, I notice the date flashing on the sign telling me it's been two years almost to the date since I've been running. I've lived two years longer than I should have. Part of me just wants to die. However, the other part of me wants to see how long I can go on like this. The sick sadistic part of me. I didn't even know I had one, but then again, I didn't know a lot about myself.
Las Vegas sin city, was now my home at least for the next few weeks. This would not have been my first choice, but I needed to find jobs that were no questions asked, do you work and get paid every week. Perfect. My mind drifted to back to Forks. I miss it. I miss Jake. I miss my dad. I miss my house, my bed, my truck. I miss the rain. God, I miss the rain, I miss him, them. A tear slides down my cheek, I lift up my sleeve and wipe it away. I notice the tiny girl in the window. She looks like someone that I use to know. Her eyes are dark and sunken in. I have to look twice to - it's me in the reflection.
The bus jerked ahead, and I watch out my window again. For a moment, I allow my mind to relive the past. Edward, just the thought of his name makes the hole in my chest burn. I wonder if this hole in my chest will ever stop hurting. I wonder how he's doing? I wonder if he's found someone new? Another tear rolls down my cheek. Did he fall in love with another human? Or, did he find another Vampire? God, I bet she's beautiful. He should be here with me. He should be protecting me. They, my family should be protecting me. Instead, I'm here all alone running from a deranged Vampire.
Memories rush through me, Edward. His bronze hair, crooked grin, his cool touch. I hug myself, the hole in my chest is ripping opening again. I pull a jagged breath deep into my lungs. The last time I had seen him was on our trip home from Italy. I knew I shouldn't have gotten my hopes up. I tried. I tried so hard not to keep loving him. I could not have lived with myself if he had killed himself. Instead, I got more heart breaks. All I deserved really. The look on Alice's face when she arrived at Charlie's how frantic she was at the thoughts of Edward killing himself at the hands of the Volturi her words filled me with fear and dread. I would have walked to the moon and back to help them. To save Edward. Now look at me. Alone, and on the run.
Where are they when I needed them? I tired not to relive those memories. Another tear found the well-beaten path down my cheek. Pictures of Jake yelling at me telling me how crazy I was to fly off to Italy with Alice filled my mind. Making the tears run faster. I didn't' have a choice did I? I had to help Edward. I would have done anything for him. I was the one who put him in harm's way. My stupid attempt at 'seeing' him. Cliff jumping. How stupid of me. Bella the idiot. I had to stop him. I had to do something. Anything. I would have given him my life, my blood. They didn't give me the time of day. I had to stop this, this was insane. Two years and I'm still a blubbering idiot. I had to stop feeling sorry for myself. I pulled the sweeter over my hand and rubbed my face with the rough fabric. "Stop it Bella" I muttered to myself. Sighing, I closed my eyes allowing the memories once more to fill my mind.
Alice, my best friend. I didn't think I would need one - want one but when she bounced into my life I felt just as hurt and broken with her leaving as Edwards' departure. After saving Edward, the look on Alice's face was priceless. He was safe, safe from them.
The Volturi. I remember Edward telling me about them, the three kings; at his home before my horrible birthday. The crazy one, the angry one, and the sad one. Their threats about watching the Cullen's didn't seem to bother either Alice or Edward. They terrified me. Those red eyes. I see those red eyes sometime in the little sleep that I get. I see them coming with Victoria right behind them. In their throne room, I was surrounded by such beauty. Edward always called himself the monster. As my eyes looked at the beautiful people in the room, it was me who was the monster. Edward's beauty of course stood out, but the Volturi kings were beautiful as well. They were all so tall, two dark handsome warrior men, along with a tall blond one who looked like he could kill with his eyes alone. They spoke words so quickly that I only caught a few things. The shorter of the dark men stood before me and grasped my hand. His smooth cool hand felt different than Edwards; you could feel the power that he held in just his hand. For the first time, I felt the fear of the vampires, I stood before.
I should have known after we left their throne room something was wrong. I was too exhausted, hungry, scared but most of all relieved to be getting out alive we were all alive. Edward was alive and well, he was holding my hand. "It's ok Bella, we're going to be ok" He mumbled into my hair.
We arrived at the airport. Few words were spoken to me after we settled into our plane seats. . I could tell that Alice and Edward were talking, but due to my fatigue I was just too tired to say anything. Edward was alive, and that's all that mattered. Alice dragged me through security The ride home from Italy was quiet, I knew just by Alice's face, that Edward wasn't coming back to me. I felt that familiar burning feeling in my chest now, just like the first time he left me.
I did all I could do, and I still wasn't good enough for him. I just had to face the facts. Not good enough. The words spoken by the Volturi did nothing to stop the fact that I would be left alone from the one person I gave my soul to.
The bus slowed down, I stood up and quickly checked the occupants of the bus, as I took a slow step off , I scanned my alley. Of course all the cheap hotels are well off the strip and in some of the more seedy parts of the city. Welcome to my life. I knew that if a vampire were really close to me, there would be no way for me to run away. I would have to face my destiny. The air was cool as I quickly found my street, a few short blocks later I arrived at my humble home. I had to jimmy the key in the lock. I slipped inside and locked the door. Of course, again, if there were a vampire in my house a locked door would keep them out. My lowly home was nothing more than a sleeping bag on the floor and a few books. I travelled light, these days I needed to be able to flee at a moments notice. Slipping off my shoes I padded my way to the fridge, I had only lived here for the last week, so there wasn't much to chose from for supper. I grabbed a glass of water and a few cheese slices. Rent was due this week and I didn't have the funds to purchase food and pay the rent at the same time. I always had a little for bus fare as well. I promised myself that I would not spend this no matter what. I slowly ate my cheese slices, and I allowed the memories of Edward to seep into my mind took all pangs of hunger away. I stripped my clothes' off and headed for the shower.
Stepping out of the shower I slipped slightly. Old habits didn't want to leave me. I was still as clumsy as they came. I crawled slowly into my sleeping bag, I closed my eyes and allowed those horrible memories take hold again.
Edward, his eyes, the way he ran his hands through his hair, how he rubbed his hand along his leg. I knew that it would end, he came crashing into my world, tore my heart out of my chest and took off without so much as a good by. I should have known better, why did I have to be so stupid! Alice didn't say two words either, her head was bowed and not a word was spoken. I watched as they simply slipped into the crowd when we landed in New York. I was just too stunned to cry. I couldn't make a scene a the airport. I was stunned, I simply stumbled through the crowd and on to the street. I frantically looked for them. They, my family were gone again. For a brief few moments I thought I was dreaming, this wasn't for real. I wandered back into the airport and made a collect call to Charlie. I can hear his voice. How frantic he was, how excited, happy-scared and angry all at the same time. Funds were low for us, but Charlie called the airlines and got me a flight home. Alone.
The look on Charlie's face was something I will never forget when I stepped of the airplane. Anger, and forgiveness his dark eyes held back tears I knew had been shed earlier. "Bells, don't you ever-ever do anything like that again to your old man he whisper in my ear. Hugging me so tight that I had a hard time breathing. I apologised for my behaviour and promised never to ever do anything like that again to him.
The ride home from Seattle was quite - to told him how Alice arrived at our house - how she was frantic about Edward's state of mind. Of course I never spoke a word about where I had been, I'm sure if Charlie knew I had arrived from Italy he would have had a bird. I told him that they where in upstate New York- and that the Cullen's had dropped me off at the airport. I told Charlie that I had lied to the Cullen's, I told them I had money for the flight home. After everything they had done to me, I still felt the need to protect their family name. I just couldn't speak ill of them. Maybe one day, just not yet.
I had only been home a week before the fire happened. I was in school, why Charlie was at home was beyond me. Jake and Sam had no proof of it, but all the scents were lining up. Victoria as back and closer than before. I don't remember the funeral at all. I vaguely remember a lot of people surroundings me. I moved in with Billy and Jake for a few months after Charlie's death. Renee and Phil were next. Victoria knew how to hurt me. Alone, and hiding on the reserve. Victoria started making other vampires', and building up an army. An army of hatred against me. All because I fell in love. I don't know what Gods I made angry with me, but my punishment was swift and strong. I lived on the reserve for about 6 months, with all the new vampires' running around more and more of the Quileute tribe became shape shifters. People I knew were disappearing, "bear" attacks were getting more common. Sam came to the house in desperation, asking me to leave. The pack simply could not keep up with all the new vampires', nor could Sam keep up with all the newest members of the pack with all their volatility. Jake fought hard to keep me safe. I knew that it was only right for me to leave. I had to stop this. It was time for me to face my destiny.
I was able to slip off the reserve. Sam had an idea of taking some of my blood and keep Victoria off my trail for a few weeks. The look on the boys faces when I left broke my heart. I knew I would never see my Jake again.
Jake drove me to Port Angeles, where I purchased a bus ticket as far away from Forks as I could get. New Mexico was my first stop. I staggered off the bus not knowing what my next move would be. Thank God I had a little cash at the beginning. I stayed in larger centres, I found house keeping job at hotels I tried the occasional waitress job, but soon found out carrying drinks on trays and being clumsy was a bad combination.
I found that the hotels I cleaned at also gave me cheaper rates. I spent all my holidays thinking of my family, the people that I took for granted. The first Christmas it took all my power not to go back to Forks. I pushed all those feeling, deeper down. I had to survive for what reason I couldn't figure it out, maybe for Charlie, for my mum. Not sure, I always knew when Victoria was close. I could feel her. The hair on my arms would stand on ends. I felt this incredible need to run, leave, and not look back. I tried to stick to warmer climates, lots of sun - but I could not outrun the twilight hours.