Yamamoto said he would wait even though Gokudera told him to piss off. He didn't care how long Gokudera would take; he brought a book, he said. When Gokudera snickered and asked if it had enough pictures to keep him occupied Yamamoto only laughed and kissed him, before getting back to the car. Gokudera scrubbed his mouth in embarrassment and stomped off in opposite direction.
He didn't sit down. He nodded curtly and stood there with his hands in his pockets.
"Sorry for taking so long. I was… busy. With work. Nothing you want to hear about. Juudaime's well, that's the most important thing. I'm well too, I guess. Even if Bakamoto is driving me mad since he moved in. Oh, yeah, right. He moved in. Surprise, surprise…"
He shrugged and awkwardly kicked a small rock lying under his feet. He hanged his head down and snorted.
"And it's fucking ridiculous and gross because now we're living together with a fucking dog and a fucking cat and- He bought me a piano, you know. I haven't touched it yet. I'm… scared? Is this the right word? I don't know, I just don't think I'm ready. And he has the audacity to be understanding about it. I hate him. He's waiting in the car now. Our car. God, I'm so glad you aren't here to see me sunk so low…"
He blinked several times to keep the tears at bay and huffed an angry sigh.
"No, that's a lie… I miss you. Every day. I guess I never told you that, huh? Didn't want to seem weak, I suppose. He says it's not weakness. And I… trust him. You wouldn't believe the things he makes me buy. Or maybe you would. You probably would. I wish you'd met him. He laughs a lot too, like you did. Only he sounds like he's having a stroke. Your laughter sounded like… God, I can't remember its sound. Please, don't hate me for it, I already hate myself. I miss you so much."
He had to close his mouth because he was afraid the next sound that left his lips would be a broken sob. When did he become such a sap? He breathed deeply for a while and run his hand down his face.
"He wants to have a baby, you know. Can you imagine it? Laughable. Isn't it…? I mean- I have to think about Juudaime. About the famiglia. About… everything. But not about- this. There's just no way. No way… Right? I know how much he wants it and I would, I really- But I'm not fit to be a parent. I'm just not."
He wiped his face with his sleeve and cleared his throat. It hurt and it was hard to speak.
"I- I just don't know what to do. I just wish you were here to tell me what to do…"
He looked up to the sky. It remained silent, just like the cold stone in front of him. He sniffled and put his hands back in his pockets.
"I guess I'll talk to you later. Bye, mom."