Sorry Problem with Princesses fans, this is just a little distraction...
Destiny or Otherwise
"I guess I always knew this would happen." Arthur rambled, waving his goblet around and spilling the alcohol everywhere. "I mean, she loves Lancelot! It's obvious! It was always obvious!"
"It was obvious," Merlin agreed, staggering behind his king, whose crown was placed on crooked. At first it had taken a little persuasion that the best way to deal with Guinevere leaving was to get very drunk, but now it was rather late into the night and all objections had been forgotten.
"I mean, I'd walk in on them!" Arthur exclaimed, his goblet thrown aside again "And they'd jump apart and start explaining things. I always believed her." He added the last bit woefully, pausing for a moment as if he were seeing some holy sight.
"We all believed her, Arthur, we all did" Merlin decided, patting Arthur forcefully on the shoulder.
Arthur gave him a slightly irritated look, but they had finally made it to the king's chambers. They burst in. Merlin swayed a little before falling to the floor and sat there for a bit, whilst Arthur laughed at him. When his companion's scornful expression finally hit him, The King sobered a bit and slumped down next to him.
He leant back, resting against his bed. He turned the goblet around in his fingers and watched the light reflect off its contours. Finally, in a sorrowful voice, he announced. "I never loved another."
They seemed to consider that for a moment before Merlin snorted loudly. "Well that's not true!"
"What d'ya mean?" Arthur's head snapped round to glare at his advisor.
"Well -" Merlin thrust his hand forward and indicated one finger. "First, there was Sophia."
"Uh-uh" Arthur shook his head "That was an enchantment, that doesn't count"
"And there was Vivian…" Merlin indicated another.
"Enchantment!" Arthur crowed.
Merlin frowned. "I'm counting Morgana"
Arthur spat his drink out. "That never happened."
"On the contrary, Gaius told me some very amusing stories of your teenage years." Merlin smirked, adding a third finger.
Arthur frowned. "Fine. But you loved Morgana too!"
Merlin had the decency to blush. "Did not!"
"I don't believe you for a second" Arthur laughed. He looked over to his friend, who was still pouting "But come on! You've not exactly been lucky in love either I mean -" he considered Merlin's gangly frame and large ears "- Look at you."
"Oh thanks, thanks a bunch." Merlin scowled, helping himself to another swig from his bottle.
"I mean -" Arthur waved his hands around. "There was that druid chick."
"You mean Freya? The one you killed?" Merlin replied, his voice stony.
"Yeah, that one!" Arthur grinned, proud of himself. "You didn't get so lucky there did you?"
Merlin felt he should bring up the fact that Arthur killed her again, but decided against it.
"Ooh!" The King exploded. "There was the princess! Princess Fiona! Yeah, it took all of the knights of Camelot to stop you going after her."
"She was practically being kidnapped! She couldn't go, she just couldn't!" Merlin whined.
"They were bringing her back to her kingdom to have the marriage she agreed to years in advance. You would have started a war with not only her kingdom, but her fiancé's as well. It would have put Camelot in danger." Arthur recited wearily.
"Stupid Camelot. Seems everything I do is for stupid Camelot." Merlin muttered, sourly.
Arthur knew he had to change the conversation. "What about that visiting maid? You liked her, didn't you?"
"Marion? Yeah, I suppose I did." Merlin sighed heavily.
"You suppose?" Arthur jabbed. "You pined for three months after she left. You said, and I quote here, 'she was the most amazing person I ever met.' And that's including me!" He added, rather indignantly.
Merlin cracked a little smile, "We did have some good times."
"I know." Arthur smiled heartily. "I walked in on most of them!"
Merlin threw his head back against the bed and chortled. "Oh, the days before I got a lock on my door." Arthur laughed as well, neither of them recalling the embarrassment that was actually present in those times.
"Gods. We really are hopeless, aren't we?" Arthur murmured, mimicking Merlin by rolling his head back against the bed.
Merlin shook his head, still smiling. "It's not completely our fault."
"No…" Arthur agreed. "It's Lancelot's fault as well."
"And that fiancé" Merlin echoed. "Prince Fart head or whatever his name was."
"And clearly the stupid people who wrote the destiny thing."
"That counts for both Gwen and Morgana" Merlin responded. "I mean, who said she had to turn evil? She could have stayed on the good side with us, and petted unicorns or something."
Arthur wondered if he was talking about Gwen or Morgana. He brushed it aside. "And our stupid duties as well. You might as well have gone off with Princess Fiona, Camelot's going to fall anyway."
Merlin gulped as that fact dawned on both of them. "All that work for nothing." He sighed.
"Yup." Arthur moodily confirmed. "It's all downhill from here."
Merlin chewed his lip nervously. His noticed his companion was heaving himself up. Arthur leant against the bed before offering Merlin a hand. Merlin looked at it confusedly. "Can't we just sit here and die quietly?" He moaned, his head starting to throb.
Arthur stared pointedly at his hand until Merlin accepted it and hauled upwards as well. "I'm not letting that happen." He shook his head. He smirked playfully, a ghost of his former self. "You know me; I want to go out with a bang."
Merlin laughed. "That can be arranged, you know."
Arthur ignored him. "Merlin, our efforts will not go to waste."
"Oh?" His warlock queried.
"We shall go down in history." Arthur decided. "We shall be legends!"
"Starting tonight!" Merlin raised his bottle in glee, clinking it ceremoniously against Arthur's goblet. "Destiny or otherwise!"
"Destiny or otherwise!" Arthur cheered.