This is a two chapter story and the next one is already finished so no wait. This is my entry for a writing challenge over on Ninelives. Next chapter will be posted tomorrow. Hope you enjoy it and thank you all for reading!

Chapter One

She didn't know why she did it.

One minute she was out on the back porch, beating the dust out of one of the kitchen rugs. She had felt calm. She had felt just fine. But then she had stopped her savage rug beating and she had stood there gazing out at the rain, almost hypnotized by the sight of it, almost like she had never seen it before in her life. It wasn't just the sight of it coming down like silvered Christmas tinsel, it was the sound of it. The way each individual drop was joined by a million others to create the sound of smooth chaos overhead on the roof.

She closed her eyes and realized that it was a sound she was very familiar with. It was so similar to the sound that had been inside of her own head since the moment they settled here.

Chaos.

A million voices like a million raindrops, pouring over her mind. But in her head, that sound felt tainted. Out here, the sound of the rain had a cleansing ring to it. It sounded clean. It looked clean. It even smelled clean. If she were to step out into the deluge, she knew, it would feel clean too.

Could the rain wash the blood away? All the blood that seemed to always be on her hands even though she knew, logically, that she was the only one that knew it was there?

She opened her eyes and breathed in so deeply that her lungs couldn't take in anymore. She was startled to realize that she was standing in the middle of the yard. She tilted her face up, eyes squeezed tightly shut.

Then she ran. The urge slamming into her out of nowhere.

The mud sucked at the soles of her shoes but she barely noticed. She ran without thinking, the rain pouring over her. She slammed into the fence, her fingers threading through the links and she clawed her way to the top. She didn't flinch when the exposed metal tore into her forearms and she didn't take the time to climb back down the other side. She dropped, landing on the balls of her feet in a crouch before she pushed away from the ground, fleeing like there was a herd on her heels.

As soon as she hit the shadows of the trees she ripped the buttons from her shirt and shrugged out of it, her feet still pounding out a rhythm on the ground. She let it slip from her shoulders as she weaved through the trees, leaving her in nothing but a soaked camisole, but still she ran.

If she ran into any walkers, she was dead. But hadn't she been dead behind those walls anyway? Her heart had been beating and she still drew breaths, in and out, but she hadn't been alive. She hadn't felt alive in so long. But out here, she could taste the rain on her lips. She could feel the expanse of the wilderness around her and her heart soared wildly in her chest at the freedom she felt just then.

Out here she didn't have to be anything at all. And if it killed her, then she'd die gladly. She would die free. She hadn't bothered speaking to God in a very long time and out here she didn't have to speak to him. This wildness was it's own religion.

She stopped abruptly and dropped to her knees. Her hands ran through her hair and then she laughed, feeling as open as the world around her... Like she'd been a caged animal that finally realized that the locks were all in her head. She stood up and took off again like a shot through the trees.

~H~

Daryl hadn't been back for very long and he was ready to get out of his soaked clothes and just take a minute to breath. But of course that wasn't something he was going to be able to do just yet. As soon as he had walked through the gates, eager to get to the house for once since they got here, he was directed to go to the church and talk to Rick and Dianna.

He stomped up the steps, ready to get this over with. He found them standing in front of one of the windows in the tower, talking in low voices. Neither looked happy about whatever they were discussing and when he cleared his throat their eyes came up, meeting his before they looked at each other once more and continued on with their discussion. Daryl leaned against the wall, arms crossed, waiting for them to get to whatever topic had called for him to have to rush up here as soon as he got back.

Movement down below caught his attention and he squinted to try to make out what he was seeing through the downpour.

There was someone running, cutting through the backyards of the houses on their street. Without knowing why he felt his heart plummet to his feet. He stepped between Rick and Dianna, shouldering them out of his way roughly.

No. He had to have been seeing things.

But it was her. Carol was running like the hounds of hell were on her tail. His joints seemed to lock up and he felt the distance she covered as she raced away, moving further from their house and closer to the fence. He expected her to stop. Stopping was the logical thing to do when an obstacle was placed in your path but stopping wasn't something she was planning on doing.

She threw herself into the fence and then started moving up the side faster than he thought possible. The hair on the back of his neck stood up when he saw her drop to the other side, pause for a fraction of a second as she crouched there, and then she sprinted for the trees.

He nearly knocked Rick on his ass as he shoved the man out of his way. He fell down part of the stairs but that didn't seem to register to him. He could have taken the path she had but it would be easier to go out the front. He was screaming for someone to open the gate before he was near it and whoever was up there must have known something was happening because he was able to slip right through the small gap without stopping.

He pushed his legs harder and for once in his life he cursed the weight of the bow strapped to his back.

What the fuck did she think she was doing? He was gone more often than not but when he was back she hadn't seemed very off. He hated her new housewife get up but he understood what she was doing. He knew that behind the mask she was still in there. Still the same woman that he had grown to care about so deeply.

But something had been wrong and he hadn't seen it. Hadn't given her much thought at all as he watched her play that role here.

He made his way around and was pretty certain where she had entered the woods. The woods that could hide so many fucking dangers. The trees felt like they swallowed him up and he had the strange sensation that once they spit him back out, he would be a different man than he was when he stepped through the darkness.

He scanned the forest floor, frantically looking for her trail before the rain that was seeping down through the canopy above him could wash away any trace of her. His breath exploded from his lungs once he saw the slight indention her shoe had left in the bracken underfoot.

He had hoped that she would have slowed once she was behind the tree line but she hadn't. Her stride was long and he knew she had kept up her pace despite the trees. He cursed and then took off again in search of this insane woman.

This could be the end.

The thought had him charging even faster, barely picking up on her trail anymore, letting something else take lead, some place in his mind that seemed reserved just for her. He trusted it. It had led him right to her before once he realized it was there.

He skidded to a stop and stared down at his feet, his heart throbbing painfully as his lungs sucked in much needed oxygen. Her shirt was lying there, right at his feet. He knelt down and picked it up, his grip strong but his hand shaking. Shaking until he realized that it was still warm. He spun in a slow circle, his eyes scanning everything but still there was no break in her trail. She'd still been running when she had shed the shirt.

He dropped the garment and then took off again, his breathing loud and ragged as he blinked the heavy rain out of his eyes. If she ran into danger out here she would be nothing but a smear by the time he found her. She hadn't looked like she'd taken a weapon with her. Not one big enough to make much difference if a herd happened along.

He dodged a sapling, his legs burning, and finally he caught a glimpse of her. She was standing with her back to him, her face tilted up to the sky and her fingers laced at the back of her head. She wasn't doing anything but standing there, her shoulders moving with her rapid breathing.

Now that he knew that she was alive he let that hot anger wash through him, but it was dampened by more than a little worry. What the fuck could have happened to cause this? Why in the fuck would she scale the fence and rush off into the fucking woods with no weapon? Had she finally figured out that she couldn't keep pretending like she was perfectly okay? Because none of them were. None of them.

He was quiet as he came up behind her but somehow she sensed someone there and she spun around dropping her arms to her sides. Her blue eyes were wide and much too bright. Her chest heaved and his eyes raked down, the thin material had probably once been white but now it was the same shade as her skin. Every bit of her was on display right there in front of him and he was having a lot of trouble not looking at her breasts.

Before he could open his mouth to speak she took a step back. His eyes locked back onto hers and he saw fear there. She looked very much like a wounded animal that was caught in a trap. She didn't want him here and it was obvious but he wasn't about to leave. He wasn't leaving without dragging her back with him because he wanted answers and he wanted her safe.

She spun around then, running once more, like he was some kind of danger to her. He didn't hesitate before he was right on her heels. She didn't get very far this time. She was quick. She was much quicker than he thought she would be but he had a longer stride. His arm snaked around her but she wriggled free with a growl that shocked him and then she was taking off again.

Now he was pissed.

When he caught her again he locked his arm around her tightly, forcing her to stop. She fought. God, did she fight, but she wasn't strong enough to break his hold. He was confused and he was scared to goddamn death and he was pissed off and she wasn't getting away. What the hell was she thinking?

"Do you wanna die out here!" He yelled, locking his other arm around her and hauling her back a few feet.

She froze in his arms then, stopped fighting completely but her body was rigid, like her muscles had cemented. Both of them were fighting for air as the rain poured over them from a gap in the trees. Once he trusted himself to look at her again he spun her around. "Let me go," she wheezed between breaths.

He shook his head. "What happened back there? Why the hell are you out here?" The wild frantic look in her eyes scared the fuck out of him but when her head dipped back and she laughed, it sent a chill down his spine that froze the marrow in his bones. When she looked at him again her eyes were dancing.

"Why are you?" She countered, biting her lip and tilting her head to the side. "Huh? Why are you always out here, Daryl Dixon? What are you trying to find out here? Yourself maybe? God?"

She'd fucking snapped. Under all of that cool composure, something had been breaking in her mind and he wasn't sure what the hell he was doing anymore. "I don't come out here for none of that. I sure as fuck don't come out here unarmed."

She shook her head. "You're a liar. I didn't understand before but I do now. You wanna be free. I want that too. If only for a while, I want to be free and then whatever happens can happen."

"Carol, you gotta snap out of this," he said, not recognizing his own voice.

She jerked free and took a step away from him but didn't turn to run again. She probably knew already that he wouldn't let her get far. "I don't want to go back there," she said, glancing past him.

"To bad," he growled, ready to drag her back kicking and screaming if he had to.

Thunder crashed above them and the wind picked up, causing the treetops to sway. She shook her head. "What are you gonna do, Daryl? Tie me up? You can't make me stay there."

"Whatever the hell is wrong, you'll be alright. Let's go home, okay?" He was willing to plead with her if that's what it would take to get her back behind the walls.

She shook her head and his temper flared again. It was like he was dealing with a child. "You hate me there," she stated flatly. "I hate me there."

He pushed his hair out of his face and shook his head. "That ain't fuckin' true and you know it. What the fuck happened!" He was yelling again.

She shook her head then but she had enough sense about her to follow where his gaze had strayed to, not for the first time. He was ashamed of himself. She was obviously having some sort of mental breakdown but he couldn't ignore how fucking exposed she was.

"Do you want me?" She asked, forcing him to tear his gaze away from her body and meet hers.

"What?" He shook his head and then found himself taking a step back when she took one towards him. "You need to come back with me. Now." He swallowed hard. He wouldn't touch her. He wouldn't touch her while she was in the middle of a fucking episode. He was scared to death that whatever had happened to her was some permanent thing. Like what had happened to others. This world became too much and they snapped.

She laughed again. "I was thinking... this place is like a church, ya know? A person is free out here to be whoever they were meant to be. And this place, this is your place. This is your world. Not back there... Back there they look at you like you're nothing but here, here you're like a God," she took another step towards him and he halted as her gaze ran over him.

"What are you doin'?" He choked when she finally stopped in front of him. At least now she wasn't trying to flee. But what she did next was just as bad. She pushed the bow strap slightly, her eyes darting up and meeting his.

Maybe she just needed the equivalent to a slap in the face. He shoved her away, not as gently as he had meant to because he was having trouble keeping himself under control. She stumbled but caught herself. He dropped the bow and then grabbed her arm, hauling her towards him so hard that she crashed into his chest.

"This what you want," he yelled in her face, gripping her waist hard, making sure it was enough to hurt a little. "You want me to fuck you, Carol?" He spat, anger igniting his blood but he was more angry at himself than he was her. "Want me to use you out here in the rain like you're nothin' but a piece of meat? That what you want me to do?"

She searched his eyes, wincing slightly at the grip he had on her waist but then she cupped his face and yanked it towards hers. Her mouth crashed into his hard enough to split his lip. Jesus Christ what the fuck was he letting her do? Her hands were tearing his shirt open, shoving hard and as soon as her lips parted his tongue swept in, tasting her, the rain and his own blood.

He tore his mouth away from hers, shaking his head, wishing he hadn't tried to call her bluff. Her hands were already ripping his belt away. He hadn't been aware that his shirt and vest were gone until he looked down. Her body was pressed against his, her chest heaving against his as her fingers tried to undo his pants.

No. He couldn't do this here. Goddamn, he wanted to, but he couldn't do that to her. He grabbed her hands, jerking them away from him and then gripping them both as he backed her into a tree. Her back hit hard and then he shoved her hands over her head, locking them there. "We ain't doin' this," he growled.

"I'm fine," she breathed. "I swear I'm fine."

He shook his head and then, like a fucking idiot, he let his eyes fall back to her breasts. He groaned at the sight. It was almost like he could hear them crying out for attention as they strained against the soaked material, his own heaving chest barely scraping against her nipples, causing them to harden even more at the light contact.

"You want to, Daryl. Just do it. Please do it," she pleaded, her eyes more steady than he had seen them since he had found her. "I'm okay now. I swear," she breathed. "I'll go back. I just want you to touch me first."

Maybe she was telling the truth but he didn't want to risk it. He shook his head slowly.

She let her head fall back against the rough bark and her eyes went from pleading to smug in an instant. "You think I can't feel that?" she asked, moving her body against the erection pressing into her abdomen, even though he still had her hands locked above her head.

He felt a muscle in his jaw twitch as he ground his teeth together. How many times had he thought about this? How often had he had to shamefully get himself off in the dark while replaying situations like this in his mind? She'd made him cum in his mind thousands of times.

"You asked me if I wanted you to fuck me. I'm telling you right now that I just want to feel something, okay? I want you to make me feel something." She said and he could see it in her eyes that this was her. This was Carol. Not the babbling psycho from a few minutes ago. "Unless you simply don't want me. And then-" Her voice trailed off when he dropped her hands.

He needed both of his at the moment. He kept her pinned to the tree with his body but when his lips met hers, it wasn't as savage as when she had kissed him. He wasn't exactly gentle because he didn't think she wanted it. She wanted to feel and he was more than equipped to make that happen. His hands trailed up her sides, ghosting over her ribs until he finally reached her breasts. He broke the kiss, dropped his head and took one rigid peak into his mouth, through the thin material covering her.

"Harder," she muttered.

His eyes snapped up and he ignored the rain, blinking it away to keep his vision clear as his teeth sank into her. Her eyes fluttered closed then. His brain was well aware of the dangers around them but his body was only aware of her proximity. All the anger and fear from earlier already had his blood burning but now that all shifted to a new fire inside of him that this storm couldn't put out.

And she was begging him for it.

He tore the button from her pants but he didn't care. He hated those fucking pants. He pushed them down her hips easily and he finally brought his mouth back up to hers. He ripped the knife from his hip and shoved it into her hand without breaking the kiss. She pulled away, her eyes going to the knife in her hand back to his, a frown forming between her brows.

"Keep watch," he said, his voice barely audible now over the storm raging above them. This was so fucking stupid. He could have taken her back and done this but he wouldn't. Instead of offering to reason with her he dropped to his knees, gripped her thighs hard and then buried his face between her legs. She pushed his hair away from his face at the same time he pushed his tongue into her and he looked up in time to her eyes widen and her lips part. The taste of her flooded his mouth and he groaned, forcing his tongue deeper.

~H~

She was okay now. She had lost her mind for a little while. She had panicked. She had fled the safety of Alexandria and she hadn't cared that she was in danger. But now? Now she had her wits about her enough that she felt ashamed of herself for how she had acted.

Until he had shoved the knife into her hands, his eyes dark. She hadn't understood what he wanted and then he'd dropped to his knees in front of her and without a seconds hesitation, she felt his tongue. What little bit of her head she had managed to gain control of slipped once he was teasing her relentlessly. One hand held the hilt of his knife in a white knuckled grip and the other was threaded through his wet hair as she leaned her back into the rough tree bark behind her.

His lips closed over that long ignored bundle of nerves and sucked gently. She stifled down a cry and felt his fingers press painfully into her thighs. She looked down and watched him as he watched her. Her embarrassment from her earlier breakdown was all but forgotten as her knees weakened. Her body wasn't accustomed to the onslaught of pleasure and she almost wanted to push him away, but she didn't. Instead she gripped his hair and held him steady.

Once her body was spent he pulled away, sitting back on his haunches and then yanked her down until she was on her knees in front of him. He grabbed the knife, slamming it down into the wet ground next to her before he wrapped an arm around her, forcing her onto her back. He braced himself with one arm as he worked his pants open. His mouth came down on hers, strangely gentle compared to the swift thrust of his hips as he buried himself inside her.

He growled against her lips and then he started moving. He wasn't gentle with her and she was okay with that. She didn't mind. She told him she wanted to feel something and she was. He raised his head and glanced around but she could tell that he was having a hard time focusing on anything other than her body and it thrilled her. If a walker showed up, they were both dead and at the moment she just couldn't bring herself to care. She had never been filled as completely as she was now and her mind was on nothing but the power of his body as it moved over hers.

He pushed her leg up higher and she bit her lip to keep from crying out again, but it was hard. He was moving faster, almost punishing, pushing her into the damp earth under her. His hands roamed, over her and when his lips weren't on hers, licking away the sting his teeth would leave, his eyes followed suit, taking her in like he was seeing her for the first time.

And maybe he was.

She felt the pressure building much faster than she ever thought possible. She gripped his arms hard and then her back was arching against him. He drove into her even harder and she almost screamed when that first wave crashed over her, leaving her stunned and gasping for breath. He was tensing above her and when he dropped his forehead down to hers she felt that hot throb inside her as he moved. It only intensified her pleasure and her shoulders pressed further into the leaves under her. His teeth sank lightly into her throat as his body slowed and then finally stopped.

He kissed her one more time before he was slipping away, sitting back on his haunches as he righted his pants and reached for the belt she had torn from him. She sat up, bracing herself with her arms and closed her legs.

He reached for his shirt so she followed suit, grabbing the pants he'd basically ruined, shoving her legs through them and standing up quickly. She refused to think about what she must have looked like when he had found her. She had been raving like a lunatic, rambling about nonsense. She'd seen the fear in his eyes. Fear for her and she felt so stupid that she could have wept. But she didn't. Instead she crossed her arms over her chest, wondering if this was a one time occurrence or if she was simply losing her mind and would eventually never be okay again.

He looked up then and met her eyes as he pushed himself up off the ground. She wasn't sure what he saw there but he glanced at his hands and then held out his vest. She felt color rising in her cheeks when she realized that now she felt like it was the time to be modest.

She took it wordlessly and slipped it on, pulling it around tightly.

"That's pretty hot," He muttered, pushing his hair out of his face and looking at her from under his brow.

She snorted, rolling her eyes. She loved him for trying to lighten the mood but now that everything was said and done, she was terrified. What had happened to her?

He held her gaze for a long time before he turned and started walking back the way they had come. She followed him wordlessly, scared to death that she was going to freak out again. It had came out of nowhere, for no reason at all.

They walked all the way back in silence and she was surprised at how far she had ran. Someone must have been expecting them because the gates opened swiftly. She paused in front of the gates, wringing her hands. The oppressive feelings were coming back. He hadn't noticed she had stopped and when he looked back she was surprised to see a quiet understanding in his eyes. She just realized that the rain had stopped.

He walked back to where she was standing, hesitating, and grabbed her hand, nodding towards the gate. She took one step and was surprised when he didn't drop her hand. For some reason she felt better for it. It was a little easier. It was until Rick stopped in front of them, his eyes hard but still unable to mask the concern. He opened his mouth to speak but Daryl simply stepped around him.

"Not now, Rick," he said in a voice that left no room for argument.

She felt the man's eyes boring into her back but she didn't glance over her shoulder to confirm that he was watching. She felt like everyone was watching. She felt like everyone in town knew what had happened to her, knew she had fled. He still gripped her hand firmly in his own and it surprised her to no end.

She expected him to have something to do. She expected him to leave her at their doorstep and go off on some mission they had lined up for him. What she wasn't expecting was him to walk inside and pull her all the way to her room. Once the door was shut he finally dropped her hand, and his eyes as he rubbed the back of his neck almost nervously.

When he looked up his eyes were guarded and he looked away quickly. "I shouldn't have done that."

She shook her head but he didn't see it. She knew this was coming. For one of two reasons. He either had never wanted to in the first place, which she could easily believe since it hadn't come up between them. Or he was feeling guilty because they'd done it during a moment that she wasn't exactly in her right mind. "Why?" She asked bluntly. "Because you think you had sex with a crazy person?"

His face flamed. "I did have sex with a crazy person."

She looked down at her hands. "Am I losing it?"

He shook his head. "I don't think you're losin' it. You lost it for a bit but I don't think it's a permanent thing. You gonna tell me what the fuck happened?"

She sat down on the edge of the bed, not caring at the moment that she was still soaked to the bone. "I don't know. I was cleaning. I took out one of the rugs and it was raining and after that..." She shrugged. "After that I just felt like I had to get away and then the further away I got the better I felt but not in a good way. I felt unhinged but I didn't care. It was almost like I was watching myself lose control and I couldn't stop it. I didn't want to stop it."

"And now?"

She shook her head, the scent of him rolling off the vest a kind of strange comfort. "Now I'm basically ashamed of myself. Jesus Christ!" She stood back up and turned her back to him.

"Hey," he said, his voice soft but still guarded. She glanced over her shoulder. "You're gonna be alright."

She scoffed. "None of us are ever gonna be alright, Daryl." The silence went on for a long time and she knew before she turned around that he was gone. She took his vest off, rummaging through her drawers for something dry. She was just tired. That was all that was wrong with her. She was tired and it had gotten to her. All of them were on edge most of the time and she would be just fine.

She ignored the fact that him walking out of the room without a word stung a bit but that was just him. As far as what they had done out there, well, she'd wanted it. She'd known he'd wanted the same thing. It wasn't like it changed anything. It was an agreement that things had escalated in that moment and they both craved some sort of physical release.

She changed quickly and then hurried down the stairs. It was getting dark and she had dinner to cook.