I was too careless. It was I who let three of us suffer.
Hurt
That day, I saw a shadow rush towards me, hitting me, activating his Innocence. White hair. Allen. Before my vision turn black, I saw Kanda shielding in front of me. He stopped Allen. Careless.
Kanda and I were lovers. Although we didn't declare our relationship, everyone knows by their heart. Wrong. We had forgotten Allen, the new comers. Careless.
He always glared at me when he saw me walking along with Kanda. Why? He looks sad when Kanda refused to accept his gift during his birthday. Why?
During last mission, three of us came across a group of akumas. Both of us were frozen by one akuma and the others shoot the akuma virus towards us. Kanda shield me.
That moment, I saw his expression. Allen.
Hurt.
Hate.
Fury.
Envy.
…
…
Betrayed love.
I kissed Kanda in front of everyone during Christmas. And everything happens so fast. I only saw a streak of white before my back hit the cold ground. I heard someone shouting. Cold. I saw Allen activated his Innocence. Impossible. I saw Kanda shielding in front of me. I saw Allen face. Tears.
…
Why?
Why he is crying?
I had recovered after a few days. But the others had turned their backs against Allen. He was getting pale and often looks lonely, sitting alone in the library. My fault. I talks to him, smile at him and give him courage. Guilty. It's my entire fault.
I saw him running around, asking for forgiveness. Why? He hadn't done anything wrong. And he gets rejected. Sorry. Kanda, my lover threaded him not to hurt me. No. Allen didn't do anything wrong. It was me, who hurt him.
And why? Everyone turn their backs against him?
Allen begins to looks like a doll. Lifeless. His hand was frozen. Heart breaking. His smiles were all fake. Masking up. Cry silently in the hall every night. Lonely. Grey eyes fill with tears and sorrow. Agony. Scar on his wrist. Hopeless.
Komui had give Allen a mission when the autumn end. Allen came to me before he leaves. Talking and smiling as usual. Liar. He holds my hands tightly and promised me he will come back before Christmas. Lies.
He leaves alone, silently, without finders, without communicate robots. "I'm leaving." I heard him said, but there's no respond. Before I can said be careful to him, he had already left. I walk back to my own room. And I saw something on my table. Letter. From Allen.
Lavi,
I'm going.
Allen
So short. But my tears are falling. Sorry. He had bear so much pain, but I'm so selfish that I won't even said goodbye to him. Heartless. That's bookman. But now I feel…guilty. My heart is aching. I remember his smile.
Can I have a chance to see it? Yes. When he come back from his mission. I will see him smiling around. Naïve. Everyone will forget about what he done. Naïve. Everyone will forgive him. Naïve. Kanda will also forgive him. Naïve.
….
…Naïve…
…
It's almost Christmas, but Allen was still in his mission. I tried to find out his location, but he hadn't brought a communication robot. Kanda said that it's his own fault. Wrong. He's so alert, but he missed the feeling that Allen had for him, buried deep in his eyes. And the men he loves, tear open the scar which hadn't heal, leave him bleeding once more.
It's nearly Christmas when Allen called me.
Beep beep…
"Hello? Lavi's here."
"…La…vi?"
"Allen?"
"Lavi. Had…had…Lenalee or others talk about…me?"
"No…Why?"
"NOTh…ing…"
He hung up the phone. I look outside the window. snow is falling, just like his hair colour. I miss him, his smile, his soft voice, his beautiful eyes. "Lavi." Yuu pull me into his embrace. Guilty. I hurt my best friend, because of this man.
"Yuu…" I whisper his name. Forgive him, forgive Allen. I want to say so, but…Kanda hate him, he will just think that Allen doing something bad to me and end up hurting Allen again.
The day before Christmas, Allen calls me again. His voice. Scared. Lonely. Hurt.
Beep beep…
"Hello? Lavi's speaking."
"…"
"Hello?"
"…"
"Hello?"
"L…Lavi…"
"Allen?"
"I…I want…to go back…I'm so sorry…"
"Allen? Are you crying?"
"I'm very cold…go back…"
"Allen!"
"Beep…beep"
He had hung up. But somehow, I heard the voice in his heart: I want to …go back. Just thinking the boy crying by the roadside, curled up in a ball, clutching tightly his body made rush out my room, finding others.
"Lenalee!" "Ah! Lavi, how are you?" Lenalee ask but I grabbed her hand. "Lavi?" "Just forgive him, Lenalee. Please just forgive him." "Who?" "Allen." Lenalee's smile fades. "Lavi, its Allen-kun who hurt…" "JUST FORGIVE HIM! HIS CRYING WHEN HE CALLED ME! ASKING FOR FORGIVENESS! TOO AFRAID TO COME BACK TO THE WARMTH HE HAS LOST!"
"That's impossible." The voice that I was so familiar. Kanda's voice. "Why?" "Because he hurt you." A simple answer, yet so cruel.
"HE LOVES YOU! YOU BASTARD!YOU HAD THINK ONLY ABOUT ME AND HAD TREATED HIM BADLY! FINE! I WILL JUST GO AND FIND HIM! BY MYSELF!" Allen's tear appeared in his mind. He can't let the boy celebrate Christmas by an icy cold fireplace, and in sorrow. Lavi stormed away, and tell the finders to find Allen.
Beep…beep…
"Hello?"
"Snow…"
"Allen?"
"Beep…beep"
Snow's falling, it is beautiful.
Christmas Eve…
Allen still hadn't called me. I had told everyone about his phone call and everyone had decided to forgive him, he can come back and celebrate Christmas with us.
Beep…beep…
"Hello!Allen?"
"…Merry…"
"Allen?"
"Merry Christmas…"
The clock had struck at 12, it's Christmas.
"Allen!ALLEN!"
"Beep…beep…"
"Lavi!" Lenalee slam my door open. "One finder had seen Allen in the town." I jumped out of my bed and rush out. We really must bring this lost boy back home.
"Allen! Where are you?" we shouted as we walk down the lane. But he didn't respond. We decided the find him individually. Just when I walk past a dirty lane, I saw something.
Snowy-white hair. Allen…
"Allen…" I tried to walk near him, but his eyes wide with fear as I walk nearer. "NOOOOOOooooooo!" Allen screamed and rushes out the lane. "Wait! Allen!" I tried to grab him but he's too fast. No! We can't afford to lose him again. I must take him back.
Allen run until he is near the station when something black stop him, with a recognizable trademark-Mugen. "Kanda." I sighed in relieve.
"Kanda." Allen stammered. "Where you think you are going? Moyashi?" Kanda grab his arm and pull him towards the Dark Order. "But…" Allen's protest was stopped by a pair of warm lips. "No buts." Before Allen can react, I wrapped my arms around his wrist . "Lavi…"
"Sorry Moyashi. But you are ours now." "Ours?" He was confused. "Yep! I and Yuu were interested with you for a long time. Since you love Yuu, I will make you become our boyfriend. Ok?"
"…Ok….Lavi…"
"Yes?"
"I love you."
Merry Christmas.