A/N: Heavily inspired by What Dreams May Come; if not a cross over with it. All thoughts appreciated. Reviews are love. Will be finished in a matter of chapters; four or five max, to save it from being a gigantic piece.

Disclaimer: Bioware owns Mass Effect, and I do not own What Dreams May Come.

They'd been through hell together; figuratively, literally – every which way possible. Nothing but stupidity and death had managed to keep them apart for long. Kaidan thought it would continue that way. Once he'd had her back, his Shepard, he'd vowed never to leave her side again. He succeeded in that, at least until now.

Now, it was all different.

The last thing he remembered coherently was running toward the beam, at Shepard's back, determined to follow her up to the Citadel. Anything to be by her side, to help her defeat the Reapers. Then the blast hit. Harbinger's beam changed everything. He'd screamed her name, reached out for her. Then there was black.

Nothing but black for the longest time. Unbearable silence filled with nothing but darkness. He was running, endlessly running; the only sound was the deafening roar of his heart.

Machines next. Hospital machines. His sight was hazy at best and he found that he was looking down on himself. What he thought was himself; the recognition was there, but his body was bandaged, broken, bruised.

Then he was gone again. Next thing he found himself beside was Shepard. Elation overwhelmed him. He reached for her, but she held no recognition in her gaze, no comprehension. She stared ahead, eyes vacant. A voice reached him and he turned his head to acknowledge the presence of Admiral Hackett, the man aged nearly ten years over night. War did that to you; aged you beyond your years.

"He was a good man, Commander. We will not let his sacrifice be forgotten. You and your crew are humanity's damned saviors. I'll be damn sure everyone remembers that," the man promised, arms folded behind his back respectfully.

"I appreciate it," Shepard whispered, her tone flat. Even bruised and bandaged, his Shepard was beautiful. It pained him to see her like this. Yet, as he reached out, he was again met with nothing. She didn't blink, or even look in his direction. If anything, she looked away from where he stood.

"I understand what you're dealing with, Shepard. Take off as much time as you need." Hackett stepped forward and touched his hand to Shepard's shoulder. She stiffened, but did not pull away. "The memorial service will be held in two days. He would want you there."

"I know."

He blinked and the scene changed again. Shepard stood at a podium, a large marble wall behind her. She was dressed in formal fatigues, hands folded behind her back reminiscent of the way Hackett held himself. He stood in front of her, center row, between the rows and rows and rows of men and women assembled. Shepard's lips were pressed thin, brow furrowed; he'd seen that look on her face, many times, when she knew she had to speak but was in too much turmoil to bring herself to do so. They'd already lost so many. The Reapers had taken so many loved ones from so many.

"This war," she started, voice strong, "has taken from every single one of us. Not a single one of us is untouched; asari, human, turian, krogan, elcor, salarian, hanar, batarian, drell. None of us. Since the beginning, even I have lost members of my crew, my family, just as you have lost members of your units, members of your family. We will remember them, just as I will remember my own." Her lip trembled, but she did not falter. He was proud. But why wasn't he at her side, where he belonged? Why wasn't he there, to give her strength as he should?

"We're here to honor the memory of those we've lost." She paused, her hands unfolding from behind her back. A plate lay within her hands. "To add to our wall." She turned and he found himself looking at the wall clearly; plates and etchings covered it from top to bottom, almost randomly in spots. Names. There were names everywhere. "I lost another of my crew. Without his help, I would never had made it as far as I did. He was as much a part of winning this war as I was. If I didn't have him...if I hadn't had him...I would never have been able to accomplish as much as I did. He was a fellow soldier. A trusted friend. In the end, he was much, much more than that. We have all lost loved ones; he was mine. I ask that you remember Major Kaidan Alenko as the man, the hero, that he was."

What? But he was right there, wasn't he? The scene grew hazy, but he didn't relinquish it.

"You have to let go, LT."

He whipped around, the voice catching him off guard. The hazy figure of a woman stood by, but he couldn't mistake the dark haired woman for anyone else. Seeing her was an impossibility, however. She was dead, killed on Virmire because of Saren. He wasn't dead, he shouldn't be able to see her.

"Ashley?"

"I see your eyes are still working, LT." She turned her gaze to the podium, both of them watching as Shepard stepped forward to place the plate on the wall with the others. He frowned, eyes narrowed on the name – Kaidan Alenko. This wasn't right. He wasn't dead; for god's sake, he was standing right in front of them all!

"What's going on Ashley?"

"You died, LT. Sucks, I know. But it ain't doing you any good to linger around like a ghost."

"I'm not dead! I can't be dead!" He shook his head, almost frantically. He ran toward the stage, hopped onto it, and appeared at Shepard's side. With her back to the crowd, she'd allowed her mask to fall. Tears streaked down her cheeks as she drew her fingers across his name. She whispered it, her voice broken. "Shepard! Vika, please, listen to me! I'm here! I'm not gone. I still exist. Please, say it. I still exist!"

"You still exist," she whispered.

"Yes! Yes! I'm still here – I still exist!"

"No!" She hissed the word and shook her head. "No. He's dead, Shepard. Nobody is bringing him back, like they did you. Accept it."

"See?" Ashley's hazy figure appeared on the other side of Shepard. "You will do no good here. Shepard's suffered enough, don't ya think? Time is all that can help her now."

"I'm not dead!" He shouted. No one heard him. No eyes found him, no heads turned. Ashley cocked a brow and shook her head. That's when it hit him; no one could hear him, no one could see him. Shepard couldn't – wouldn't – acknowledge him. The last thing he'd recalled before the hospital was the mad dash for the beam. The Reaper. Then the blinding pain and darkness.

He fell to his knees.

God, he really was dead, wasn't he?

Ashley knelt beside him. When she had moved, he didn't know. "This will be much easier if you just accept it, LT. I know it's hard – hell, it was hard for me and I wasn't involved with her. Or you. Or anyone. But you have to do it."

"I can't leave her," he said, stern.

"You have to. Haunting her with only hurt her." She shrugged and rubbed the back of her head. "I would know. Remember how torn up she was after I died? It will be worse with you, Kaidan. You have to come with me."

"I can't leave her," he repeated brokenly. He reached out for Shepard's leg and met nothing. His hand went through her. Clear through her. He glanced up and felt himself falling apart at the tears that fell from her face. He watched as she stiffened up, sucked up her sorrow, and turned back to readdress the crowd. He heard nothing of what she said. He couldn't; it would only reaffirm what he feared was real – that he was really, and truly, dead.

Ashley stood and held out her hand to him. "It's time to go, LT."

He took her hand after a very long moment of indecision. He loved Shepard, more than anything, but he couldn't – wouldn't – be selfish enough to cling to her if it meant nothing but pain. "What's next, Ashley?"

"I need you to know this is real, Kaidan. One more stop."

The scene faded away from him, before being replaced; they stood, hands linked, in the Commander's Quarters aboard the Normandy. His heart dropped. Eyes found Shepard sitting on the edge of her bed, a single picture frame in her hands. He didn't need to be a genius to know it was his picture she held. Empty eyes looked on his picture. Shepard was pale, gaunt, and he'd never seen her look more tired or more defeated than she did in this moment.

"Shepard," he stepped toward her, but the gunnery chief held him back.

"I'm sorry I couldn't protect you, Kaidan. I'm sorry your dead and I'm not. You were a good man. You deserved a long and happy life." She sighed, brows furrowing. "They all did. We fought harder than anyone. Thane shouldn't have died. Ashley shouldn't have died. But your death is tearing me up the most. I told you to go back but you're so damn...damn...stubborn! Were...were so stubborn. Wherever you are, I love you. I hope you're happy. One day, I'll be coming to find you."

"I love you too, Vika Shepard." He looked at Ashley sadly, defeated. "This is really happening, isn't it?"

"Yes, LT." She tugged on his hand. "Are you ready to come with me now?"

He gave one last long, lingering, gaze toward Shepard – the love of his life. He wanted nothing more than to be at her side, to stay with her, ghost or not. But he knew he had to go. With a nod, he turned back to Ashley.

"Let's go."