AN: This is a short one-shot that popped into my head a minute after I angrily deleted all remains of a longer crossover fanfic for community. I don't even know why I deleted it -I probably should rewrite it, without getting annoyed this time. Never mind. Okay, so this story is set in season 4, and is canon with everything in the story but (and it's a big but), Tory isn't living with Abed or Annie (I don't know if Annie and Abed live together- that irrelevant). I don't know where he lives now, it's just that they're not living together.
Major mistakes can be pointed out, grammar or others.
Hope you'll enjoy reading
Advanced Common Law and Federal Agencies
Pulling out a disc-player, Britta started to sing and dance with her awkward moves, "when I say 'thera', you say 'pist'. Thera-"
"Pist"
"Wait, Jeff, are you saying you found your biological father?" Annie asked with her Disney voice- it didn't sound like any of the characters, but it was the voice usually completing her Disney eyes, so it was named appropriately. Jeff would have seen if she was actually giving him the Disney eyes, but she wasn't looking at him when she asked her question. She was busy in what seemed like a weird staring contest with Abed. Neither of them looked at him up until he started answering.
"Hmm.. Yeah, well, I couldn't find anything online, so I grilled my mom for, like, days..." Jeff realized that the confession he just made sounded like he cared "not because of Britta" he added, at which she huffed.
The room went still with tensed silence for what seemed very long, but actually lasted for half a minute or so, at which point Abed and Annie returned to their previous staring contest. Abed raised his eyebrow, which Annie mirrored with a slight smirk that went beyond her years. That smirk somehow frightened Jeff- something was going on. Abed and Annie both nodded, and the film-enthusiast broke into a 'healthy-people'-smile. Annie turned around -the sudden movement resulting with the attention of the other study group members. She was searching for something in her backpack, so the others decided to bring back the focus to Abed, who was still smiling.
"What's going on?" Pierce whispered conspiratorially to Troy, but the whole table heard that.
"Abed, sweetie, is everything okay?" Shirley cooed motherly.
"Oh, I'm great" He was joyful, not a single reminder of the detachment they used to find in his voice and eyes.
"Found it!" It was called, breaking yet again the group's attention, as Annie placed her recording-device on the table. She clicked on some of the buttons until she pressed play again:
"-era" Britta's voice sounded clearly,
"-Pist" the boys echoed her request.
"Wait, Jeff, are you saying you found your biological father?"
"Hmm.. Yeah, well, I could-" She pressed stop.
"Finally" Abed stood up from his chair, letting it fall to the floor behind him. He reached down to his ankle, Annie decided to follow his lead and do the same, instead though, she reached for under her skirt.
"Wow, Annie," Britta said covering her eyes hastily, "not the idle time to straighten your pantyhose" yet, the brunette continued to fuss around, and the older blonde watched through her fingers. -She didn't want to miss anything, and the strange acts of her friends proved something very interesting was about to happen.
That was when the guns came out. Both pointed at the general direction of Jeff, who automatically chose to raise his hands, shock written on his face. Then he remembered one of the gun-wielding was Abed. He smiled, relaxing (it's not like Annie finally lost it and pulled a massacre. Not that he believed Annie was able to murder any of them. But there was some sickeningly strong description in her Halloween story of last year).
"Okay, from what show is this supposed to be from?" He asked, hands back to the desk, "are you doing Law and Order? Are you doing Stabler?" He pointed at Abed, he smiled forcefully at him because sometime it took time for Abed to break character, and he learned that carrying prop guns at this school was kind of dangerous. All he wanted was for his friend to either return to his seat, or stash back the gun from the holster on his ankle. He would give him praises for roping Annie to play along with his shenanigans and for them to be in sync and prepared.
"No, Stabler is more grumpy", Shirley, the second more crime-show fanatic in the group, explained.
"NCSI?" Britta asked with confusion.
"You either mean NCIS or CSI" she was corrected, to which she just shrugged.
"Agent Zahir" 'Abed' said holding up a badge with his left hand, "that's agent Romanov", 'Annie' too had held up a badge for them all to see.
"Wait! Romanov -I know that reference. Avengers -we watched it yesterday. Are you SHIELD agents?" Troy was sure he cracked it.
"FBI" Romanov said, as if none of the conversation around her existed. "Jeffery Tubias Winger, we are taking you for questioning"
Jeff just laughed at her, "did you think I would fall for this, Mulder and Scully?" ('X-Files' Shirley explained with a whisper to Pierce Troy and Britta). "What are you pretending to be, some under cover agents?" He finished with another laugh.
"Well, our boss prefers calling it a dormant cells," Zahir mentioned, "we call it annoyingly long missions"
"Luckily, we had other cases between semesters" the partners smiled lightly at each other.
"We met your dad!" Britta remembered, as if the information was some kind of a proof, "your dad knows about the fact that he was raising an agent all this years?" She held up a hand for a high five from Jeff, which he promptly ignored.
"It doesn't matter we met his dad, Annie's like, 12. Come on, at least do something age realistic" Jeff crossed his arms and tried to put the others at the same ease as himself, just to calm everyone enough for the gag to run it's course and be done.
"Abed's dad? You mean special agent Ali, right?"Britta rationalization was rebuffed by 'Annie'.
"Dude, you were at my high school. I don't think that the feds would have dormant-celled you" (Jeff muttered that 'dormant-celled' wasn't actually a thing), "for that long so you could arrest Jeff"
"We're 27. Went to Yale together, actually. And Annie Edison's corpse was found at Ramsey Park. Cause of death was determined by local medical examiner -internal bleeding from a blunt force trauma. Probably because she ran into an armored-glass window, yelling everyone's a robot. Deepest cover the agency could find for Alex" Troy just stared at Zahir after the explanation was done.
"And all Caucasian-Brunettes look the same" Britta's word from the fake ID debacle were echoed by Romanov.
"What about that time with the pen? You didn't have your gun and badges then" everyone stared at Pierce for the fact that he actually raised a good point. Plus, he remembered the event, which was surprising as well. "What?" He yelled.
"We needed to make sure we had Jeff at out eyesight because agent Philips was talking to his mom ad we didn't want any surprise visits by him. If you can remember the details, all suggestions originated from me or 'Annie'"
"I was set to go on a date! On what case scenario would I have went to my mom's house on a night I have a date on?" Jeff wanted to add they were slightly sick weirdos, but decided to not angry them until they knew for certain the guns weren't real.
"We didn't want to take any chance"
"Who's agent Philips? Is he another dormant?" It was whispered by Britta, that seemed to start believing the story the two were selling. Everyone turned to look at Troy, he was a believable suspect- being Zahir's alter-ego's best friend.
"Vaughn"
Britta shot out of her chair "I can't believe you let me sleep with a federal pig!"
"Watch your language" Zahir changed the direction of his gun to Britta.
"Omar, calm down. We're taking Winger for questioning anyway"
"About what? What the hell do you think I might know?" He asked, voice raised. For some reason it frustrated him that he was being held hostage at a public place with two very visible guns for the past 15 minutes and no one in this damned school had noticed yet or took some action to help his study group.
From all the times the dean barged in you'd think he'd come in with a cop costume he robbed from some stripper or something at some point. But nooo. No such luck.
"We are trying to find your dad" Romanov said as Zahir returned his gun to be aimed at Jeff.
"He was smuggling blood diamonds a few years back- he has a lot of information about both missing agents and big-bads for us to track down. So you're coming with us to help us find him"
"Are you going to come willingly?" Jeff bowed down his head and then nodded. He got up of his chair and pulled on his jacket, placing his cellphone in it's pocket. The agents re-placed their firearms back to their holsters, took their stuff and escorted him out.
The other study group noticed slight behavior changes- Abed actually moving his hands as he walked other than the stiff arms he usually had, Annie had only one strap of her backpack on one shoulder when she usually placed both and held onto the straps. They were joking (but too far away for the others to hear) and walked with purpose. Like that time they walked in slow-mo to the spaceship (simulator).
"That was weird" Pierce concluded.
The END.
