This is an old idea that I never got around to working on, a bit of practice to get me back into the writing groove.
"Ano…Are you sure we should be doing this? He is a captain, after all."
Isane was crouching behind a potted plant, a waving leaf brushing her face and tickling her nose.
"The binding spells should be more then adequate to restrain him for the time required."
Standing perfectly straight next to the coat rack, Nemu held a length of rope at the ready. It was made of many different materials braided together, bright silver wire and foggy ectoplasm among them, the brass caps at both ends carefully inscribed with sigils of binding.
"It'll be fine! We do this sort of thing all the time. He'll understand."
Matsumoto was sitting at her desk, doodling in the margins of an official report on squad efficiency. All they needed was a single moment of distraction…and what would confuse Hitsugaya more then the appearance of his vice-captain hard at work?
Right on time a few minutes later, like clockwork, the three conspirators heard light footfalls approaching the door. The reiatsu was unmistakable. A prodigy, considered a figure of legend by many, the bearer of the most powerful ice/snow-type zanpakutou in existence.
Three steps into the room, Hitsugaya Toushirou froze, his face contorted in shock as he saw his vice-captain (apparently) dutifully filling out paperwork.
Matsumoto looked up, and smiled.
"GET HIM!"
"Ahhh…this is terrible…"
The grove was beautiful, but the weather was against them. Nanao futilely waved a paper fan to cool herself. The heatwave that had washed over Seireitei was not letting up. She'd decided to hold a meeting of the Shinigami Women's association outside in the hope that things would be more comfortable, but at this rate…
"We're back!"
"Rangiku-san! Did you find any…what is that?"
Matsumoto strode proudly into view. Behind her, a squirming bundle of cloth was hogtied to a pole and being carried forwards on the shoulders of Isane and Nemu.
"I couldn't find an icebox, but I realized we had something much better available!"
Nemu and Isane laid the wrapped bundle on the table in the middle of the clearing, and Matsumoto stepped forwards to untie the cords and pull the cover away. Underneath the concealing cloth was her captain. Bound, gagged, and looking very irate.
Matsumoto and her accomplices wasted no time in getting the association's quickly-melting snacks piled around their captive. The bindings holding him were designed to draw out a small trickle of his reiatsu, and the food, and their surroundings, quickly turned to a more comfortable temperature. Considering someone had just assaulted and kidnapped a captain of the gotei 13, the effect was lost on those gathered, until Matsumoto grabbed a bowl and began the construction of a truly monstrous dessert.
"I think I'll call this…Great Crimson Ice Cream!"
Hitsugaya tried to scream through the wad of cloth in his mouth as the overheated women mobbed the table and hungrily grasped for the now-cold sugary stuff available to them. His shirt was torn open in the frenzy and he managed a decent glare against even Captain Unohana as she apologized for the trouble while reaching over him for the cookies.
After a few terrifying moments, the women retreated to pockets of small talk and gossip under the awnings they'd set up, leaving Hitsugaya alone until someone would creep up and grab a refill, trying to avoid eye contact. He wasn't sure how long he'd been strapped down, but soon, he could feel the kido-infused ropes restraining his arms and legs beginning to singe and fray.
"Ahh, helping out like this was so considerate of you, captain!"
Matsumoto was back and looking over what was left. She reached for a pitcher just as the bindings finally gave out under the strain, and she jumped as a hand snapped up to grab her wrist, making her drop her bowl. Hitsugaya Toushirou heard cries of alarm around him, but for the moment, he was completely fixated on his traitorous vice-captain. He pulled the gag out of his mouth before propping himself up on his elbow. He had to yell at her from something like a dignified position, at least.
Before Hitsugaya could open his mouth, she pulled her hair out of the way and bent down, wrapping her lips around a glob of ice cream that had fallen onto his chest when he'd surprised her. With that last morsel down her throat, her tongue went to work lapping up the rest of what had spilled onto his skin. After she was satisfied that she'd cleaned up the mess she made, Matsumoto straightened and licked the last few drops off her lips, her poise the picture of innocence.
Respectfully, the assembled women pretended to not give any notice as Hitsugaya quietly dragged his vice-captain away, red-faced and trying to hold together what was left of his clothes and his dignity.
Never speaking of what had transpired was considered small repayment for the indignity Hitsugaya had suffered that day. Everyone else just assumes Matsumoto's love of cold treats is a result of the constant contact with her icy captain.
And they're right.
I considered one more joke, having someone accompany Matsumoto to the table and being so completely stunned by Matsumoto tracing out the contours of Hitsugaya's abdominal muscles with her tongue and, well...I couldn't bring myself to include it, at least not without an 'M' rating.
But if you must know, it involved a squirt bottle and some vanilla frosting.