It can't be, it just couldn't be. Her inner monologue slipped through her mind like water trickling down a fall.
Her mind kept replaying the night's events like an old movie. "What was I thinking, telling Roy about Jim? was I crazy?" she thought to herself. Strangely, at the time she wasn't upset about the prospect of ruining her shattered relationship with the man she had spent the last 10 years of her life with. In fact, the moment that Pam confided in Roy that night, during the company casino party, she had never been more scared of Roy in her life.
Roy had always been an aggressive man, not never violent. Sure, he'd had his "fits", as she would call them; a temper tantrum that would leave an occasional plate smashed or a lamp shattered after a fight. He would get much more carried away with these fits when he was drinking. But never before had she feared for her own safety. Roy had never, ever hit her, no matter how angry or upset he was at her.
But this was different. The night that Pam confided in Roy that 1. She had kissed Jim, and 2. She may have had feelings for him, everything she thought about the boy that brought her orange flowers for their prom in high school changed.
"What, Jim came on to you?" There was a fire in his eyes when he spat that. Pam immediately regretted saying anything at all. "Just listen," she started.
"No, I am listening, that's the problem, I'm listening!" His eyes oozing a new shade of black.
"Don't yell," she pleaded, very aware of the camera crew at this point. "Don't yell.?" He challenged, glaring back at her. He picked up his empty glass and hurled it into the bar wall, shattering it against a mirror. "Oh God", Pam thought in a panic as she saw the man in front of her change into a stranger. A stranger whom she didn't recognize, frightened of him. She got up, dejected and humiliated, and started for the door. "This is over." She said to him in passing. She heard him scream back, "Yeah, your right, this is so over! You've got to be kidding me Pam!" And then she heard the crashing of chairs and glasses as Roy and is brother began to destroy the bar.
She half ran to her car, thankful she drove herself to try to put as much distance between herself and the man she left in the bar; she half expected Roy to chase after her in the parking lot.
When she was safely in her car, she could barely contain the sobs as they fought themselves from her chest. Ten years she had been with this man, the only man she had ever been with, and their relationship had shattered because she wanted a "fresh start". She told him the truth. Did she really think that he would have handled it any differently? What did she think was going to happen? He'd high Five her? "God, what a mess," She sobbed into her steering wheel. She wasn't crying for Roy though, or even for herself. She was crying because the man she had risked all this for was over her and with someone new. She ruined her only relationship, twice, because she couldn't be honest with herself from the beginning.
She had eventually pulled her car over so she could get herself under control. "Breathe, Pam, breathe." She kept repeating to herself, letting the sobs subside so she could regain her composure. She rifled through her purse and found her cell phone, flipping it open to find the contact name that would make everything better. The person she could confide this horrific event to, and to come clean with him. The only problem was that he was at a party with his new girlfriend. She had no one else to turn to, and she had never felt so alone….