Title: Speed Racer is Dead
Author: Noa
Pairing: Jack/Kate
Genre: Angst? It better not be fluff again!
Rating: PG
Warning: Spoilers for season two
Muse-ic: Cooling by Tori Amos
AN: A tad bit of a "what if?" scenario. Title is taken from the Tori song. It's a line that strikes a chord with me, a metaphor for a relationship perhaps. A few Kate lines are inspired either a little or a lot by the song as well. This is what happens when I have a crap day at work, and come home to listen to Tori's B Sides: You get incoherent Jate fic. Woo! Thank you to all my reviewers from my last fic. You rock!
Written for the Livejournal Comm 40mixed
Speed Racer is Dead
"Look, I know you don't like me much right now . . . " Jack trailed off when he saw her wipe at a tear indiscreetly. Clearing his throat, wishing he could pretend he didn't just see her do that, he continued, "Let's go for a walk."
It took her a few long moments before she could stand, shakily. Kate inhaled what she hoped looked like a steady breath and stepped forward. Jack turned around then and hoped she would follow. They walked, Kate behind Jack, for several silent minutes up the beach.
When Jack decided they had gone far enough, he spun around suddenly. Kate couldn't stop herself in time and ran into him, raising her hands to Jack's broad chest to steady herself in the uneven sand.
"Kate." Jack said her name, and she tried to find some underlying meaning in the way he said it. She couldn't hide her disappointment when she found it empty.
Frustrated now, she pushed back on his chest, stumbling backwards. "Don't!" she cried. "Don't start this."
"Kate. You haven't been eating!" Jack offered a hand in her direction, getting her to look down at her own small frame, smaller than it had ever been, and proving his point. Kate just turned her head and watched the waves roll in from the ocean.
"Everybody's worried. Claire sent me to find you, to tell you to eat. You'll get sick if you don't, Kate!" He continued on with his pseudo bedside manner. Kate continued to watch the waves, wondering if he was just using Claire as an excuse and all the while ignoring him. Jack was relentless, however, "You could die, Kate," he said matter of fact, hoping his words would hit home.
They did.
She snapped her gaze back to him then. "And you wouldn't want that to happen, right, Jack?" He started to shake his head no, which made Kate even more inexplicably angry. "One more death on your good conscience, Dr. Shepard? Heaven forbid!" She threw up her hands and started to walk past him, shoving him out of the way.
"Dammit, Kate!" Jack grabbed Kate's shoulder and spun her to face him. He didn't mean to be so mad at her, but he couldn't help it. She was aggravating him too much. If this was Kate's version of a cry for help, she had gotten her wish, Jack was paying attention."Have you heard a single thing I've been trying to tell you?" he yelled.
"Oh I've heard every word you've said!" she spat back, her face contorting with bitterness. "Get off of me!"
Kate pushed at him now, but Jack wouldn't budge. Instead she dug her fingernails into his forearm, and left them there when he still wouldn't let go.
"What's wrong Kate?" Jack lowered his voice now, trying to get through to the broken woman in his grasp. He felt her loosen the grip on his arm.
With downcast eyes, she mumbled, "I'm fine."
"No," Jack shook his head. "No, something's wrong. Tell me. Why haven't you been eating, Kate?" When she didn't say anything for several moments, he shook her slightly. Jack saw her open her mouth, but no sound came out. When this slowly turned into a quiet wail, he watched helplessly as she broke even more. No tears stained her freckled cheeks, but her body shook in silence, sound escaping her. Now, he let go of her arms. Her fingers lost their hold on him as well, and she let her arms fall to her sides.
"I think . . . " she started after a few moments, her absent voice muffled by the roar of the in coming tide. "I think Fate changed her plans for me, the day I met you."
Jack heaved a sigh, folding his arms in front of him, and looked down the beach. "You honestly believe that?" he asked, eyebrows raised. He looked back in time to catch her nodding languidly.
He huffed again. "Kate, you're weak; delirious. You haven't eaten -"
"I know!" Her voice straining as she yelled, "I know I haven't eaten."
"Why then?" Jack yelled back, at his wit's end with her.
"Because . . . " She threw her thin arms up in the air. "Maybe I didn't want to hear that," she kicked at the sand, her voice quiet now. "...that I lost you."
Finally, empty of any energy that she once had, she looked at him, defeated.
"Jack." was all she said.
He stepped closer to her now, sympathy evident in his actions. She wanted to believe he was sorry for how he had treated her. She wanted to believe that she hadn't let him in. That love hadn't left her vulnerable and exposed. She was too strong for that.
Pushing a loose curl back behind her ear, Jack tilted her head up to meet his, and in one movement, their lips met. And unlike like last time, where it was all passion and fire, this kiss was softer, cooler. Regret was heavy on their lips, his tongue apologizing to her in ways he never could, and Kate could only let him. She shamefully wondered in the back of her mind then, if heaven was truly worth giving up altogether for his kisses.
He broke away from her first, but Kate still lingered in his touch. And when he let go of her completely, she reached out once more, caught up in him, in his kiss. When she did open her eyes, slowly, she saw him running a hand down his face.
"Ana." Jack groaned, realization setting in. "Ana cannot know about this," was all Jack said as he stumbled back away from her, toward the tree line. A look of embarrassment flashed over his features as Kate watched him go before collapsing in on herself, knees hitting the sand first. Covering her face with her hands, she let her emotions wash over her, weighing her down.
Kate let herself cry over him.