Moments of Awakening
This week's Bamdammsters Prompt "Bring Me to Life" by Evanescene
Special thanks to my friends who were going to let me off the hook this week because I was feeling tired and overwhelmed which just made me want to write even more. Love you ladies!
Thanks to Duff for the characters!
All this time I can't believe I couldn't see
Kept in the dark but you were there in front of me
I've been sleeping a thousand years it seems
Got to open my eyes to everything
Without a thought, without a voice, without a soul
Don't let me die here
There must be something more
Bring me to life
I honestly did not see it coming. I could not tell you the last time something caught me by surprise but he did. I really didn't even know that I needed someone until I already had him and then once I realized that I needed him I sent him away, because I couldn't risk loving him and losing him. It was easy to cover my fear with needing to focus on keeping Rusty safe he didn't push me on it he just told me he would be waiting in case I needed him, like he always was.
Then came the months where sleep was interrupted by nightmares. I would wake up covered in sweat and shaking. Images of my children in the morgue, images of Phillip Stroh hunting down Rusty, images of Andy calling me cold and telling me that he would never love someone like me. These were the images that kept me awake at night. These were my fears and they were all I could see. I was slowly dying inside letting my fears consume me.
All of those months he stood at a distance, giving me my space but letting me know that I was never alone. His presence was both comforting and unnerving at the same time. I could not tell him to go away but I could not let him in either. Then one day he started to cross the line. He could see the stress starting to get to me and could tell I was starting to crack. He overstepped his bounds about Julio and I called him on it. I thought he would just turn around and leave, give me my space like he always did; instead he called me on it. "So what do you need me for?" He asked me.
When he asked me what I needed him for something in me woke up finally. Andy knew I needed him and he wasn't going to let me deny it anymore. I needed him for so much. I needed his friendship, I needed his smile, I needed to feel like someone was there for me. Andy had awoken these needs in me over the last couple of years and I could no longer deny them. "I need my friend Andy back. I need to go back to how things were before Stroh escaped." I whispered afraid to look at him. I remember how he came around my desk and lifted my chin, "I never went anywhere." He told me before leaving.
We both knew I was talking about more than just friendship but as usual he didn't push at first. He gave us a few weeks to get back to where we had been before he asked me out for that romantic dinner. That night he held my hand and stroked my hair back from my face when the wind blew it. Then for the briefest of moments he let his lips dance across mine, not asking for anything but making it very clear that we were no longer just friends. It was another moment of awakening and this time I did not run from it leaned into it allowing that piece of myself to be fully awoken by the man that I loved.
Now here I sit waiting for him to wake up. Our team is in the waiting room and for a minute I can be his lover and not the Captain. I lay my head on his chest and the tears fall from my eyes, "Damn it Andy you woke me up now you have wake up. I need you too much and I love you."
"I'm not going anywhere Beautiful, don't you know that by now" he says as I feel his hand tighten around mine.
(Wake me up)
Wake me up inside
(I can't wake up)
Wake me up inside
(Save me)
Call my name and save me from the dark
(Wake me up)
Bid my blood to run
(I can't wake up)
Before I come undone
(Save me)
Save me from the nothing I've become
Bring me to life
(I've been living a lie, there's nothing inside)
Bring me to life