Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter or any of the affiliated merchandise.

Author's Notes: This is a little idea that I had forever and a day ago. It's isn't meant to be taken seriously but rather as a sort of tongue-in-cheek thing. I hope you enjoy!

Warnings: none

Venom and Cream

The Orphanage

Tian Morgana Riddle had a not-so-secret love for fairy tales while growing up. When she had turned five, the first thing she did was ask the Matron if they could get a pet dragon. After all, nearly every fairy tale she had heard of had a dragon and if she was to be a good prince, they needed to get one so she could practice. (At the time, Tian was mostly convinced that she was really a boy, if only because she was one of the few who weren't afraid of the dreaded creepy-crawlies and the only one who liked snakes.) It took the Matron the better part of a month to convince the young girl that "No dear, dragons aren't real...and you aren't a boy either, for that matter."

The Matron had then attempted to convince Tian that, as a girl, she couldn't be a prince. That was a man's job. Needless to say, Tian hadn't been amused...and didn't buy it.

By the end of that winter, she had all the girls in her age group calling her "the Prince." Some of the older girls even agreed to it, though they teasingly referred to her as "Princeling" much to her frustration. If the residents of the orphanage knew the sheer amount of chaos this action would later cause the Wizarding World...they probably still would have agreed to it. After all, what did they care about a world they weren't a part of? Absolutely nothing at all, that's what.

And so, for many years, Tian Riddle was the darling of St. Mary's Orphanage for Girls, thus preventing the murder of a helpless bunny, the traumatizing of other orphans, and various other unfortunate mishaps. Although the boys of 46th Avenue would say otherwise, I'm sure. They had a...lapse of good judgment one day and called her a weak little girl before attempting to bully her. The two boys went home with a broken arm, sprained wrist, bloody nose, ten cuts, and various other injuries shared between them. They never were able to get anyone to believe them about what happened that day, namely because they both agreed that she never so much as touched them. But that is another matter entirely.

None of that is to say that strange things didn't occur around the young girl. No one was sure how she always seemed to know where everyone was, or why she seemed to be able to understand the grass snake that had made the orphanage's garden its home. (Tian adored the creature. She nearly gave the Matron a heart-attack one day when she left her room with the snake draped over her shoulders.) Her clothes lasted longer than normal, which was perfectly fine by the orphanage staff, and the same could be said for the rest of her things. Bumps and bruises healed more quickly then they usually might. Small simple things; all easily over looked and adapted to. Except, perhaps, the snake...that wasn't so easy to ignore.

And then one day, Albus of the many middle names Dumbledore showed up...and everything went straight to hell. Well, maybe that's a bit too dramatic.

The St. Mary's Orphanage for Girls was rather well taken care of, he mused. Its front entryway was tidy and clean, despite the ivy growing over some of the wrought-iron railing. (Those dreadful pamphlets the muggle government insisted on passing out seemed to be growing in number as the year went on. At this rate there would be war by the end of next year's summer.) Albus Dumbledore nodded in approval and knocked on the oak door. Smiling pleasantly at the young lady who answered the door, he said, "Hello, I have an appointment with a Mrs. Shan, who I believe is the matron?"

She blinked at his brick-purple velveteen suit and, with slight distaste, nodded. Stepping away from the door, she waved him through the door hesitantly.

"Ah yes, she's in her office now. I'll take you there." The two walked though the building in relative silence, though the woman occasionally greeted the orphans who pranced past them. Just as they reached the matron's office, the door opened and a dark haired girl stepped out. She smiled at his escort before dashing up the staircase down the hall. Dumbledore was quickly ushered into the room.

The matron was a small woman with a Cheshire cat's grin and a quietly snide personality to match. They chatted for a while about various pleasantries, and –reluctantly on his part– the growing disquiet over Germany's actions. When asked about the young Tian Riddle, she grinned and said "She's a bit of an odd one, but then...there aren't many girls who would rather be a prince than marry one." She guided him up the narrow staircase to the third floor, and then to room thirty-two. Mrs. Shan knocked and opened the door. "Tian," she greeted, "a Professor Albus Dumbledore is here to see you."

"I'm not crazy." The reply was automatic, as though the speaker had settled for people not believing her but couldn't make herself stop reminding them.

"We know. He works at a school, not a mental institution." She backed out of the doorway and waved Dumbledore forward with a wily smile.

He entered the room and smiled at the young girl inside. She was the one who had left the matron's office earlier, he realized. Tian had an attractive face, not a pretty one like most girls, but rather, a soft handsome one. Her hair was cut shorter than acceptable for a pureblood girl (who were expected to keep their hair at least a few inches longer than shoulder-length), and he was fairly certain that most mothers would suffer a nervous breakdown at the though of letting their daughters wear boy's clothes.

"Hello." Her voice was quiet and had a thread of curiosity. She watched with a bland expression as he took a seat at the small corner desk.

"Hello dear. My name is Albus Dumbledore," her expression shifted into a condescending look, "and I am here to inform you of your acceptance into Hogwarts, School of Witchcraft and Wizardry."

"Witchcraft..."

Albus smiled at the girl's disbelieving tone and nodded once. She stared baldly at him, as those she could pluck the truth right from his head. A twinkle entered his eyes at the thought and, slowly, a twitch formed near the corner of Tian's left eye. Sparkly-eyed old men were creepy, she decided, creepy and annoying.

"I don't think I believe you."

"Perhaps a demonstration, then?" Dumbledore pulled out a thin pale stick –a wand, she figured– from his suit and flicked it at one of the dragon figurines she'd gotten as a present three years ago. Its yellow serpentine eyes blinked as it slowly came to life, eventually spotting her. It trilled an awkward happy noise at Tian as it scrambled across the windowsill. Before the dragon could try jumping to the bed, she picked it up the animate figurine up and let it crawl over her. The figurine settled on her shoulder with another trill. Purring loudly, it probed at her ear curiously.

"Alright, so magic exists and you want me to go to this...school of yours." She paused to pet the tiny dragon. "What am I supposed to do about tuition and all of that?"

"Hogwarts has a fund for those who are in need of financial aid." He replaced his wand, and pulled out a small bag of coins along with a letter. "You will be able to find all that you need at Diagon Alley."

Tian accepted the items and asked. "Can I bring Amelia to Hogwarts?"

"Amelia...?"

"She's a grass snake."

"I see." The young girl smiled knowingly at his surprised tone, and waited. "I don't see why not...provided that you inform your Head of House." Dumbledore glanced wearily around the room. Tian bit the inside of her lip to hold back a snicker at this. (Did he honestly think Amelia would jump out and attack him? The grass snake was much too lazy for that.) "And where is Amelia now?"

"She was hungry earlier, so she in the back garden I expect," she paused to twist a gold coin through her fingers. "Where is this alley?" Smiling indulgently, Dumbledore rose from his chair and said,

"If there is nothing you need to attend to today, we can head over there now as the entrance is only a few streets over. Dia– "

"I don't really need an escort, Professor, if it's that close. Oh! Is the entrance that strange pub that everyone seems to ignore?"

He blinked and nodded, "Uh, yes, that would be the Leaky Cauldron."

Edited: 02 January 2011