AN: I started this before Midnight Sun was leaked...and i am not sure if I should finish my version or maybe continue hers from chapter 12 on...review and let me know...
Disclaimer: Characters belong the beautifully talented but frustrating Ms. Meyer....
Midnight Sun
White lines flashed beneath the tires of my car as I raced toward Forks. I suddenly needed to choose between the two fates Alice had presented me with, seeing as there were no other alternatives. Either way the two ideas were against everything I ever wanted…I would either have to give in to the monster within or leave Forks and my family behind. The beast inside started to wane as time passed, and the memory of Bella's scent started to ebb, as my mind started to numb. The "civilized" Edward --the one that was usually in control, who had lost out to the demon inside---was slowly returning. Feeling the collateral destruction of my internal war, the burn of shame took it dominant place in the thoughts that raged in my mind.
Gripping the steering wheel with enough strength, that I was starting to hear it squeal under the pressure of my fists, I steered toward Carlisle, choosing the path that would upset my family the most.
My eyes fell upon the speedometer and saw the dial rising steadily as I reached a hundred miles per hour… hundred and ten miles per hour…until I looked up and saw through the windshield the dim structure that housed the hospital… where Carlisle worked. It was rapidly coming into view with every second that passed. I pulled quickly into an open space and got out. I swiftly walked through the electric doors and headed towards the elevator. I stepped onto it, astonished. Astonished, because there was a man lying on a gurney being pushed by a middle-aged nurse… and was bleeding…profusely. As the elevator's doors closed, I was shocked by my control. Here was a man covered in blood, caged behind steel doors in small suffocating room and it still only paled in comparison to the appalling smell of that girl. Balling my hands into fists, my shame suddenly shifted back to rage, unjustly pointed at the completely delectable Isabella Swan. How could she have this kind of affect on me? She really was sent from the depths of my personal hell. A demon sent to torment me, stripping me of my carefully cultivated self-control and self-will, that took me a century to build up, and only took a second to obliterate.
I tried not to linger as the thought of her blood started to color my thoughts again with devious plans. Thankfully, the doors opened and I saw in the distance the one reason I was here, Carlisle. I walked slowly…at least for me…to his side. That is when he noticed something was wrong. He had no "sixth" sense like Alice or myself, just the intuition of a father.
He looked at me for a second, taking in what had to be my frantic expression and thought, Come into my office, we'll be able to talk there. My feet were firmly set in place, as I rationally thought through what he'd asked…I didn't want to push my luck…I wanted to get as far and as fast as possible away from Forks…away from Bella's maddening scent… but I turned and followed into the small dim-lit office that was covered in medical files and books. I knew that Carlisle would never let me hurt anyone…at least I couldn't while I was with him.
"What happened?" he asked. Fear in his eyes. What happened, Edward? Is someone hurt? Your brothers and sisters? Esme? Did you hurt someone? Tell Me.
"No," I answered, "Not yet." I could hear the edge of menace in the last of what I said. My voice colored by its wickedness. The monster in side was aching to come out, clawing at the sides of my throat, and Carlisle could hear it. I didn't want him to hear it. I didn't want there to be anything to hear. But it was there. Huge and massive, it hung over the room like a dark and heavy cloud.I wanted to be the son, he always thought I was. Decent…Controlled… but the only way I could control this thirst that burned my desiccated throat and churned my hollow stomach, was to leave.
He asked again, "What happened, Edward?" This time there was a different kind of fear. He somehow knew, beneath the surface, I was leaving.
I explained to him, the maddening scent that would drive me north, away from my family. His solemn thoughts of disappointment echoed in my head. His pain scorched my thoughts with every word. Why Edward? You don't have to leave, you can handle it. I'll help you… His response was no shock to me, though it didn't hurt any less. I could not stand to look him in the eye. I felt unworthy, in some way. And I also didn't want to my decision to be swayed. Eyes closed, I just shook my head. His eyes suddenly fell to the floor, pained by my decision.
My mind was already made up. I would leave from the hospital. I wouldn't even return home, for the fear of what Esme might do. Almost as if he couldhear my mind, he said her name…not aloud, but to himself. He knew that this would upset Esme most of all. That his wife and my mother would be devastated by my choice. She would do anything to keep her family whole. He looked up at me, eyes wide.
"Edward, are you sure?" he voiced aloud. No, I wasn't sure, but there was no other choice. Right? If I stayed, Bella Swan would not make her next birthday. That…I was sure of. I needed to leave, no matter how much I wanted to stay.
"Yes," I answered. Indecision creaked through my voice. I wasn't sure if he could hear it. Carlisle had learned long ago, how to keep certain thoughts away from the surface, away from me.
Carlisle walked over to the desk, and retrieved something shiny out of the pocket of his jacket, that was draped over his chair. He grabbed my hands, holding them tight in between his. He slipped the object in between my palms. The keys to his Mercedes. "You'll need it. It has a full tank of gas," he said pulling me into the curves of his arms…a hug. His affection and love for me only made my actions worse. How could I have even thought about killing her? I was a complete disappointment to myself…to my father.
It took so much for me to leave, but I needed to do it. I ran to the car. A little faster than I should have, but nothing that would cause a commotion. I slipped into the dark Mercedes and it revved to life. I wasn't even out of the parking lot, and I had hit sixty miles per hour. I raced past Forks, and any chance of the monster getting free…and any chance of me being with my family for a long, long time.
……
The sun started to set just as I passed over the border into Alaska. I stared into the sky…Twilight. It was only a reminder of the night…only a reminder of the deplorable beast that ravaged within. I pushed the Mercedes an added twenty miles per hour, inching towards 140. I knew it was only a matter of time till I was in Denali. I wondered what would I do when I got there. I wasn't sure if I should call home…not yet, anyways. I knew Esme---and probably the others, but not as vehemently---would try to persuade me to come home. I opened the compartment under the CD player, and realized this wasn't my car, and all my CDs were left in the Volvo; which by now was probably parked in the garage next to our home. I fiddled with the radio station trying to find something that would spark my interest, when I found a station playing Linkin Park, a band I usually liked. I listened to the lyrics fill the car, and tried to get absorbed in the music, the way I usually did. But I couldn't. My mind was elsewhere, and couldn't be tamed.
I was thinking of Esme, of Carlise, my brothers and sisters…and of her…Bella Swan… Even though it had only been hours ago, when my fists were clenched into my skin and my venomous teeth craved the taste of her luscious blood, her scent's power over me was dissolving and almost seemed like that of a dream…that of a nightmare. However, still a tingle of what was there-- not much, but enough-- kept me driving in the opposite direction of my home. It took me half the time it would take most to reach Denali. Even in the haze of the afternoon clouds, I could see the snow- covered tip of Mount McKinley.
I pulled over outside a familiar house, taking a deep breath. I looked at the large door that seemed to be getting bigger and bigger, with the passing of each second. I finally got out of the car and walked to the door, where I rang the door bell, awaiting. Awaiting what? I thought. My new family? At least for now. The door opened, and there stood a young girl, with strawberry blonde hair that curled around her pale white heart-shaped face. I met her butterscotch eyes and said, "Hello, Tanya."
She grabbed my face in between her hands and kissed my cheek, "Hello, Edward. Come in, Come in." Gesturing for me to step through the doorway. Following her in, I heard her, Carlisle was right. He looks horrible. His eyes are so black; he needs to hunt. I didn't know how to respond to this, seeing as she knew I could hear her, but was not addressing me. She held my hand as she walked me into a grand room, that seemed only larger, because of the large windows that welcomed the rare sunlight. It reminded me of my home, and the large glass walls that covered the side of the house. I looked around, finding familiar faces, but not the ones I missed so badly. I greeted them, with as much cheerfulness as I could muster.
After I greeted her family, Tanya pulled me up the stairs and pass some doors. Slowly stopping in front of a door, pointing, "This is my room," she announced, even though I was already aware of this. Her point was not so elusive, despite the fact that I could read her mind. Her intentions were quite clear and had not changed since I saw her last. Then she continued down the long hallway to the last door, "You can use this room… it is quite small though," she added.
Opening the door, I stared into my new room, that only made me more depressed. She could tell I needed to be alone, with a kiss on my cheek, she disappeared. I looked around. The room was an adequate size, it had a long brown leather couch angled in the corner, across from the large picture window. Next to it was a fairly new stereo system, it was nothing compared to the one I had at home, but I guessed it would do. I sat down on the couch and my mind started to wander. What happened? Why did this happen to me? I didn't want to be here, I wanted to be in my house. I wanted my family. My family…I missed them so much…I knew I had hurt them by my quick decision to leave, but it needed to be done. Didn't it? I put the radio on, and listened to a song that was popular in the 1950s. I stared out the window, into the vast snow covered landscape. It was beautiful…but it wasn't home.
That evening the phone rang a few times. Tanya had kindly relayed the message that I was in no mood to discuss my remission of control. Nor have the reminders of the pain I was causing. I didn't speak to them, but through Tanya's thoughts, I was able to hear who had called. Most of the calls were from Esme, calling no doubt to persuade me to come home. One was from Carlisle, his was probably the most compassionate of the calls…just calling to see how I was. The others had seemed to elect Alice as their representative. Her calls continued into early morning.
The first night was the hardest, not just due to the incessant calls from my family, but their constant reminder of not only their pain…but mine. I hated being in Denali, for this reason, I felt like I was in exile. If I had been able to sleep, I would have most definitely had nightmares.
The next day was a little better. I had something to occupy my mind with. Tanya had convinced me to go hunting with her.
As we ran back toward the house, I started to slow. We were still in the forest but my speed was no more than a brisk jog. I stared into the trees that surrounded us. I felt empty, like I was missing something….And I was…my family. I couldn't help but think of going back. Tanya looked into my now butterscotch colored eyes, trying to read my expression. Edward, you aren't happy, how can I help you? I looked away, keeping my eyes on the converging trees. She was serious and completely accurate, but I knew she couldn't do anything to help. I was homesick…I had let an insignificant human ---with an appalling luscious scent ---unknowingly, drive me away from my family and my home…into exile . How could I let someone have that sort of power over me?
When we reached the house, I didn't go straight inside. Instead I walked around the house, searching the snow covered hills for an answer. What should I do? I wanted my family…and could this little girl keep me away. I was stronger then her…better than her. I could resist her blood, I had done it before, barely…I could control it, again, I thought. It hadn't been that powerful of a smell, I reasoned with myself. I knew that Alice could see if I would do anything and Carlisle could help me. He thought I could do it and I could. How dare that Bella Swan, think she could get me to release control of the beast within. How dare she…This reasoning was like taking a much needed breath of air, instant relief.
After I thanked Tanya, I slid into the Mercedes, and sped toward Forks…toward my family.
I pulled onto the road that led to my house. I could see the brightly lit house, and was more than happy to be home. I stared at the house, trying to commit it to memory. Inside was my family, my happiness. I all but flew into the house where I was greeted by my family. I should have expected Alice to tell them I was coming home, the second I had decided it.
My mother…Esme grabbed me by the shoulders, pulling me into her eternal grasp. It seemed like she would never let me go, when she did. "Edward, you will never do this to me again," she scolded.
"I'm sorry, Mom," and I was. I never wanted to leave…I just had needed to.
I walked into my room, taking it all in, being completely satisfied. Until, she crossed my mind…Bella. I knew that I was strong now, but what was I to do when I would see her at school...or more accurately smell her. I walked downstairs to Carlisle's office. I decided I needed help.
……
Throughout the remainder of the week, I tried to exercise control, as best I could. I decided that I would hunt more frequently, when I was destined to be around her…
I didn't return to school until the beginning of the following week. When I pulled into a parking spot at school, Alice called from behind, "You can do this, Edward." All their thoughts were in forms of encouragement even Rosalie's, which was rare, to say the least, but still selfishly surround herself. She was was concerned with how my actions might affect her. Forgetting the fact, that if I were to lose control, I would murder a completely innocent girl, cutting her life short.
As we walked into the school, heading towards our classes, Jasper sensing my feelings no doubt… called to me, Edward, you can do this. If any of us can do this, it's you. Great, more pressure. I knew he had not meant it that way, but rather the opposite. Jasper's thoughts were a mix of relief and compassion. In a way, he was relieved that he wasn't the only one having trouble from restraining, but that only increased his compassion for my …ordeal.
My whole body was tense and awaiting that smell, my mind searched for her. Of course, I had to rely on listening to someone else's thoughts in relation to her…Her mind was as elusive to me as the first day I'd met her. I had "forgotten" to mention this little piece of information to my family. I was so preoccupied with trying not to kill her, that the shock and frustration of not being able to hear her thoughts dissolved into the background. In addition to the effect of her scent, the void her mind provided was disconcerting to say the least. Honestly, I was infuriated with the fact that not only her blood, but her mind was a debility I had not been aware of. I was not willing to share this information with anyone just yet. Especially, since I was determined not only to resist her mouthwatering scent, but to delve into the workings of her inner mind…where I would no doubt find that I had wasted my energy and time to hear her insignificant trite thoughts.
…….
As I left my class, I was bombarded with Emmett's thoughts, coming from behind building four, Snow! Yes, snow ball fight!!!! I wonder if Jasper and Edward, are up for a game. Just then, Emmett was hit by a snow ball, that was going so fast, it appeared to have been shot from a gun. War!!! I smiled to myself, as Emmett gather a snowball readying to pelt Jasper with. I reached down grabbing a fist of snow, and launched the snow ball at Emmett's head. "Awh! That's it!!!" Emmett called aloud. I couldn't help but laugh, as I readied myself with another fist of snow.
The three of us were laughing as we sat to take our seats at our usual lunch table. Alice and Rosalie were already seated, relatively dry, as a bellowing, Emmett, shook loose the particles of snow in their direction.
Edward Cullen.
My head snapped in a knee-jerk reaction towards the sound of Jessica Stanley's voice. Once again, my eyes met with Bella Swan's. And once again, the blood pooled in her cheeks in a breathtaking shade of rose…I was nearly undone. Her eyes swiftly fell, behind a screen of silky dark hair, hiding those eyes from me. I wanted to know why. I was even more frustrated with the fact I could not hear thoughts. This was slowly going to drive me insane. I listened closely to their conversation, using Jessica's thoughts as medium to her thoughts.
Edward Cullen. She was staring at…"Edward Cullen is staring at you," she giggled into Bella's ear.
"He doesn't look angry, does he?" I heard her ask. Angry? Why would Bella think I was angry with her? I listened harder trying, trying furtively to penetrate her mind.
Jessica Stanley being confused by the question, responded, "No. Should he be?" What does she mean? she continued internally. Exactly. What did she mean? Did she think I was mean to her, that first day? I never meant to be mean. I was just resisting the most tempting scent that I have ever came across in over eight decades.
Bella continued, "I don't think he likes me," resting her head on her arm. Like her? Well, I don't dislike her. Does she really mean this? She could be lying to her friend…not all humans speak the truth…I should know, I reasoned with myself. I listened harder.
Jessica continued, still looking my way, "The Cullens don't like anybody…Not exactly…Well, they don't notice anybody enough to like them. But he's still staring you."
"Stop looking at him," Bella hissed, as Jessica snickered and lowered her head, in compliance.
I couldn't help the feeling, that Bella did feel that way. That she thought I was angry with her. I felt a little uneasy at the thought. Of course, I had no proof that that was what she really thought, but if she really did feel that way, I figured I couldn't let her continue thinking I was angry with her. I would have to make her forget my horrible reception last Monday. I would talk to her, in polite fashion. The way I usually conversed with anyone else…Now that I thought it through, I was actually eager for my next class, maybe then I could find a way to access her thoughts.
"Edward, you're going to be late, if you don't leave now." Emmett said, pulling me from reverie. Now or Never, man. I took a deep breath and made my way out the lunch room, towards my Biology classroom, where I would I meet Bella Swan, and her dangerously tempting smell.
Good Luck, Jasper called.
I took another deep breath, as I stood outside the room, watching her slide into her seat and start scribbling on her notebook. Her hands we so fragile looking, thin pale membrane covering the delicate bones of her hand. I could see the faint coloring of blood pulsing through her veins…I shook my head as I made my way to the seat next to her.