I don't own Fullmetal Alchemist, Greed or Envy ^^ Or the/a diary. Please inform me if there's any typos etc, and I'll fix them…
I'm not ugly
He's always saying that. Because he knows that I hate it… But he has no idea how much I hate it. And why.
We've been mocking each other, like always. He's always calling me ugly. First I didn't care; I knew he didn't mean it. I could see it from the way he's looking at me. But I'm not that sure anymore. He's Greed anyways, so it might be that he'd want me even if he would think that I'm ugly. He wants everything.
Anyways… I wouldn't want to admit it even to myself, but I have to be honest. I care. A lot. For some reason I care much more when he's saying that than when it's someone else. Not that I'd tell it to him, he'd just go on saying it twice more as before. Or anyone else, it's not their business.
Firs of all, I don't usually write a diary. It's stupid and pathetic and girly. But now I really need to talk to someone and…Well, Lust's the only one that would understand, and I don't want to hear that crap about me loving him and stuff. I am NOT in love with that bastard! How could she even think that? Me? Loving him? That's impossible. He's far too dumb and boring and rude… To me. I don't care how he's talking to everyone else. Why would that matter? I don't care about others. BUT, back to Greed. I have to admit that he'd hot, but… Wait. I did not just say that. Or write. Whatever. He's not that bad, actually he is quite sexy, but—NO!
Okay. I have no idea what I'm thinking. Just forget it. So why do I hate it so much that he's calling ugly? It's simple. There's nothing else in me than my looks. Everyone hate's me, my "parents", every single human that knows that I exist. Why? Because I'm not human. I'm a monster (like I wanted to be brought back. No one ever asked me.). The only good thing in me is that I can choose what I look like, I do my best to make people not hate me, and then he just comes and make's it all collapse again. That's why I hate him. But at the same time I'd just want him to accept me the way I am… When he was created I really thought that he'd be someone I could talk to. Someone I could trust… The person I've never had. But I should've known it's stupid. Why would anyone like me, even care about me? Now he's the worst here. He must hate me so much…
I wonder what I did to deserve all this. It's because I'm not human, but… Why was I created? Why did that bastard have to do it to me, why didn't he ever care about me like he likes his new sons? Is it because my mother is that bitch? When did they ask me who I want my mother to be? He's the one who chose her! Not me! What went so horribly wrong…? Sometimes I think I should just go and die. I would've killed myself long ago if I wasn't so scared of pain. Maybe I deserve all this for not sparing this world from my existence… But I'm so scared. Maybe I should just stop fighting next time I meet the Fullmetal shorty... But he's not the problem.
Somehow I'm starting to think I really care about Greed more than I want to admit. Maybe he really wouldn't be that bad if he'd just give me a chance. Like I'd deserve that. I don't even want to imagine what would happen if I'd tell him. Probably he'd just laugh and mock me even more about it. And I don't think I could take that.
Goodbye, "dear" diary. I'll go burn you now so no one will ever rea----------
Envy jumped as he heard a small voice right behind him. He turned around on his chair to meet Greed's purple eyes staring at him just few inches away from his.
- Ho—how long have you been standing there…?!
- Long enough, the man stated.
- Did…did you…read…
- Enough, he said again.
Suddenly Envy felt his lips pressing against his forehead.
- G—Greed…?!
- Shh… I'm sorry, Envy… I never thought you took it that seriously…
Greed kissed Envy's face again, his cheeks, everywhere, and at last, his lips. He felt the heat rise up on Envy's face as the boy was blushing. Envy was staring at Greed's closed eyes. Why is he doing this… Greed caressed the other's neck and face, making him moan quietly into his mouth. Envy closed his eyes and wrapped his arms around the "older" man's neck. When they finally broke apart, Envy pressed his head against Greed's chest.
- Envy…
- No… Don't go…
- I'm not going anywhere.
He picked Envy into his arms and carried him into his room. Sitting on the bed, he was embracing Envy tightly.
- Greed… I don't want to be alone anymore…
- You're not alone, Envy. I love you. I'll always be here with you.
- Promise?
- Promise.
- ….don't let go.
Greed smiled and buried his face to Envy's hair. Lust knocked on his door and opened it, but closed it again after seeing Envy sleeping in Greed's arms and came in.
- So…how did it go? she whispered.
- You were right. He's not even nearly as confident that he seems to be. But everything should be fine now…since we're together.
Lust smiled back at him and left the room.
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Next morning, Envy woke up from his own bed. Alone. It... It couldn't be just a dream, right? Greed, where are you... He turned onto his stomach and buried his face into the pillow Greed had been sleeping on. He really was here... I can still smell his scent here… Envy sighed and closed his eyes. Why did Greed leave, I want him to be here…
- Envy? Are you okay?
Envy jumped up and stared at Greed standing by the door. He wasn't still fully dressed so he must have left just a while ago. Envy reached his hand for him; he didn't really feel like he could talk right now. Greed sat next to him and kissed his hand gently.
- I promised I'd be with you, right? I won't be going anywhere, don't worry.
They kissed again and Envy was lifted on Greed's lap. After another passionate kiss Envy pressed his face against Greed's neck, mumbling something.
- Uh… Could you say that again, I didn't quite catch it…?
- I said that I…love you, Greed…
- I know you do.
Envy looked out of the window over Greed's shoulder. Yeah… He's really not that bad at all. Maybe I should start writing to that diary more often.
Well. It's not that great, but I don't think it's that horrible either. Thanks for reading! Please review so I get the courage to write more! Any ideas are always appreciated… ^^