I missed him bitterly. His name was the first thing on my mind when I got up in the morning. I saw his dancing figure- clumsy and happy- bumbling about in the shadows. I heard his laugh resonate down alleys. I saw his face in throngs of strangers.
Most of all, however, I heard his voice; in the wind. The whispering of the evening breeze as it rustled through leaves carried with it his hopeful promises. The sultry summer wind, the gust of fresh air in the morning, the biting winter mistrals, the billowing sea breeze… Shion was everywhere.
I left him to escape the monster that had plagued my heart since I was but a child. I left him because I had to learn to move on, if I could ever hope to go back. There was a whole world I had to explore, a whole world I'd never thought I'd live to see.
Having learnt to live without my emotions, having lived without succumbing to the desires of my heart, I had no idea that leaving it behind with Shion would leave me so empty inside.
Shion… what have you done to me?
Presently I was seated at an old dock. I was staring up at the inky black sky, peppered with clouds and stars. The only sound was the crashing of waves. The cool water swished about my ankles, leaving foamy white residue as it receded into the ocean. I couldn't help thinking it was one of the most beautiful nights I'd ever seen, and that I wished Shion was here to see it with me.
The smile that crept onto my face was uncontainable as I thought about how excited he'd have been. How he would have ruined the peaceful moment with his mindless babbling, and how he'd be bursting with textbook facts about oceans and beaches and winds. I thought about how I'd pretend to be annoyed, and I'd try to shut him up. Telling him to stop talking would hardly work. I'd have to pin him down, probably. Maybe I'd even have to kiss him.
I balked at that thought and scowled as I tried to flush it out from the deepest recesses of my mind. These pesky, intrusive thoughts had been invading my brain with increasing frequency. To miss the little twerp was bad enough, but to think of these… these appalling things was simply unforgivable, and I banished them from my mind as soon as they wiggled in.
A defeated sigh escaped my lips, and I leaned against a wooden plank, exhausted. With thoughts of Shion came thoughts of returning, to see him. But I knew that once I saw him, I could never leave him again. I wasn't ready for that kind of incarceration yet.
As I struggled with my inner turmoil, a storm started to brew. I hated storms the most; not because the harsh conditions were hard to weather, and the drenching rain soaked me to my bones. Not even because I sometimes had to knock on the doors of strangers to seek shelter from the pouring rain. I hated storms because they reminded me of Shion in a way I'd rather have forgotten. Storms brought with them howling gales, that perfectly replicated the low keening sound I'd come to associate with hope.
It used to be my favourite sound, my ray of sunshine in times of darkness, but now it was only an excruciating reminder that with every step I took, I moved further away from Shion.
Today, however, I couldn't bring myself to run for cover, to hide from the inevitable reminder of my past. As the first notes of Shion's song filled the heavy air, I realised I was done running. I couldn't stop the bark of laughter that burst through my lips, and I realised with glee that I wouldn't stop laughing, even if I could. I found myself guffawing uncontrollably, clutching at my aching sides, heart crying out in joy as lightning streaked across the starry sky.
I was going home to my Shion.
I lay there, grinning up at the sky as fat droplets of water pelted down onto my face. I stayed there, smiling as the storm dispersed as quickly as it had begun. I may have been completely soaked, but Shion's winds couldn't make me shiver like they used to. I was invincible, high on euphoria.
I set out for No. 6 immediately. I hardly rested. I travelled all day, but could hardly sleep at night, kept awake by thoughts of a certain snowy-haired boy.
He'd be a man now, I realised. And the thought made me smirk, until I remembered that Shion had already turned into a man, right before we'd parted.
The things he'd witnessed, what he'd gone through… I used to scorn his ignorance, but having seen that ripped away from him, I realised I'd do anything to give it back.
Allowing myself to think of Shion was like opening a pair of floodgates. Once it started, it never stopped. I found myself drenched in memories and dreams for the future, the luxury of which I'd never allowed myself to indulge in until now.
I travelled for weeks. I hardly stopped to rest. My body felt like it was charged by fire- exhaustion eluded me, my only coherent thoughts were of reunion.
And then one day I found myself on the outskirts of No. 6. I stood before It, and for the first time, I didn't feel hatred, or fear. A wave of excitement washed over me as I realised I was finally home.
No. 6 would never be my home, mind you. But Shion was where my heart was, and that was all that mattered.
He was all that mattered to me, and that realisation frightened me as much as it exhilirated me.
I was planning on playing it cool, for the record. But once I caught sight of Karan's bakery, nestled in the heart of the busy street, I couldn't have stopped running if I wanted to. I burst into the shop, panting, my eyes darting about, desperately trying to locate the mop of white hair that haunted my dreams. At first glance I knew he wasn't' there, and I couldn't have vanquished my disappointment if I'd tried.
A woman approached me, concern shining in painfully familiar brown eyes.
"Are you OK, sir?" She asked. My heart hammered wildly against my chest as I stared into Karan's eyes.
"I… My name is Nezumi. I need to find Shion." I stammered. Realisation transformed her features, and tears filled her eyes. Her hands shook as she reached out to me, her thumb brushing my cheek lightly.
"N-Nezumi…" She whispered. And then she pulls me into a bone-crushing hug. To say I was surprised would be an understatement, but I wouldn't deny that it felt nice to be locked in her embrace. "Thank you," she hiccuped. "Thank you for keeping him safe." I tightened my hold around her. "He'll be so happy to see you."
Karan fussed over me nonstop. She offered me the finest pastries her humble bakery had to offer. She made sure I finished an entire glass of milk when I insisted that I wasn't hungry. She tried to get me to sit down, relax. Shion will be here any moment. But that only made me more nervous. Every time the bell perched right over the bakery door jingled, signaling someone's arrival, our heads would snap to the door, hoping desperately for chocolate brown eyes and that innocent smile.
An hour passed. And then another.
"He stays late at work sometimes." She said, squeezing my hands lightly. I tried to look nonchalant, but dropped the facade when I realised she wasn't going to be as easily fooled as her son. I leaned against the counter, stuffed my hands in my pocket, smiled feebly in response.
Just then, the bells chimed softly. I didn't have time to look around when a heartbreakingly famaliar voice reached my ears.
"Mom I'm so sorry I'm late! There was a lot of work to finish and I thought-" Now I didn't have the courage to look, to check if this is just another figment of my imagination. "N-Nezumi…" He whisperd, but in the heavy silence of the empty bakery, it sounded like a clap of thunder. I turned around.
Before me stands a man; I drank in the sight of him- hungrily, greedily. His cheekbones had sharpened, he seemed to have grown a couple of centimeters and his shoulders were broader, sturdier. But his hair looked the same as it used to, and his eyes were still wide, still honest. They darted about my face, my torso, back to my face, my legs, my face again. And then he hurled himself at me with the force of the typhoon that first brought us together all those years ago.
"You're back!" He cried, breathlessly. I grasped on to him wordlessly, because I had no words- I had no voice. He stayed like that, as if he'd never let go. But then he did. Shion pulled away aburptly and slapped me hard across my face. The crack resonated around the room and my cheek stung furiously. "How dare you?" He hissed, angry tears stream down his face. "I waited for you for six years, Nezumi!" And then his bravado crumbled, and his knees seemed to lose their ability to stand. I caught him just as he started to fall to the ground, and he clutched on to me, tighter than he ever had. "Don't leave me again!" He begged, and my heart shattered into a million pieces. I kissed his cheeck lightly, and my lips trailed against his jaw, rested against his earlobe.
"Never." I whispered into his ear- a promise for his ears only. An oath, I knew, I would take to my grave.
We walked back to his apartment, hand in hand, neither of us willing to let go. We didn't talk, although I'd been dying to know what he'd been up to. I'd imagined our conversation dozens of times- I thought we'd never be able to stop talking. But it surprised me how just being by his side managed to appease my restless soul- even more shocking than the fact that Shion was being quiet. As he fumbled with the key to his house, I decided to strike up a conversation.
"So I heard you've been making yourself useful, you highness." I teased lightly. But Shion didn't reply. He didn't even spare me a glance, his full attention focused on getting his trembling hands to open the door. "Shion-" I started, and tried to take the keys from him, but just then the lock opened with a quiet click and as soon as the door swung open, Shion yanked me down by my collar.
His kiss was like fire, and he burned me with his scorching lips. We stumbled into his house, and he tugged me into a room. His lips moved against mine desperately, furiously, in a way I never thought Shion would be capable of. It surprised me for the short my brain was capable of forming coherent thoughts, and then he pushed me onto a bed and my brain went fuzzy. Through his kiss he communicated his hurt, his anger, his relief, happiness and love. He had never been good with conveying his feelings, but it seemed he'd learnt to express himself just fine in my absence. With his actions he sent a clear message. You are mine. Don't leave me again.
As an actor, I'd always been good at reading people, and now Shion was speaking my language. So I kissed him back. And i told him that I was sorry. That I was there to stay. I pulled him closer, our kisses were a frenzy of emotions, I found myself breathless, but still I couldn't stop. Eventually I forced myself to pull away because I had to talk to him. I had to tell him how I felt. He looked at me briefly, eyes hazy. Then his gaze flickered to my lips and he tried to close the distance between us again, but I cradled his face gently in my arms, pushed him back.
"I love you." I breathed, and this stopped Shion finally. He stared at me,wide-eyed, his eyes were clear and alert. They filled with tears right as he threw his arms around my neck, and sniffled against my neck.
"Oh Nezumi, I love you too!"
Shion didn't let go of me after that. We lay, holding each other, all night long. Eventually his sniffles quieten down, and his breathing slows down. My heart was still palpitating wildly, body was still charged with adrenaline. So I stayed awake and I watched him.
As I studied his smooth, flawless skin, the curve of his impossibly soft lips, the shadow cast by his long eyelashes, I thought about how I used to believe that my silly infatuation with Shion had doomed me to imprisonment by his side forever; but I realized at that moment that this love was the sweetest liberation I could have ever hoped for.
We often wonder about the purpose of life, and we can speculate all we want, but the truth is that we will never know why we are on this godforsaken planet.
All I did know, however, from that point on- and maybe even before- was that a life without love is hardly a life at all. And I'd finally found where I belonged. I smiled as I pulled Shion closer against my chest, and his arms tightened around my neck.
It took me a while, Shion, but I'm finally home.