Soo...yeah. This idea has been used a lot, but who gives a shit, right? It's my turn, dammit! Eh, I better get on with the story. Oh, and pay close attention to the first two sentences. They will matter later, I promise you.
Instant Karma, chapter 1
My POV
It was a Wednesday.
It was, at the time, my least favorite day of the week.
And I was bored as hell. No new non-romance Invader Zim fanfiction, my deviantART inbox was empty, my soccer ball was flat, and I had both artists block and writers block. Nothing on TV but that god forsaken crap show, Fairly Odd Parents, and I'd already read all my books at least four times. Only one word could describe my situation on that fateful day. That word was shit. Utter shit.
"Mother Irk, I'm so FUCKING bored!" I confided in my pillow. My house was deserted except for my cats and of course myself, Arlene, but my suppression of swear words was simply a habit, while I was in my house at least. My mom tells me she wouldn't care if I cursed in front of her, but I'm positive if I actually did, I might have my much loved laptop confiscated, and that is one thing that I cannot let happen. I would most likely lose my sanity all together.
You could clean up your room, Arlie. It's looking a little messy.
I growled at the stuffed purple sock creature resting in the center of my unmade bed. "Conman, that would hardly assist with my unyielding boredom. And besides, it's not that cluttered." I studied my lavender living space. The floral purple and black bedspread was on the floor, as were my plush Luigi and multiple stuffed animals. My Kindle, which was beside Conman, was nearly dead, while my desk surface and drawers were overflowing with sketches of Invader Zim characters and attempts at drawing Nny. "It's...cleanish." Out of pure impulse, I glanced at my Harry Potter calendar to make sure nothing important was happening that summer day. Nothing was marked, but I immediately recalled that that day was indeed the day my orders were to arrive from Hot Topic and Amazon. Before the delighted look even vanished from my blue-grey eyes, I let out an excited shriek and fell back upon my bed where I giggled crazily, surrendering to my long-suppressed insanity. (By long-suppressed, I mean nearly three hours ago.)
Sure enough, five minutes later there was a knock on the front door. I instantly sprinted that twenty yards, racing against time, so fast the UPS guy hadn't even left the doorstep. "Uh, hi. Are you Arlene Nottellingmylastnameyoucreep?"
"That's me!"
"I, uh, have two packages for you-"
"THANKS!" I slammed the door in his face. I tried to rip open the boxes without a knife like a badass, but all I managed to do was bend my fingernail backward. Sucking my poor little index finger, I surrendered to the power of the knife. [A/N Wow, that sounds suicidal.]
Not bothering to be careful with the sharp object, I sliced both boxes open and lifted up the first's contents into the air. Johnny the Homicidal Maniac, Director's Cut. I set my prized new book down, and moved on to the package from Hot Topic. I had to dig in the packing peanuts, but I eventually found my buried treasure- Invader Zim-Operation Doom. Holding the DVD case gingerly, as if it were made of glass, I carefully set both on my bed, pondering which I should use first. "Hey, Conman. A little help? I can't decide...eh, never mind. You never give good advice, probably because you're a part of me. I'll just do both! I'll take turns with each." I preceded to the family room where the TV was kept, entering the DVD into the disk drive. Selecting "The Frycook What Came From All That Space," I plopped down on the couch with my cat, Socky, who went right to sleep in my lap. When the Tallest turned off their monitor and the screen went black, I opened Director's Cut and began reading. As soon as I finished with a certain section, I selected a different episode, "Vindicated!," when just then I received a text from my friend Annie. We r coming over. Have any good books 2 read?
Sure. I typed back. I wasn't quite in the mood to be bothered with the human race, but they're my friends, it was already planned to have a 'reading day,' as we liked to call it.
Annie and my other friend Hester arrived near the end of "Plague of Babies."
Hester, a dirty blonde brainiac, sat down on my sofa "What are you-oh, this show." Hester watched the first episode and really liked Invader Zim, then watched other episodes and proclaimed it "weird." As if she had the right. "I really don't see what's so great about it, Arlene. It's just so...weird."
"And would you mind sharing with me what enjoyable thing that ever existed wasn't?" I questioned, pushing my red hair out of my face.
"Well, there's Survivor."
"Ugh, that show is sooo boring!"
"Nuh-uh!"
"Yuh-huh!"
"Nuh-uh!"
"Yuh-huh!"
"Nuh-uh!"
"Yuh-huh!"
"Nuh-uh!"
"Yuh-huh!"
"Nuh-uh!"
"Yuh-huh!"
"Nuh-uh!"
"Yuh-huh!"
"Erm, guys?" Annie interrupted timidly.
"Yeeeeees?"
"Can we get back to practical conversation?"
"Sure. As I was saying, Invader Zim could whoop your wimpy reality shows' asses any day."
Annie let out a high-pitched shriek and her eyes became ridiculously wide. Both girls hated swear words. I usually refrained from using them in their presence, but I was trying to make a point. "Now I'd like to finish this episode, if you please. Then we can read all we want."
While I was trying to watch the television, Annie and Hester just kept on ripping on the show.
"Really? Did he REALLY think a baby would jeopardize his stupid "mission?"
"A stupid-ray, how original."
"Baby-aliens? Seriously?"
"Okay, what's with the robot thing? Like anything made from garbage would function at all, however stupidly."
"I know! I don't see how funny it is to be so stinkin' random. The thing's just SO stupid!"
Okay, that was the last straw! I could bottle up my anger when they were criticizing everything else funny, but something about talking trash about GIR just made my self control shatter. "THAT'S IT! IF YOU'RE GOING TO BE SO FUCKING JUDGEMENTAL IN MY HOUSE, YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE TO TAKE IT SOMEWHERE ELSE, BECAUSE I'VE JUST ABOUT HAD IT WITH YOUR CONSTANT CRITICISM OF THINGS THAT I LIKE, RIGHT IN FRONT OF MY FACE! It drives me insane, as if I didn't already know what THAT'S like! UGH, IF I HAD THE GUTS I WOULD GOUGE BOTH YOUR GODDAMN EYES OUT WITH A SPORK!"
I stood there, panting, a manic glint still in my twitching eyes. Hester and Annie were staring at me, shocked and horrified at my outburst. I soon realized-they weren't staring at me. Their eyes were pointed at the TV behind me. I turned, expecting to see the menu screen, but instead the TV was giving off a weird glowing light. I approached it, looking at it curiously. "No way...I've read about this, in fanfiction, but...I never thought..." My voice trailed off.
I got a quick glimpse of a whirlpool-like image, then, next thing I knew, we were all being sucked in with a strong current, too shocked to even try to fight it.
Zim's POV
I, the almighty ZIM!, had just finished my latest, diabolical-est plan yet! "I AM ZIIIM! I shouted triumphantly. "Watch, GIR! Watch and laugh with me, as I bring down DOOM upon this FIL-THY doomed planet of doom!"
"Aw. Dat's too bad." GIR said from, clueless as ever.
"No, GIR. That's a good thing."
"Ohhhhhh..."
"You see, GIR, I have managed to swap the function of the portal we, erm, very nearly destroyed the Dibmonkey's PATHETIC LIFE with. Now, it can be used to teleport the most FEARSOME of space creatures to Earth! INGENIUS, no?"
GIR stared at me blankly. I stared back, admittedly, BUT ONLY SLIGHTLY, creeped out. Then the psycho SIR began pounding on all the buttons on the control panel!
"HEEEYYY MASTER AM I HELPIN'? AM I HELPIN', MASTER? AM I?"
"No, GIR! Get away from there! Nonononononononooooooo!"
My POV
I flew through the portal, screaming at the top of my lungs. Very faintly I heard Annie and Hester screeching in fear behind me, probably having no idea whatsoever was going on. I had a faint idea, but it probably came from reading WAY too much fanfiction.
Then it finally stopped. I was launched onto a hard, cold surface, Director's Cut still in hand. I soon heard Annie and Hester do the same, though I was the first to stand. What I saw? Well, a bunch of tubes, an enormous monitor, a portal, and, you guessed it, a green, magenta-eyed alien. He was just looking at us, making that adorable face, you know, where he seems to have no mouth?
It took all my self-control to delay my fangirl moment for only four seconds, and turn to my bewildered friends, smirking.
"Instant karma."
Oooh, cliffhanger! Well, not really. Anywho, did ya like it? If you review I'll continue! Oh, and BY THE WAY, to really understand what Conman is, you'll have to read my questionnaire. Conman, would you care to do the disclaimer?
Arlene, or ArlieHasTheBrainWorms, as you call her, does not own anything but herself and her friends, in a way.
And you. I own you too.
No you don't Arlie.
Yes, I do. You're my conscience.
*Huff*
Well, people, R&R please! And yes, I really do hate Wednesdays.
P.S. I'll give Conman to whoever can spot the Emperor's New Groove reference here!
Hey!
Shhhhh...I'd be better off without a conscience. :)