Welcome back everyone for another season! Let's do this thing!
Problem Number 1
Sabre: Why can't she control her powers?
Juliet: We already spent a whole Disney movie explaining this journey – we don't need a Once Upon a Time season!
Ava: She is the reverse of the Hulk – magically learning to control…
Elsa: Excuse me, can you help me?
Sabre: No, sorry.
Elsa: Why not? I was wondering if you could tell me-
Ava: Nope. It would contort the plot.
Elsa: Plot of what? Is there evil nearby?
Juliet: If you count these two….
Elsa: I am looking for my sister if you could just.
Ava: I said no…
Elsa: But-
Ava: I SAID NO, WOMAN! CONTINUE ON YOUR WAY AND PRETEND YOU DIDN'T SEE US!
Elsa: *continues forward* Those girls are mad.
Sabre: Poor girl she doesn't even know the half of it.
Confrontation
Snow: Is everything alright?
Ava: Charming's arrived! This can go south quickly…
Charming: How are we not rid of you?
Juliet: You are the one who decided to make another season.
Emma: Hey! Don't blame my dad for that! It's the writer's fault.
Ava: Then you should have tried to stop them harder. So long as we are together we will continue to mock you.
Sabre: Did he change his hair color?
Juliet: Oh my god! He did.
Robin: What?
Sabre: Not you – Charming!
Charming: What about my hair?
Ava: Could you sound a little more like a diva? I don't think they could hear you.
Charming: Haha.
Juliet: It got darker.
Sabre: In a single night.
Regina: The magic of Hollywood.
Ava: She knows what's up!
Neal
Juliet: Could you just see Neal rising up from the grave? 'Ugh! I'm not dead!'
Ava: No! Neal's death was something they did right!
Sabre: Not even as a zombie?
Ava: No I don't even want zombies in this show any more.
Sabre: Wow!
Rumple: Do you mind? I'm having a moment here.
Ava: A very random moment if you ask me.
Juliet: I think that if you had done this before hand to would have had more of an emotional impact, but in all honesty I don't care.
Sabre: Wait! Why does it only say – beloved son? He is a father too you know!
Ava: They weren't legally married so the father and son title is kind of up to Emma.
Juliet: So she didn't give him the title? What a bitch!
Sabre: Legally Henry is still Regina's son. So…I don't know…
Juliet: Even though I'm an HDFS major I still don't understand how this entire family works.
Stupid!
Ava: Robin! What are you thinking? 'Til death do us part!' You are giving her an invitation to kill your freaking wife! I almost think you want it!
Robin: I love Regina, but that's not true!
Sabre: Hear that, Juliet! Your OTP lives!
Robin: Stop thinking like that!
Juliet: Yay! I feel better now.
Robin: I love my wife! That's why I married her.
Sabre: You mean it wasn't because she was in Arrow or Percy Jackson and the Lightning Thief?
Robin: What?
Ava: Haha! She's in Arrow! That's ironic…
Robin: How can Marian be in an arrow?
Ava: She dated another man in a series by that name.
Regina: As much as that sounds like a good thing for me I am also very confused.
Sabre: Do you actually want an explanation?
Robin and Regina: No.
Juliet: You two should know by now.
Anger
Ava: She's mad now something has to go…
Juliet: How can you tell?
Ava: She has almost-tears in her eyes.
Sabre: What about the big white horse over there?
Juliet: That seems like a good target.
Ava: Wait for it…
*Regina Glare - Smash*
Juliet: The painting? Of all things.
Sabre: I think it was a mirror.
Regina: Just be grateful it wasn't you.
Sabre: Someone is touchy.
Juliet: It's alright. I feel you! Bring it here girl.
Ava: I don't think that woman was made for hugging, Juliet.
Dancing
*Rumple snaps his finger and things happen*
Sabre & Juliet: What?! What?!
*Rumple and Belle dance to the song from the movie*
Ava & Sabre & Juliet: HAHAHAHA!
*Ava and Juliet clap*
Juliet: That was so cheesy! What the hell did he just pull?
Ava: I don't know, but that was hilarious!
Sabre: I'm still partly hoping that Rumple isn't the Beast – like there is another one out there once Rumple dies.
…
Ava: Do you have any idea how many fandoms you just pissed off right now?
Belle: Not to mention us – we were just married.
Sabre: Sucks to be all of you because everything from here on in was based ON A LIE!
Juliet: Yeah…that's just wrong.
Ava: Sorry everyone can't save you from that one.
Belle: What lie?
Sabre: Not ready for that conversation. Girls, you ready to go?
Ava & Juliet: YEP!
Say Yes to the Dress?
Juliet: The dress Ana is wearing changed!
Sabre: Oh my god! They did.
Juliet: Is it worse than Snow White's wedding dress?
…
Sabre & Ava & Juliet: Nah…
Ana: Who are these two strangers?
Elsa: I'm not quite sure…
Ava: Don't worry, sweetheart. There will be a time and a place.
Ana: I do believe the young lady has just propositioned you, sister!
…
Ava: That is NOT what I meant!
Sabre & Juliet: HAHAHAHAH!
Elsa: Ana, really?
Ana: Don't worry, sister. I will keep your secret.
Sabre: Disney just left PG!
Ava: THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEANT!
What?
Ava: It's a snowman!
Sabre: It's Marshmallow.
Juliet: It is a snow golem! Okay everyone! It is not cute and it is protecting Elsa! It is a golem!
Sabre: *best Golem voice* Golem! Golem!
Snow Golem: RAAAWWRR!
Ava: I think it would sound more impressive with the T-Rex roar.
Juliet: Anything that roars like that would be impressive.
Sabre: That design is fairly similar to the actual thing from the Disney movie.
Hook: Are you three going to stand there and critique a monster?
Ava & Sabre & Juliet: *give a 'Really?' look*
Hook: Right, forgot who I was talking to for a moment.
Ava: That's right – go try to jump Emma's bones or something.
Hook: I love her.
Juliet: She didn't say you didn't.
Sabre: We all just know what's on your mind.
Hook: Oh really. What am I thinking now?
Ava: 'That's cold.'
Hook: HA! –
*Hook blasted by Golem and we share a respective high five*
Ava: Hot chocolate anyone?
Rock Trolls
Juliet: They copied that design to a tee!
Sabre: It's the same for the giant snowman.
Juliet: You mean golem.
Sabre: Whatever…
Ava: Are you sure? I think the ones in Disney looked better.
Sabre: Well, rock troll expert, what do you recommend?
Ava: Rockbiter design from the Neverending Story. Just with more moss and grass.
Juliet: That would have been kind of cool.
Sabre: That was pretty hokey. Sorry guys gotta disagree with you on this one.
Rock Troll: I'm right here you know!
Ana: Elsa, look! It's your lady friend.
*Ava's face flushes in embarrassment*
Elsa: Ana, we aren't seeing each other; you misunderstood. Also, I thought you were keeping that a secret.
Ana: Right!
*Ana mimics locking her mouth and throwing away the key*
Sabre: Good thing for us…
Juliet: …the Internet will be reading this soon enough.
Ava: Please don't make this a series long thing…
Good morning?
Robin: Blargh!
Ava: Is that how all men wake up in the morning on this show?
Sabre: Charming wakes up going 'Blurgrah!'
Charming: I do not!
Snow: Well…
Charming: Really?
*Snow shrugs her shoulders*
Juliet: Hook wakes up going 'Raghblargh!'
Hook: I resent that statement…I do a very sexy morning dance.
…..
Ava: I don't even want to know.
Emma: Don't even expect me to answer – I haven't seen him in the mornings.
Sabre & Juliet: YET!
Ava: Gold wakes up 'Haghrablah!'
Sabre: And he's not here to defend himself.
Ava: No…No he's not!
Juliet: I wonder if guys really do that or if it is specifically guys from this show…
Sabre: Ah! The men of Once Upon a Time!
The Door
Sabre & Juliet: DO YOU WANT TO BUILD A SNOWMAN?!
Ava: HAHAHAHA!
Emma: Not right now guys. The snow monster is out on the loose-
Juliet: GOLEM!
Emma: Whatever. We really need Regina's help, but she is still feeling blue.
Ava: I can't think of a better time to build a snowman!
Emma: You three are useless…
Sabre: All we need is Olaf to make an appearance…
Ava: You want to push them off the cliff don't you?
Sabre: So much…
Juliet: How did Elsa manage to breathe life into Olaf or the golem?
Sabre: Maybe she gave birth…
*Sabre and Juliet shoot Ava a look*
Ava: KNOCK IT OFF BOTH OF YOU! WE ARE NOT-
Sabre: Denying it make you look even guiltier.
*Ava flips the table*
Ava: FOR THE LAST TIME! WE ARE NOT TOGETHER!
Winter is Summer
*Christoff with Elsa at docks*
Sabre: Why is he still wearing that thick coat?
Ava: They already brought summer back to Arendale.
Juliet: So what's with all the winter hats and vests.
Ava: Maybe they were afraid if you didn't see the winter attire you wouldn't know what movie this is.
Sabre: I think an idiot living under a rock would know what this is.
*Ana on the deck of the ship*
Sabre: Or maybe not.
Juliet: What is with the mittens?
Ava: And the cloak?
Sabre: And the hat?
Juliet: Don't you have a summer dress you wear?
Ava: How do you not die of overheating?
Ana: I'm marrying an ice merchant – I'm used to being uncomfortably hot.
….
Ava: Did anyone else-
Sabre & Juliet: YES!