"We're on in two minutes, Laguna."
The TV host took a deep breath. This was it…the beginning of either the greatest show on television or the most humiliating flop in history. They had spent months detailing the challenges, the locations, and handpicking each and every contestant. Money was spent and many interns were sacrificed, all leading up to this moment.
"Don't get a leg cramp, don't get a leg cramp, don't get a leg cramp…" Laguna repeated to himself.
"5…4…3…2…1…Action!"
Instantly, the cameras turned on. Onscreen, Laguna stood with his trademark smirk on the shores of Dissidia Island.
"Welcome, one and all, to the first episode of the exciting series Survivor: Dissidia!" Despite his earlier nervousness, Laguna now talked naturally in the excited manner he always used. "This season, we will pit twenty people against each other in grueling challenges to decide who will win the grand prize of one million GP! There will be alliances, betrayals, romance, heartbreak, and loads of action that'll keep you at the edge of your seat."
PWING! There was the portal, Laguna thought. Right on time.
"It looks like our first contestant is now here. Ladies and gentlemen, let me introduce you to…THE WARRIOR OF LIGHT!"
The horned knight walked through the portal, looking tall and stoic.
"Welcome to the show, Warrior."
"It is an honor." The Warrior bowed before turning to the camera. "I shall win this competition in the name of the li—"
"OUT OF MY WAY!" A large man in armor yelled before he pushed the Warrior away. "I am Garland and I will knock everyone down! This competition is mine!"
Laguna laughed nervously. "Well now, you two are enthusiastic. Now go over there while we introduce everyone else."
The Warrior of Light and Garland glared at each other before they walked away. Soon enough, two more people walked out of the portal. One wore a headscarf and held a wild rose in his hand. Around his body were eight different weapons, the red bow on his back the most prominent.
"My name is Firion," The one with the headscarf said. "And with the prize money, I will create a world where wild roses can grow in peace…or at least a park."
"Oh please, that whole rose thing again?" The one next to him scoffed. Although wearing flamboyant gold and purple armor decorated with small spikes, stripes, and demonic faces, the blonde-haired man held himself in a high manner. "A wasted dream. World domination is a dream truly worth achieving."
"Well you can do anything with a million GP." Laguna smiled.
As the two walked away, two more popped out of the portal. The first one quickly scampered to the cameras, practically jumping up and down with excited energy.
"Wow, I can't believe it!" The Onion Knight said as he looked at all the cameras. "I didn't even know I was old enough to be on this show."
"Well you were old enough to sign the release forms." Laguna said before looking at the next arrival. "Now who else do we—Gak!"
The scantily clad Cloud of Darkness floated through the air. Wearing only a small cloak and body paint, Laguna struggled to not look at her fully, trying desperately to avoid a leg cramp.
"Is there a problem, mortal?" The Cloud of Darkness asked.
"N-nothing at all. Glad to have you on the sh-show." Laguna stuttered. His face red, Laguna turned to the cameras. "Can we hurry through the rest of these?"
The portal opened up wide as the rest of the contestants filed in.
"I am Cecil Harvey, master of both the forces of light and darkness, and this show will be the source of my redemption."
"I am Golbez." The large man in black armor spoke with a deep voice. "Nothing more needs to be said."
"My name's Bartz and no treasure shall go unfound on this island!"
"I am Exdeath. Know that name as it shall be the one who sends everything into the Void."
"Uhmm," A small girl in a red dress nervously stood. "My name's…Terra."
"HeeheeheeheeHAHAHAHAH!" The crazed clown's laugh chilled Laguna to the bone. "Putting a bunch of people on a deserted island with low levels of security and crazy behavior actually preferred? BEST SHOW EVER!"
"Hmph." The spiky blonde-haired soldier grunted. "I'm Cloud."
"Any relation to the Cloud of Darkness?" Laguna asked.
Cloud glanced at the half-naked woman. "God, I hope not."
"Like you could ever hit that." Sephiroth smirked.
"Oh, are you going to try and kill her too?" Cloud glared menacingly.
"I don't know. A lot of your girlfriends seem to like my sword."
Both drew their weapons, ready to fight it out, before they heard a clicking. Looking back, they could see Laguna take out his machine gun.
"Uh uh uh. Save the fighting for the challenges."
The two grudgingly put away their swords and walked away. The rest of the contestants walked up.
"I'm Squall and I'll win this like I win everything…alone."
"I am Ultimecia, mistress of time."
"Zidane's the name, running rings around my opponent is my game."
"Master of literature and poetry, I, Kuja, shall not only win this competition but also bring my unique air of class to this backwater show."
"I'll win this like I win every one of my blitzball games!" Tidus smiled confidently.
"I'm Jecht. I'll win. Plain and simple."
Finally, Laguna looked on at the group of contestants. All extremely odd and flamboyant in their own ways, the TV host could feel the network ratings rise with each second. This season was going to make him rich!
"Now that we have introductions out of the way, it's time we settle you into your respective groups. And then we'll start the first challenge…" Laguna quickly turned to the camera. "…after this commercial break."