"Lookout Jack" said Orlando Bloom. "A Kraken is about to eat you."
Captain Jack Sparrow pulled his trusty pistol from its holster, turned and fired, exploding the Kraken into an eruption of blood and guts and stuff cause he was so badass that his pistol makes giant explosions instead of just shooting things.
"Arrrgh, ya killed me Kraken ya wee little lassy" said Squid-Dude. "Now I'sa gunna kill ya with my squidy tentacle things."
Squid-Dude lurched towards Jack, his tentacle things phalanging menacingly; but Jack doesn't take no shit from no one so he picked up the pirate flag from the top of his pirate ship and impaled Squid-Dude with it so hard that it whent straight through him, came out the other side, travelled through time and killed Hitler.
"Arrrgh, ya killed me!" said Squid-Dude. "Now I'll never be able to tell you where me hidden treasure is!"
But Jack was so badass that he ripped open Squid-Dude's skull, looked at his brain and found out where his treasure was with his neuroscience powers.
"Now we're going to go get the treasure!" said Jack, as he went to get the treasure.
"But Jack!" said Orlando Bloom. "That hot chick I'm banging is still locked up in Port Royale cause that evil British dude locked her up there!"
"Oh yeah?" replied Jack. "WELL FUCK YOU BITCH!"
Captain Jack Sparrow picked up Orlando Bloom and tore him in half, before drinking his precious bodily fluids in order to gain his powers, even though most of his powers were gay, sissy little girly ones.
Later that day, Jack got the treasure.
The End.