The Shadow
I never wanted to be popular contrast to everyone's beliefs. When I was younger, I was shy and quiet, hardly ever spoke my mind, which is why my mother sent me to Camp Hillridge. There I met Kate Sanders, and Emily Robinson. Kate and I had clicked immediately, both excited about beginning middle school. We had known of each other but until then had never spoken to each other. We talked about previous teachers we had, while she told me about her then best friends Lizzie, Gordo and Miranda, I told her about my diary that I wrote in constantly which was the closest thing I had that was a friend to me. Then we met Emily. She was a popular seventh graders, who at first, appeared to be a sweet green-eyed brunette, but in reality was ten times worse than Kate nor I could ever be. She taught us the "important" lessons of attaining and maintaining popularity, and how to remain at the top at all costs, no matter what. And that was the day Kate and I changed.
I remembered the day Kate told Gordo, Lizzie and Miranda she no longer wanted to be friends with them. We were at her house, practicing our cheers for cheerleading try-outs, when they came over, ditching their mountain bikes in Kate's yard.
"Hey Kate!" Lizzie exclaimed, obviously ecstatic to see Kate.
"Hey Lizzie," Kate mumbled.
"We missed you so much," Lizzie rambled. "How long have you been back? Why didn't you call us?"
"I had other things to do." Kate replied.
"Oh," Lizzie barely whispered. "So do you want to hang out with us today? Your friend," she gestured at me, "she can come with us too."
"No thanks," Kate replied snottily.
"Why not?" Miranda had quietly piped up.
"Yeah, why not?" Gordo added.
"Look, you guys. Things are different now. I've not the little girl you once knew back in elementary school. We're going to middle school now, which means things can never be the same. To make a long story short, I've outgrown you. So, go on, go. And I never want to talk to you again," Kate told them without a trace of sympathy or any type of emotion evident on her face. Personally I thought Kate had been a little harsh, but she was the only friend I had and I would've done anything to remain friends with her.
"Yeah," I chimed in. "Leave." The looks of hurt, and confusion on their faces crushed my heart, but like I said I would've done anything to remain friends with Kate, so I pretended like it didn't bother me, and gave them a sour look as they climbed on their bikes and started to ride away. By then Kate had ran into the house and had told me to follow her. Climbing up her porch steps, I glanced back and caught eye contact with Lizzie who had lingered behind. A single tear had fallen from her cheek as she looked at me, shaking her head.
"Tell Kate, I'm sorry for whatever I did." She told me, as she climbed onto her bike and caught up with Gordo and Miranda, never once looking back.
Middle school came and passed in a flash. We were crueler than we had planned to be but it felt good. Attitude and our new found love for make-up gave us power and most importantly, popularity. We teased Lizzie, Miranda and Gordo, daily, which was all lead by Kate. Till this day I believe the real reason why kate had wanted to hurt them so bad was because it reminded her of our care-free days that kate had fought so hard to rid out of our lives and she resented them for that.
It wasn't until kate had become captain of the cheerleading squad that I realized how much kate and I (more kate than me) had changed. Kate was getting noticed by the older, popular guys while they were all struggling to even remember my name. I remember Ethan Craft's party he had in our junior year, when Kate had lost her virginity to long time boyfriend, all-star quarterback Danny Kesseler. Near the end of the night, she had convinced me to lose mine too, and worst of all to Eddie McGriffen, who was a complete pervert. Already I regretted it, but that wasn't the worst of it. In the middle of it, he had "accidentally" called me kate. I pushed him off of me and bang on Danny's bedroom door, crying to Kate how I wanted to go home. After much bitching, she headed to take me home. After telling her what happened, she rolled her eyes and scoffed, "Yeah, so what, he called you my name. You should be thankful he even agreed to do it with you. It's not like anyone knows who you are anyways." And it was that exact moment that I realized I was not Claire Miller, assistant captain of the cheerleading squad, straight A student, but instead nothing more than Kate's shadow.
Any other person would've ended our friendship, and tried to make an identity of my own. But without kate, I was nobody, and besides I had no one else to turn to. Kate was my only friend. So I never mentioned that incident again, and settled for a life as Kate's shadow, never truly finding an identity of my own. Maybe one day I'll break away from her shadow, but until then, what can I do?