Harry understood the pain now. The one that says something is wrong, something is gone, do something about it! But there was nothing Harry could do.
If only Draco was here. If only he would hold Harry and tell him that everything would be alright. If only. Yeah right. Why would he want me? No one else does.
He wanted to cut, he so badly wanted to hold the sharp razor in his hand and hurt the other one. But he couldn't do even that. A promise was made and they are meant to be kept.
But Draco had never said anything about smoking. It did relax. Maybe it will today, too. Doesn't hurt to try. Much.
The young, 16 year old boy got up from his bed and walked over to the cupboard. From there, he grabbed a pack of smokes and a lighter. The window was already open. Not for the fear that the Dursleys might catch him doing something forbidden, but for Hedwig to return. Harry didn't really care about what his relatives thought.
He lit his smoke and savoured the taste. It was an art to him. A moment of peace.
Outside the sky was turning red and warm wind was blowing. There were less and less days like this when he could just enjoy being Harry. But he still wished for his lover. The slow smile was fading and he took a long drag from the cigarette. Maybe tonight he would come. Harry knew that tonight would not pass without the nightmares.
In his dreams, he was always alone, always surrounded by dead people. There were his parents, Sirius, Cedric, and even those he didn't personally know, but had seen being killed. Every time he woke up screaming, every time he was afraid his uncle would come into his room and beat him and every time he would remember that his uncle was afraid, too. Of the Order. One-zero to Harry.
He took another drag and his thoughts wandered to Draco. Where was he? They had been lovers for two months. Since the end of the fifth year. A strange twist of fate, they said. In the wizarding world, anything was possible.
The carpet next to Harry's desk was covered with ash from the cigarette by the time Harry started his third. With everything wrong in the world what was a little mess on his floor going to do.
A lound crack was heard from downstairs. Harry listened carefully and imagined how someone was walking up the stairs towards his room. He didn't turn around when the door opened, but by then he already knew who it was. Longing was replaced with anger at his lover.
"Hey," said Draco.
Harry didn't respond, instead he pulled another mouthful of smoke and let it slide. What was wrong with him? Didn't he want to see Draco. Of course he did. But Harry knew that he would leave soon after.
"What's wrong?"
Harry threw his smoke out the window and steadied himself tirerdly against the desk.
"On my word. Only because I promised. But next time and the time after that. It's getting harder by the day. And I can't fight it forever," said the smaller boy.
"I'm sorry. I just had to get away. I'm so sorry."
Draco slid his arms around Harry's waist from the behind and kissed his neck.
„I don't want you to leave. I want you stay. Please stay." A tear ran down Harry's face. And anger, too, was slowly fading away.
„I'm not going anywhere. Not tonight."
"Want another one?" said Draco referring to the pack next to Harry's hand.
"No. You're here now. I don't need it." Harry turned around and hugged Draco as if he hadn't seen him for years. It had only been a few days but it didn't matter to either of them.
Draco took Harry's hand and they both laid down on the small bed. Harry snuggled against Draco's chest and sighed deeply. His lover was here now. It would be alright. Even if it was a lie.
"I love you," said Harry.
Draco smiled and kissed Harry on the lips, "I love you, too. Now close your eyes and go to sleep. I'll watch over you." The last words were spoken in a whisper.
Harry was sound asleep and remained that way until the morning. All dark thoughts were banished from his mind and finally he had a night with no nightmares disturbing his sleep.