I don't own Twilight. We all know this.

So... here it is. The much-requested glimpse into Edward's head. The big one. The one that holds his brain, you pervs.

This will not be a chapter-by-chapter retelling of WiP. Only a few will get the E-treatment.

Thank you Shelly/Isabella303, for being beta extraordinaire and an awesome drinking buddy. She beats me at air hockey, buys me Irish Car Bombs, and encourages me to make obscene gestures at huge plastic cows.

This chapter is for Echoingsilence/EchoesOfTwilight, because she practically beat WiPward out of me and wrote the last line of this chapter for me. Happy birthday!

To Lovin' the Handsome Hobo: Even though I suck at review replies, you're still my negative L.

1: It's Not Sex Hair

"C'mon, Edward! Get your sissy ass out of that granny car and let's go! I'm starving!" Emmett whined. I sighed heavily and resisted the impulse to roll my eyes. Patience, I reminded myself. They're your family. You owe them…

I stepped out of the car, looking woefully at Alice, Jasper and Rose, as they emerged from the back seat. I shot a glance at Alice, clearly communicating my feelings. Why do we put up with this idiot? I asked with only a look. She simply shrugged and gave me her mysterious smile, sweeping past me with Jasper in tow. Am I the only normal Cullen sibling? Mom and Dad are in a shitload of trouble if that's the case…

"Come on, Edward," Rose prodded. "The faster we get in there, the quicker Emmett will quit bugging you."

Rose always was reasonable…

"Come on, ladies," Emmett taunted, speaking to Rose and me, since Jasper and Alice were already at the double doors leading into the restaurant. "Step away from the grocery-getter, Edward. The meat awaits!"

"Emmett, if I didn't know better, I might be a bit worried about your unnatural love for this Brazilian meat," Rose joked.

"You hush, woman. Don't come between a man and his love for steak," he chided. I simply shook my head, slamming the door to my new car and making my way to the entrance. Once we were all inside, I gave my most persuasive smile to the hostess.

"Cullen, party of five," I said warmly, secretly amused at the blushing, frizzy-haired hostess. It was too easy. I wished, just once, that someone could give my crap right back to me. Women were easy. I could charm them, persuade them, and talk my way out of (or into) nearly anything. "We don't have a reservation, but I was hoping you could possibly make an exception for us. You see, my brother just became engaged, and, well… you know." I shrugged as Rose held up her hand, showing off the giant rock Emmett had given her just this evening.

Everything about Emmett was large, from his body to his voice and personality. He was a born clown, the perfect center of attention. It was only natural that he'd give the most ostentatious engagement ring to his equally ostentatiously beautiful fiancée.

"Oh, I'm sure we have space for you tonight, Mr. Cullen," she simpered.

"Thank you… Jessica," I returned, reading her name off the tag prominently displayed over her obviously augmented breast.

"I knew we kept you around for something," Emmett teased, as the hostess led us to our table. I ignored him, fighting the urge to flip him off.

My brother and sister were forever on me to find a woman, girlfriend, significant other. They were all happy, in their own little world of cutesy, affectionate, sickeningly sweet coupledom, and they were determined to drag me along with them… they just didn't understand. I'd dated in the past; not many women had caught my attention in the way I felt someone should if I was to form a meaningful relationship. Nothing had lasted. No one had ever directly said it was because of my Alcoholism, but I was pretty damn sure that was the reason. So I stayed away from forming lasting attachments.

The truth was, I wasn't nearly as attractive on the inside… and I knew it.

Nothing killed conversation faster than, "Oh, yeah… I forgot to mention it earlier, but I'm an alcoholic. When I was twenty-one, I got fucked up, took my little sister for a joyride in my Dad's car, and wrapped it around a tree. Would you like to go out again sometime?"

It really wasn't worth it to try anymore. I was resigned to the fact that I might not meet anyone that would accept what I'd done. I held out even less hope that whoever she was would get me, put up with my occasional moodiness. As long as I'm listing attributes, I'll also add someone that won't bore me after the excitement of a new relationship – and new sex, honestly – wears off.

As I turned back to take my seat, I caught a flash of long, dark hair; shiny bittersweet chocolate with warm hints of red and gold from the overhead lights. I liked chocolate. A lot. The woman was apologizing profusely to a rather irritated gentleman seated in front of her. Her voice was smooth and soft, and even with the tinge of panic, the timbre was just husky enough to make it interesting – to a certain part of me that only found voices interesting when I had a woman naked and underneath me.

You'd better not be getting up any time soon, Edward. There's really no need to advertise to the whole restaurant how much I like the sound of her voice. Or how much more I'd like it if that voice was in my ear and I could feel the hot breath that went with it as I took her.

Jesus Christ, I hadn't even seen her face yet!

I could only see her back as she stood next to a nearby table. I watched her out of the corner of my eye as we all took our seats, eager for a glimpse of her face.

"What are you starin' at, Edward?" Jasper asked, elbowing Emmett so he would be able to join in the ridicule that was sure to come.

"Is that a chick?" Emmett said loudly, startling the group at the table next to us, as he noticed where I was staring. I smirked at him and turned my attention back to the woman, watching as she gestured haphazardly with the skewer of meat she was holding, scaring the gentleman at whom she was directing her apologies. He waved her off warily and I finally caught just a glimpse of her face, catching sight of wide, dark eyes and full lips. It was fast and not nearly enough; I wanted to go after her when she disappeared to the other side of the restaurant. But the view of her leaving was nearly as nice.

It's certainly enough to convince my dick it's right about her voice.

"She's pretty, Edward," Alice said slyly, drawing my attention away from staring after the Meat Girl. "Maybe she'll come by the table and you can talk to her."

"Yeah, Edward," Emmett began, my least favorite smirk plastered on his lips, "sweet talk her so we'll get more meat." I really hated any smirk if it was on Emmett's face.

"I'm sure they'll feed you enough while you're here. I called ahead to make sure they slaughtered a couple extra cattle today," I snapped.

"He likes her," Jasper said confidently in an exaggerated stage whisper to Emmett, who nodded emphatically as he barked out a laugh.

"Edward, you really ought to talk to Dad about that stick up your ass," Emmett snorted as his laughter died down.

"How original, Emmett," I mumbled as the rest of them laughed – too damn loudly – at his lame joke.

I was thankful when the server arrived and proceeded to explain the service, which consisted of many cuts of meat carved tableside. After placing our drink orders, everyone but Emmett stood up to visit the salad bar. He flipped his disc to green with a flourish.

"I don't have room for lettuce. I'm not a damned rabbit. Bring on the meat!"

After we returned from the salad bar, the topic of conversation shifted to Emmett and Rosalie's wedding plans, and we discussed Rose's thoughts of an August wedding in Maui. I barely listened as Alice complained; pissed off that she'd be denied the chance to make a "big fucking deal," as Emmett would say, out of their wedding.

I tried to inconspicuously keep an eye out for the brunette as we ate. Emmett moaned and sighed at every cut of meat, the disgustingly sexual sounds he was making almost enough to kill my appetite.

I scanned the room for another glimpse of those long, wavy locks, Blocking out Emmett's pornographic meat sounds, I got up, using a visit to the restroom as an excuse to look for the brunette. I made my way through the sea of tables, checking periodically to make sure my overly nosy family wasn't watching me practically stalk a restaurant employee. I wasn't watching where I was going, and I was rewarded with a smack to the face for my stupidity. I just ran into a fucking door. Very suave, Edward.

Fuck, that hurt. A lot. Squeezing my eyes shut, I pinched the bridge of my nose and gritted my teeth against the pain, hoping I wasn't bleeding all over the place. I froze when I heard a voice. Her voice.

"Sir, I am so, so sorry, I didn't see you there…" she trailed off.

My eyes snapped open in time to see her looking up at me. Big, brown eyes with specks of gold at the irises blinked at me in surprise. Brown wasn't even a good description for the warm, deep color of her eyes. It was a color that could only be found in nature, so many earthen shades blending together to create a vivid, beautiful, living effect. Her lips parted slightly as she sucked in a small breath, my gaze drawn to them as I fought the image that sprang to mind. Literally. I tore my eyes from her lips and opened my mouth, hoping my subconscious mental filter was working.

"Maybe you could show me where the restroom is," I stated. Stated! Like it was a fucking command.

She probably thought I was propositioning her! Not that I'd mind if she took me up on it…

"Huh?" she said, blinking a few times before straightening up and giving her head the tiniest shake. I felt a smile begin to tug at the corner of my lips as I startled her from her thoughts. I wondered if she felt the same insane attraction. I let my hand drop from my nose, satisfied I wasn't bleeding, and tried to sound less sleazy when I repeated my request.

"Can you show me where the restroom is?" I asked this time, letting the smile free, sounding much less like I wanted to take her back to the bathroom, to pin her against the wall and pull her hips against me while I dug my fingers into that nearly perfect behind…

"Oh, yes!" she stammered, and I instantly felt awful for thinking that way about her. She suddenly looked so young; pink slowly spreading across her cheekbones as she pointed to the restroom, subtly shifting her weight from foot to foot. I wondered if she'd blush like that everywhere. I guess that guilt didn't last long. "Again, let me apologize. I'll get my manager to see if there's any way I - uh, we can make it up to you."

Did I imagine that slip? I must be projecting my gutter mind onto her.

"No need," I said, rubbing the bridge of my nose to test the injury. "I think it was my pride injured more than anything else. No harm, no foul." I didn't know what else to say. I was afraid of making even more a fool out of myself. I settled for smiling at her, feeling the awkwardness creep in as neither one of us spoke for a moment.

It was a charged moment, and I wanted to keep talking to her. But she was working, and I had to get back to the table before my family came looking for me and caused me more embarrassment. I noticed the name tag riding just underneath her exposed collarbone. Bella… her name was perfect. All soft sounds and written curves… I wanted to see if the thin skin stretched across the delicate bone was as soft as it looked. She was tiny, slight, but perfectly curvy and soft looking… I tried to reel in my wayward thoughts.

"Just be careful, Bella," I said, noticing her blush was beginning to fade. I wanted to see if I could put it back. "We wouldn't want you to really hurt someone with that meat filled weapon you have there." I couldn't keep the grin off my lips when her mouth dropped open slightly at my comment. I decided to leave before I said something even worse. I held her gaze as I walked past, wishing I could spend more time with her.

I looked around the crowded dining room as I made my way back to the table, but I didn't catch sight of her.

"What took you so long, Edward?" Jasper asked slyly, leaning back in his seat.

Emmett, in contrast, leaned forward over the mountain of meat gracing his plate, planting his elbows on the table.

"Did you fall in? he joked. Jasper snickered behind his napkin.

"I got lost," I deadpanned, shrugging. Alice gasped and my eyes shot to her as she winked at Rose.

"I bet he was talking to that waitress," she said, grinning rather proudly at the rest of the table. I didn't know why she was so smug. It wasn't like she'd introduced us.

"Did you get her number, Edward?" Rose asked, trying to steal a piece of meat from Emmett's plate. He slapped her hand, knocking the slice from her tongs. It landed on the tablecloth with a splat. Emmett immediately picked it up with his fingers and shoved it in his mouth, all of us staring at him in disgust.

"What?" he said when he finished chewing. "That was the picanha! You don't waste the picanha.

I held up my hands in acknowledgement. He was right.

"We've got to come here more often – like every week!" Emmett exclaimed. "Seriously, this is heaven. I just turn over this disc, and people keep bringing me meat– " he paused in amazement "–all the meat in the world – and they can't kick me out. Sweet! It could only be better if the dudes bringing me the meat were actually chicks in bikinis..."

The others and I laughed as Rose smacked him on the back of the head, but he was unfazed. He'd always had a hard head.

"Emmett, you can't keep eating all night. Remember when we brought you here for your birthday and you had to wear your 'Thanksgiving Pants' for three days? You kept complaining about having the 'meat sweats' and Rose swears your hair smelled like steak for a month afterward," I said.

"Screw the 'meat sweats,' this is worth it," he mumbled around his mouthful of half-chewed steak. Sometimes he had the manners of a gorilla. I started to keep goading him, but then I noticed her – Bella – walking up behind him. She hadn't seen me yet, as she was distracted by Emmett's not-so-inside voice. I felt it again, that excitement, the charge, when she finally met my eyes for a second, unable to hide the slight widening of her beautiful eyes as she recognized me. I let my lips curve up at the sight of her as she quickly looked at everyone else, avoiding making eye contact with me again. I wanted her undivided attention, but she spoke before I could think of a way to get it.

"Excuse me, Ladies, would you like to try some Brazilian sausage?" she asked, holding up the large knife staked with meat. Never one to let grass grow under his feet, Emmett barged ahead like Borat in an antique shop.

I'm spending too much time with Emmett. Now I'm comparing him to a fake, anti-Semitic Kazakh journalist who is played by an actor that is actually a British Jew. I can nearly smell the irony. Unless Emmett has indigestion already… and that's fucking disgusting.

"I'll take yours, Rose. You know you don't need any Brazilian sausage when you can have mine anytime you want." He leered at Rose as he said it, earning himself another slap.

The others laughed, but I still couldn't take my eyes off of Bella.

"No, thank you," Alice said. I could see her out of the corner of my eye, her smug smile still gracing her lips as she conspicuously looked between Bella's face and mine. Rosalie shook her head, giving Emmett the Your Balls are in Serious Danger Death Glare. I was glad I wasn't looking directly at her. Parts of my body tried to retreat into themselves when Rosalie handed out any form of the Death Glare.

"Gentlemen, would you like to try some?" Bella asked, finally meeting my eyes. The deep, rich color drew me in, wrapping tendrils of static-like charge around my body, tying me to her across the short distance.

Of course, the spell was broken when Emmett was the first to speak up again. "Those two don't want any," he said, pointing at Jasper and me. "I, however, am very confident in my sexuality and have no problem eating gigantic amounts of sausage." He grabbed the sausage from her, startling her as he slid it onto his plate and slapped the empty skewer back into her hand. She looked so confused, the pink tinge once again staining her cheeks. I chuckled as Emmett tossed a whole sausage into his mouth and her eyebrows shot up nearly into her hairline.

She bit her lip, likely to keep from making a rude observation about my brother's eating habits. I tensed, watching as her teeth dented the soft flesh. I wanted to do the same thing. Repeatedly.

"Well," she began, her voice slightly hoarse, "Excuse me please; enjoy the rest of your dinner." I couldn't just let her leave without attempting to get her to come back to our table. I had no idea why I kept doing this to myself. I obviously made her nervous, but I couldn't seem to stop trying to engage her.

"Wait! Miss –"

"Yes, what can I do t-for you?" That was definitely a slip!

"Can I request more of the picanha? It was wonderful," I said lamely. I couldn't hold back my smirk, but it was directed more at myself for my idiotic attempt at flirtation.

"Um, sure. I'll see what I can do about that," she said, her voice pitched a little higher. She flashed a quick but breathtaking smile at me before she turned and hurried off. I kept staring after she was long gone. Her smile had transformed her whole face, achieving the impossible and making her even more beautiful. I noticed the table had fallen silent and four pairs of speculative eyes were trained right on me. I cleared my throat uncomfortably and shoved a chunk of steak in my mouth so I wouldn't have to speak.

"You are gonna get her number, aren't you?" Jasper prodded. I pointed to my full mouth, obviously indicating that I wouldn't be able to answer for some time. I didn't eat like a fucking gorilla, unlike someone else at the table.

Emmett snorted. "Whatever, E. At least you asked for the good shit. If you wanna be a pussy and let the little Gaucho girl slip away, go ahead. I'm so damn disappointed in you," he sighed, shaking his head. "I don't get it. You can tell if someone needs a bone marrow transplant, but you can't close the deal with a chick."

"Shut it, Emmett," I warned.

"Leave him alone, guys," Alice commanded. "He'll do it." She fucking winked at me. How the hell did she know what I was going to do, even when I hadn't decided?

A new Gaucho came by with fresh picanha. Bella hadn't come back. Disappointment flashed through me as I watched Emmett beg for the entire skewer. What if she didn't come back? I sighed, trying not to let my disappointment show, as an Asian woman of average height came up to our table. She was attractive, in a wholesome way, with her delicate glasses perched upon her small nose. But she wasn't the woman I wanted to see.

"How is everything this evening? My name is Angela; I'm the manager on duty," she said. "I hear there was an accident tonight." She looked at me closely as she made her way around the table, causing me to reflexively rub my nose.

"What accident?" Alice asked. "You didn't tell us about any accident." She grinned at me. No worry or concern for her brother, just enjoyment that I might have been injured. I tried to be irritated, but I couldn't blame her. It was how my crazy family showed affection.

"I ran into the kitchen door when Bella was coming out to serve," I mumbled.

"Who's Bella?" Jasper teased, winking at Alice, whose grin was growing wider by the second.

"I bet it's the waitress, the Gaucho," Alice said excitedly. "And just how do you know her name, Edward?" I fought the urge to roll my eyes; instead, I shoved my fingers through my hair before answering.

"It was right there on her name tag," I explained, my tone conveying that I thought they were all giant morons for not noticing.

"I knew she had to be talking about you the minute I saw that hair," Angela chuckled. I yanked my hand out of my hair self-consciously as she watched me. "It's definitely sex hair." The rest of the table broke out in raucous laughter. I couldn't help the way my hair looked; it did what it wanted. Heat prickled my cheeks and neck, bringing a flush to my face. She called me 'Sex Hair'? That's a good thing, right?

"Can't be 'Sex Hair,'" Emmett chortled. "That implies our boy here gets some on a regular basis." He guffawed at his own joke and then suddenly grimaced as he grabbed his stomach in pain. "No more laughing," he groaned to himself. "It upsets the meat." He leaned forward and the light from above caught the fine mist of sweat beaded on his brow.

"He really does have the meat sweats, Alice. Look." I pointed to Emmett's forehead and laughed, hopefully transferring all the ridicule to my gluttonous brother.

"I do not, Edward. Last time I ate two more plates before I started getting sweaty," he defended. The manager, Angela, was openly staring at him, amazement plain on her face.

"You're not going to kick us out, are you?" Jasper joked. "I promise, I keep trying to turn over his disc, but he always catches me."

"That's because I'm not done yet, you freakin' girl. I think Alice ate more than you!" he shot back.

"No, we're not going to kick anyone out. You eat whatever you want," Angela said with an amused smile on her face, effectively breaking up the brewing insult match. She turned to me. "Are you sure you're all right, sir? What can we do to make this right for you this evening?"

"I promise, I'm fine. No need for reparations."

"You could give him that girl's phone number," Rose suggested flippantly. I scowled at her, my annoyance only mitigated by the fact that she would eventually have to share a confined space with Emmett tonight. I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy.

"Sorry, Sir, but I'm afraid if you want Bella's number, you'll have to get it yourself," she said with a smile and leaned a little closer to me to whisper, "She's working the bar. She wouldn't turn you down."

I didn't even bother to fight the urge to grin this time. Bella won't turn me down…

But… she's a bartender? I wasn't sure how I felt about that, but I wasn't going to let it ruin my chances with this girl. It wasn't likely to work out anyway, but I'd never felt a connection this strong so fast before. I had to give it a shot. Emmett's megaphone-volume voice broke me out of my thoughts.

"Can you send some more picanha over here?" Emmett wheedled as Angela straightened to leave. "Please? I'm a growing boy." She laughed and nodded as she headed away from our table.

"Jesus Meat-Eating Christ, Emmett. Glutton much?" Jasper laughed.

"Yeah, where's Kevin Spacey when you need him?" I muttered.

"What the hell are you talking about, E?" Emmett asked, polishing off the remaining meat on his plate, as another Gaucho came up to carve more. He busied himself by gripping slice after slice of beef with the tiny tongs. I felt sorry for the poor Gaucho, who was looking like his arm was getting tired from slicing.

"Come on, Emmett. Remember John Doe?" He shook his head. "The serial killer?" He stuffed more steak into his mouth and shook his head again, reminding me of a huge, cannibalistic cow, as he chewed slowly in a circular motion. For fuck's sake, he was still taking slices with one hand as he ate with the other. "From Seven? Ring a bell?"

"Oh, yeah!" He exclaimed, swallowing. "The dude that cut off his own fingerprints." Then he realized what Jasper and I were insinuating. "Hey, none of you better kick me in the gut tonight. I'll haunt you forever," he threatened. Finally satisfied with the pile of cow on his plate, he waved the Gaucho away. Alice waved him over to her side as I looked at her questioningly.

"I've got a hollow leg. I did eat more than Jasper," Alice bragged, picking up the sliced steak with her tongs.

"She can out drink you all too," Rose said, looking a bit green. "I'm still a little queasy from last weekend when you dragged me out for a little 'girl time,' Alice."

"Oh, come on, Rose! It was just a few drinks!"

I sat back, ever the observer, keeping the small smile plastered on my face as they bantered. I didn't mind them talking about their wild nights at all, but eventually one of them would remember why I never participated (except for designated driver duty) and begin to feel guilty.

"Yeah, Alice! A few drinks at five different bars! I still have some absolutely huge healing bruises that I can't remember getting!"

"It probably wasn't a great idea to climb the fence to that pool at three in the morning," Alice conceded.

"Ya think?" Rose snapped. Alice shrugged and laughed.

"It was a heated pool! My feet were cold."

"I like it when Alice gets you drunk, babe," Emmett said, waggling his eyebrows. Rose raised her hand, leaving it poised for a slap. Emmett cowered away and kept his mouth shut.

Smart man.

I was just about to excuse myself when Angela came back, carrying a tray full of drinks.

"On the house, my friends," she announced, passing out glasses to everyone at the table. "This is the house cocktail, the caipirinha. It's made with authentic Brazilian rum, or cachaça, limes, and a bit of sugar." I kept my hands in my lap as she set the glass in front of me. I would be a liar if I said I wasn't tempted, even after seven years of sobriety. I imagined alcohol would always have some kind of pull over me, but I valued my calm, practical life much more than I craved a drink. Down that road was disaster, and I knew from experience.

I smiled as everyone sampled the cocktail, hoping Angela wouldn't notice I didn't touch mine and question me for not imbibing. I could always give the standard designated driver excuse, but constantly having to give reasons for not drinking was getting old.

"As much as I'd love to tie one on right now," Emmett started, "I have to save all the stomach room possible for my lovelies, here." He gestured to his full plate and shrugged, causing Angela to laugh. Jasper moved Emmett's caipirinha closer to his own plate, and Alice promptly swiped it from him.

"Don't want you having performance issues later tonight," she quipped.

"What about you, short-stuff?" Jasper asked, looking extremely offended at the insult to his manly prowess. She patted him on the cheek gently.

"Honey, did Rose and I not just have a discussion about how well I hold my liquor?" she asked sweetly.

I stood up and grabbed the drink, drawing everyone's attention at my abrupt movement. I simply couldn't wait any more, and taking the drink back was the perfect excuse to speak to her. I didn't even stop to think about why I wanted to see her again so badly; I just did. I wanted to hear her laugh and see her smile again, for more than a fleeting second. I wanted to see her eyes up close again, and maybe I could pick out the dominant color. I wanted to watch her lips form words, the movements fluid and elegant… and that's where those thoughts have to stop if I'm going to be walking across the restaurant.

"I'm just taking it back, guys." They all looked at me skeptically, even after all these years. They trusted me, for the most part, but even I knew there was no cure for the disease. I didn't fault them for worrying. "Someone want to be my escort?" I sighed, getting a little tired of their staring. No one answered, so I turned and left, making my way to the bar. I glanced at the alcohol in my hand, and the glass almost burned my fingertips. I determinedly ignored the sensation.

As I got closer, I could see her wiping down the shiny wooden surface with a cloth, her back turned to me as I approached. Her body swayed gently with the swirling motion of the cloth; I sighed involuntarily as I thought of coming up behind her, placing my hands on her hips to still her movement as I pressed my lips to her neck…

Jesus Fucking Christ, Cullen. Tone down the inner porno reel.

I circled around to the front of the bar, standing directly in front of her.

"Hello," I said, my voice only slightly rough with nerves. I set the glass on the bar in front of me; I didn't want to touch it any more. "I didn't get a chance to introduce myself earlier. My name is Edward Cullen."

"Hi," she managed in a high-pitched voice, sticking out her hand. "Bella." I took her hand and held it in mine, not in a traditional handshake, but rather, just holding it in mine. Her hand felt so tiny in mine, the skin soft and smooth. "I really am sorry about earlier. I know one little drink isn't much, but it was made with love," she babbled, her voice returning to what I assumed was normal. I grinned at her words and the way her eyes widened as color leapt to her cheeks. My hand tightened on hers minutely, and I fought the urge to run my thumb over the back of her hand. I loved watching the heat color her cheeks. I decided right there that I'd try to keep it there all the time.

"I think we're way past the handshake, Bella," I told her as I released her hand. I could still feel the sensation of her soft, warm palm against mine. I pressed my hand into the denim at my thigh to hold in her warmth. "I think when you've nearly smashed someone's nose into their brain, you can skip the formalities." She visibly paled, her eyebrows shooting upward in panic. She looked genuinely worried about me.

I liked it.

"What? I thought you said you were okay! I'm so, so sorry –"

"No, no I'm fine," I interrupted, feeling a little bit guilty now. I smiled at her, enjoying the way she relaxed in response. "It's just so fun to tease you – I get such a nice reaction. I haven't been able to make my little sister blush like that since we were thirteen or fourteen," I chuckled. I looked down for a second as she wrung her hands together, catching sight of the drink in front of me. The last thing I needed to see while I was talking to this beautiful woman was a reminder of just how much I didn't deserve someone like her. I sucked in a breath and forged ahead, determined to forget my pessimistic thoughts.

"I just wanted to thank you for the drinks. My friends are really enjoying them. Although Emmett – that's the big eater – refuses to drink it because that would be taking stomach space away from the meat." She gave a cute little laugh at my comment, showing me her amazing smile. She leaned on the bar, bracing her hands on the shiny wood. I set my hands on the bar after I pulled up a low-backed stool, my fingers inches from hers. I wanted to brush my fingers across hers and watch the color fill her cheeks.

"You're very welcome. It's the least I could do, considering I almost broke your nose," she laughed. "So, are you and your friends here celebrating anything special? If you'd like to embarrass one of them, I can get the Gauchos to sing." She started to wipe down the bar again nervously as I laughed, picking up the drink and setting it perfectly centered on a cocktail napkin.

"Actually, we're here celebrating an engagement. Emmett, my brother, and Rosalie, the blonde. And nothing embarrasses Emmett. He'd probably join in, with his own very dirty lyrics," I said, picking up a spare napkin and trying not to mangle it in front of her. At least she laughed at my lame jokes. That was something. She seemed to be pulling the words out of me, but I had no idea what she thought of them. I didn't like the feeling.

"That's probably not a very good idea then. Some of the Gauchos don't know English very well and would probably think it was just a new version they were supposed to sing." A server came up with a drink order as she finished and she turned to take the slip of paper. "Excuse me for a moment, Edward."

"Of course," I said, watching as she turned to fill the order. Quickly pulling a pen from the cup at the backstop of the bar, I scribbled my number on the cocktail napkin that held my drink. I smirked as I signed it with the nickname she'd given me.

Way to be a pussy and put the ball in her court, moron. You don't even have the guts to ask for her number?

She'll call… and if she doesn't, I'll just come back here and harass her until she does…

When I finished, I quietly put the pen back into the cup, watching her as she worked. I let my eyes trail down from the shiny dark hair held back at the nape of her slender neck, taking in the slope of her shoulders and the gentle arc of her waist.

My eyes drifted down past her hips and didn't move any further as she bent over to toss something in the trash. The black fabric of her pants stretched tautly over the rounded curves of her ass and my mouth watered a little bit. She turned quickly and I gulped, knowing she'd caught me looking. I was a bit embarrassed at being caught while ogling her behind, but at least now she'd know I was interested in her. If she hadn't caught on already… Damn it! Why am I suddenly second-guessing myself? I'd forgotten how hard it was to talk to women when I actually cared what they thought of me. I realized I'd been staring at her like an idiot for a few seconds, so I pasted my disarming smile on my face and leaned forward on the bar, propping my chin in my hand.

"So what do you do when you're not bar tending or smashing poor unsuspecting men with doors?" I teased her, earning an adorable scowl before she rolled her eyes at me. I was a sick, sick man if I enjoyed being scowled at.

I began to wonder if I'd enjoy any expression, as long as it was on Bella's face. Then I started thinking of the expressions I'd love to see on her face… expressions I'd love to put there. Her eyes closed in bliss, lips shiny and pink after I kissed her; her deep eyes bright and gleaming with genuine, uncontrollable laughter.

Her eyes half closed, staring up at me, her lip caught between her teeth as I fucked her…

And the porno in my head is back. She'd run away screaming if she knew how I was picturing her. I noticed she'd begun to speak and I focused my attention on her and away from my pornographic thoughts.

"… graduate student at U of W here in Seattle. I actually just took my last final today. My degree will be in English Literature. I want to be a writer, but most everyone I know seems to think that it might not pay the bills. So here I am, slaving away making drinks every night." I laughed as her shoulders slumped dramatically, huffing out a heavy sigh before continuing. "What about you, what do you do, when you're not being assaulted by clumsy restaurant staff and watching as your friends consume ungodly amounts of meat?"

I told her about the residency I'd just finished, and my decision to specialize in Hem/Onc. I'd just accepted a fellowship at UWMC and would begin working in-depth in the BMT unit. I was surprised at her perceptiveness – she understood how I felt about my career. I knew it was probably somewhat less than PC to care, but I was proud that she found my job impressive.

I watched her carefully as we spoke, cataloging as much about her as I could. She had a little habit of reaching up to tuck her hair behind her ear, as though she usually wore her hair down and did it often. I found myself nearly hanging on her every word, trying my hardest not to look like a complete creeper or a stupid seventeen year-old. Never mind that other parts of me are pretty disappointed that I won't give in to their adolescent tendencies around Bella.

It was then I noticed she was dressed differently than the other employees. The low V of her black sweater reached just between her breasts, but she wore a white shirt with a higher neckline underneath. Alice would have had a special name for it. I didn't care. While the sweater alone would have been unbelievable, she was even more appealing with her modesty. I appreciated the fact that she left something to the imagination, that she gave me the opportunity to observe and infer.

She had the most beautiful smile, eyes, hair… among other things. I didn't want to ever leave the restaurant as long as she was there, and I found myself dreading the moment my siblings and their better halves would come up to the bar to get me.

I was, at root, a scientist. I loved to observe; especially when I was observing someone as… appealing as Bella. She drew me in without effort and made me laugh (in spite of the 'Door Incident'). How did I get so lucky?

That was the thought that gave me pause. I didn't really consider myself to have a right to be lucky. She seemed to notice my shift in mood right away, making a joke to distract me. She gave me backhanded compliments, like her cheeky comment on my physical appeal to gay men.

It was something my family always did for me when they noticed my moods. They either made jokes or told me baldly to snap the fuck out of it. The latter method was a favorite of Emmett's. Again, the thought of luck came to mind, and I didn't question it this time. I wanted Bella to know I was interested. I tried to ignore the awful Rod Stewart song that ran through my head.

"Why, Bella, are you trying to say you find me attractive? And to think, you almost maimed me today."

Oh, Fuck. Did I just wink at her? Who am I, some kind of frat-boy douche bag with three popped collars? Wait a minute; it looks like she liked that…

"No, I'm saying your delirious, drugged and sick patients find you attractive," she retorted, softening her words with a smile.

"You wound me," I groaned, leaning back in my seat like I'd been shot. Hello? Cullen? 1815 Regency London called; it wants its witty banter back.

Wait; she likes that, too? I'm not even at the top of my game and she looks interested.

"Sorry, I call 'em like I see 'em. Someone with your looks needs to be taken down a peg every once in a while," she said, her tone matter-of-fact, reminding me of a prissy school teacher. I had to restrain my thoughts from taking a swan dive into the gutter before I could speak again.

"Careful, Bella. Any more of those backhanded compliments and I might actually think you really do find me attractive." We grinned stupidly at one another, until I noticed her gaze shift to just beyond my shoulder. I knew my family was coming up behind me. I was almost pissed at them for not taking any longer. Surely, Emmett had room for one more plate of food.

I knew Emmett was coming first, because I could see the liquid in my glass vibrate with his footsteps. I could feel the embarrassment approaching. It was almost like the scene in Jurassic Park where the T. rex is coming, but you can't see it. You just know it's coming, because the water in the damn glass is shaking.

"E, man, we gotta get going. I need my stretchy pants! Let's roll!" he said loudly, coming up so close my eardrums cringed in pain. "Hey, Gaucho Girl, whatcha doing behind the bar?" he asked, giving her his trademark dimples.

I felt a stab of jealousy when she laughed at his comment, even though I knew he was just being friendly. I wanted to be the only one to make her laugh like that.

"Actually, I'm the bartender here. I was just helping out because we were short a couple Gauchos tonight," she explained.

I sighed and stood up, raking my hand through my hair. I couldn't help but notice that Bella's eyes followed my every move. I continued to watch her as well, until I couldn't ignore my family any more.

I made the introductions and hoped my family would behave. I was sure she already thought we were a weird bunch. I had enough things against me without adding in my siblings and their annoying qualities.

Alice gave a little wave as she wobbled slightly, using Jasper as a stabilizer. "Thanks for those drinks, Bella. Very tasty," she said with a grin.

It looks like Alice's hollow leg has reached its capacity. Those must have been some strong drinks. Good thing I hadn't known about cachaça back when I was drinking. I might have ended up in a ditch somewhere south of Tiujana as a teenager.

"Yes, thanks for those drinks, it makes it that much easier for us to take advantage of our women," Emmett had no sense of self-preservation. I saw Rosalie's face form the beginnings of an epic Death Glare.

"Just ignore him, that's what I do," I said, elbowing Emmett in the gut. He backed off just in time and I only glanced off him. That was probably for the best, because I didn't want him to vomit all over the newly cleaned bar.

"Hey, watch it, there's precious cargo in there!" he shouted. "I hate to pull you away from your precious moments here, but I've got to get on a plane early tomorrow morning. And you all know that Rosie ain't happy if she doesn't get some good lovin' before we go to bed." Rosalie's Death Glare was in full fury as she whipped her hand out at light speed and smacked him, her hand already returned to the starting position before Emmett could even yelp.

"I need bleach for my ears," Alice growled under her breath. I shuddered at the mental image Emmett's comment invoked. Can I be next in line for that bleach, please? I barely paid attention to them as Alice made some kind of excuse to leave us alone for a few more minutes.

Did I mention that Alice is my favorite sibling, despite her dictator tendencies and creepy intuition?

"It was nice running into you, Bella." Jesus glue-sniffing Christ! How original. I need to take this act on the road so I can be pelted with rotting vegetables.

"Ha ha. It was nice to meet you, too. Maybe I'll see you here again sometime?" she asked.

God, I hope so. Call me. Tonight.

"I think you might," I said, grinning stupidly at her. "I guess I'd better get them home. They'll kill me if we're still in the car when Emmett starts digesting all that meat."

Nice. Make another crude fart joke, why don't you? That always brings the women running, asshole.

"Ugh. Thanks for that, Edward. I might have nightmares tonight." She made a face, trying not to laugh at my crude joke. I appreciated her sense of humor even more every second I spent with her.

"We wouldn't want that. Forget I said anything. You can remember smashing me in the face with that door if it helps."

"Oh, yes, that's much more pleasant," she joked. I hoped she was joking, anyway. I figured I'd really better get going, before I said something so embarrassing she'd throw my number away without thinking twice.

"Sweet dreams, Bella. I'll see you around," I said, hoping to God it was true. I didn't want to just leave. I wanted to pull her to me over the bar and kiss the daylights out of her. Hell, I wanted to throw her over my shoulder and take her back to my bed, relatives be damned. They could walk home. They needed to burn off the calories.

I could think of a much better way to get exercise…

"Bye," she whispered, raising her hand in a little wave. I slowly turned and made my way to the exit, feeling like I was walking through soft sand the whole way.

Damn it, I should have gotten her number. What if she doesn't call?

As much as I told myself I'd leave her alone if she didn't, told myself I should leave her alone anyway, I knew I wouldn't. I'd be back. I'd sit at that bar in front of her until she agreed to give me a shot.

For the first time in my life, I had a healthy reason to sit in front of a bar.

A/N: Disappointed that "The Boys" don't talk? He's pervy enough on his own, don't you think? Two nutbags does not a sane person make...

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