CHAPTER ONE:
Guy Rule #1: Do not be complicated. Be simple. Because honestly, we guys are not complicated; despite the complaints you might hear from girls, saying we are. In fact, they are the complicated ones, the ones with problems. Girls tend to make lists for about, well everything, and if something does not go their way, they throw a hissy fit. Honestly, do you think WE, the men of society, walk around throwing hissy fits? No sir. Guys do not organize, or plan things out. We just act impulsively; listen to our first instincts and just go with it. After all, if you don't have any high expectations to live up to, then you can never be disappointed. It doesn't get much simpler than that.
I know I probably shouldn't be telling you guys these things; after all, right after Guy Rule #1 is Guy Rule #2, and that is to never reveal the contents of any guy rules. Well, I'll have you know that if I get stripped of my manhood for breaking this sacred and honored tradition; it's going on your conscience. And when I'm stuck between a woman and man, with half a mustache and one boob or something, I'll gladly haunt you forever. Like a ghost, or something of that sort.
Well for starters, my names Tripp. Short for Tripper Rafael Daniel Evan Charles the fourth, but please, forget that horribly long name I just told you. I mean, leave it to my parents to give me the longest name, in the history of like, ever. I mean for God sake, it doesn't even fit on the top of those standardized tests we have to take every year in school; the ones that me and the majority of the guy population bomb, with ease of course. I mean, how do you score high on those, anyways? It's not like the teachers review in class, not that I can say I would pay attention even if we did review, but honestly, it still could help SOME guys. Not speaking for myself, obviously.
As much as I want to say I'm the almighty God of the Guy Rules, I'm not. See the rules that are stated; they apply for the majority of the man population. Only the weird, feminine guys are the ones who these commandments do not apply to. Well, actually I guess that's not fair to say. Like a good ninety seven percent of the man population in the world can be summarized by these rules, but there's that funky group of little three percenters, who don't. They ruin everything, and just suck in general. No, I'm not going to be 'sensitive' towards them, so don't even bother.
Yes, I know I'm not 'open-minded'. Apparently that's why Natalie broke up with me, because I was never mature enough to weigh all opinions evenly, or something like that. Well, that my friend, is exactly why I am about to come up with a resolution. Not a New Year's Resolution (although that would be pretty useful if we were around New Years), but a resolution to make me a better person, and to win her back. I know, it sounds stupid, like a Legally Blonde remake or something.
But when I do it, once I have Natalie back again, it'll all be worth it. I mean, cancelling out the fact I'll be demined to a social failure, and a loser at that. Okay, so Guy Rule #1 is kind of contradicts itself. Yes, guys are a lot simpler than girls, but it honestly depends on what situation you're in.
Don't you dare tell anyone I told you that, or on top of my social crisis, I'll have a first class ticket to Guy hell. That's as bad as it gets.