Secrets inched through Keterburg as often as snow fell, and Jade intended to bring another one into town.
The laboratory he found wasn't fancy, just a one-story shack in the outskirts. Jade liked that about it, so he renovated it with research equipment. He wouldn't be using it for long- he could ignore any misgivings he had about its quality. It would serve well for fomicry research. He hoped introducing the mechanics of replication to the public would help them understand the injustice they were shoving upon replicas. It was the first research he had carried out for the good of others, giving him the sense of crossing unfamiliar turf. But he had nothing better to do, and watching Luke die only made him more determined.
Jade reached the shack and shook snow off his boots, leaving muddy white trails on the wooden porch. The box in his arms writhed and squeaked. He opened the door to see his research partner perched on the edge of a desk.
Unrecognizable from his childhood days, Dist had short white hair and a lanky figure. Seeing him flared a rare excitement in Jade's chest, probably because his reaction to being teased was the most rewarding. Jade had no idea why he had stuck around someone so pathetic, but he always had a horrible sneaking suspicion it was more than a need for fon machines.
"Hello, Dist the Runny."
"It's Rose," said Dist, skipping over his usual emphatic denial.
Jade sighed. "Why didn't I return to the military?"
Even that didn't get a rise out of him. Something was up.
It probably didn't matter.
"Well, are you ready?" Jade asked.
"Of course. But I've been wondering, why are we creating new replicas this way?" Dist asked. "It's not like the world needs more of them. The prejudice will only spread farther."
"There will always be people who don't understand that. We can't risk too many originals dying after their replica data is extracted. Future replications could avoid that."
They crossed the hall without speaking. Working with someone for the first time in years would normally bombard someone with nostalgia, but it only felt strange to Jade, as they had been enemies before this. No one else possessed the skills he needed. They were stuck together.
The lab room had been a pain to remodel, with all the furniture previously occupying it. It wasn't in the best state of repair, either; boards clumsily masked holes in the walls, and ceiling lights flickered, slashing bright streaks against Jade's vision. He separated the cheagles, placing the yellow one in the fon machine Dist built yesterday.
Using the full body of an organism to create a replica instead of replica data would hopefully create a more wholesome replica. Replicas were unstable of late, bursting into seventh fonons at their moment of death instead of leaving behind a corpse. Odds were the experiment would fail on the first try, but every failure eliminated another slice of the impossible.
A frantic "mieu" escaped the cheagle's mouth. It pawed the glass wall, tried to scramble up, and fell in a pathetic yellow and white heap.
Dist glared at it. "I wish we had taped its mouth shut."
"Yes. It would make a nice dog-whistle," Jade agreed, though he had a feeling his companion worried more about the experiment's humane issues than he did.
He pulled the machine's switch. A flash stained the air, a sign of good circuitry. Minutes later, it cleared, and the cheagle lay motionless.
Jade forced a smile on his face, which had become harder since losing Luke. "A noble sacrifice. Let's examine the technicalities and see where it went wrong."
"Why did you want to do this in the first place?" Dist said.
That was just him, knowing how to pull things out of the blue. "The fomicry research? I didn't think you were this dense. Fomicry results in a better understanding of replicas."
"You know what I mean!" snapped Dist. "It wasn't that long ago, you know, you trying to kill me because I wanted to do just this, because I wanted to bring Professor Nebilim back, and now you turn completely around and-"
Jade lifted a hand. "It doesn't concern you."
"It does. It completely does! You tried to kill me, or is that not clear, you ignorant savage? And you think you can come crawling back like everything's fine and enlist my help."
"First of all, I'm not the one who came 'crawling back'," said Jade. "You answered my offer right away. And don't try putting the blame on me. You fought me willingly- you came after me first."
"A fight to the death wasn't what I wanted," Dist choked out.
"It never crossed your mind that things could come to that? It was as much as you deserved for going along with Vandesdelca's plan."
"I could say the same about you! Going against me with such small odds of succeeding, odds you managed to get past with sheer dumb luck, and following that brat Luke around-"
"You don't know anything." An edge slipped into Jade's voice. How lowly of Dist, playing Luke's situation as one of the only cards that could make him angry, second to Nebilim. He didn't notice the ploy until a second too late, but his temper faded quickly.
Dist opened his mouth again, but Jade cut in, "Why are you here, is what you should be asking."
"You don't understand why I wanted to bring Professor Nebilim back, do you?" he asked.
"What does this have to do with-"
"I thought it would bring the real you back, Jade," said Dist. "You never really smiled or anything after she died, it was all this fake mask...I just...I wanted things to be like they used to. Now they never will."
"Let me guess, you came to rub that in my face?" asked Jade.
"Exactly." Dist turned away, but not before Jade noticed the gleam in his eye. The one look he had never been able to read.
Dist was acting strange, more reserved; usually these wandering tangents included chair-kicking and screaming. Intuition is a strange thing, Jade mused. It led him to suspect Anise, and acting on it could have saved Ion's life. What good could ignoring it now do?
Until night arrived, he kept his distance. Always one to tire early, Dist fell asleep in what used to be some poor man's bedroom- the last room in the hall. As soon as he could hear snoring, Jade rose from his own bed and crept to the drawer where Dist kept his belongings.
Thin white curtains billowed over a window, accompanied by the nails-on-chalkboard sound of a tree branch scraping the building. Still, the snoring continued. No surprise- it took only being stabbed in the foot to wake Dist; that wasn't an exaggeration, as it had happened in the Keterburg Hotel. That was the most violent interrogation Jade ever administered, but it hadn't gotten the message across that the rivalry between the two of them was serious. What kind of delusions overtook Dist's mind?
Jade was about to find out.
He dug the rose-patterned revenge journal out from under a stack of clothes and turned pages until he found a recent date.
Rem Decan
Sylphday
Not Kaiser Dist RX! Not my most prized invention!
I don't believe that bastard Jade and his gang, always destroying every beautifully designed Kaiser Dist that I send into battle. Do they know how long it took the first time to get out of the damn ocean? And the nerve of that brat Luke, blowing up my machine with his stupid artes. Remind me to kill him as soon as I regain control of my half-burnt leg.
Rem Decan
Something like Remday
I know what I said about Jade before, but...I love his eyes. I remember the day he turned them red. I should have known what he was going to do as soon as he walked to our favorite secluded experimenting spot, pushing me into the snow and telling me to stay behind, after Professor Nebilim's lesson explaining that the greatest fonic concentration was in the eyes. I was furious with myself for not realizing what he was about to do until he purchased glasses to work as fonic limiters, but after the first few weeks, I got used to the fiery hue. Red is, in fact, the color of roses, and I don't care how many people say they're "fit for such a devil child", there's something in them that brings me back to the old days. I could never tell him that.
Dear Lorelei, what am I doing? This is supposed to be a revenge journal.
Rem Decan
Lunaday
I'm glad Largo isn't still alive, putting that blade of his around my neck when I simply pointed out that what happened to Arietta would happen anyway. Otherwise he may as well have decapitated me. I'm the only surviving God-General, and there's no time to show up to aid Van. It wouldn't be in my interest, anyway, I'm just here biding my time and waiting to heal, and maybe show Jade what I can really do.
Rem Decan
Ifritday
I DON'T UNDERSTAND ABOUT JADE HALF THE TIME I WANT TO KISS HIM AND AT THE SAME TIME PUNCH HIM IN THE FACE WHICH MAKES ME WANT TO PUNCH HIM IN THE FACE MORE WHY DO I HAVE TO GO THROUGH THIS? That bastard tried to kill me, I may as well do the same, but I don't know if I can.
Was that a typo? Why would Dist ever think to kiss-?
Oh.
It was the most embarrassing, pathetic thing Jade had ever read- and nothing had ever made more sense. It should have been obvious. He and Dist hadn't been in close quarters until now, no wonder it was awkward for him...
Maybe the idiot didn't know what he was saying. Had he even been kissed before? Jade certainly hadn't. Relationships only got in the way.
After that disturbing entry, the recordings stopped being of interest. Jade replaced the journal, careful to smooth down the clothing atop it, and climbed back into his bed. For about an hour, his usual insomniac routine toyed with him.
Suddenly, the placid world he knew turned upside down with a single thought.
What he felt when they were children- had it been love? Was that why he had kept Dist around? Why he had kept him alive so long even when they were enemies? It seemed likely- and disappointing. Jade thought such cumbersome emotions couldn't reach him.
Things would be easier if he had killed Dist after all. But it wouldn't be easier on the replicas. Jade lowered his head, eyes roving the ceiling. Weariness clutched him, cold fingers of words pricking at his subconscious.
"You never really smiled or anything after she died, it was all this fake mask...I just..."
Finally he drifted off.
Last night's events rushed back in the pale morning light. Jade tried to remedy the awkwardness with ignoring that anything significant had happened. It turned out to be easier said than done. As he and his partner worked side by side, it bothered him. Was this why Dist always failed to see the obvious all the time? Was he blinded by what he felt?
"A bit slow this morning, aren't you?" he said, trying to jolt himself out of the strange mood.
"I'm not standing here and taking your insults," said Dist. "Really. I'll leave, I mean it this time."
Jade doubted that. Even almost being killed hadn't prevented his companion from returning to him. "So you don't care about the replicas? The hundreds of people who see themselves as just copies of someone else? You think they deserve to suffer and be treated as unequal?"
"And you do?"
Jade shrugged. "It would benefit the world."
"But what would I gain from it? Nothing."
"I misjudged you," Jade said. "You clearly don't want to work for the greater good anymore." He had changed during his alliance with the God-Generals, had stopped caring.
"Oh?" Dist shot back. "You're not bringing up something sentimental about Luke's memories? It isn't fair, you know. I see those sad looks when you think you're alone. I know you're thinking about Luke. How can he get emotions out of you, this boy you'd known for a year, and I've been here for almost your whole life and I get nothing but that fake smile?"
Jade glanced across the room, noticing the drawer with all its contents lying on the floor or spilling out of suitcases.
Dist was serious. He had to take action.
"That isn't true." The Necromancer's words hung in the silence, a loaded gun. Dist looked like someone had knocked into him, leaving him winded. "What...?"
Jade couldn't believe he was about to do something so unbearable, but he couldn't let Luke's life go to waste. Besides, he was curious. He could think of this as another experiment.
"I've thought about you many times," he said. "Honestly, if there's one thing I regret, it's being so harsh on you. Perhaps then you wouldn't have gone to such measures to fight me." That, at least, was truthful.
Dist shook his head. "You're lying. There's nothing- nothing in this world that can-"
"Saphir," Jade said in his gentlest voice, "come closer."
His stunned look returning, Dist took a tentative step forward. Jade bridged the gap between them, embracing him. The touch wasn't riddled with tingling or loss of breath that lovers reported, but he couldn't deny that he wanted to be here.
"Let me tell you the truth. The reason why I kept you around when we were children is because I had feelings for you." He heard a soft inhalation and felt Dist lean into his shoulder. "Don't say anything yet." He ran a hand down Dist's back, tracing his spine."I hated you for it. It made focusing on our goals harder. Once I lost Nebilim, I knew emotions like that were worthless. If everyone around you will someday die, what's the point in being so invested in them? I promised myself I would never feel anything like that again."
"You don't feel that way now?" asked Dist.
"I'm not sure."
"You do. The answer is yes, I'm sure." Dist wrapped his arms around Jade's waist, resting his head beneath his chin.
Was this another pleasant dream that became a nightmare in waking life? Dist had envisioned this scenario a million times, sometimes against his own will. He expected that if the moment ever came, his mind would devolve into chaos. Instead it remained as blank as the look on Jade's face. Right now, he didn't care. One reality seemed worth a hundred dreams, more powerful than the 2,465 times this man's name was mentioned in his revenge journal. Every fonon in his body was alive, his heart racing against the fabric of the colonel uniform.
He recognized the things Nebilim once warned him would be his downfall: inability to see things in the long run and lack of strength to walk away. The diagnosis proved correct every day, but he refused to believe it could ever corner him.
Jade's arms felt stiff around Dist, making it obvious he had never done this before, but Dist hadn't done much himself. Maybe they were the only people for each other.
Dist pulled away. "You know this isn't going to be easy, don't you?"
"Why not?" Jade's voice sounded regular, devoid of emotion.
"Until now, we were enemies."
"That's the past," said Jade.
"Do you have any idea what it's like?" said Dist. "What it's like to hate someone and love someone, to want them and at the same time be unable to stand them, to have them ignore you no matter what you do? Now try that for twenty-three years. And then they decide they're going to kill you, and when it doesn't work they act like it doesn't matter."
Hot tears coursed down Dist's cheeks, but he brushed them away. It triggered the memory of when Jade pushed him into a freezing lake when they were children. He would never forget the water's icy hands crushing down on his lungs, the chill permeating his bones. After confronting him, Dist was rewarded by being shoved into the snow and told not to complain. He could still hear his old, pathetic voice screaming for the first time, "I hate you, Jade!" Days later Jade returned calmly to his side, asking for help on building a fon machine; neither of them could stay angry for long. After that, he promised himself he would never cry in front of Jade again.
Now he had broken every last vow he had made himself, one the grand finale in a concerto of mishaps.
"I'll never have any idea. Don't you understand that?" said Jade.
"That's why. That's why it's so hard." Dist's voice broke and he tried to turn away, but Jade grabbed his shoulders and leaned close to him. "Promise me you'll never do anything like that again."
"As long as you don't team up with any deluded extremists and try to uproot Auldrant itself, I think you're fine," Jade answered.
There was no use fighting him. This time, Dist wanted him to win so he could stop taking the role of the fool. Maybe, in this gesture of equality, he could have his chance. He turned back, scraping the rims of their glasses together. Dist lowered his head, his eyelashes brushing against Jade's cheeks.
"You know I don't want this kind of life," said Jade. "The thought of the amount of saliva I'd be sharing with you is rather unappealing."
"Just once. Once in my whole life, I'll get what I want."
"Oh? Just you?" Jade asked.
Dist touched their lips together.
The colonel seemed to hesitate, then kissed him back stiffly. Dist's hands slid up to cup his face and run through his hair. His tongue explored Jade's mouth, taking in the rich flavor he had imagined for years. No victory had ever felt as satisfying as this.
He pulled back and stared into the calm eyes inches from his. Maybe if he searched hard enough, something would appear in their depths. Dist gripped his hand, cradling the rough fingers against his own.
Jade's words replayed in his head. Oh? Just you?
They finally registered.
This might be the hardest part of all, being in love and knowing he was loved at least somewhat, but neither of them would be able to express it the right way after all they had been through. He didn't need a complex equation to figure out Jade's brain chemistry, or how to get them together- there never had been an answer. Yet, he knew he couldn't run away.
He kept his voice soft and slow, not wanting the moment to end. "Dammit, Jade...why didn't you tell me earlier? We could have been together for so long."
"We're not together," said Jade firmly.
"Why? I don't know anyone in the world who wouldn't want to be with me."
"Oh, they're here in Keterburg, hiding from your blind eyes. It's just that I don't want this to be public. I don't know the truth about my feelings for you. Can we just leave it at that?"
Dist watched him closely, knowing the answer he was expecting. No. A day ago, he would have said it too. But know he knew that would mean losing Jade for good.
He took Jade's other hand. "Of course we can."