Survivor: Axis vs. Allies
(A/N: All spelling and grammar "mistakes" are done on purpose to help the characters sound more foreign. But you knew that already, right?)
16 nations are gathered on the beaches of Normandy. As they stand there, suddenly Ancient Rome appears in the sky.
"Grandpa Rome!" Italy exclaims.
"Welcome to Survivor: Axis vs. Allies!" Ancient Rome announces. "These 16 nations will be abandoned here on the beaches of Normandy, split into 2 tribes of 8. They will be forced to work together while battling each other's massive egos. They must learn to put up with each other or they will be voted out. In the end, only one will be remain to claim the ultimate prize: the greatest nation in the world! You heard of the Hundred Years' War? Well, this war will only last 39 days! That's right: 39 days, 16 nations, 1 survivor!"
The song "Marukaite Chikyuu" plays as the 16 nations in the competition are shown:
Italy
Germany
Japan
Prussia
Hungary
Austria
Switzerland
Liechtenstein
America
Canada
England
France
Russia
China
Poland
Sealand
(Note: When a character's words appear in italics, it is a confessional; this is when a character speaks directly to the camera away from all other characters, and later in the day, not actually at the time they are shown. They are edited in to give background information on what the characters are thinking.)
Chapter 1
I Used to Rule the World
Day 1
Allies Tribe
On one beach, the 8 members of the Allies Tribe are gathered: America, Canada, England, France, Russia, China, Poland and Sealand.
"Aren't we supposed to have 8 countries on our tribe?" America asks.
"Of course!" England replies.
"Then how come I only see 6 countries here?"
"Hey, I count!" Sealand shouts.
"But even if we count Sealand, we still only have 7!"
"I'm here," Canada says quietly.
"Oh, Canada! I always forget about you! The only time I ever notice you is when you riot in the streets after losing in the Stanley Cup Finals!"
"Well, come on, America, help us build our shelter!" France shouts.
"That's not for me to do," America replies. "I ship all my work out overseas! I just like to sit around and do nothing and collect unemployment checks!"
"Fine, I must do it all, as always," China states.
"America is so stupid these days, especially since 2008," China says. "Since then, I become the most powerful country in the world, and I prove it by winning this game. I beat him at the Olympics and I'll beat him again. And it all comes from hard work – which I am willing to do and which America refuses to do anymore."
China and Russia begin putting together the shelter for the tribe.
"You wants to become one with Russia?" Russia asks.
China looks confused.
"Er, I means, become one with Russia's alliance?"
"Oh yes, an alliance!" China replies. "Yes, I will join your alliance."
"Ahahahaha…" Russia says. "China is the first to fall. China becomes one with me, and then so will the rest. Why? Because everyone depends on China. Without China no one gets anything accomplished. China and Russia are now one – one alliance."
Poland walks over to China and Russia and tries to help them build the shelter.
"Can I help the Russia-China alliance?" Poland questions.
China begins to nod, but Russia shakes his head.
"Oh no, this is only for important countries," Russia answers. "Poland is not an important country."
"Yes I am!" Poland replies. "I am very important!"
"Poland, let myself be honest… you and I don't exactly get along," Russia replies. "You… you like America a little too much."
"But America is very nice to me!"
"America pretends to be nice to you, and then he goes and bankrupts you!"
Sealand then comes over to Russia, China and Poland.
"Hey, I want to help!"
"Even worse!" Russia exclaims. "A non-entity trying to help the big boys!"
"Hey!"
"Did America tell you to come over here and help?"
"Why, yes!"
"Sealand, sit down here."
Russia brings Sealand over to a couple of tree stumps and has him sit down.
"Let me tells you a story about America. There is some things you may not know about him."
Sealand rolls his eyes.
"There used to be a time when both America and Russia had states. Do you knows what a state is, Sealand?"
"Yes, Russia."
"I'm afraid you does not, since you aren't even one! A state is…"
Sealand's eyes drift off as Russia goes on and on.
"Russia thinks he is such an expert," Sealand says. "I realize he has many years of experience of dealing with America, but many of those years were not good. Does he remember the Cold War?"
"Sealand, Russia used to be the mighty Soviet Union. I used to rule the world. Now poor Russia has lost many of his states. Let me go through some of them: Belarus, Ukraine…"
"Russia is so boring," Sealand says. "There's a reason they don't give out that many trips to Russia on The Price Is Right. I see trips to Croatia even more often than trips to Russia."
Meanwhile, China goes to work all by himself.
"As usual, I do all the work, and the rest of the world benefits," China says.
While China works and Russia talks to Sealand, there is an argument between England and France.
"We should start an alliance with America!" England shouts.
"No! Anyone but America!" France protests.
"But America has done so much for the world!"
"So much bad! You realize that he's the reason for all the fat in the world! Look at the McDonald's on every corner of every street of every nation of the world! Everyone is fat now! Whatever happened to fine food?"
"Your food sucks!"
"So does yours!"
"Why, you-"
Canada watches the argument with much interest.
"If I just stay invisible, maybe no one will vote me out," Canada says. "Of course, if I'm invisible, I won't be able to win the jury vote at the end. But that's okay. I'm not all about being the best in the world, I just want to be accepted."
Axis Tribe
The tribe is working hard together to make a shelter for themselves. However, there are distinct differences in how the tribe members want to put the shelter together.
"The shelter must be put together in such a manner that it is preasing to the eye," Japan suggests.
"Nonsense!" Germany replies. "It is all about building a strong shelter that vill outlast the most difficult of elements."
"Oh, who cares!" Italy replies. "I think we should go search for food!"
"You go ahead and do that, Italy!" Hungary exclaims.
Italy goes running off to find food.
"Hasn't he grown up so well, Mr. Austria?" Hungary asks.
"Um, yes, of course!" the uptight Austria replies, fixing his glasses.
"I think it's all because of you," Hungary says, putting her arms around him.
Austria blushes, while he continues to try to work.
"Let us continue to work, while we still have the sunlight," Austria states sharply, trying to compose himself.
Prussia then interrupts Hungary's hug of Austria.
"Why, what's the point of you two even working!" he exclaims. "Let the most awesome country on this tribe set things up around here! You won't get any better than me!"
"That Prussia…" Austria says. "I don't understand him. How can he be so awesome if he doesn't even exist anymore?"
"This competition should be so easy to win!" Prussia says. "At the end of the game, the jury votes on whoever is the most awesome, and of course that would be me! All I have to do is make it there, and who would vote out someone as great as me!"
Meanwhile, as Switzerland works on the shelter, Liechtenstein mimics him, movement for movement.
"It's okay to do something different than me once in a while," Switzerland states.
"That's okay, big brother," Liechtenstein replies.
"I am going to follow my big brother as long as I can in this game," Liechtenstein says. "He will be my guide as far as I can go."
As night falls upon the camp, the Axis tribe has a very good shelter built, and they all go to sleep inside. Liechtenstein cuddles up against Switzerland, who cuddles up against Austria. Meanwhile, Hungary cuddles up against Austria, and Prussia cuddles up against Hungary.
"A little crowded here," Austria complains.
"I love my Austria," Hungary says.
"I love my Hungary," Prussia says.
"I love my big brother," Liechtenstein says.
Day 2
Axis Tribe
"Time to eat!" Germany shouts.
Italy comes running over to Germany, seeing only a bowl of rice.
"Where's the food?" Italy asks.
"That is the food," Germany replies.
"That's not real food!" Italy says. "I want pasta!"
"Vell, vhy didn't you find any food for us?" Germany wonders.
"There's no pasta on the beach or in the forest!" Italy complains. "I want pasta!"
"Just be quiet and eat your rice," Japan states.
"Italy must be content with what he has," Japan says. "Besides, I rike rice. I think it is very satisfying."
The tribe all gathers around to eat some rice. Japan enjoys his greatly, while the others simply eat their share without complaining – save for Italy.
"It's not fair that they didn't give us any pasta to eat," Italy says.
"Hey, Germany!" Prussia exclaims, jumping on Germany's back, much to Germany's displeasure. "How did you get the fire started?"
"Vhat do you mean?" Germany asks.
"Well, obviously, we didn't start the fire!" Prussia replies, pointing to Hungary and then himself.
"Vell of course, I just brought along my war supplies with me!" Germany responds. "All sorts of weaponry, including machine guns…"
"Germany worries me with all those guns," Switzerland says. "I'm all into peace, not war."
Allies Tribe
The tribe is huddled around the fire, eating some of their rice, which America finds time to complain about.
"You know, this isn't that exciting of food," he states. "I could really go for a hamburger right now."
"Would you shut up about hamburgers?" England replies. "I'd rather have some fish and chips."
"Oh, silence, you two," China scolds.
"One of America's problems is that he is never content with anything," China says. "He always has to change, he has to be progressive. If he just stayed true to his old values, perhaps he wouldn't owe me a trillion dollars."
Later in the day, Russia talks to America about starting an alliance.
"You knows, we was good pals in the old days," Russia tells America.
"What days are you talking about?"
"You knows, the days when we fought Germany together."
"Actually, I hated you then too."
"America, don't you see! We are at war with the Axis Powers again. The Allies must reform an alliance that carries them far into this game – we all work together, and we vote out the weak."
"You mean like the weak Ukraine?"
"No, no, I mean the weak among us here in our tribe. We votes out the Poland, the Sealand. We strong countries, like China and you and myself – we stay together."
"Oh, all right, as long as I'm the leader."
America then jumps up on top of a rock and shouts to get the attention of the others in the tribe.
"You hear me, everyone? I'm the leader of this tribe! Everyone must follow my lead! I direct everything around here! Everyone takes orders from me!"
"You owe me a trillion dollars, America!" China replies. "That's six and a half trillion yuan! I don't think you can order me around!"
"Oh, don't worry, I'll get to paying you back, sometime soon!" America continues. "Maybe I'll just print off more money and make my own economy even worse than it already is. But you'll get your money, China!"
"Does America really need to tell us what to do?" France says. "I think we be better off on our own."
"America… always too loud and never knows when to shut up," England says. "Forget what he owes China, he owes me big-time for what he calls 'borrowing' my musical talent!"
Day 3
Axis Tribe
"Germany, Germany!" Italy exclaims, waking up Germany.
"Ugh, whats is it, Italy?"
"It's a letter I received from Grandpa Rome!"
"Ancient Rome gives you letters?"
"I stayed awake last night and he dropped it from the sky. Look what it says!"
" 'You will take part in your first immunity challenge against the Allies today. Follow this map to get to the challenge.' Ah, yes."
Germany then wakes up all the other countries.
"Attention, everyone! We received a letter from Ancient Rome this morning!"
"Vhy the bother so early, Germany?" Austria asks.
"This is vhat we've vaited for, this is it, boys, this is war!"
"War?" Switzerland asks. "Please, let's stay peaceful instead."
"We goes to war against the Allies today! They call it an "immunity challenge," but this is nothing else but war! Now we prepare! Begin to march around the camp!"
"Germany, he rikes war too much," Japan says. "Can't we just all get arong with each other?"
The nations aimlessly march around the camp, with Liechtenstein following Switzerland, who follows Austria, while Hungary also follows Austria, and Prussia follows closely behind Hungary.
"I can't wait to show off in the challenge today!" Prussia says. "There's no way we'll lose with me on the team!"
Allies Tribe
"Hey, look, guys, we got a letter!" America announces.
"Oh boy," an annoyed England replies.
"It says we're going to have an immunity challenge today! We're going to rock at this challenge!"
"Very much fun," England says sarcastically.
"Unfortunately it doesn't say what the challenge is going to be about," France points out. "Personally, I hope for a challenge in bicycling."
"No, swimming!" Sealand shouts.
"How about farming?" Russia asks.
"I could go for some hockey," Canada says.
"Patience, everyone," Poland states. "Whatever the challenge is, we must all come together and win it."
"Why must we win?" France asks. "Surrendering is always an option."
"Because we want to prove we're the best!" America shouts. "We are better than those Axis Powers, and we're going to prove it!"
"America needs to get his own act together before he starts ordering us around," Poland says.
Immunity Challenge
"Come on in, guys!" Ancient Rome shouts from the sky.
The two tribes enter the immunity challenge area, which is on a beach that connects their two beaches. They notice a few lines on the beach, but nothing else special.
"Welcome to your first immunity challenge," Ancient Rome announces. "You will be playing for this."
He holds out the Flying Mint Bunny.
"The Flying Mint Bunny of immunity is up for grabs!"
"But I thought only England could see the Flying Mint Bunny?" America wonders.
"This is a special Flying Mint Bunny, which everyone can see. If your tribe holds it, you cannot be voted out. On the other hand, if you do not win the Flying Mint Bunny, you must go to Tribal Council, where one of your tribe members will be voted out."
"What is the challenge?" Austria asks.
"I have selected a challenge that one country in particular will enjoy. We will play a modified game of American football!" Ancient Rome announces.
"All right!" America exclaims.
The rest of the countries simply groan.
"The first tribe to score two touchdowns wins the game, and immunity. To score a touchdown, you must carry or catch the football in the other tribe's end zone."
"What about extra points, and two-point conversions, and field goals, and safeties?" America asks.
"Please, let's not confuse the other countries who do not understand your game," Ancient Rome replies. "We'll keep it simple. Whichever team catches the football I throw down to you will get to have possession first."
Ancient Rome throws the football down, and Canada catches it. However, Russia does not see Canada, so he grabs the football off Canada.
"Hey, I'm on your team!" Canada shouts.
"Oh, sorry, I thoughts there was no one there," Russia replies.
"The Allies will start the game with the ball at the line closest to their own beach! They have four plays to cross the Axis Tribe's goal line!"
"Okay, everyone, leave it to me, I'll be the quarterback!" America shouts. "Canada, you know this game, so you can be our receiver. The rest of you block the opposing team!"
The countries are still confused, but England remembers seeing a few games, so he plays the position of center and snaps the ball to America.
"Go long, Canada!" America yells.
Canada runs into the Axis end zone. Japan covers him closely, while the rest of the players look around in confusion.
"Oh, Canada, you can't get open!" America laments. "That's okay; I'll be the hero!"
America then runs past Austria and Hungary, who try to tackle him but fail miserably. He stiff-arms Germany and pushes away Prussia. He leaps over Liechtenstein, then spins past Switzerland. Only Italy stands between him and the end zone.
"I surrender, dear, I surrender!" Italy screams, waving a white flag.
Italy runs out of the way, allowing America to score easily.
"Touchdown, America!" Ancient Rome shouts.
America celebrates with his teammates, who still look a bit confused.
"Now, the Axis Tribe gets a try to score with the ball!" Ancient Rome announces.
Japan takes the ball and hands it over to Germany.
"You hand the ball to me between your regs," he tells him.
"Vhat a veird game!" Germany exclaims.
Germany snaps the ball to Japan, who then looks for someone to throw to. The rest of his tribe runs aimlessly around the field, not knowing what to do. Prussia plows over Sealand, thinking he is supposed to knock over the other team. Italy runs away from everyone, simply cowering in his own end zone. Finally, Japan throws the ball toward Switzerland, but America intercepts it.
"Interception by America!" Ancient Rome announces.
America begins running with the ball toward the Axis end zone. Japan desperately tries to tackle him, but he fails, and America scores another touchdown.
"Touchdown, Allies!" Ancient Rome yells. "Allies win immunity!"
"And as always, I'm the hero!" America shouts.
Canada and England immediately go over to celebrate with America, while the rest of his teammates are still a bit confused. Meanwhile, the Axis countries begin to point fingers at each other.
"It's your fault, Japan!" Austria yells. "You threw the ball to the wrong player!"
"I think it's Italy's fault!" Switzerland shouts. "He ran away from everything!"
"It's everyone's fault but mine!" Germany interjects.
Ancient Rome interrupts the arguing to present the Allies with the Flying Mint Bunny of immunity.
"Congratulations, Allies, this is the Flying Mint Bunny of immunity," he says, tossing the Flying Mint Bunny to England. "With it, you are safe from voting."
England squeezes the Flying Mint Bunny in celebration.
"As for you, Axis, you're going to have to vote someone out of the game, and you have the rest of the night to figure out who that's going to be."
The tribes head in opposite directions.
"Very tough loss today," Germany says. "If we only knews how to play the game…"
Axis Tribe
The Axis tribe returns to their beach, very upset over the loss.
"It's not fair!" Germany says. "It was a game made for America to win. It wasn't fair to the rest of us! Now we have to vote someone out!"
Germany goes over to Italy and Japan.
"Who do you think we should vote out?" he asks them.
"I am not sure…" Japan replies.
"It's not my fault we lost!" Italy exclaims. "Don't vote out me!"
"Maybe it is Italy's fault we rost…" Japan says. "Maybe we should consider voting him out…"
Meanwhile, the other players do not know who to vote out.
"Who are you voting out, big brother?" Liechtenstein asks Switzerland.
"I was waiting to see who Austria was voting out," Switzerland replies.
Prussia and Hungary have the same dilemma.
"Tell me, who are you voting out, Hungary?" Prussia questions.
"I'm not sure… I want to know who Mr. Austria is voting out," Hungary responds.
So all four players come up to Austria at once.
"Who are you voting out?" they all ask him. "We must know!"
"The pressure, the pressure!" Austria complains. "Writing music is not this difficult!"
Tribal Council
(Axis)
The eight countries walk into the Tribal Council area, where they meet Ancient Rome sitting near a fire. They take their seats across from him.
"Welcome to your first Tribal Council," Ancient Rome states. "Each of you has your flag on its flagpole over there. Once you are voted out, your flag will be taken down, and you will be asked to leave the game."
The countries all look nervous upon hearing this.
"Let's talk about your first 3 days in this game," Ancient Rome says. "Germany, how was it, having to live life with these other countries?"
"It was not as difficult as I expected," Germany replies. "I expected to have a much harder time living with these others, but it was not that bad."
"How about you, Japan?" Ancient Rome asks. "You look like you have had a more difficult time."
"Yes, well, Italy has not been very competent, and I believe he is the reason why we rost the immunity challenge," Japan responds.
"Italy, is that a fair assessment?" Ancient Rome questions him.
"I don't know, Grandpa Rome!" Italy responds. "But I do think I could use some pasta!"
"Okay, then…" Ancient Rome states. "Prussia, who are you voting for?"
"Why, I'm voting for whoever Hungary's voting for?"
"And who are you voting for, Hungary?"
"I will vote for whoever Mr. Austria votes for."
"How about you, Liechtenstein?"
"I vote with my big brother, Switzerland."
"So who will you vote for, Switzerland?"
"Whoever Austria votes for."
"This is absurd!" Ancient Rome exclaims. "You mean to tell me one country controls five votes? Austria, it's all up to you."
"It's too much pressure on me."
"Well, we're about to find out who goes home first, as it is time to vote. Austria, you're up first."
The theme "Marukaite Chikyuu" plays as the players go to vote.
Austria goes to vote.
Germany goes to vote.
Hungary goes to vote.
Italy goes to vote.
"I don't know who to vote for, so I just chose randomly!" Italy says, holding up his vote for Switzerland.
Japan goes to vote.
"I hope you rearn your resson," Japan says, holding up his vote for Italy.
Liechtenstein goes to vote.
Prussia goes to vote.
Switzerland goes to vote.
After Switzerland comes back from voting, Ancient Rome says, "I'll go tally the votes."
Ancient Rome gathers the votes.
"Once the votes are read, the decision is final, and the country voted out will be asked to leave the Tribal Council area immediately," Ancient Rome states. "I'll read the votes."
Ancient Rome pulls out the first vote.
"Italy."
Ancient Rome then takes out the next vote.
"Switzerland."
Switzerland looks around angrily after seeing his name.
"Italy."
Ancient Rome takes out the next vote.
"Switzerland. That's two votes Switzerland, two votes Italy."
Switzerland keeps looking around in anger, wondering who could have voted for him.
"Italy."
Ancient Rome pulls out the next vote.
"Italy. That's four votes Italy."
"I surrender!" Italy cries out, waving his white flag.
"First country voted out of Survivor: Axis vs. Allies, Italy. That's five, that's enough, you need to bring me your flag."
Italy brings over his white flag to Ancient Rome.
"No, not that flag, your country's flag."
Italy grabs his flagpole and brings it over to Ancient Rome.
"Italy, the tribe has spoken."
Ancient Rome pulls down Italy's flag from his flagpole.
"It is time for you to go."
Ancient Rome hands Italy his flag, and then Italy waves good-bye.
"Good luck everybody!" he shouts.
Italy then leaves the Tribal Council area.
"You've survived your first Tribal Council," Ancient Rome says. "You can head back to camp, good night."
The countries head back toward their camp.
"I guess I just wasn't cut out for this game," Italy says. "There wasn't enough pasta here! Oh well!"
Who voted for whom:
Austria – Italy
Germany – Switzerland
Hungary – Italy
Italy – Switzerland
Japan – Italy
Liechtenstein – Italy
Prussia - Italy
Switzerland – Italy
Scenes from our next episode:
Poland and Sealand get into an argument:
"Why do you call yourself 'land'?" Poland asks. "You are very little land, you are mainly in water."
"Why do you call yourself 'land'?" Sealand wonders. "Are you the land of the Po's?"
Lines are drawn in the Axis tribe:
In the middle of the day, the entire tribe gets into a huge argument, with Germany, Japan and Prussia standing on one side, Austria and Hungary on the other, and Switzerland standing in the middle, with Liechtenstein close behind him.
"Prussia claims that he is going to work with Germany from now on!" Hungary exclaims. "I thought you held special feelings for me, Mr. Prussia!"
"I do!" Prussia replies. "But I think my best chances at winning this game are by riding Germany's coattails!"
And it's football time again – a different type of football:
"Let's get to today's challenge," Ancient Rome says. "I have constructed nets at each side of this playing field of sand, and you will compete in a game of football/soccer. I say 'soccer' in order to allow America to know that he cannot pick up the ball and run with it."