"What's on the agenda for today, Mr. Spock?" Captain James T. Kirk asked, as he took his seat on the bridge. He grinned at the rest of the bridge crew before looking over at his first officer.

"We are stopping at the closest Starbase to pick up a transfer, sir."

Jim raised an eyebrow, "And who is this transfer?"

"Lieutenant-Commander Kevin Riley, sir."

Everyone turned to look at Jim when he gasped and their eyes widened when they noticed he had become extremely pale. "Kevin Riley? Are you sure?"

"I am positive, Captain. Do you know the Lieutenant-Commander?"

"I used to. A long time ago, but I thought he was dead."

"Obviously not, sir."

A ghost of a smirk crossed Jim's face at Spock's comment. "When will we be at the Starbase, Mr. Sulu?"

"20 minutes, Captain."

Jim nodded, and said nothing until Sulu was docking at the station. "Spock, you have the comm. I'm going to go greet our new crewmember."

When he arrived at the transport room, he heard footsteps behind him and turned to find Spock. "I gave Mr. Sulu the comm, sir."

The Captain just smiled and focused his attention on the transport pad.

As the transport pad came alive, Jim's breath caught in his throat. Slowly Kevin Riley began to materialize.

Both men stared at each other for what seemed liked hours, but for what Spock knew to be 1.42 minutes.

"You are so fat," was the first thing the Lieutenant Commander said to the Captain.

Spock's eyebrows shot up at that, but Jim just let out a half sob/laugh and the two men engulfed each other in a hug.

Thanks to his sensitive hearing he could still hear what they were saying even though they were whispering.

"I thought you were dead!" Jim told the younger boy.

"I thought you were too. I asked every single one of the Starfleet officers about you, but none of them knew anything."

It seemed like Jim finally realized where they were. He turned to look at Spock, his gaze almost distrustful before grabbing Kevin's hand and pulling him out of the transport room.

"I shall see you tomorrow for Alpha shift, Mr. Spock."

Spock nodded, "Goodnight Captain."

He didn't think much of the Captain's closeness with the new crewmember until two weeks later when Chekov and Sulu approached him in the dining hall.

"Have you seen the Captain outside of shift in the past two weeks?" Sulu asked, sitting down.

Spock glanced at the human before shaking his head, "No, Jim has been spending the majority of his time with Lieutenant-Commander Riley. Why do you ask?"

Chekov spoke up, almost unwillingly, "We think that they are hiding something."

This surprised Spock, though looking at all of the signs he could see why the navigator and helmsmen would think such a thing. Generally when Jim wanted to keep a secret he had to avoid everyone so that he wouldn't ruin a surprise.

"What do you propose we do about it?" Spock inquired. Both of the other men shrugged. "You should voice your concerns to Doctor McCoy, perhaps he will be able to give you more insight into the Captain's mind than I can." Which was essentially Spock's way of telling them to get lost because he wanted to finish his meal before shift started.

Spock figured that would be the last that someone would approach him about the Captain, but he was mistaken. Commander Scott approached him not even a week later before he was able to get on the Turbolift after his shift in the science department.

"Hey, Spock, you got a second?" The Scotsman asked him.

If Spock were human he would have sighed, but alas he did not "Yes, Commander. What is it?"

"Do you think the Captain's been actin' a little weird lately? He hasn't been down to engineering to share a drink in over two weeks!"

Spock raised his eyebrows at the Scotsman's obvious disregard for the rule forbidding alcohol on a starship, but he chose to overlook it, just as the Captain had. "While I do not see that as something negative, you are not the first to approach me about the Captain's well being."

"So can you talk to him? You are his best friend besides McCoy, and he's swamped down in sickbay." Flu had broken out among the crew and it seemed that only a select few, including the command crew, had not been affected.

Spock's heart warmed minutely when Scotty named his as Jim's best friend, but he did not let it show how the comment affected him. "I will inquire as to why the Captain has not been his usual gregarious self, yes."

Scotty paused for a second and then smiled widely at him, "Thanks Commander. See ya around!"

Spock was not given the chance to question Jim about his admittedly odd behavior. He rarely saw his friend anymore. He and Kevin Riley had seemingly entered their own world. A world no one else was privy to.

Even when Jim as on shift his mind seemed to always be drifting and he was out the door as soon as shift was over.

There was a mission coming up, a first contact with the planet Gilligong. Jim had not started preparing a team for the first contact. The only reason the rest of the command crew even knew is because Admiral Pike had informed Jim on the bridge instead of in his ready room.

Another two weeks passed before Spock had to admit to himself that he was worried, and as soon as he admitted that he decided to pay the doctor a visit.

"Doctor McCoy," Spock said in greeting as he entered his office.

"Spock," The doctor didn't look up from his paper work, but the Vulcan was not offended.

McCoy gestured to the chair across from his desk and Spock sat, waiting patiently for the doctor to pause in his work.

"You here about Jim?" The doctor asked gruffly, finally finishing his last report.

"Yes. Have the others come to you about him as well?"

He nodded, "Yes, but I don't know what they expect me to do, he won't talk to me either." Spock could tell that this fact hurt the doctor more than he was willing to admit. "I don't even know who that kid is, that he's spending all of his time with. He introduced us once and then they both ran away to go do whatever the hell it is they do."

"I have looked at both their files but there is nothing in them to indicate that the would know each other. Jim grew up in Iowa, Lieutenant-Commander Riley grew up in Utah and off planet."

A ghost of a smile made it's way across Leonard's face. "Hacking into files, Spock? That doesn't sound very logical."

"I assure you, it was." The doctor could see the amusement in Spock's eyes.

It had taken the two a very long time to get this far in their relationship. In the beginning of their five-year mission, the two still had a lot of animosity between them because of Spock landing Jim on Delta Vega. But eventually, with Jim's prodding the two had slowly become acquaintances that put up with other, and then finally friends.

Jim had told them it was the happiest day of his life when his two best friends finally decided they could stand each other's presence, and maybe even enjoy it. Which had made it all the more important to the two that they got along.

"Has Jim informed you about the away mission?"

The look on Leonard's face told Spock that no, Jim had not informed him. "We will be in orbit of the planet Gilligong in 3.6 hours. Jim seems to be under the impression that he and Lieutenant Commander Riley will be going down there alone."

Leonard snorted in amusement, "Gilligong. Does that make the inhabitants Gilligongians?" He ignored Spock's mutterings about "Highly illogical humans" and continued, "Is the Captain of a starship even allowed planet side without at least two security personnel? Because if they are, I think you should petition to have that rule changed. Jim hurts himself walking down a hallway; he nearly kills himself every time he goes planet side."

There was silence as McCoy observed Spock's face. "You love him, don't you?"

Spock was startled by the question and seemed to be trying to find the best lie, "Don't even try lying to me, you hobgoblin."

"Yes. I do care deeply for the Captain."

This time it was McCoy's turn to search for something to say. He settled on, "The idiot loves you too. He just isn't good with feelings."

Silence enveloped the office again, both men struggling with the conversation about feelings. Leonard broke the silence again by changing the topic. "So is he even allowed to go planet side with just one other person?"

"Unfortunately, there are no regulations that prohibit such an action."

McCoy cursed, "Well, I guess we can try to talk some sense into him. Though I doubt it will work."

Spock knew that he was right; Jim very rarely listened to reason under the best of circumstances.

"Primary command crew to bridge, we are now orbiting Gilligong."

Both Spock and McCoy made their way up the bridge. Jim and Kevin arrived at the same time they did. Sulu and Chekov were already at the helm, and Uhura was at communications, filtering through all the channels.

Jim took his seat in the Captain's chair and asked for an update from every station. Once that was through he turned to his first officer.

"Lieutenant Commander Riley and I will be beaming down to begin the proceedings. After everything is finalized you, Uhura, and Bones can join us." Jim told them, not really looking either of his best friends in the eye.

They knew he was hiding something, but they knew from the tone of his voice that it was unlikely they were going to find out what.

Spock nodded at him, not saying anything. At least Jim wanted the others to join him after he made contact with the leaders.

"We will contact you as soon as everything is ready. Spock you have the conn."

The two left, ignoring that all eyes followed them onto the Turbolift.

Not even an hour later Scotty was yelling through the comm unit that Spock and McCoy were needed in the transport room immediately.

Their hearts nearly stopped when they took in the sight of Jim unconscious covered in blood, with a hole in his chest. Kevin was helping to maneuver him onto a stretcher when McCoy and Spock took over.

While McCoy was in surgery, trying to make sure Jim didn't die, Spock and Kevin sat outside of sickbay. But after a few hours of sitting and staring anywhere but at each other the two began pacing, looking as if they were trying to wear holes into the floor.

Finally Spock's patience ran out and he turned on Kevin. "What happened?" He all but growled at the younger man.

Kevin gulped but stood his ground. "It was fine, the natives were leading us to a place we thought housed their leader. Out of nowhere they attacked us. We didn't have time to call for back up. We were doing fine; the natives don't have phasers their weapons are outdated. Then this spear looking thing comes flying at me and before I know it I'm on the ground and the spear is in J.T's chest. That was when Mr. Scott beamed us back."

Spock glared at him for a few more seconds before turning away and continuing to pace.

The "I'm sorry" that Kevin spoke softly stopped Spock in his tracks. The Vulcan turned towards him and raised an eyebrow.

I'm sorry that I didn't react fast enough, and that J.T is in there instead of me. Don't try to deny that that is what you would prefer. Hell, I would prefer that. I would give my life for J.T's any day, but he's never been big on self-preservation. He cares too much for other people. I'm also sorry that I've been keeping him all to myself. I know it has been hurting a lot of you that J.T has been ignoring you. He has a reason."

Spock did not respond, except to slow the pace of his pacing. He could feel Kevin's eyes watching him, trying to understand him. "You will learn more by just asking than by trying to gauge what I am thinking just by looking at me."

"How long have you and J.T been friends?"

"Our friendship began two years, four months and twenty six days ago. He was the first person, human or Vulcan to ever beat me at chess."

"Do you care for him?"

"Very much." The look in Spock's eye told Kevin everything. Told him how much the past month had hurt him. Told him just how much the Vulcan cared for his friend and personal hero. Told him just how far Spock would go to keep Jim out of harms way.

"He cares for you too. He lights up when he talks about you. He does that when he talks about the doctor, the rest of the command crew and Pike, but not in the same way."

"Why do you call him J.T?" Spock inquired, again ignoring the fluttering of his heart.

Kevin smiled sadly at him, "It's no my place to tell you. J.T will tell you one day, hopefully soon."

McCoy, whose shoulders were slumped over, interrupted their conversation and at first the two men feared the worst. The doctor noticed the expression on their faces and immediately shook his head, "Jim will be fine. The idiot will probably be out for a few more hours. The poison on the spear got pretty far into his bloodstream, and of course he was allergic to it. Come on kid, you have to get checked out to."

The doctor all but forced Kevin into sickbay, and Spock back to his own quarters to rest and shower before his shift began.

After he had checked over Kevin he told the kid to grab some sleep in sickbay, just so he could keep an eye on him.

Kevin awoke a few hours later to yelling.

"God dammit, Jim. We are your friends!"

"So is Kevin!"

Bones could hear it in his voice; he knew that if he kept provoking Jim, he wouldn't like what he was going to hear. But he was so angry he just couldn't stop himself.

"What's so special about him? I've been your best friend for four years; I've saved your countless times. But this one kid transfers aboard and it's like the rest of us don't exist!"

Jim looked ready to attack him. McCoy had never seen that look in Jim's eyes before. His eyes had a wild gleam, which McCoy felt like didn't belong in there. For the first time in their four years of friendship, Bones was actually scared of Jim.

"J.T calm down."

Bones started at the sound of another voice. Behind him, in the entrance to the room, stood Kevin.

Immediately Jim's face morphed into one of sadness, "I'm sorry Bones, I'm just really tired."

McCoy didn't reply, he just walked out. Though he didn't get far enough. When Kevin started speaking he really just could not stop himself from listening in.

"J.T you have to tell him. You have to tell your entire command crew. They care about you, and honestly I think they deserve to know."

There was a pause followed by a sigh, "I don't know if I can."

"What are you scared of? Are you scared they're going to pity you? Are you scared once they know they're going to stop caring about you?"

Bones barely heard the quiet "Yes."

Kevin sighed and moved closer, "That's not going to happen. Nothing you say will ever change the fact that they care about you. More than you seem to realize, at that. And they know you don't want their pity. You may even gain more of their respect. You are more of a hero than they already think you are and I think they need to know. But you can't keep it from them any more. You're hurting them by ignoring them and not telling them why. I've sat by and let you for the past month or so because I've missed you so much and I wanted you all to myself. But they're your friends and your family, J.T."

"What if they don't love me anymore? What if they leave me? Everyone else does." Bones heart broke at the sound of his best friends broken voice. Bones had known that Jim had low self-esteem, but he didn't realize just how low until that moment.

"They aren't like other people, J.T. We both know that. They'll love you no matter what. Especially Spock."

"What?"

"The two of you are in love, whether or not you're willing to admit it."

Jim considered that before saying, "You're right about needing to tell them, Kev. Thanks. Can you gather the command crew? I might as well tell them now; before I lose whatever courage the drugs are giving me. I want you here when I tell them."

If Kevin noticed that Bones had been listening in, he didn't say anything. He just asked the doctor to round up the others and have them all in Jim's private sickbay quarters in five minutes.

All of the officers were there in less than two minutes; eager to hear the reason their Captain had been acting so weird for the past two weeks.

Jim looked at his command crew, his friends. They all looked happy to see him. He hoped they would still feel the same after his story. Jim didn't bother with pleasantries or prefaces he just started his story.

"Kevin coming back has had me thinking about a past that I've spent years trying to forget. As you all probably know, it's really hard for me to talk to other people about things, and my past is one of those things I never felt comfortable discussing. So I've been avoiding you guys because I didn't know what to say if you asked me how I was doing, or what I was up to. Because I don't ever want to lie to you guys, but I felt like I couldn't tell you the truth. But now I think I can.

When I was twelve I drove my stepfathers car off of a cliff because I was sick of him beating me. Unfortunately I decided I couldn't kill myself, so obviously I didn't go over the cliff with the car. I was arrested for auto theft, and was left in a holding cell for three days. Finally I was released and packed onto a shuttle. Apparently my mother and stepfather had decided I wasn't worth the effort and they didn't want to deal with me anymore. Not that my mom was on planet. I only ever remember seeing her three times between the ages of 5 and 12. The shuttle I was on was taking me to live with my aunt and uncle. They had taken up residency on a new farming colony. That's where I met Kevin." Jim paused for a moment, and the all waited, Kevin put his hand on Jim's shoulder, silently offering him his strength. "The name of the colony was Tarsus IV."

The reactions ranged from two raised eyebrows (Spock), rapid cursing (McCoy), gasps and looks of outrage (Sulu and Scotty) and choked sobs (Chekov and Uhura).

"It was great for the first eighteen months or so. My aunt and uncle showed me what it felt like to be loved by family; I graduated from high school, and learned a lot about nature. But then, as you all know, the crops failed and the famine hit hard. Kodos ordered the deaths of the 4,000 'less worthy' colonists. My aunt and uncle and I were on that list. So were Kevin and his family. One night I was out in the woods, hunting, when I heard shots followed by screaming back at the house. Two guards had shot my uncle, and were threatening to shoot my aunt if she didn't tell them where I was. I watched her die to protect me.

I barely made it to Kevin's house in time. They were getting ready to shoot him, a sixe year old boy, and I couldn't let that happen. Those were the first two human lives I ever took."

Jim's eyes glazed over, as he lost himself to the nightmare that was his life back then. So Kevin took over narrating the story.

"J.T saved our lives. As you know, only nine of us survived Tarsus, and that's all because of J.T. He took care of us, sheltered us, fed us, starved and killed for us, and tried to keep us as safe and healthy as he could. He never let the rest of us kill. Always saying that he didn't want our hands dirtied by the blood of another. He was our hero, and he's still mine."

"Tell them about Z and Kyle."

Kevin looked at Jim, surprised, but did as he was told. "Initially there were eleven of us. J.T and the other two eldest, Zafrina and Kyle; they were J.T's best friends, and now that I look back on it, they were probably more than that to each other." He looked down at Jim for confirmation and the sad smile on Jim's face broke the heart of everyone standing in the room.

"Zafrina and Kyle were both geniuses, just like J.T. Before the famine they spent nearly every second together. Reading, studying, doing whatever it is that geniuses do. They all graduated high school together at age twelve, they learned martial arts together, and they never spoke to each other in English. They would learn a new language together every week. When the famine hit, they helped J.T in ways the rest of us couldn't. One day, about two months before Starfleet arrived Zafrina, Kyle and J.T were captured. I don't know what all happened in there but I do know that Zafrina and Kyle sacrificed themselves so that J.T could escape and come back to the rest of us. I don't think he's ever really forgiven himself, and I think if it wasn't for the rest of us kids he wouldn't have felt like he had a reason to live. Then a month later he and I were captured, and when Starfleet finally arrived I thought J.T was dead and no one told me otherwise."

Everyone was crying now, including Spock. Though he was doing a much better job at hiding it than the others.

Jim opened his mouth and was about to tell them it was okay if they didn't want to be around him anymore, he would understand. But they knew him well, and they quickly piled onto him, hugging him as best they could.

"Jim, I love you, you're like the really obnoxious and brilliant brother I never had. Your past isn't going to change that how much I care about you." Uhura told him, holding onto his as if her life depended on it. More tears fell from his eyes at the sincerity behind her words.

He tried to smile, "Thanks, Nyota."

"Yes, Keptin, you are also my hero, and I count you among my closest family." Chekov told him earnestly, his Russian accent even more pronounced because of his tears.

"Thanks Chekov, I always thought it would be awesome to have a brilliant and adorable younger brother." The Russian navigator blushed brightly at his comment but his smile was blinding.

Sulu was the next to speak, "Jim, serving in your command crew is the second greatest honor in my life. The greatest is counting someone like you among those I call my family."

Jim tears, which had slowly begun to subside, came back full force. "Thanks Sulu, that means a lot."

Scotty just decided to throw himself at Jim again, and wrapped his arms around the Captain's head. "Oi, Jim I always knew you'd make a goo' member of the Scott clan!"

He allowed the Scotsman to smother him for a few more seconds before finally saying "Scotty, I can't join the clan if I die from suffocation." His chief engineer had the decency to blush. "I really appreciate you guys saying all of these things, it really means a lot to me. But would you mind if I had a second to talk to Bones and Spock in private?"

His command crew left then, all saying goodbye in their own way. Kevin left with them as well, probably to make sure they didn't stand outside the door and listen in. He really did love that kid sometimes.

When the room was finally clear he turned to his best friends. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you guys about this sooner."

Bones rolled his eyes and sat on one side of Jim's bed while Spock sat on the other. "You know, Jim, I don't really care that you didn't tell us until now. It's painful to remember things like that, but I'm glad you told us. What makes me mad is that you didn't tell us because you were scared of us leaving you, or hating you."

"I'm sorry. I don't really have too much personal experience with people staying. Especially after I open myself up to them."

Leonard looked torn between several emotions before focusing on anger, "Those people were idiots, Jim, and we're your best friends. You're an idiot, to think we would ditch you."

"I know Bones, but it's not like I have a lot of practice in the bearing my soul department." Jim told him sarcastically, eyes taking on the hard edge that they got when Jim was preparing to defend himself.

"I understand kid. Don't worry about it. Just remember that I'll always be here for you, no matter what."

With that, and a quick brotherly peck on the forehead, McCoy left the room. Spock stared curiously after the Doctor for a minute, until his attention was summoned by a cough from Jim.

"How are you feeling, Captain?"

Jim rolled his eyes, "I spill my guts to you, and the only thing you have to say is to ask me how I'm feeling?"

Spock regarded him quietly for a minute before slowly picking up Jim's hand by the wrist. He slid his other hand, pointer and middle fingers outstretched, to touch the two corresponding fingers on Jim's hand.

Shock crossed Jim's face quickly, before he beamed at Spock. "Does this mean what I think it means?"

"That I care for you, and we should, as Nyota says 'stop beating around the bush'?"

Jim let out of bark of laughter before pulling Spock to him and catching his lips in a human kiss.

They only broke apart when they heard the door hiss open, in the doorway stood Kevin and the rest of the command crew.

Kevin smirked at Jim and said, "About time, stupid."