Title: Scar
Author: Elf Asato
Pairings: Seishirou/Subaru
Warnings: Stylistic coarseness. Language.
Disclaimer: X belongs to CLAMP, not me.
Summary: AU-ish. Subaru and Seishirou's paradox and relationship.
Note: QuickEdit can kiss my ass!
Scar
Sex
It didn't make a difference, whether they had sex or not; Subaru still hated him. Hated him because he still had feelings for him after all that happened. Even though Seishirou killed his sister all those years ago, he still allowed him to take him out, to taunt and tease, to undress with his eyes and on occasion his hands when things went too far. Allowed him to take him home and have his way with him if only for a few short hours because tomorrow…they might not be alive to do it again. To do each other. Well, Seishirou fucked him always. Always. It was never the other way around. But he didn't mind. He liked being leered at, bruised and sore, his ego torn, his very heart in shambles. He liked that so he always went back. Perversely.
He was fucked and knew it.
Fuck
Subaru's grandmother knew about them and was none too happy. She wondered what was wrong with her grandson, why he would go out and fuck the same man who stole her beloved grandchild from her. Both of them. She loved him too much to see him in an abusive and twisted "relationship" with that man, even though she never told him so. He still called him –san and was called –kun in return. She didn't know about that because he would never tell her. He never told her about Seishirou, though, and she still knew.
Yuzuriha was an awful little snitch.
Accident
She didn't mean to tell the old lady; it just sort of came out, just like she didn't mean to know about them, period; she just sort of found out.
Seishirou never made his intentions private. Everyone knew he was going to have Subaru, to fuck him, to hurt him, though he never verbally said so. She didn't understand at first, Yuzuriha. Neither did the old lady, but that was because she understood far more than the girl did. Because she understood, Lady Sumeragi couldn't understand why her grandson would have sex with that man; because Yuzuriha didn't understand, she didn't understand why Subaru was in love with him.
Love
As if; it was a lie.
Part of him dreamed that Seishirou would one day stop being a fucking asshole and tell him that he loved him, that he lost, that he was sorry. He dreamed that he would stop being the Sakurazukamori for him and they would settle down in a nice place out in the country and adopt little girls just as young and energetic as Hokuto was. The part of Subaru that dreamed this was sixteen and still full of hope. The other part of him knew that Seishirou really was just a sadistic, manipulative fucker despite the cherished memories of a sweet and innocent boy once sixteen. He knew Seishirou enjoyed soiling that innocence and staining his soul; he knew that some day the Sakurazukamori would finally, finally get bored with him and kill him. He wondered how long he could keep his attention. The part of Subaru that knew this reality was older than his age, but not as wise.
Lady Sumeragi knew; Subaru didn't.
Alternative
He didn't know why he stayed with him when there was someone kinder and gentler who would love him. The concept of love had no meaning to him, though, because he'd forgotten what it was or what it felt like. Subaru knew love didn't hurt, and he hurt. Kamui, that boy who would love him, was young and didn't understand when he told him he could break free from the Sakurazukamori; he didn't understand because he knew. Hokuto, though, understood, Subaru said. He understood because she didn't know.
She didn't know because she was dead.
Kink
Hokuto had died for him, and in return he had sex with her killer. Their relationship was definitely unhealthy and when Subaru would come home from Seishirou's upscale apartment, Kamui always noticed the bruises on his wrists and neck and places he couldn't see. It was his thing, he would say when interrogated by his fellow Seals who knew about him and the Sakurazukamori, he liked the pain; it was his kink.
And in a way, it was.
Possession
Seishirou never let Subaru forget that he was his, and he never let anyone else forget it, either; when it was suspected that Subaru was casually seeing someone else, that person ceased to exist in a swift action perpetrated by the jealous ex. And when Subaru had the balls, he liked to remind him that he was just that, an ex, which was something that never went over very well. Seishirou fucked him to remind him that he was his and they weren't over yet.
He was his scar.
End