10/26/09
I sat down waiting, watching, wondering if he even reallysaw me. We are best friends after all. My other friends thought I was stupid for liking him. I didn't care. He was sweet and kind and, yes he had horrible friends, he wasn't horrible. We knew each other like no one else. We knew each other's deepest darkest secrets and we helped each other through the toughest times.
I walked past her quietly my nose buried in my test paper , glancing up to see she was with her friends, and hoping she wouldn't see me I continued. She didn't really see me, or at least I didn't think so. She was beautiful, kind to everyone and everything, including me. I never deserved a friend as good as her. I am nothing, a completely worthless piece of trash, compared to her.
I saw him walk past me, his nose buried in his test paper. I didn't care what Potter and his friends say he's nice, and intelligent and handsome, even is no body else sees it. He's had a hard life yet he isn't a bad person for it. He is a bit quirky but who doesn't have their quirks? Who is anybody to determine what he is like? He may be strange to some but he was a wonderful person deep down, beyond the sarcasm and cold attitude. I just wish I wasn't the only one who saw it.
I watch talking to her friends, laughing and joking, from behind my test paper. I stopped thinking about the test as soon as I had finished, right after I saw her flash of hair leave the testing room. There wasn't a thing about her I didn't love. Her laugh, the way bit her nails when she was nervous, the way she was so perfect in putting everything in the right place and the way she held her tongue between her teeth when things weren't just so. But her eyes, the most beautiful eyes anyone could ever hope to have. Perfect and sparkling.
I watched as Potter and Black got up and made their way toward him. I want to go up there and help but I know I must wait, wait and watch until I know it's my time. It won't be for a good five minutes. I don't know why my body won't go there now but it keeps telling me to wait. So I sit there terrified as to what is going to happen.
She can't see me, not like this. Not at my lowest. She can't look this way, she can't. If she doesn't I don't know what I'd do. Expelliarmus. My wand…No she's looking, have to get my wand. Have to look better than these two. Impedimenta. They taunt me but I can only think about my wand. I swore as I tried to reach my wand. I felt another spell hit me as pink bubbles spewed out of my mouth. I could only stare in terror as she made her way over here.
My body finally allowed me to move. I was angry and they were going to be sorry. Leave him ALONE! I screamed outside of my mind. I could only think about him being tormented and I couldn't stand it. A woman's allowed to stand up for the man she loves too isn't she? I kept repeating, Leave him alone, leave him alone. Potter kept on going on about something or other. They mocked his existence and I called Potter a toerag. I could've said worse, I just chose not to. But I am starting to think I should have. Potter than offered to leave him alone if I went out with him. I told him I'd rather opt for the giant squid. I couldn't say how I really felt, not here in front of everybody, I am going to tell him today though. I promised myself. I smiled as he managed to get his wand off the ground. Potter hexed him so he hung upside down his cloak falling over his head. I hate to admit it but it was adorable.
Potter, will, die. Not today, not tomorrow, but I will make sure of it and I will make sure it was by my own hands. Let him down. Why is she defending me? Why is she here? She can't be here. I want to yell but I suddenly hit the ground after being hit with another spell.
I took out my wand and threatened Potter with it. LEAVE HIM ALONE! My voice said again for the millionth time. Potter threatened to hex me then let him go.
Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? WHY?! The both of them, dead. Before I leave this school if I'm lucky. Him and Black. How could they? Do they know? Is this another one of their tricks? I can feel my face getting red with anger. …you're lucky Evans was here," I didn't even hear the stupid 'nickname' he gave me. I was just angry.
I don't need help from filthy little Mudbloods like her!
My world just shattered into a million pieces right before my eyes. I didn't just say that, I couldn't have. She knows I didn't mean it right? She'll accept an apology? No she won't, I've been acting like a jerk ever since Mulciber decided to recruit me! I'm ruined. Oh, Lily! Please forgive me.
I am completely speechless. I thought he might have actually liked me. He, he was lying this whole time? I thought his stupid friends was just a phase. I, can't even look at him now. And I'd wash your pants if I were you Snivellus. And with that I stormed off. Never knowing if Severus loved me the way I loved him.