Just one More
Seitoyoukai
"Damn" she cursed as she ducked behind a suit of armor, blood dripping from her wrist. But that was what she had wanted. She hadn't expected to be intruded upon that night, she had only wanted to cut away the loneliness, sorrow, pain, everything, anything, it didn't matter anymore, just one more cut…
"What are you doing?!?!" she heard a voice say from above her. She looked up meekly to see the one teacher she could actually say she despised, and that was Snape.
"Miss Granger…what…what in heavens name are you doing to yourself?" he said, slightly shocked to find the Head Girl in such a state.
"Nothing…." Hermione mumbled, her voice weak
"Nothing…so self mutilation is now nothing? Miss Granger, come with me this instant." He spat furiously
"Yes Professor…"
"If I ever hear of anything similar happening to you, I assure you that you will answer not only to the Headmaster, but to me as well."
"Yes Professor…"
Snape lead Hermione through the winding hallways, walking fast enough that Hermione was almost at a jog by the time they reached the Headmaster's office.
"Ice Mice" Snape said sharply, and mere seconds later, the gargoyle sprang away and the two of them stepped onto the escalator-like stairway.
"If you don't mind me asking Miss Granger…why were you doing that to yourself?"
"…"
"I take it you're not going to tell me."
"…"
"It doesn't matter, we're here" he spoke as the reached the top of the stair. He knocked on the old wooden door and when he heard a soft 'yes' from within, just opened the door swiftly, ushering Hermione in as well.
"Good Evening Severus, what, may I ask, is the occasion to your unexpected, but not unwelcome, visit?" Dumbledore greeted them, the usual twinkle in his eye. Hermione was starting to feel a little dizzy, the blood steadily flowing from her vein…too much…
"I found Miss Granger on the 5th floor corridor, near a suit of armor. She was cutting herself."
"Oh my. Miss Granger, what happened?"
"I…I…I don't remember. I try not to remember…I just try to forget what happened…but it never ever goes away…that's a lie, yes it does…it goes away when I cut…" she stammered out.
"I see…can you tell me what happened? I promise that whatever you say will not leave this room, am I right Severus?"
"Yes Sir"
"Right. Now, can you tell us what happened, what made you want to hurt yourself this badly?"
"It started around first year. I had been teased by a boy just because of who I am, and what I am…"
"And what are you?"
"A Mudblood."
"Hermione, I never want to hear you talk like that again, is that clear?"
"Yes Headmaster…"
"Alright, continue."
"Anyway, it continued day after day, month after month, year after year, and soon the teasing and taunting became more physical, the words grew harsher. I started cutting because I knew he was right. All along he was right. One night, I was making my rounds and I met him in the hallway. He told me that a student had been injured, and that I needed to come straight away. That was my mistake. I went with him, even though I didn't trust him, and soon I found myself in a room, wandless, surrounded by…by…people….they hit me, grabbed me, spit on me, but soon they started ripping off my clothes…they…they raped me…." Hermione choked out, silent tears streaming down her eyes
"Who, Who was it that did this to you?" Dumbledore worriedly asked
"It was Mister Malfoy, wasn't it?" Snape interrupted
"Y…y…yes…him and others…not to be prejudiced, but I'm almost 100 sure they were Slytherins.
Snape sighed heavily, pinching the bridge of his nose." Headmaster, this isn't the first encounter we've had with Mister Malfoy…"
"I know, Severus. Would you do me a favor and please fetch Mister Malfoy, along with all of his belongings. After tonight, he is no longer a student at this school."
"Yes Sir" Snape stiffly nodded and swept out of the room.
"Don't worry Miss Granger, things will get better now, I promise." Dumbledore said reassuringly
"I hope so Headmaster." She stated, feeling as if the room was spinning about her head.
"Miss Granger, are you feeling alright?" Dumbledore asked, but his only reply was Hermione's body falling to the ground. At that moment, Snape swept in along with Draco trailing along at his heels like a lost puppy.
"Severus, get Hermione to the Hospital Wing immediately…"
-Diary
I was caught today. It was so awful, seeing Snape's face like that. He looked like he was so disappointed, and I hate disappointing people. I'm so used to everyone considering me perfect, brainy, the general connotations with being smart. But they don't know how hard it is, to see everyone around you suffering, and yet for all the knowledge you have, you can do nothing about it. I feel like I'm useless to the Order, to Hogwarts…to Harry, and Ron, and Ginny. They've all experienced true hardships, and yet I can do nothing to help them. The way Dumbledore looked at me…his eyes, they were so sad, and filled with pity for me, when they should be looking at someone else! None of them, no one understands what this is like! To be kicked around like nothing, to be pushed to the side and forgotten, no one knows that sort of pain. All I want is for someone to notice me, for someone to look past everything and see me for what's inside. Wow, that sounds cliché, doesn't it? The thing is, I know what they don't know. I see what they don't see; I've gone places they've never gone. And until the day where someone has experienced what I have, they will never be able to cure me, and they will never be able to reach me. Until then, I'll just make cut…after cut…after cut…until either I'm saved, or I die.
Hermione
The next day, Hermione woke up, groggy from the experiences of the previous night…and then she remembered….they were going to expel Draco! They were actually going to remove him from Hogwarts, and he'd never bug her again! But strangely, that wasn't as comforting as she would have thought. She felt…well, she didn't know how she felt exactly. He mind was, to say the least, utterly boggled. Then she remembered Snape, the way he had looked at her, the way his eyes had showed how angry he was. She had never seen that look in his eyes, not even when he was reprimanding Harry, or even Neville. Would he look at her like that every time he saw her, every time he walked past her, willing to get away from the contagion that she was… would she be forever forced again to the side? Wait, why did she care what Snape thought! He was the greasy bastard who always called her the "insufferable know-it-all"! He hated her already, what reason was there for her to care about his opinion? Because he's the only teacher you haven't won over yet… a tiny voice in her mind responded, and she knew it was right. All the teachers loved her, even Quirrel had favored her, and he had Voldemort on the back of his head! Which, if you thought about it, wasn't exactly something to be proud of, but hey! He still counts as a teacher, no matter how creepy he was!
Hermione's attention was drawn away from her thoughts when she heard a soft muttering very close by…she lifted her head slight to see that it was Snape, and he was fast asleep in a chair next to her bed. She didn't blame him in the least, he had saved her life, expelled Malfoy, and done countless other things all in the same night… Hermione looked over at his sleeping figure to notice that he didn't seem so malignant and cruel when he was asleep…almost peaceful, but not quite, like no matter what, he'd always have to worry about someone or something. He started to stir, but resettled in another position, with his head gently resting on the back of the chair. Hermione sighed, knowing that she'd have to face him eventually, but now was not the time. She wasn't ready to talk, and he certainly wasn't ready to listen, as he was asleep. Hermione laid her head back down in the pillow and let sleep claim her once more. She didn't realize that at that very moment, Snape smiled a very rare but soft smile at her, not having slept a wink that whole night because the memories that she had stirred in him.