I Wish…
It felt strange to me, this feeling. The whole situation was strange. My marriage had failed. It was over.
I suppose work is to blame. In a sense. Because it was through work I met the love of my life, as well as my husband.
Right now I'm turning the ring Will and I got after Henry's birth. I'm sitting on the bed; the room is only lit by a lamp. Emily walks in and closes the door.
"Henry's asleep." She says quietly,
I smile, looking up, "Good. Thanks Em." I swallow and look away, my hands held together in my lamp, my thumb running over the stone in my ring.
Emily sighs softly and sits next to me, "It's alright JJ." She murmurs, "We're going to be fine." She takes my hands in hers and I look up into her eyes.
"But what if-" My insecurities are cut off,
"Jennifer." She says, "Everything will be ok, just you wait." She gives me a small smile, "You did the right thing."
I nod, only half convinced.
"JJ I love you. You know that. I love you, and I love little Henry. With all my heart."
I swallow back the lump rising in my throat, "I love you too." I whisper, but then the tears come and soon I'm weeping into her shoulder as she holds me.
I cling to her, "I loved him Emily, I did, he's my husband and I loved him." I'm trying to be quiet. I don't want to wake Henry, "I don't know what happened. I just didn't love him any more. I wasn't in love with him, I never was. I thought because I loved him so much, because I did Emily, I loved him so much." I swallow and continue, "I thought it was real! I loved him and I thought it was it but it wasn't. He's the father of my child Emily, what kind of mother am I?"
Emily is holding me close, soothing me. Rubbing circles on my back, running her fingers through my hair, whispering in my ear.
"I love you Emily." I cry, "I'm in love with you and it scares me. It's scaring me. What if something happens to you? God I love you so much."
"I know." soothes Emily, "I know. I love you too."
I pull back and look up into her soft and loving brown eyes. She gives me a small smile and wipes the tears of my cheeks. I lean up suddenly and kiss her, my hands wrapping around the back of her neck. I can tell I have surprised her, but she soon falls into the kiss and I can feel her smiling.
Emily held me close that night. Her arms were snaked around my body as I rested my head on her chest, falling asleep to her heart beat. She sighed and held me a little tighter once she knew I was out.
She pressed her lips to the top of my head and inhaled the scent of my shampoo. "When will you stop beating yourself up?" She whispered, "I wish we could just be happy."
She kissed me again softly, "I love you, Jennifer Jareau."
END
I hope you liked it, please review. I won't write Criminal Minds stories after this, and if i do there will be no inter cast pairings except for maybe Elle/Morgan xD