Author: SilentG
Title: Setting Up Santa
Fandom: LO:CI
Pairing: B/A
Rating: T
Spoilers: One small Loyalty spoiler
Archive: Anywhere – no need to ask – just attribute, and let me know if possible
Disclaimer: Not mine
Summary: A benevolent spirit tackles one final covert op before hanging up his badge for good.
~.~.~.~.~
The answer is yes. I did… encourage… the squad car to swing by. But I swear, the YouTube video was not my idea.
o.o.o.o.o
I watched unobtrusively while my plan played out at the Eames family residence. It wasn't easy! I mean, getting everything to fall into place was hard enough… I'd recently grown unaccustomed to juggling so many variables and contingencies… But keeping him alive and her single was even harder.
Would you like to hear about it? Well, sorry to disappoint, but… it's Christmas. Not the time to dwell on such things. Suffice to say that there were more than a few nights when I leant over him whispering in his ear to be careful, not to take unnecessary risks, not to behave like a man who had nothing to live for. A couple of times I finessed a situation in his favour. It made me wonder… was that what he had going for him before? I'd always thought he'd had the improbable, un-earned good luck of the Road Runner, but even though I haven't seen any other spirits helping him, knowing what I know now, I wouldn't doubt it.
She was harder. Of course, you're thinking, I should have known that she was always the really stubborn one. There were a few occasions when she was so determined to move on with her life that I was forced to finagle an absurd confession or offensive comment from her dates, just to put her off. Of course she was predictably fastidious, as I expected; she wouldn't stoop to giving herself to a man of inadequate character.
But like I said, it's Christmas. And I have a surprise for you (and for all the little Eameses)… Santa Claus is coming! In fact, he's only a few blocks away. He's decided to give the reindeer the afternoon off (they mustn't peak too early), and so he's driving himself through the perfect snowy day towards the oasis of warmth and light and love that awaits him in this house.
o.o.o.o.o
Alex Eames is fussing because she's afraid it's a setup.
Even though I made her family think the idea was theirs, they were nevertheless unable to act naturally enough to avoid tipping her off.
Despite her suspicions, she showed up at the house looking beautiful as ordered by her sister. But apparently her hair was insufficient, because she spent the first half hour upstairs in hot rollers, obeying peevishly while her sister fussed over her.
Now she's descending the front stairs with her fey fall of hair in huge, messy ringlets piled high on her head.
Oh, and did I mention she's dressed as Mrs Claus?
But she's not your mother's Mrs Claus, let me tell you.
When her sister presented the costume with a flourish, her eyes narrowed. The suspected blind date hadn't materialised upon her arrival, so he must be being sneaked into the house – like Odysseus and the Trojan Horse – in the guise of Kris Kringle.
How right she was.
The costume she's now wearing (despite her protestations), that her family is examining with grins and guffaws as she descends the stairs, looks more like a red velvet figure skating costume with white fur trim than what the traditional First Lady of the North Pole would wear. It's not indecent…but it is very eye-catching, and the high black boots she insisted on retaining didn't hurt.
She looks resigned, but she hasn't lost her spunk. She's grimacing ironically at her brother-in-law, as if to say, I'm going to put up with this for the kiddies, but don't you go thinking you aren't going to pay. She's also scoping out the room… probably looking for mistletoe (which is nowhere to be found, by the bye). It won't be needed.
o.o.o.o.o
Santa's following the trail in the snow up to the big house. He keeps fiddling with his belt, and he's dropped his sack of presents a couple of times.
The cold must be killing him… he's only been back in town a day and a half.
He wouldn't have been back so soon if the Eames family hadn't made a special request to have him come visit. And whose idea was that? Yours truly.
Yeah, there were a lot of mixed feelings in the Eames clan. Most of them bad. But they know about Goren and Eames… how deep those ties run, how strong the connection. It only took a little nudging to get them to look past their prejudices and think of her welfare.
He's about to come in through the side door in the garage. Nathan's been seconded to distract his auntie so that Santa can sneak in un-noticed.
All the adults are in on it, and they're waiting with both expectation and glee. Don't think they aren't looking forward to front row seats at what will prove to be the awkward moment of the year. Two people who put their personal feelings aside for half a decade, so they could do the job. But when the feelings have been bottled up for the better part of a year, and the job is making Christmas fun for a bunch of anklebiters, and it's all playing out in front of an audience, watching them try to keep it together should be very entertaining.
o.o.o.o.o
Santa's ensconced in Grandpa's big chair in the corner of the living room, near the tree. Men and women who know him, either in person or by reputation, are watching him, and he knows it. He's waiting for the kids, who have been corralled in the dining room and whose voices carry in a low, buzzing hum around the house.
I know what he's thinking… can you guess?
This isn't how he imagined their ideal reunion, but he can't say no to a chance to see her, to and maybe to earn a few points with her family. He knows they want her happy, but wouldn't mind if a little of his blood was spilled; he's glad of the accoutrements of his office that will hide his face if he has to be disappointed or embarrassed in front of them.
"You ready?" One of her brothers asks him.
"Uh, yeah," he replies, not altogether truthfully.
o.o.o.o.o
Alex tiptoes into the dining room holding her finger to her lips to shush the kids; instead, seeing her costume, they go crazy. She can't help but smile, even though she's still suspicious about what surprise is in store for her. She's put on a pair of spectacles to give her role more authenticity, but it just makes her look sexier.
"There's someone very special here to see you," she leans down and whispers.
"Is it Santa?" A couple of little voices pipe up.
"I don't know," she muses, shaking her head, "All I know is, I'm supposed to tell you that you've all been very good, whatever that means…" she trails off and scratches her chin, "And as long as you don't get too noisy or rowdy, you'll get a big surprise!"
"Where is the surprise?" Nate asks.
"Make a line, littlest at the front, we're going to the living room."
o.o.o.o.o
She recognises him the instant she walks into the room. He's been keeping an eye on the door ever since the kidlets start tumbling in, so it's not such a big surprise for him. Nevertheless, the Eames family watches with amusement as he tries to stay in character for the children while gawking at her.
She actually trips a little as she herds her nieces and nephews towards him, and the look on her face is priceless. It's like a year of silent conversations and eye sex are pouring out of them all at once, and it's amazing that his whiskers don't catch fire. Which is a shame, because hey, I'd pay to see that.
Somehow they manage to play their parts, and one by one the little munchkins sit and speak and are hugged and patted and given their gifts.
What happens next is something I confess I wondered about for many years, and more recently awaited impatiently.
With the hoard of children (which seemed to have swelled somehow) surrounding him on the floor, and all the adult Eameses flanking them along the walls, she went straight to him and sat in his lap unprompted.
There were no words spoken. Their speaking eyes said something, however, because after wrapping her arms quite tightly around his neck, she suddenly leant in and kissed him full on the mouth, whiskers and all.
The kids didn't blink… I mean, it was just Mr & Mrs Claus smooching, right? But the reaction from the adults was electric. Bobby and Alex smiled at each other.
"What? I was just happy to see him!"
Yes, there was some surprise. Her family had planned this event (or so they thought), but even they hadn't expected her to stick her tongue down Santa's throat right there in front of everyone.
o.o.o.o.o
And that brings us to now. It's only 52 minutes later, but the video's already been indexed by the search engines. Also, it's almost time for me to go.
You see, after the kiss, they left in a rush… They didn't even take the time to change out of their costumes. And somewhere along the way, the tension got to be too much for them, and before you can say Santa's Sleigh, they were… well, in their defence, the tension must have been unbearable.
And as I said before, I'll cop to luring the squad car over, but only because I thought they'd appreciate doing that for the first time in a bed. And not at all because that's the kind of guy I am, and the fact that I'm still a little irritated at them.
But I swear, I didn't know about the camera phone.
Something like that would never have happened on my watch.
It was taken down eventually. But I did catch a glimpse of the title and description, which I think is a fitting elegy to their two solitudes.
o.o.o.o.o
Why Was Santa's Sack So Full? – clip recorded Xmas eve on Staten Island
Apparently the jolly fat man drives a '66 Mustang. You'd think with that sweet ride he'd be able to pull all sorts of tail (and not the Rudolph kind), but apparently he'd rather make out in the back seat with Mrs Claus. The Spirit of Christmas got into the patrolmen, Santa got off with a warning. (Probably would have gotten off without one, too.)
o.o.o.o.o
And me? Of course you know me… My name was Danny Ross. In life, I did my best to keep them apart… In death, it was my task to bring them together. What, you think I did this because I like playing matchmaker?
And as for the Afterlife, are you wondering what it's like? If I've bumped into Jim Morrison or Abe Lincoln or Nicole Wallace?
About that I have only one thing to say…
You'll see.
~.~.~.~.~
A/N 2: I couldn't find a Mrs Claus costume that matched my idea… they were all either too traditional or waaaay too racy, lol. I pictured a long-sleeved, fitted, boat-neck dress with a short, full skirt.
WORDS: 1948 UPLOADED Monday, December 20, 2010