Five Times Radek Made Jana Cry (And One Time He Didn't)
by Audrey Lynne
Note: Thanks to Pajus for the input on the bear's name... ;)
One
When she was two years old, Jana cried because Radek wouldn't share his favorite toy with her. He was five and she idolized him--her big brother, her only real playmate. And he did play with her, but he consistently refused to let her near his ratty stuffed bear, the one he called Paja. It really didn't seem fair to Jana at all, because he had other toys, even if they were mostly cobbled together from things Mama had found around the house. The bear always looked so soft and Jana wanted to get her hands on it, but whenever she tried, Radek ran off and hid it. This particular occasion, Jana had followed him and nearly retrieved the bear from its hiding spot under the sink, but Radek had been waiting for her and he snatched Paja back with an emphatic, "Ne!" Jana promptly burst into tears, and though Mama consoled her and offered her a sock puppet in exchange, Jana still wanted the bear.
Four years later, Jana found herself crying because her only doll had lost its head. Radek fixed it for her.
Two
When she was fourteen, Jana cried because the notice had come, the one that meant Radek had been selected for their country's compulsory military service. Radek had been studying books that their beloved aunt Romana had snuck him, and Jana knew he was going to do great things someday if he could go to university. The family had always known this day would come for Radek, as it would for their younger brother Viktor, but Viktor was still only twelve. That day was years off. Radek's had come, and Jana fought it, because she and Radek had always been extremely close, and Jana knew her brother. He was an intellectual at heart, not a warrior, and she was afraid that if he did survive, Radek might never be the same.
Six months later, Radek's first letter home arrived. Even at her age, Jana could see through Radek's hopeful words meant to reassure everyone that he was fine. She could sense the strain he was under and she cried again.
Three
When she was nineteen, Jana cried because Radek was standing on the doorstep. It was out of sheer relief, seeing him there, real, and alive. He didn't say much, but his letters home had become less detailed over the years. Jana knew that during his time in the military, Radek had done a lot he couldn't talk about. Those things didn't concern her as much as the things she knew he probably could speak of but he never would. Though he pasted on a smile and greeted her with genuine affection, Jana saw the haunted look in Radek's eyes and knew it would take a long time for that to leave him. A part of her feared it never would, not entirely, but she couldn't think about that at the moment.
Two minutes later, when she dragged him inside, Jana noticed Radek was hurt. He insisted it was only a shoulder wound and he would recover, but Jana shuddered to think of how close it might have been and she began to cry all over again.
Four
When she was twenty-two, Jana cried because Radek was leaving her. She knew he would have the best opportunities to complete his education in America, and she knew how hard he and others had worked in order to provide him this chance to get there. But New York City was a long way from Prague, and if things didn't change in Czechoslovakia, Jana knew Radek might never have the chance to return. Letters would help, but they weren't the same as having him there with her. She had seen the last of their winter trips to Romana's house, snowball fights in the backyard, watching Radek and Viktor play a makeshift hockey game on the frozen lake. Radek hugged her and promised her they would see each other again someday, but Jana couldn't help but wonder if he was making promises he couldn't keep. He and his wife left that night and Jana stood in the front yard, watching them disappear down the street until she couldn't see them anymore.
Five months later, Jana got a letter from Radek. School was going well, but he was still adjusting to a new life in a new country, and to make matters worse, his marriage was falling apart. Jana wanted to be there for him, but from so far away, she couldn't, and her tears soon mixed with the ink on the paper.
Five
When she was thirty-seven, Jana cried because Radek had just come home from his research position in Antarctica long enough to tell her he was taking another assignment. He couldn't tell her where he was going this time, but it was something big and it was very far away. The only caveat? There was a chance he might not make it back. Radek had never been so blunt with her before. He'd always offered hope they would see each other again, but he said this time, he couldn't lie to her, knowing what he did about the mission he was undertaking. There was a certain light in his eyes, though, when he talked about the scientific possibilities that awaited him in this strange place he couldn't mention by name, and Jana knew she couldn't hold him back. Radek was following a dream and she had to let him. If their mother was still alive, she would have felt the same, and Jana took some comfort from that. She wished she could have known where he was going, but in the end, it didn't really matter. This mission could have been taking Radek to outer space and he'd have still signed on with the same level of enthusiasm. That was just the way he was.
A year later, Jana received a video tape from the United States Air Force. Radek still couldn't tell her much about what he did, apparently, judging from the deleted audio on one section of the tape. But when she could hear what he was saying, he assured her he was doing well and he was happy, and that was all Jana really needed to know. But when he asked her to continue taking care of his pigeons, that was so typically Radek that Jana couldn't help but smile though the tears were clouding her eyes.
Six
Two weeks before her fortieth birthday, Jana again found her brother on her doorstep. She wondered how long he had been standing there, because she could have sworn she'd heard a knock on the door ten minutes ago, but then there had been a crash from down the hall that meant she immediately needed to check in on her son, and Jana had forgotten about the door. It didn't matter, though, because Jana had Radek in a fierce hug before he got all the way inside. Other video messages had trickled in occasionally after that first one, and Jana knew that whatever Radek was involved with, it must have been amazing. All their lives, Radek had teased Jana about how she could cry at the drop of a hat, and she might have teared up this time, too, except her son swooped into the room in the next second to see where Mama had gone. Radek had always been a little terrorized by his nephew's high levels of energy, but he smiled and commented to Jana that, despite what one might have believed, there were hurricanes in the Czech Republic. There were simply a hundred and ten centimeters tall and they answered to the name of Krystof.
Five minutes later, Radek shrugged and finally gave in to Krystof's request to play, saying that as long as the he didn't get tied up and painted, it had to be better than the last time. Jana wondered what he meant by that, but a part of her suspected she didn't really want to know.