Of all the places in the world, Dean had never expected to find himself in California. It was so far from everything he'd ever known, and yet…. It felt like coming home, and that in itself made him feel like crying. It was sunny and bright and outgoing and it was no wonder that this was where Seamus had fled after the war.
He glanced down at the scrap of paper in his hand and took a deep breath. This was going to be hard. Still, this was the address he had found. The iron gates were open, inviting him to look forward over the pacific. He closed his eyes and steeled himself, then walked through. It was a long walk down the row before he found Seamus. He blinked furiously, trying not to let the tears spill over.
"Hello," he said. "It's me."
There was silence all around.
"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry for everything," he gasped and dropped to his knees. His knuckles pressed firmly against the green green grass, and he gave himself up to the pain.
When the sobs had ceased racking his body, he managed to sit, crossing his knees, and his fingers reached out, trembling.
"I was wondering if you'd like to meet," Dean said, "after all these years." He touched the cold granite of the headstone, tracing the "S" of all that was left of Seamus. "Imagine my surprise…" He sits in silence for a moment, staring out over the ocean. "At least you got a room with a view, mate. You always wanted... well. I can see why you liked it here, anyway," he continued, stretching out his arms to the sun. "You know, I came out here to talk to you about what happened, after the war. And all I can think about are the years that came before the world came crashing down around us. All those years when we were young and free… I remember that summer we went to visit your dad in Ireland. It was so green, so beautiful. And that year we went to the Quidditch Cup? No one ever forgot that summer. I'm sorry I abandoned you, that year, with the tournament… I shouldn't have done that. You were a git, of course, really an idiot," Dean smiles, "but I was still rotten to abandon you." Dean closes his eyes, and soaks in the warmth of the sun, though inside he feels only the cold he'd carried with him for years. "Here I am talking about myself again, huh? You always got annoyed at me when I'd do that. Not that anything I can do can hurt you anymore... "
"I wonder if you can even hear me. I've come a thousand miles to see you, and you're farther away than you've ever been. You know, I called. I did. Your Mam always put me off. I didn't think you'd have left. I know, you hated that town, that little town where you couldn't be anything, but to come here…." He sighed. "Why? Why did you do it? Because I said no? Because, after that year of running for my life, I couldn't just be what I'd always wanted to be to you? After being away, not trusting anyone, I didn't even know how to be your friend? I needed time, Shay. I needed to get used to being in the world again. And, when I did I tried to find you. I wanted to see you, but you were out of reach. What the hell was I supposed to do, Seamus, chase you around the world? Because I did that, I tried, and now all I can do is say I'm sorry, alright? I'm sorry for breaking your heart, but it clearly doesn't tear you apart anymore." He flopped onto his back and groaned.
He lay there for a moment, blank, listening to the birds chirping and the waves crashing a thousand feet below. His whisper was barely audible.
"It's going to tear me apart for years. I tried, and I failed. I couldn't find you in time. And who will fix my broken heart?"