I sat back on my heels and glanced up at the sky.

"What are you thinking about?" Edward asked me. He was lying back on his elbows, looking up at the sky, too.

I sighed and settled back into a sitting position on the soft grass. We were back in our clearing—our spot—like we had been doing for the past long time. It always seemed to give me a sense of peace, like I was totally safe there, alone with Edward, sealed off from the rest of the world.

That day, it wasn't working. "Uh…nothing." I positioned my gaze opposite of where Edward was, so he couldn't trick me into telling him.

He was suddenly by my side. "Bellaa!" He whined. My little tricks weren't working. He leaned closer until he was breathing on my ear. I was losing. Losing…

"Fine." I snapped, abruptly turning to him. He didn't start or even flinch. He just stayed in that proximity, staring intently into my eyes. I blinked and looked down. "I was just thinking…."

He finally backed off a little. "Yes? What were you thinking?" He coaxed.

"I want to be a vampire, Edward!" The words came out like a blur, rushing one after another. If I had been listening to myself, I'm pretty sure I wouldn't have been able to understand it.

But apparently vampires have a way with things, because his expression immediately grew sad, longing, and angry, and then just defeated. No, never defeated. Closed off. He backed away some more. "We've had this discussion before, Bella. I'm not going to curse you to the same fate as me."

"But I want to!" My vision was suddenly blurry. We had been through this a hundred times, and I had never turned on the waterworks before. What were they doing today?

Edward gave a low, animalistic growl. "No, Bella. And that's final."

I narrowed my eyes at him, willing the tears to go away. "Edward Cullen, if you don't agree to turn me into a vampire before I turn into a wrinkly old bat, I will go ask Alice and she will agree." I waited intently for his answer, his big blowup, that flash of rage in his eye, but it never came. It never came because I suddenly realized my words—a wrinkly old bat—and that struck me as astoundingly funny. And suddenly I was rolling around in the grass, laughing like a maniac.

I was swooshed up in a swift movement and then I was traveling fast, too fast. I squeezed my eyes shut, and my headache worsened. And then, suddenly, it stopped.

I knew that feeling all too well. I looked up, and there was Edward, wrinkling his eyebrow at me. I felt his strong arms underneath me.

"Fine." I pouted. "Don't laugh at my jokes, and don't turn me into a vampire. But I have to go to Port Angeles today with Alice. Today, Edward."

Edward sighed. "Fine." He put me down, and I realized we were at the car. He had run me to the car. That smart, conniving, wonderful, stupid little—

I quickly calmed my thoughts, and, still a little wobbly from those runs, which I would never, ever get used to, opened the passenger door of Edward's Volvo.

We barely talked in the car. Edward asked me trivial things, probably hoping to lighten the mood. I was still smarting; why did he have to treat me like I was five years old? It was my life, and my decision! He had no right to stop me!

It was so unfair that I needed his bite to seal my fate.

We were back at the Cullen's house with an hour to spare, but I didn't feel like spending that time with Edward, contrary to what I had been feeling the whole summer. It was mid-July now, and every day my birthday loomed closer and closer. Every day I begged more and more for Edward to change me before—before—

Before I turned eighteen.

I found Alice in her room, rearranging. "Hi," I said, walking in. I had managed to lose Edward after I had gotten out of the car; or maybe he had just realized that I really didn't want to be with him right then.

"Hey." Alice seemed surprised. "Where's Edward?"

I was suddenly slightly annoyed that everyone seemed to know me by Edward and Edward by me. Did we always have to do everything together? Apparently people found it weird if we didn't. "I don't know." I finally told her, and left it at that.

"Oh, okay." Luckily, Alice was the kind of person who just let it go. Or maybe she already had a vision about it. I had no idea. "Well, do you want to head to Port Angeles a little early? We can get in some extra shopping, and then you can eat there. Maybe we can stop by that bookstore you had been looking for, too." She winked at me.

I laughed. It was still a slightly painful memory, but it didn't really bother me anymore; not now, not when I had Edward to watch over me.

Edward. I was missing him already.

"We can leave in a half hour," I told her. "If that's okay. I just want to say goodbye to Edward?"

Alice giggled. "That's what I thought."

"Edward!" I called, running down the stairs. I was eager to see him now; I needed to see him now. "Edward!"

I half expected to see him at the grand piano, but I hadn't heard any music, so it wasn't a huge shock that he wasn't there.

"Edward!" I yelled a little louder, heading outside, into the backyard. That was weird. He should have heard me call; he always heard me call. He was usually by my side before I had even fully gotten his name out.

Slightly alarmed, I spun around and headed back inside, calling Edward's name more frantically. Where could he have gone? Maybe hunting? But why would he leave so abruptly?

The sensible half – er, quarter. Fourth? – of my brain told me there was a reasonable explanation. He was overcome by hunger, and he needed to satisfy himself before he came near me? Maybe he was hearing my calls right then, and he was grieving that he couldn't come.

Or maybe I was just a star-crossed little girl who thought someone was more in love with her than he really was.

I took the steps two at a time on my way back upstairs. I peeked into Edward's room, but he wasn't there. Of course. If he were there, he would have heard me.

Alice's room door was open. I nearly ran inside, starting to say, "Edward's not answering me!" But it came out more like "Edward—"

I cut myself off and shut myself up. Alice was sitting on the floor, staring at a blank wall, unblinking. Her eyes were a light golden color, so I felt no alarm as I approached her. The only panic I felt was at her behavior; she was sitting so, so still, and that ghastly look on her face; it was like something was terribly wrong, but she didn't want to come to terms with it, so she pasted a vacant look on her pretty face and left it at that.

Vacant. That was it. She looked like a house with nobody home.

"Alice?" I whispered, slightly afraid to break her reverie. I began to lower my fingers toward her face, ever so gently.

When she twitched, I very nearly jumped backwards, and ended up tripping over myself and tipping over from being so off-balance. Either way, I crashed onto the floor with a loud noise, which must have woken Alice up.

"Bella!" She said, and blinked. She looked confused, and then dreadful, and then confused again. "What happened?"

"Me," I muttered, getting up and dusting myself off. "I happened. Now what just happened to you? You looked like…I don't know. Like you were in a trance."

"Oh." Alice's voice grew soft. "Are you ready to go to Port?"

I recognized her subtle subject-change, for she was still speaking in that soft voice, which so easily tricked people (namely, me) into thinking we had been talking about something the entire time. But it wasn't going to work, not with me today. "You had a vision." I finally said. "What is it? And why is it so bad?"

Alice shook her head.

"And why aren't you telling me?" I realized that my voice was getting higher and squeakier with each question, but I had no energy to waste on keeping it normal. I was still slightly unnerved from not being able to find Edward, and when that reality crashed back onto me (I had frankly forgotten about him for a few minutes) I nearly fell over again from the sheer expanse of it all.

"Really, Bella, we should go." She glanced at a clock hanging on her wall to emphasize her point. When I refused to stop glaring, she sighed. "Okay. We'll talk in the car. Okay?"

I finally agreed, and we made it into her glossy red convertible without incident (uh, okay. So I nearly fell over a tree branch, if Alice hadn't caught me. But still).

I waited till we had backed out of the driveway and Alice was driving along at breakneck speeds to broach the subject again. "Alice?" I asked, carefully. She turned to look at me, and I could see in her eyes she didn't want to have this conversation. But I was aching for Edward, and I had a bad feeling that her vision had something to do with him. I decided to go that route, since it was doubtful that I could get her to cough up the whole thing. "Did it have to do with Edward?"

When Alice shook her head, I grew more puzzled than ever. "Um, okay. Who does it have to do with, then?"

Alice pursed her lips and shook her head.

I sighed. "All right. Does it have to do with me?"

Alice hesitated. She was staring straight ahead. She refused to look at me.

"Alice," I whispered. "Does it have to do with me?"