Disclaimer: I don't own Bodacious Space Pirates

How long? How long must this go on for? How long must she suffer? Those thoughts that keep intruding her mind even at the best of times. Marika was never one to be down, she was a joyful person, optimistic to a fault and she had support from not only the Bentenmaru, but also her mother and the school club that she was a part of. She had a steady part-time job and while her grades might not be good, it was good enough to get her by, in fact if one were to say they would be more than happy to be part of her life and many would kill to be her. But amidst all the swirling happiness and excitement that is Marika's life lies a deep self-loathing and fear within her. "Marika see you in the club!" Gruier called out as Marika smiled and nodded.

"Yep sure I'm going ahead first though," she said as she waved her friends goodbye and headed towards the clubroom as she could hear the awe whisperings of the other students. She had grown to both resent and happy, happy because everyone didn't mind that she was a pirate captain, but resentful because it made her different from everyone else. Before she ever knew that her father was a pirate captain, before she knew that her mother used to be a former pirate, she was one of them. She was normal, she wasn't different, she wasn't Marika Kato the space pirate captain, but just simply Marika Kato.

How she longed for those days, how she wanted to be a normal teenage girl again that was just going through her high school life. The pressure of being both a high school student and a pirate had begun to take it's toll on her as evident by her slouched shoulder and the bags under her eyes, she was just so tired and stressed all the time, although she could easily take time off from either of them she knew that eventually she would have to make a choice regarding her future.

Entering the club room she flicked on the light switch and closed the door, but not before locking it, as she slowly collapsed to the floor as she let the tears flow. The stress, the pressure and the immense responsibility that was heaped onto her finally decided to take its toll as Marika did not know what to do. She was trapped between two worlds: the world of space pirates and the normal world that she knew and embraced before. Although she had tried her best to work with both of them and try to become someone that both worlds would like and love it was hard, it was so hard, she sometimes had to cross the line in certain things and to make decisions that most students her age didn't have to make.

The emotional stress had also resulted in other afflictions such as weight loss and loss of appetite and sleep to name a few. In short she was an utter wreck emotionally, mentally, psychologically and physically. In the words of Misa she was an utter 'complete mess' though this would classify something other than just a mess. She didn't know what else to do, she was desperate for a way out, she felt trapped in her role and she knew that she wouldn't be able to take it. She couldn't take this amount of pressure as she bit her hand and just screamed not minding the pain that she was inflicting on her own hand as blood poured from it and the metallic taste of blood adorned her tongue.

She wondered how long she would be able to endure this, she was already this close to the tipping point and that was with the non-aggression pact in force, what about afterwards? After she graduated from high school? Would there be pirates and other shady characters attacking her at every waking hour? Would she be a risk to everyone she loved? No…she would not let that happen. If that was the case then her very existence was a threat, especially to Gruier and Grunhilde who were princesses of the Serenity kingdom. She chuckled to herself as she realised the irony of it all…a space captain finally cracking, who would've thought that would ever happen? She wasn't cut out to be a pirate yet alone a pirate captain, yes it would be far better if she disappeared from this world, if she would just disappear then everything will be alright…everything will be fine. Without a second thought she took out the anti-depressant pills that she had swiped from Misa's office without her knowing; at first it was simply to deal with the depression that Marika had self-diagnosed from browsing through the Internet.

But now it would be her way out of this life as she rattled the bottle before getting up and going with her plan. There was little doubt within her mind although rational thought would dictate that she would be screaming against such a rash action, however the tiredness that she was feeling right now and the utter helplessness that she felt made it impossible for her to think rationally. She made her way to the school's garage where all the ships and yatchs were kept, thankfully she knew of one vehicle that would do the job effectively, after making sure that no one was around she went into the garage and marvelled at the small vehicle.

Sitting in the vehicle she turned the bottle of pills around before taking a handful and dry swallowing it before turning on the engine. In this small garage room it would not take long for the smoke to get into her and then…and then it would all be over as Marika got herself comfortable. For the last time she wondered if this was a good idea, it would be so easy to just get out of here and blame some sort of malfunction if anyone caught her…but then she knew that the cycle would only repeat and she would only be further hurt and who knows? Perhaps the non-aggression pact would not be enough to deter those that wish to hurt her and she would be hurting the ones that she loved.

Ririka…Chiaki…Misa…everyone I'm sorry…I just can't take it anymore she thought to herself before the lull of sleep began to close in on her.

"Eh? Where's Marika?" Lynn asked as the club entered the clubroom to see it empty, "I thought she came in first."

"Yes she did," Gruier said pointing to Marika's bag, "her bag is here…but no Marika."

"Maybe she went to the toilet," Ai quietly said.

"Maybe well let's just get ready," Lynn said as the club began to stream in, however Chiaki sensed that something was wrong. There was an air around this room that she didn't like as she looked around Marika's bag before seeing a piece of paper on the table as she picked it up.

I'm sorry everyone I'm just too tired to continue…I truly am sorry

Chiaki's eyes immediately widened as she dropped everything and burst out of the clubroom, "Hey where are you going Chiaki?" Lynn shouted.

"The garage! And get Misa-sensei as well!" Chiaki shouted back as she dashed through the corridors and weaved in and out until she reached the school garage as she wildly looked all around for any sign of Marika. There were too many areas too look in and it would be too late for Marika if she did that. Come on…think Chiaki she thought to herself until she noticed the subtle appearance of black smoke coming underneath one of the garage doors, staking it on that she went to it and inputted the code to open it, but it came up as an error. She tried again and got an error, "Come on damn it! Open you stupid door!" she shouted.

"Chiaki what's wrong?" Misa asked as the rest of the club caught up to her.

"Marika is in there! Hurry!" Chiaki said as Misa went to the door and inputted the code as the door opened blowing black smoke out and chocking some of the students. However what they saw horrified them, Marika inside a vehicle and not moving a single inch, "Marika!" Chiaki said feeling the stinging of tears in her eyes as she dashed past Misa and opened the door catching Marika as she slumped out.

"O-oh my god…" Lynn whispered, "is she alive?"

"I don't know," Chiaki said trying to find a pulse, but finding none, "I don't know…" as she fought back a sob.

"Do you know how to do CPR?" Misa asked as she went to Misa fear etched upon her face and eyes.

"Yes," Chiaki said as Misa nodded.

"Call an ambulance now!" Misa ordered as one of the club members went to get an ambulance as Chiaki and Misa began CPR on Marika as the club members watched on in horror as Gruier was crying while Grunhilde supported her older sister.

"We failed her," Kane said as he rubbed his eyes, "we failed her."

"She didn't say anything…" Misa said, "we thought she was fine."

"I was with her…every time we went to the Bentenmaru I was with her and I didn't notice anything…how could I have made such an error?"

"The pressure got to her," Ririka whispered as her eyes were red from crying and she looked like she had rushed out of the airport with nary a glance at what she looked like. "She couldn't take the pressure…"

"She was so strong, so optimistic, I didn't think she would do this…" Misa said, "I didn't even know that she swiped my anti-depressants."

"Why the hell do you even have anti-depressants? You're a school nurse for god sake!"

"It's part of my job! I need that for the students that have depression," Misa retorted.

"Fat lot you did to identify it," Kane retorted back.

"Excuse me?" Misa shouted.

"Stow it you two!" Ririka snapped at them as Misa and Kane looked abashed as Misa started crying while Kane punched the walls a few times, hard, before he simply looked at the floor.

The doctor then came out as they all looked at him, "She's going to be alright," he said as they sighed in relief, "however that's only medically. I do not need to tell you that she will need to go psychiatric treatment in order to repair this…suicide is not something to be taken lightly and the root of this cause needs to be identified and found before we can take any further actions."

"I understand," Ririka said, "what do you propose we do?"

"Am I correct in stating that she is captain of the Bentenmaru?" as they nodded, "Then perhaps that is one of the reason, as a former doctor onboard a ship I understand that the pressure of being on space and the decisions that a captain's make can largely affect even the best of them. For a teenage girl it was only a matter of time before she cracked under such an immense pressure. I am not saying that the crew is responsible for this, far from it, however I merely suggest that perhaps it's one of the underlying cause," he explained.

"I see…I was beginning to wonder if she was truly alright with suddenly being thrusted a responsibility as this…" Misa said.

"I will leave you now…she is sleeping, but she will regain consciousness in 24 hours," the doctor said.

"Thank you…" Ririka said as the doctor nodded and left them alone.

The minute that Marika opened her eyes she knew that there was big hell to pay, "You are truly the galaxy's most idiotic captain that has ever existed," Chiaki said as Marika didn't know whether to laugh or to remain silent so she just simply gave a small shrug. "Do you know how close you came to dying?"

"Close?" she whispered.

"You were literally nanoseconds from death, if I hadn't come in and figure out your plan you…" as Chiaki gripped the bed railing tighter.

"How did you figure out where I was?" Marika asked.

"I just thought the best way for a person to die wouldn't be through a slash to the wrist, it would take too long, and for a person like you…I just couldn't imagine you slicing yourself…so carbon monoxide poisoning would be the other option," Chiaki said softly and more to herself than to Marika.

"I see…" Marika said as she drew the blanket closer to her, "there's going to be hell to pay isn't there?"

"Oh big time," Chiaki said, "believe me when I say that you really are stupid."

"Yeah…I guess I can't be like you can't I?" Marika said coldly, "You who were raised on board a pirate ship, you who know everything there is to know about piracy, you have your whole future mapped out don't you?"

"A-are you jealous of me?" Chiaki asked.

"Not jealous per say…I just wished that I was like you, raised on board a pirate ship, instead of having a normal life turned upside down," Marika said as Chiaki chuckled then laughed as tears fell from her eyes.

"You're actually envious of me? I think it's the opposite…I'm the one more envious of you…"

"What?"

"You have a normal life at the very least, you at least have friends and was able to go to school. Me? I didn't have that luxury. My lessons were about space piracy and all that, my friends were my father's crew…I didn't have a friend my age until I met you. Some days I'm jealous that you have a normal life while I didn't…who knew that you would be jealous of me…"

"I…"

"Listen Kato, we are both heirs to famous pirates, both of us have a lot of burden on our shoulders. Our future may be simply to be pirate captains, but you know what? At the very least we will have each other…yes sometimes the pressure is too much and you feel that you will be swallowed up by it. But you know what I do? I just think about how grand an adventure it will be once I actually inherit my father's ship, for you it came a little early because of your father's demise, but ultimately you will too learn that there's a lot more to piracy than just the contract jobs."

"Is this your way of making me feel better? Because it's not really working…"

"No this is my way of trying to beat some logic into you," Chiaki said, "i-it's not like I care or anything…"

"Nice try, but I know that you do care…thanks Chiaki…for being here."

"Your mother would have been here, but she had to work…I'm sure she'll come back as soon as her shift is over."

"Okay…" Marika sighed knowing the amount of people that were going to come see her as soon as they knew that she was awake, "there's going to be big hell to pay…"

She had been both dreading and waiting for this moment, she had no idea how she was going to talk to Ririka. She ran through all the possible scenarios, but they weren't very effective nor would it help her in any way or form. So when the door opened Marika didn't know what to expect, "How are you feeling?" Ririka asked calmly surprising Marika since she expected her to be distraught or in some sort of panic.

"I'm fine," Marika replied, "I've been sleeping for most of the day."

"Is that so?" Ririka said as she sat next to Marika as she put her bag down. There was several minutes of awkward silence before Ririka took a deep breath, "Am I a terrible mother?" she asked as Marika raised her head.

"Huh?" she replied.

"Am I a terrible mother? Is that the reason why you tried to take your life?" Ririka asked.

"N-no of course not it's-" Marika said.

"Then why did you do it? Why did you try to end your life?" Ririka shouted making Marika flinch as she could see tears coming down from her eyes.

"Ririka…"

"I tried to be a good mother since your father left us, I tried my best to raise you and even got a job as an air traffic controller. I thought that even with your father gone I would try my best, that's what I promised myself…did I go wrong somewhere?"

"No…you didn't go wrong anywhere, you are a good mother and you've always taken great care for me. It's just me…I…I thought I was able to take it, that I would be able to become the pirate that my father was. I thought that I would be able to make the Bentenmaru as famous as it was when you and he were pirates…I just…I just didn't think it would be so hard."

"Marika…"

"I'm sorry mother even though you wanted me to be a space pirate captain I just can't…I don't know if I'm strong enough to be one!" as she could feel tears falling from her eyes.

She then felt Ririka embrace her as the tears slowed down, "I'm sorry it's my fault for pushing you to be a space pirate when you're not up for the challenge," she said, "I thought that you would be able to do it because you're my daughter, but I now know that everyone is different and that while you may not have my strength, at least you have my sense of humour and love of the crew. I talked with the crew, you'll be let go as the Bentenmaru's captain while you're still at school, and if you wish to further your education while you're a university student too."

"Eh! Then who's going to be-"

"Me…I'll take on that role and the crew accepted it, of course it's not official yet, but it won't be a problem. I got you into this mess and it nearly cost you, a cost that I would never be able to come to terms with, so I'll shoulder your burden and I'll be the one to make sure that you have a normal life until you're ready to take on the role."

"Ririka…" Marika whispered before she hugged her mother closer, "thank you, thank you so much, I love you."

"I love you too Marika…my precious daughter," Ririka whispered as she thanked the stars for allowing her daughter to remain with her and she knew that one day Marika would become a strong woman and become a strong space pirate captain. But until then she's just Marika Kato, a normal school girl.