Inside Your Heaven
Author: Midnyteblue
Pairing: Jack/Daniel, Friendship/Slash
Rating: NC17
Spoilers: Previous Story - Long Long Journey: Year 1
Summary: It's a New Year with New beginning's
Disclaimer: Not mine never have been or will be. Fic inspired by the beautiful Carrie Underwood
AN: This story follows on from my previous series. If you don't like slash fics then do not read, it's easy!
AN2: For those of you continuing on with my story, it's great to see you again. I hope you like it :)
...
Daniel's heart was racing as he took hold of the towel that surrounded Jack's waist.
"Are you positive?"
Jack had asked the question already and in response Daniel pulled the towel open revealing Jack's manhood underneath, with a steady hand betraying nothing of how he was feeling inside Daniel reached down and grasped the shaft firmly in his grip.
Jack gasped at the contact and held on to Daniel tighter than before. Showing a confidence he was barely feeling Daniel pushed Jack back onto the bed, his hand never loosing contact.
"I love you." He whispered before capturing Jack's mouth again in a hard kiss. Jack ran his fingers across Daniel's back before bringing them around to undo his trousers. Jack groaned and fumbled slightly as Daniel's hand began to make its way slowly up and down,
"Stop!"
Daniel looked down confused and began to take away his hand, a look of hurt flashed across his face. Jack was quick to clamp his hand over Daniel's, holding it I place.
"Sorry, I meant wait."
Jack quickly concentrated on his task of undoing the button on Daniel's pants, pulling the zipper down he sipped one hand inside the waistline, the other began tugging the clothing down,
"I'm at a distinct disadvantage here, wanna help me out?"
Daniel nodded and biting his lip shyly he removed his pants, stepping out of them he quickly lay back down over Jack who had moved around so his head was resting on the pillow,
"You okay?"
The question triggered Daniel's resolve and with a slightly less steady hand he resumed his previous ministrations. Jack ran his hands up and down Daniel's bare back, savouring the sensation of his soft skin.
It was something he had been wanting for months. He was so intent on the sensations flowing through his fingertips he barely registered when Daniel started kissing his chest. He did register however when Daniel began moving his way down.
"Okay, wait again." Jack managed breathlessly
Daniel stoped and raised an eyebrow,
"It's kind of how this works."
"Maybe, but this is a mutual thing Danny. Give me a second okay?"
"But…"
"No."
Jack pulled Daniel up to him and turned them on their sides so they were facing each other. As he did he grabbed Daniel's shaft feeling it harden instantly in his hands,
"Oh my God!"
He had never felt so turned on in his life. Daniel's eyes closed as he drew in a breath. He once again put his hand on Jack and together they began to move
…
Daniel opened his eyes to the morning glare and instantly he closed them again,
"Bright!"
He pulled his pillow out from under his head and pulled it over his eyes, shielding himself from the intruding light.
"Ignore it." Came the muffled reply.
Daniel moved himself further down under the covers in an attempt to escape the day and in doing so he felt himself brush up against his partner,
*Lover.*
The thought came unbidden and with it a sense of panic at the situation. His mind flipped back instantly to the night before,
*Oh God, we…Jack and I…what if…no because we still haven't…maybe he doesn't want to…maybe I'm not…*
"Shhh, you're okay."
Daniel had tensed up severely as his mind kicked into overdrive but as soon as it did the arm which had been encircling him tightened into a firm embrace. He felt with a bit of effort the other arm slip under him so he was being hugged tightly to the man next to him. Wrapped up in those arms he found it easier to relax.
"It's okay, I'm right here."
"Jack, I…don't know…"
Daniel tensed up again as Jack moved so he was lying over him but Jack didn't move away and he didn't look angry. He looked sleepy and content, something Daniel hadn't seen before.
"Good morning."
"Morning."
Jack leant down to kiss Daniel, their bodies making contact as he rested his weight on him,
"Too heavy?"
"No."
"How you doing?"
Daniel didn't trust himself to answer and his usual response of 'fine' seemed to get caught in his throat.
"Hmm, let me tell you how I'm feeling. I'm freaking out."
Daniel started to nod, an automated response, until his brain processed the words,
"You're freaking out? Why?"
"Because, I'm lying here, on top of this amazing man. A man I have no hope of ever being worthy of. An incredible man who for some reason has chosen to trust me in every single possible way and I'm freaking out because I don't ever want to lose him."
Jack rolled off Daniel and pulled him onto his side. Jack had decided very quickly he loved lying like this because it gave them an equal footing, neither holding a position over the other.
"You see, this man is not only brilliant, he's gorgeous. And my head is telling me that it must all be a dream because there is no way I can possibly be this happy in real life"
Daniel ducked his head a little at the praise. It wasn't uncommon for Jack to go on like this, he'd done it before but this time he was worried it was for the wrong reasons,
"You're just saying that to make me feel better."
"No I'm not, why would I?"
"Because I…screwed up."
"When?"
Daniel raised an eyebrow and waited for Jack to remember.
*** Flash Back ***
Daniel felt like his body was on fire, he was burning with desire for the man who currently had his hand around his most private part. His body arched of its own accord as Jack's hand suddenly moved to hold onto his balls, rolling them gently in his hand
"Deus meus!"
Jack grinned as he realised Daniel's brain wasn't quite firing on all cylinders if he was speaking another language. Deciding to take a risk he moved down the bed and taking a breath he slipped Daniel's tip past his lips.
*Geeze Danny, you sure have a whole lot going for you! I think I'm jealous.*
Daniel's eyes snapped open as he felt Jack slide his lips down his length. The last time anyone had done this he had been a child. He panicked and moved his hips away.
Using Jack's momentary distraction to his advantage he reversed their position and placed his own mouth around Jack's own length. Lessons he had been abused with came flooding back and it wasn't long before Jack was seeing stars.
*** End Flashback ***
Daniel felt disgusted with himself. He had initiated last night's events, telling Jack he was ready. Instead he had freaked out.
Jack was still puzzled as to what Daniel had been talking about. He had replayed the events but was failing to see where Daniel had 'screwed up'
*Okay Jack, come on. You were both enjoying yourselves, Daniel started on his linguistic rollercoaster, you realised he should be named the eighth wonder and then…oh.*
Jack looked at Daniel, his eyes widening as he realised what Daniel was referring to,
"Oh my…Daniel I'm so sorry!"
Jack pushed himself away and sat up, taking care not to physically touch Daniel,
"I'm such an idiot. I got carried away and I scared you. I am really sorry."
Daniel's eyes widened as he realised Jack was blaming himself,
"Jack, stop please. I'm not blaming you. I'm blaming me! I flipped out again and almost wrecked…everything."
"You didn't almost wreck anything, you really need to stop putting yourself down, it's one of your worst traits. I didn't keep my promise, I let other parts of me take over and I pushed you too far. Daniel, last night was one of the best nights of my life and *you* made that happen. I'm just sad I couldn't give you the same experience."
"You didn't do so badly yourself." Daniel bit his lip shyly, his eyes drawn downward to his fingers which were playing with the blanket
*** Flash Back ***
Jack's hips thrust upward in a sudden movement as he came, pinpricks of light danced behind his eyes as sensations overwhelmed him. He pulled Daniel up to him and kissed him, vaguely aware that he could taste himself as he did.
Daniel had kept hold of Jack and was still working him gently as Jack took hold of Daniel. He worked him furiously, taking time every few strokes to rub his balls. Daniel lost all track of himself as he gripped the blanket in an attempt to hold on to reality. It was all for naught as he came a short time later, calling out Jack's name as he did.
As their heartbeats slowed and their breathing returned to normal Jack used his discarded towel to clean up what he could. Glancing at the clock he pulled Daniel up and across the hall to the bathroom for a quick shower before heading back to his room where Daniel fell asleep before his head hit the pillow.
*** End Flashback ***
Jack reached out for Daniel and kissed him soundly. Falling back against the pillow, Daniel shifted till he was lying over Jack, his head resting on his chest, their fingers linked as they lay together, each in his own thoughts.
*He doesn't care that I…stopped. I mean I didn't stop him from…I guess guys really do like…Okay Daniel that's enough. Last night was nothing like before, last night you *wanted* to do that, you were happy to make Jack happy…he seemed happy anyway.*
Daniel moved one hand from Jack's grip and ran his fingertips through the spray of hair covering his chest. The action caused Jack to let out a little sigh,
"You okay?"
"Oh yeah, no complaints here."
"I really did want…it all."
"I know, and I promise you that one day you will feel what I felt."
"You really don't care?"
"Babe, I didn't expect anything let alone what you gave me."
"You don't care."
"Not about that."
"What do you care about?"
"You."
Daniel closed his eyes and allowed himself to drift away, Jacks words ringing in time with the beat of his heart
I've been down
Now I'm blessed
I felt a revelation coming around
I guess it's right, it's so amazing
Every time I see you I'm alive
"Seriously!"
Daniel startled awake at the sudden intrusion of noise
"How are you still in bed? It's Christmas Day!"
"Go 'way." Jack mumbled
"Really?! Jack it's Christmas!"
Daniel's eyes snapped open as he realised who was speaking. He was still lying on Jack and he was very thankful that they had a blanket covering them. He looked up at Jack and waited for the situation to sink in, it didn't take long.
"Chelsea! I…um…"
"Will you hurry up? Mum won't let me open anything till you're downstairs!"
Daniel raised an eyebrow at Jack's stunned expression and decided to take pity on him,
"I may have let it slip when we were talking the other night."
Jack turned his stunned expression to Daniel who grimaced under his stare.
"We'll be right down." Jack spoke quietly, his eyes never leaving Daniel's. Chelsea let out a dramatic sigh but closed the door behind her as she left.
"I'm really sorry Jack." He pulled back but Jack kept a firm hold of his waist,
"You told her?"
Jack's voice was still very quiet and Daniel found he was more worried now than he would have been if he had yelled at him.
"I…well no but…"
"What happened?"
"We were talking and I didn't say that we were together I was saying how crazy everything had been the past few days and I couldn't get my head around it and I said that everything with you didn't help. I stopped after I realised what I was saying and I think she figured it out."
"You didn't say anything else? How can you be sure?"
"I ran outside, I had to get away. I was so mad at myself; I couldn't believe what I'd done. Chelsea followed me out."
Daniel looked at Jack, his eyes wide. Jack just stared back with no expression.
"I…Chelsea, she asked me…."
"What?"
"She asked me if I loved you, that's how I know she knows. She asked me straight out."
"And what did you say?"
"Yes." Daniel whispered the single word and looked down again. He waited for the yelling to come, the rejection. "I'm sorry Jack. I'll go."
Daniel got up and this time Jack let him. He pushed himself off the bed and quickly grabbed his trousers to cover himself. He heard movement behind him and almost jumped out of his skin as Jack took his hand and pushed him back against the wall.
"You told my sister that you loved me?"
"Yes, I am so so sorry."
"What for?"
"What?"
"What are you sorry for?"
"I told your sister. It was stupid and possibly very bad. I had no right to do such a thing. I am really sorry."
"Are you sorry for loving me?"
"What? Of course not. I mean I have my moments of self-loathing but I will never be sorry for loving you."
"Are you sure?"
"Not unless you give me a reason to be."
Jack stared at Daniel for what seemed like an eternity,
"I love you Daniel Jackson!"
Jack kissed Daniel hard, putting his full weight against him. Daniel wrapped his arms instinctively around Jack's neck and gave himself over.
"You're…*kiss*…not…*kiss*…mad?"
"*kiss*…furious…*kiss*…"
"I'll…*kiss*…make it up…*kiss*…to you."
Jack pulled back and brushed some hair from Daniel's eyes,
"You aren't taking back your present."
"But…"
"Nope, you will keep it and that's the end of it."
Daniel could only nod, in the grand scheme of things he knew he was getting off easy,
"You really told Chelsea that you loved me?"
"I did."
Jack sighed and kissed Daniel's forehead,
"Well I guess there's only one other person we should tell."
"Jack you don't have to. I'm pretty sure Chelsea won't tell."
"I'm sure she won't, but Danny those two women are two thirds of my life. I've been wanting to tell mum for months and now I guess there's no reason not to."
"I forced your hand."
"Not really, just sped up the inevitable. I have no intention of letting you go Daniel, not for anyone. I would have to tell them eventually."
Daniel wasn't convinced that Jack was as complacent about the situation as he was expressing.
"I really am sorry."
"I know. Daniel I'm not really mad, I just don't know what to tell her. And the last time Chelsea walked in on me in bed with someone it was my wife."
"You don't have to tell Jack. Really, if you think it would be easier. I understand, you don't just go from having a wife to a boyfriend. I would completely get it if you never told her. I don't want to wreck your relationship."
Jack pulled him away from the wall and wrapped Daniel in a gentler hug,
"I'm not ashamed of you Daniel, in fact I am so proud of you. I'm proud to be your partner…your lover. Damn it's good to be able to say that."
Jack looked over at his partner and smiled. He was looking so upset and all he'd done was declare what Jack couldn't.
"Come on."
Jack donned his own pyjama pants and a t-shirt whilst Daniel pulled on his sweater. Jack took his hand and continued to hold it as they descended the stairs. As they reached the bottom of the stairs Daniel tried pulling his hand away but kept a firm grip.
The walked into the lounge area and waited till Caitlin looked over. Chelsea was busy sorting through the presents.
"Mamma, I probably should have said something before we came but, I guess I was a little scared."
"What's wrong lad?"
Caitlin was looking innocently at Jack who wasn't paying much attention but Daniel saw the mischievous look in her eye and breathed a sigh of relief.
*It's going to be okay.*
"I um, well I kind of….that is we…Oh for crying out loud, Mum I love Daniel."
Chelsea stopped instantly and turned to face Jack with a raised eyebrow. Caitlin just sat back and nodded,
"Well we all love Daniel."
Daniel sniggered but covered it quickly. Jack looked at him and back to Caitlin, trying to figure out if she understood his big announcement,
"Mum, Daniel and I have been seeing each other for a few months now."
"I figured, I mean you do work together lad, how are you meant to work together if you can't see each other?"
Chelsea giggled and didn't try to hide it. Jack looked confused and she couldn't believe he hadn't figured it out yet.
"Mamma, I'm not sure you get it. I love Daniel, very much. Like head-over-heels, can't imagine my life without him, want to spend every second with him love. He's my partner in every way and…I love him."
Chelsea sat back, her eyes wide. She had known Daniel felt strongly about the relationship and she had guessed the feeling was mutual after her entrance this morning but she had never imagined that Jack would come out and say it like that. She quickly analysed her feelings then shrugged. It didn't bother her one bit.
*I like Daniel, way more than I ever liked Sara. They just seem to fit better. Wow, Jack in a same-sex relationship. Never would have picked that growing up! Do I care? I guess not, He's happy and Daniel is awesome. They are going to face some serious opposition, and Jack's Air Force! They'll kick him out for sure. He's going to need to be so careful. I know a good Lawyer if he needs it…*
Daniel stared over at Jack, not quite believing what he was saying. He had said the words out loud, essentially came out to his family. He had literally declared an undying love for Daniel. He was speechless!
Caitlin looked at her son without blinking. Suddenly she smirked and winked at Daniel,
"Well now, that wasn't so hard was it?"
Jack was stunned at Caitlin's remark. He had expected a barrage of questions and possibly some yelling, not the smug expression before him,
"What? Danny did you tell her too?"
"No, of course not."
"No one told me Jack. I knew a long time ago."
"Mothers intuition." Jack breathed. Even with everything he had seen, people he had encountered, Caitlin's instincts still freaked him out. "Why didn't you say something?"
"I did, in my own way. Did you even bother checking to see if the spare room was free?"
"I um, no. You said it wasn't!"
"I did didn't I?"
Caitlin got up and walked over to her son,
"Jack. I want you to be happy. And this young man here has made you happier than I've ever seen you, except maybe when Charlie…"
Caitlin looked down for a moment to compose herself,
"I love you son. If you love another man so be it. As long as you are happy then you've made me proud."
Caitlin pulled Jack to her level and hugged him tightly. She let go and walked over to Daniel,
"You know lad, I still think you're too thin."
She took him in her arms and Daniel's eyes watered. He loved Caitlin and the knowledge that she accepted him was more than he could bare.
"I'm sure your cookies will help with that." He laughed
"Plenty more where they came from child, never fear that."
Chelsea got up from her present sorting mission and put her arm around Jack's shoulders,
"Well BB, you sure know how to spring one on people don't you."
"You walked in on us!"
"Well you weren't coming to open presents!"
"Really Jack, this is your doing. You know how she is on Christmas morning."
"And it wasn't so bad." Chelsea smirked
"How so?"
"The view was amazing." She looked side-long at Daniel who blushed a deep red causing Chelsea to laugh. She let go of Jack and turned to hug Daniel, "Oh, don't be shy! Own it!"
"Thanks, I guess."
"Okay, enough of this. Everyone sit down to get your presents."
Jack took hold of Daniels hand one more time and together they sat on the floor in front of the couch.
Caitlin was relieved that Jack had finally said something. She didn't believe either of her children should have to hide in their own house. She had figured out there was something going on between Jack and Daniel earlier that year and as such had been ready when they had come for Christmas.
Caitlin had mixed feelings about the relationship prior to their arrival, on one hand she'd had a strict Catholic upbringing but on the other hand her son's happiness meant more to her than almost anything. And then there was Daniel.
To her Daniel was a lost little child in desperate need of love and a home. He had found both of those things with Jack and Caitlin was glad that he still had the ability to smile.
"Okay, remember that no one is allowed to open their gifts till they're all given out!"
"Get on with it woman!"
Chelsea rolled her eyes but did as ordered. Daniel watched on first intrigued, then happy, then shocked as the pile of gifts for him grew.
"Uh, are you sure these are for me?"
"Is there someone else here named Daniel?" Chelsea threw back,
"I uh, I guess not. Really?"
Daniel turned to Jack who nodded and was delighted to find his face light up like the Christmas tree Chelsea was still digging under. When she was done they began the task of unwrapping the gifts. Whilst Jack and Chelsea attacked theirs, Daniel sat and read each tag as if he expected the name to change before gently pulling the tape away from the paper.
"Danny, whatcha doin?"
"Opening my gifts."
"You can rip the paper you know, makes life a whole lot easier."
"I kind of want to do it this way, so I can remember."
Jack took the gift from his hands and putting it down he held onto Daniel's hands so he would stop and listen,
"If this makes you happy then go for it, but if you're doing it this way because you don't think it will ever happen again then please stop. There are plenty more Christmas's in your future Dr Jackson so you might as well start enjoying them."
"Yeah, come on Danny, that ones from me so just rip it open!"
Daniel looked at the O'Neill's and took a deep breath before ripping the paper open.
"Hey, a new Journal! That's great, thanks Chelsea."
"See, way more fun." Jack grinned and continued on his pile.
Both Jack and Daniel acquired some new shirts as well as some books, Daniel had given Jack a subscription to the National geographic and a CD he'd been eying off. He'd purchased some new earrings for Caitlin and a bracelet for Chelsea.
*Thankyou Mel!*
Everyone was looking on expectantly as Daniel came to the end of his pile,
"You're making me nervous."
He reached for the large box that was still sitting by his side, it was heavy.
"Jack...?"
"Just open it Danny." He spoke quietly.
Daniel once again started to open the present carefully but when he caught sight of the picture on the box he threw caution to the wind and ripped the remaining paper away,
"Oh my...Jack!"
"Merry Christmas babe."
Daniel stared wide eyed at Jack before examining the box,
"Jack...these cost..."
"You were never taking it back."
"But..."
"Nope, Danny our deal was that if you didn't show any sign of liking it then you could, you should see your face."
"But...the cost!"
"Was well worth it. Now open it up!"
Daniel still couldn't believe what he was holding. He opened the flap and with Chelsea's help pulled out the Fully Automatic Coffee Machine.
"I've heard of these." Chelsea exclaimed as she looked on with Daniel, "Swiss? How do you pronounce it?"
"Jura, silent J and pronounce the U."
"Ellie said it's the new version of hers, the first fully automatic. You can even program in your favourite type of coffee so you just press a button and *your* coffee comes out."
"Jack...We...I mean I already have a coffee pot."
"You're right, *we* have a coffee pot, now you don't have to wait for it to start up. It grinds the beans fresh and we can program it to turn on at a particular time every day."
"You didn't have to do this."
"Do you like it?"
"Jack..."
"Danny, do you like it?"
"I love it!
Jack sat back with a smile. It had been expensive but as far as he was concerned no amount of money would be enough to show Daniel how much he cared.
"Jack I'm so sorry, I didn't get you much…"
"You got me plenty."
"But this!"
"Daniel, you gave me your present long ago."
"That excuse doesn't ring too well anymore Jack, this is…"
"So Mamma, I don't see a cup of tea in your hand, would you like some?"
"I would indeed lad, thankyou."
Jack got up from the floor and wandered into the kitchens, singing 'White Christmas' as he went. Daniel shook his head and sighed as he once again turned the box over to see what Jack had purchased
"Danny, this bracelet is gorgeous. Thank you."
Chelsea flung her arms around him and hugged him tight, kissing him as she did.
"Oh, you're welcome. I wasn't sure if you would even like jewellery but it was assumed to be a safe bet."
"I love it."
"And mine too lad, thankyou. You didn't have to buy us anything you know."
"Well neither did you."
"Sure we did! You're family, Family gets gifts." Chelsea declared
"I still can't believe…you keep calling me family."
"Aye, come here child."
Caitlin stretched out her hand toward Daniel and he getting up he took it and sat next to her on the couch,
"You are special to Jack and even if that were not the case, everyone needs a family. I know you have yours and we would never take anything away from them but Danny, we are happy to have you with us. We *want* you to be here and we want you to feel at home."
"I do." Daniel whispered as he wrapped his arms around Caitlin.
Caitlin sighed contentedly as she held the young man. She looked up and found Jack standing in the doorway, a slight shine in his eyes as he watched Daniel finally accept his place in his home. He put the cup on the mantel and ran back to the kitchen to grab the camera. When he came back Chelsea had moved to the couch to look at Caitlin's gifts and Daniel was flicking through a book Jack had given him. They were all smiling and Jack knew he would never get a more perfect shot. He aimed the lens and clicked. The noise made them all look up but none of them stopped what they were doing.
Jack handed Caitlin her tea and went to get the rest of the cups. He stood for a minute in the empty kitchen, listening to the chatter going on inside. In his opinion the only thing missing was Charlie.
*Merry Christmas Son.*
Jack closed his eyes and imagined what it would be like if Charlie was there. In his imagination, Sara wasn't present. Charlie was there with Daniel and Chelsea, whilst he was walking with Caitlin. As Charlie turned he realised it wasn't his son at all…
His eyes snapped open to find Daniel in front of him,
"You okay?"
"Yeah, just thinking."
Daniel nodded and reached for his hand,
"Jack, the coffee machine is amazing. Thankyou."
"You're welcome."
Daniel leant in for a kiss and Jack wrapped his arms around him. When they parted Jack brushed some hair aside from Daniel's eyes and sighed,
"I love you."
"I love you too. Come on."
Daniel picked up two of the mugs and walked away leaving Jack to follow, his eyes misty as the image in his mind of a blue eyed boy continued to dance.
*My family…*
You're all I've got
You lift me up
The sun and the moonlight
All my dreams are in your eyes
"What a day!"
Daniel fell back on the bed and rubbed his eyes,
"Yeah, but a good one you have to admit."
"Very good."
Jack collapsed back against the wall and slid to the floor facing the bed,
"You happy?"
Daniel looked over and raised an eyebrow,
"I am, are you?"
"Very."
"Good."
"You know in some ways I don't want to go back home. I like that we haven't had to hide."
"It has been nice, but I do also want to get back. I almost think we need to be grounded."
"What do you mean?"
"Well, this trip has been great, its been the best Christmas ever but life isn't always this good."
"You mean you want to go back to being shot at every other day, go back to hiding, go back to a cold grey walls and empty words?"
Daniel frowned and moved off the bed to join Jack on the floor,
"Hey, what's with the bitter tone?"
"Nothing."
Daniel frowned and folded his legs under himself so he was kneeling in front of Jack. He just sat staring at Jack until the older man finally caved,
"I love our job, I do. I mean if nothing else it brought me to you."
"Okay, so what's wrong?"
"I don't know, I just…something about this year has me worried."
"Really?"
"Maybe, I don't know. I just think we should enjoy this time off while we can."
Daniel nodded, his mind ticking over,
"Come to bed."
Jack nodded and took Daniel's hand as they got up. Changing and getting under the covers Daniel lay his head upon Jack's chest and closed his eyes.
"Danny, would you tell me something?"
"What?"
"Anything, just talk to me."
Daniel nodded and tried to come up with something,
"Have I ever told you about how I used to hate chocolate?"
"What? No."
"It's true, I used to hate it but at the same time I thought I should like it so I used to ask for it all the time."
"But you like it now."
"I know, my tastes must have changed, but for years, it was horrible."
Daniel chucked quietly against Jack who smiled at the sound,
"Tell me."
"Well, for my fifth birthday, dad asked me what type of cake I would like, of course I said chocolate. Everyone I know liked chocolate and I knew I should like it so that's what I asked for. We were on a dig and Dad had to drive into Cairo to get the cake so it was a big deal. They got it for me even though they knew I wouldn't like it. I think they figured they would be eating it anyway, so a chocolate cake was purchased and when it came to eating it I took one bite and hated it."
"What did you do?"
"I knew I'd asked for it and that dad had gone out of his way to get it, so I told mum I was full and couldn't possibly eat another bite."
"You were five!"
"I know, but it was my usual response whenever I ate chocolate. Mum just laughed and gave me a hug. She didn't get upset, she just accepted it."
"She loved you."
"I know."
Daniel snuggled in close and wrapped his arm tighter around Jack,
"We'll be okay won't we?"
"What do you mean?"
"You said you were worried about this year, we'll be okay wont we?"
"We'll be as okay as we can be."
"So, you're not worried about us?"
"No, should I be?"
"No, but I guess we never know huh."
"True. But I'm not going anywhere and I'm not letting you go unless it's what you want so…I think we'll be good."
"Just no more expensive presents okay."
"Sorry, I can't promise that."
"Jack…"
"Nope, and no arguments."
"I can't pay you back."
"Been over this."
Daniel sighed and kissed Jacks chest,
"I love you."
"I love you Space Monkey."
The pair were quiet for a few minutes and Jack was sure Daniel had fallen asleep so he was little surprised when he spoke,
"Jack, I know I've asked you not to but have you read my Journal lately?"
"Nope, I promised you I wouldn't."
"Hmm, would you?"
"Would I what?"
"Read my journal, if I asked you to?"
"I guess, why would you want me to do that?"
Daniel was quiet for a long time but Jack didn't want to push the unusual turn in conversation,
"My journal's go back years. And I do mean years. My first one was used so I could practice holding a pencil."
"That's a long time."
"Obviously there's not much in them for the first few but the later ones."
"I'll read them if you want me to."
"Not all of them, that would be nuts, and I don't have them all anyway but there's one or two entries…"
Daniel went quiet again and Jack tried to figure out where he was going with the conversation,
"Jack, I love you."
"And I love you."
"I have never shown my journals to anyone."
"I know."
"But, I want to show them to you. I want you to understand."
"Danny, you are a brilliant man, not many people could ever understand you."
"I want you to. I want you to know me."
"Good, I want to know you."
Daniel went quiet again and Jack's mind started to wander. The past few days had been a whirlwind, between Daniel meeting his family for the first time, Christmas, coming out to his family, being with Danny in the physical sense…he would need a holiday to get over his holiday.
*We still have another week. Maybe we should head home a few days early? Spend some time together, just us. No one is expecting us back in the Springs till the first. A few days of just Daniel and I…no family, no Stargate…no outside distractions…too bad the cabin would be snowed in.*
Jack ran a few scenarios over in his head before he finally drifted off to sleep.
I wanna be inside your heaven
Take me to the place you cry from
Where the storm blows your way
I wanna be the earth that holds you
Every bit of air you're breathin' in
A soothin' wind
I wanna be inside your heaven
Daniel woke up to an empty bed and the smell of meat frying. Sniffing appreciatively he stretched out, it took him a moment to realise he was alone.
Opening his eyes he noticed he was indeed alone. He got up and dressed, taking the opportunity in the rare moment of solitude to gather his thoughts.
He had slept well, he usually did when there was a pair of strong arms surrounding him, but his mind had been very active. The night before he had told Jack he wanted him to read some of his journal entries.
His journal was the most private thing he had. His innocence and youth had been stolen, his academic career was available for the world to see but his journals were sacred, they were his and his alone. But he wanted to take a leap of faith.
His relationship with Jack was unlike any other he had experienced. He had loved Amy, but even then he had been guarded, by the time Sarah came along he had bottled so much of himself up he hadn't been able to be who she needed him to be. Sha'ra had been different because she didn't have a clue who he was. All she knew was that he was the man who could speak her language and he had saved her. She loved him for that and nothing else mattered but Daniel knew it wouldn't be enough.
Jack had been his leader, his friend, he knew more about Daniel than anyone had cared to find out in a long time and he still stayed. Daniel could be distant, scared, cold, and Jack would be patient, kind and understanding. He didn't take Daniel at face value, he looked deeper and Daniel wanted him to. Jack had captured Daniel's heart and he was holding it with both hands. He trusted him with his deepest secrets and desires and Daniel wanted to reciprocate the feelings.
Daniel was still petrified of the future but he knew he wouldn't have a future if he didn't take the risk.
Heading downstairs he found Jack standing over the stove cooking up something whilst Caitlin and Chelsea were talking around the table,
"Hey." Daniel spoke softly, his brain still waking up from sleep.
"Morning Danny!" Chelsea chimed,
"Hey babe, sleep okay?"
Daniel nodded, a little hesitant at Jack's use of the nickname in an open setting. Jack tuned and handed him a cup of fresh coffee which Daniel gratefully took.
"Smells amazing."
"Take a seat, Breakfast shouldn't be too long."
Daniel sat down and joined in on the conversation with the women of the house. It wasn't long before Jack was placing plate before them full of toast, eggs and cooked ham.
"Boxing Day Leftovers!" He exclaimed
Daniel took a bite, his eyes widening in surprise,
"Wow, this is really good!"
"Dad's recipe. And a man always has to cook it." Chelsea stated as she took a bite,
"Really?"
"Yeah, mum looks after Christmas and dad took care of Boxing Day, it's Just the way it was."
"Is, the way it is!" Jack corrected.
"Well I don't care, I'm just happy to have you all here. If someone wants to cook for me I'm not going to complain." Caitlin acknowledged
Jack sat with his own plate and for a few minutes there was silence,
"So, I was thinking about heading home a few days early." Jack stated as they ate,
"What? Why!" Chelsea exclaimed,
"Yes, why?" Daniel questioned
"For a few reasons, is that okay mamma?"
"Of course dear, it's your decision obviously."
Jack nodded and continued eating, whilst Chelsea looked at Daniel questioningly. Daniel looked at her and shrugged, he had no idea what had prompted Jack to want to leave. When they'd finished breakfast Jack headed upstairs whilst Chelsea tried to talk Daniel into a board game,
"Come on, it will be fun!"
"Scrabble?"
"Come on, I want to see just how good you really are Doctor."
Daniel grinned and nodded,
"Okay then, you're on. I'll be right back."
Daniel left Chelsea to set up and headed upstairs to find his wayward partner. He walked into the bedroom and found Jack on the phone. He waited patiently until he was done, by the sound of it he was re-booking flights. When he had hung up Daniel walked over and sat next to him on the bed,
"Everything okay?"
"Yeah, why wouldn't it be?"
"Why are we leaving so soon? We're meant to be here another four days."
"I know. I just felt like heading home."
"Okay, why?"
"Do I need a reason?"
Daniel was surprised at Jack's hard tone and not for the first time he was reminded of the distinct gap in their military careers. The Colonel was not used to being questioned.
"Yes."
Daniel wasn't giving in, he had given in his whole life but if Jack really did mean all he said then in their relationship they were equal. Jack blinked then a smile tugged at the corners of his mouth,
"You couldn't have screamed 'Three of Diamonds' any louder if you had tried!"
"Why the sudden exit?"
"Honestly, I want to be home."
"You've been raving about coming her for months!"
"I know, but Danny I really want to be home with you. Home with no one else; home with no Stargate, no work and no distractions of any kind. I just want a few days with you before we head back into the crazy."
"Okay, if it's what you want we'll go."
"I didn't ask you, I'm sorry."
"It's okay, they're your family."
"Yours as well, I should have asked, I just really want to get home."
"Okay, we'll go home."
Jack smiled and kissed the side of Daniel's head,
"Thanks Danny…Our flight leaves at 2200."
"Wow, you really aren't wasting any time. Come on then, your sister wants to play Scrabble."
Jack groaned and gave Daniel a pained look,
"Great, just what I need. Two brainiacs battling it out for knowledge supremacy."
"That's a bit over dramatic don't you think?"
"The Lawyer vs the Doctor? I don't think so. I think I'll stay out of this one."
…
"Maybe we should have imposed a time limit." Jack mumbled
"They've already limited it to English; I don't think we could ask for more." Caitlin reasoned
"There wouldn't have been much point if they hadn't."
"How many languages can he speak anyway? Seven, eight?"
"Twenty-six." Daniel piped up, "And another eight written."
"Holy crap!" Chelsea exclaimed
"It's not that hard, I mean take Italian, once you've learnt that then French is a breeze, I mean all the romance languages are similar."
"That's still only a handful and you know Twenty-six!"
Daniel only shrugged and placed his next word.
"That's a triple word score I do believe."
"And the rest." Chelsea mumbled.
"We have to go soon Danny."
The pair had played all morning and now the afternoon was wearing on also. Jack had gone for a walk with Caitlin and when they'd returned they'd taken up residence in the lounge, watching the pair play their word game.
"Well I'm about ready to admit defeat anyway." Chelsea sighed
"You did well Chels."
"Not as good as you."
"I'm sorry about that."
"No you're not! That's okay, I'll kick your butt next time."
"Sounds good." Daniel smiled, happy at the prospect of seeing Jack's family again.
"We still on for a few days at the cabin in Summer?"
"Sound's good to me. I'll have to check with my team leader though."
"I'll talk him into it." Chelsea smirked
"You have no control over me woman!" Jack challenged
"Maybe not…mamma, Jack isn't playing fair!"
"Jack, be nice to your sister."
"Now who's not playing fair?"
"All's fair in love and war BB."
Daniel grinned at the family. He still couldn't believe how comfortable he felt around them. He didn't want to leave but at the same time he was happy to be heading home. Jack was right; a few days alone would be great. He stood up and stretched,
"I guess we have to pack…how are we getting everything home?"
"I've spoken to the Airline. It's all sorted."
Daniel nodded and looked around,
"I've had the best time here. I almost don't want to leave."
"You'll have to come and visit me more often."
Chelsea jumped up and threw her arms around him,
"You'll miss me so much!" She squeezed him tightly before doing the same to her brother.
"You could come visit us you know."
"True, now that…I'm more available."
Jack sighed and hugged his sister tight.
"You'll be okay. I promise."
Chelsea sniffled and Daniel realised she was tearing up,
"You never break a promise."
"Not if I can help it."
Daniel knew more than most the truth of that statement. It was something he relied on in his relationship with Jack, and so far he hadn't been disappointed.
"I know you aren't leaving yet but would you mind if I got one more photo? A family picture for the wall?" Caitlin asked quietly,
"You know me mum, any chance to be in the spotlight!" Chelsea grinned through her tears
"Thank you lass."
"What about outside, the Snowman is still up." Jack suggested.
Chelsea nodded and the pair wandered outside. Daniel stood still, unsure what he was doing. He wasn't involved in a 'family' shot and he didn't want to make a big deal out of it.
"Come on dear."
Caitlin took his arm and led him outside.
"Off you go."
"Oh, it's okay. I don't need to be in it."
"What? Of course you do lad. You're part of this family and I want all my children in the photo."
Daniel blinked,
*Her children?*
And went to stand next to Jack who wrapped his arm around his waist
"I want a copy of this mamma."
"Of course, now make sure you smile."
…
"Wow, it's good to be home."
"You were only gone for five days."
"I know, but we're gone so often, it's always good to be home."
"I guess when you put it that way."
Jack flicked the switch and the lounge of his country-style home came alight.
"I'm tired but I'm not…"
"You did sleep on the plane."
"True."
It was late…or early depending on your perception of time but Jack wasn't feeling it.
"You tired?"
"Not really."
Jack nodded and started taking his things upstairs, Daniel hesitated before following on. He automatically put his things in the spare room, something Jack frowned at but didn't comment on.
"Maybe a warm shower will help."
"Sounds good." Daniel agreed, his eyes widening as he realised how it sounded, "I mean later…after you…not that we should…together I mean separate."
Jack smiled and put his bags down before pulling Daniel to him,
"I know what you meant. It's okay."
Daniel sighed, relieved Jack hadn't taken his meaning any differently. No matter his actions a few days before he was still nervous about an intimate relationship with Jack.
"We go at your pace remember."
"Jack, would you want…I mean…"
"Would I want to have a shower with you?"
At Daniels shy nod Jack's heart melted,
*He is so beautiful.*
"I wouldn't object, when you're ready. Daniel just because we…did things doesn't mean I expect it, but believe me after that, I want it."
"But you don't expect it?"
"Danny I was married for a long time, trust me you learn not to expect anything and you take anything that's offered. My promise still stands, we do things in your time."
Daniel nodded and Jack stepped away,
"So I'm going to have a shower, and when I come back I'm going to climb into bed. If you're there with me, awesome. If you aren't then you aren't."
Jack walked into the bathroom and Daniel heard the water begin to run. He shook his head and a small part of him felt relief, what he couldn't believe was the surprise he felt, only it wasn't surprise at Jack's statement, It was surprise at how he believed him.
*I actually believe him. Like really believe him…he won't hurt me.*
Daniel took a deep breath and followed his partner into the bathroom.
Jack heard the sound of movement and smiled. He was hoping Daniel would join him but still he was preparing himself not to be disappointed if he didn't. He deliberately forced himself not to react as the curtain moved aside and a pair of arms encircled his waist. He shivered, but not from the cold.
"I love you." Daniel whispered and Jack shivered again as he felts his warm breath tickle the side of his neck.
"You didn't have to Danny."
"I know."
The pair stood under the warm spray, neither moving, each just happy to be with the other. Finally Jack tuned around to face Daniel,
"How you doing?"
"I'm good."
"Good."
"How are you?"
"A bit nervous."
Daniel blinked; Jack never ceased to surprise him,
"You're nervous?"
"Yeah."
"Why?"
"I don't know. I think I keep waiting for you to run out on me or something."
"Why would I do that?"
"Why wouldn't you? I mean with everything you've been through I'm surprised your willing to be in any sort of relationship with another man, let alone me."
"What are you talking about?"
"Well, I mean look at me? I'm not exactly bachelor of the year am I. My knees are shot, my hair's going grey and I have scars all over me. Not exactly the stuff of dreams."
Daniel thought through his words. He wanted to assure him but he didn't want to say the words for the sake of talking, he wanted Jack to believe him.
"When I was moved from New York, I never wanted to be in the same room as another man again. But I knew that wasn't possible, especially in my field. I already knew I wanted to be an archaeologist so I had to bury everything and focus on my studies.
"I have been hesitant in all my relationships since, both friend and…more. I think that's why I've only had four intimate relationships, ours included.
"Each time, it wasn't the gender that I was interested in. Sure three out of four of my relationships have been female and I'm positive most of that was because of…everything…and I also haven't been attracted to a guy before, not like this anyway, anyway I was interested in the person. Their thoughts and feelings.
"When I met you, you were so different to everyone I had associated myself with. You were hard, bruised and battered but you cared still. Something about you drew me in, something in your eyes screamed out and I wanted to do anything I could to quieten them.
"I fell in love with you, and then I realised that I was physically attracted to you as well. I love your greying hair, I love your scars, I love you for who you are not who you wish you were. I love you Colonel Jack O'Neill and I don't want you to change."
Jack had tears running down his cheeks and he was thankful that the water of the shower could hide them.
"I wasn't going to come in you know." Daniel admitted, "but I'm glad I did."
Daniel leant forward and kissed Jack tenderly, his hands were resting on Jack's hips, their bodies still apart but Daniel pulled them together so they were touching. He was taking huge leaps with Jack, ones he hadn't taken with anyone in a long time. Even his time with Sha'ra had been few and far between.
"I love you." Daniel whispered, "Jack, help me forget?"
Jack's breathing hitched he nodded.
"I love you Daniel."
He held the younger man close, their chests touching and their hearts beating as one.
As the water cooled Jack realised Daniel had fallen asleep against him. Not wanting the moment to end Jack raised the temperature by turning off the cold water. Jack stood supporting them both, letting the water wash over them, cleansing them both of their fears.
When we touch, when we love
The stars light up
The wrong becomes undone
Naturally, my soul surrenders
The sun and the moonlight
All my dreams are in your eyes
Over the next few days, the boys did nothing except sit, talk and love. It wasn't physical in any sense, in fact Jack noticed that Daniel seemed to have backed up to where they'd been before Christmas but he wasn't complaining. He'd had a taste and he knew it would be worth the wait.
They played games, namely chess and watched movies; Read books and simply enjoyed each other's company. As far as Jack was concerned it was his favorite part of their break so far.
Daniel was glad not to have to put on an act, they could be themselves completely. No hidden meanings in their words, no double checking their actions, it simply was.
Daniel was laying back against Jack, writing in his journal whilst Jack watched some TV when he rolled and looked into his partners eyes,
"Hey, would you mind if I ducked out for a bit?"
"No, that's fine. Where you off to?"
"I want to get something from home, that okay?"
"Of course, you don't need to ask my permission."
"Okay, I'll be back."
Daniel kissed him and got up off the couch,
"Actually, I might head out too, we need some groceries."
"I can get them if you like?"
"No, it's fine. I should probably do something anyway. Don't want to get lazy."
Daniel smiled and grabbed his keys, waving as he headed out the door. Jack's smile stayed only as long as it took for the door to close, a frown appearing on his features.
*I hope one day you think of this house as your home.*
…
Daniel opened the door of his apartment and sighed,
*This isn't home, not anymore.*
He checked the feeder on his fish tank before heading into the spare bedroom. It was lined with boxes. Taking a deep breath he started to move them around, keeping a certain order to them as he headed for one at the bottom.
Each box was filled with his journals, he hadn't been kidding when he'd said he had been keeping them since he could write. Most from his early years had been lost or taken, never to be seen again. He'd managed to keep hold of a few, the one he wrote when he was eleven was still around, he was very wary of that one falling into the wrong hands. They started consecutively again when he was sixteen.
He finally opened the last box and moved the notebooks around till he found the one he was after. Getting up he walked out of the room, turning the light off on his past.
…
Jack came home to find Daniel's car back in the drive, he breathed a sigh of relief.
*He's home, where he belongs.*
He walked inside with the bags to find the house empty. Setting his packages down he found a notebook sitting on the bench, it was propped open and a note was sitting over it,
'Jack, as I promised this is one of my journals. I was sixteen when I wrote this. It may not mean anything to you but I want you to read it.'
Jack glanced around, the house seemed empty but Jack figured he knew where Daniel would be. He picked up the book and took it into the lounge. Settling back on the couch he opened the pages to the one marked
### Daniel's Journal ###
'I graduated today, I don't see what all the fuss is about, I mean it wasn't all that hard really. A few tests, getting a bit of paper. I mean I'm happy about it don't get me wrong, it means I can finally do what I want to do. I got into Harvard, I'm not the youngest to go there but apparently it's still an accomplishment. I wish mum and dad were around, I think I'd be happier about the whole thing if I knew they were supporting me.
I get to move to Boston, I haven't been there before so that will be different. Boston is apparently beautiful in the fall; I can't wait to see it. I like the idea that I will be able to live by my own rules, I won't have to worry about anyone else. For the first time it will just be me. I can escape…
Maybe I'll meet someone, not that it's a pre-requisite but the concept is intriguing. Maybe I'll find someone who likes me for me, not what they can take from me. I don't even know why I'm thinking about that, I never have before. I wish I had someone to talk to about all this.
I wonder what it's like to be able to talk to someone who understands, someone who cares. It would be nice.
### End Entry ###
Jack sat back and sighed, Even at sixteen Daniel was extraordinary and he knew that over the next four years he would complete a doctorate.
*Why that entry Danny? It's not to show off how smart you are, that's not you and I knew it already anyway, so what is it? Do you want to escape again? You seem happy, maybe you aren't? Am I pressuring you too hard? Is this your way of telling me to back off?*
Jack's heart was beating a hundred mile an hour, he thought he and Daniel had been travelling fine, but now he wasn't so sure.
Closing the Journal Jack put it aside and walked out to the deck to where he was sure his partner would be waiting.
…
Daniel was leaning against the wall, he'd wrapped a blanket around himself to fight off the chill but he wasn't willing to go back inside. He wanted room to breathe.
The entry he'd given Jack wasn't anything profound but he wanted Jack to read it, he wanted him to understand.
Daniel waited patiently for Jack to appear and he smiled slightly when he did.
"I knew you'd be out here."
"I felt like some fresh air."
Daniel shifted a little to look up at Jack who sat next to him, his hands tucked tightly into his pockets.
"Fresh is an understatement."
"It's warmer than Minnesota."
"True, but not by much."
Daniel offered up some of the blanket but Jack seemed hesitant to take it,
"Danny, are we okay?"
"Yes, at least I think we are, aren't we?"
"I guess, I mean yes, I mean…you're not trying to leave me?"
"No, unless you want me to?"
Daniel's voice had quietened and Jack realised he'd shrunk away slightly. Mentally kicking himself Jack took hold of him and pulled him tight,
"No, never. You aren't going anywhere Dr Jackson."
Daniel leant against Jack and breathed a sigh of relief, taking in the smell of Jack's shirt, Daniel relaxed,
"Okay."
"Sorry Danny, Obviously I misinterpreted your journal, want to explain it to me?"
"You smell good."
Jack grinned and kissed the top of his head,
"Happy to oblige."
"I wanted you to read it to try and understand me."
"Okay."
"Jack that is the first time that I can remember ever wishing for something, well something that didn't include my parents being alive. I was sixteen, I should have been wanting heaps of things but up until that moment I had only ever wanted mum and dad."
"That's understandable."
"But right then I wished I had someone to share my life with. Even just a friend who would understand that I wasn't interested in the things a normal sixteen year old would be. Someone who would be happy enough to be around me as me."
Jack still wasn't sure what the point was so he kept quiet, hugging Daniel and making sure he was kept warm.
"If you read back through my journals you'll find a common thread, I haven't found anyone who was happy to be with me. Sure I've thought there have been a few but in the end it was never me they wanted…until Sha'ra."
Jack stiffened but didn't pull away. It wasn't news to him about Daniel's relationship with his wife and he knew that if the gate hadn't been re-activated then Daniel would most likely be living a happy existence with Sha'ra on Abydos. The thought upset him.
"The difference with Sha'ra was that she was never mine to have, or I wasn't hers…the point is I had already met the person that I wanted to share things with, I had met the one who I *wanted* to talk to and although we may not have been friends at the time, I don't think my heart cared."
Jack relaxed again as he finally saw where Daniel was going,
"Jack I've been wishing for a very long time for someone who would be happy to simply sit with me. Someone who I could talk to…and I'm glad you're here."
"Me too."
Jack wrapped the blanket tighter around them both and continued to hold on to Daniel, happy that they were on the same page.
"I love you." Jack breathed, still amazed he was able to say the words out loud.
"I know, me too."
And I wanna be inside your heaven
Take me to the place you cry from
Where the storm blows you away
And I wanna be the earth that holds you
Every bit of air you're breathing in
A soothing wind
I wanna be inside your heaven
The days merged until Daniel found himself sitting on the couch with Jack watching the ball drop in New York.
"Have you ever seen it? For real?" Jack queried,
"No, I mean I lived there but I never actually saw it."
"Maybe we should go next year?"
Daniel smiled and nodded,
"Next year? You're thinking that far ahead?"
"I've thought a lot further than that Daniel."
Daniel wasn't quite sure what to think. He loved Jack but experience had taught him not to think too far ahead because thing change so quickly, It wasn't worth getting your hopes up.
"Really? How far ahead?"
Jack looked over at his partner and guessed what he was thinking,
"Way far."
"That's not a proper use of English."
"I'm American. I can look so far ahead I can see tombstones."
"That's creepy."
"Good point. Danny whenever I think about my life and what's to come, all I know is that you're with me."
"Life doesn't always work out how we'd expect."
"No it doesn't, but that doesn't mean we can't hope for something more."
Daniel nodded but was still skeptical, hope wasn't a word he found too often in his vocabulary. Jack looked back at the TV as the countdown began. Leaning over so he was virtually lying on top of Daniel, he brushed the long hair aside so he had an un-obstructed view,
"My hope for us is that one day you will believe me when I say that we have forever. Now what forever looks like I don't know but in my world forever means forever, and I want you in that forever with me."
Daniel gave a kind of half smile,
"My forever is never really that long."
"Well, let's aim to change that. Daniel we are two very different men in a relationship that isn't accepted by the world at large. We are going to have our ups and downs but at the end of the day we need to believe in ourselves and what we can accomplish together. We have family and friends who love us, we have a crazy, ridiculous job that is kind of awesome and above that we have each other."
"Sounds like a Hallmark card."
"It does a little doesn't it? But do you understand what I'm saying?"
Daniel sighed and nodded,
"I do, I just…I still have trouble believing it."
The two men looked over at the TV in time to see the clock strike midnight,
"It's 1998 Danny, a New Year. Happy New Year."
"Happy New Year."
When minutes turn to days and years
If mountains fall, I'll still be here
Holdin you until the day I die
And I wanna be inside your heaven
Take me to the place you cry from
Where the storm blows you away
Jack proceeded to kiss Daniel, gently at first but eventually their bodies took over and things became more heated,
"You know what they say about New Year?" Jack breathed heavily
"What's that?"
"Whatever you do on the stroke of midnight you'll be doing the following year."
"Sound's good."
Daniel reached under Jack's t-shirt and ran his hands over the warm skin. Both men groaned at the contact and Jack took the move as encouragement, pressing himself on Daniel so there was barely a millimeter between them. Daniel didn't mind and his fingers began kneading the muscles on Jack's back.
"I've had enough TV." Daniel whispered
"Good, me too."
Jack sat up and switched off the unit with the remote. Daniel sat up as well and got off the couch,
"Wait, where are you going?"
Jack was confused, he'd been enjoying himself and he didn't want to finish yet,
"I'm going upstairs where it's way more comfortable."
"Oh."
"Unless you'd rather stay down here?"
Daniel raised an eyebrow as he headed up the stairs. It only took Jack a second to switch off the lights and follow Daniel up. He walked into his room and smiled as he saw his partner sitting on the bed. Daniel got up and walked the few steps to Jack, fiddling with the hem of his T-shirt, Daniel moved his hands up to their previous position of resting on Jack's back.
"Now, where were we?"
Jack lent forward and kissed Daniel again. Daniel walked backward pulling Jack with him till they were once again positioned with Jack on top of him this time with enough room to move about freely without fear of falling.
Daniel lifted the hem of Jack's shirt and quickly dragged it over his head. He ran his hands over every inch of the older man, savoring the little hairs on his chest, feeling the ridges of his scars, manipulating the muscles that proved his years of military service.
*Oh God, I want him.*
Jack looked down into Daniel's bright blue eyes and noticed how they darkened the more Daniel touched him. His body reacted and Jack could feel himself growing in length.
*Oh Daniel, I want you so much. I wish this wasn't so hard for you. Alright Jack, start preparing yourself.*
"Jack…"
"I know babe, its okay."
Jack began to pull away but found himself pulled back down. He fell on Daniel and gasped as he came in contact with Daniel's own growing length.
"Jack…I want this. It's a new year, I want things to be different."
"Daniel I…"
"Just…keep going, don't stop."
"I will if you want me to, no matter how far…"
"I know Jack, believe me I know. I want you, God I want you so much!"
Jack crushed his lips against Daniel's and reached down for the bottom of Daniel's sweater. He sat back enough to pull the sweater and t-shirt off in one movement leaving the both of them with nothing but skin between them.
"You are so beautiful."
Jack began kissing Daniel's jawline and slowly made his way south. Upon reaching his chest he quickly flicked his tongue out to make contact with Daniel's nipple. Daniel hissed in response and arched his back slightly.
"Oh God…Jack."
Jack recognised the tone as lust not fear and so proceeded to the other side, eliciting the same response. Taking a deep breath Jack continued kissing his way down until he reached the waistband of Daniel's sweatpants. Kissing the patch of skin just below his navel Jack looked up at Daniel who only nodded slightly at the question in Jack's eyes. Taking a calming breath Jack reached up and hooked his fingers in the waistband, pulling the item of clothing down Daniel's legs.
…
Daniel couldn't believe the feelings flowing through him
*This isn't just want and need, it's trust, love…I want him so much it hurts.*
As Jack's mouth came into contact with his nipples, desire shot through him, he had never felt anything like this before. It wasn't even close to his previous experiences, it was something new. As Jack sunk lower Daniel watched him raise his head and ask a single question with his eyes
*Yes, I'm sure. Please, I want this.*
Daniel couldn't mistake the way Jack's eyes lit up at his unspoken response. They both wanted this, they both needed it.
Daniel's breath caught as Jack removed his sweats and boxers, his hands running firmly up and down Daniel's thighs,
"J'ck…"
Daniel's breathing shortened, his brain short-firing as Jack nuzzled the hair covering his abdomen. His manhood was long and hard as Jack let his tongue dance lightly down its length.
…
Jack couldn't believe he was doing what he was doing. For months he had dreamed of pleasuring Daniel and now here he was doing just that,
*Better than I imagined.*
The smooth skin of Daniel's member felt like velvet under his tongue and when he eventually parted his lips over the tip and drew him in he couldn't help but smile,
*Oh wow, you taste so good. So big and so good!*
Jack started moving slowly but his pace quickened rapidly as his body took over. He wanted as much of Daniel as he could get and he wasn't willing to wait any longer.
…
As Jack's mouth closed over him, Daniel's hands gripped the sheets on either side of him and he spread his legs a little wider so Jack could have greater access.
*Oh my…Jack…so good…want…more…*
Daniel's eyes sprung open at the thought, even in his pleasure ridden mind he managed to process the concept,
*I do…I want more…*
Reaching down he ran his fingers through Jack's short hair and massaged the scalp in time with Jack's movements. He didn't want to stop him but he wanted him to know where he was at. As Jack reached under and gently fondled his balls Daniel's hips thrust up of their own accord. He knew he wouldn't last too long if Jack did that again so he put a bit more pressure on jack's head and called out,
"Jack! Oh my…Jack wait."
Daniel saw Jack cringe slightly but he stopped and slowly pulled away.
*Not for long Jack, promise.*
"Jack I want you."
"Then why did you stop me?"
"Because I want…more."
"More?"
Jack wasn't thinking too clearly, in fact he was barely thinking about anything except what he had just given up.
"Yes, more…Jack I want you…more of you."
Jack's eyes widened as he finally grasped Daniel's meaning and for the first time he hesitated,
"Danny I…"
"Do you not want to? I don't want to force…"
"No, I do, believe me I do but…I don't…Daniel I've never…I mean I've read…I don't want to hurt you."
Daniel smiled and in that moment he knew he was doing the right thing.
"It's okay, you won't hurt me."
"But I…don't know."
"Yes you do. I'll help. Please Jack, I want you inside me. I want to forget…everything…but you. I want you."
Jack leapt forward and kissed Daniel soundly,
"I love you."
"I love you too…now go back to what you were doing."
Jack obeyed without question,
*Good Colonel.*
It didn't take long for Daniel to be writhing under him again. After a few minutes Jack relinquished his prize and moved up Daniel's body again.
"Swap."
Daniel didn't respond except to roll them over. Straddling Jack's waist Daniel repeated Jack's ministrations causing Jack to react in much the same way.
Finally Daniel got up and lay down next to Jack, turning them both on their sides Daniel kissed Jack gently but firmly
"We're going to need lubricant in the future but for now…there are other ways."
"Top drawer."
"Huh?"
Jack nodded toward the night stand and Daniel reached over, breathing sharply as Jack nipped at his skin. Opening the top drawer Daniel reached inside and found a tube of the needed item. He raisd an eyebrow,
"Just in case." Jack shrugged. Daniel rolled his eyes but kissed Jack anyway,
"I'm sure you know how to use this."
"I'm familiar with the concept." Daniel noticed the apprehension in Jack's voice and he smiled shyly,
"Jack, I trust you. I want this but if you don't then…"
"Just tell me to stop and I will."
"I know."
Daniel rolled over and Jack knelt over him. He was finally getting what he wanted and he was nervous as hell. Uncapping the tube he squeezed a bit out and began rubbing it over his length,
"Okay babe, we go at your pace."
"Use your fingers, it helps."
Jack felt sick, knowing exactly how Daniel knew what he did but he tried to push the thoughts aside. That was the past and one day the man involved would pay but for now, he had other things to attend to.
Using one finger he rubbed some lube around Daniel's tight hole and pushed against the ring of muscle. It was tight but he felt Daniel relax around him and instantly he became excited at the prospect of what was about to happen.
"Daniel I…"
"That's it, just like that. Try two."
Jack obliged and as he pushed inside Daniel again he felt Daniel push back against him. He kept at it for a few minutes until he was sure Daniel was ready. In the end it was Daniel who moved them forward.
"Jack please…"
Pulling his hand away Jack positioned himself behind Daniel and pressed himself against him.
"Daniel are you sure?"
Jack was so far gone he wasn't sure what he would do if Daniel said no but he had to ask. Daniel responded by pushing back slightly causing Jack to enter him. It was tight and hot and Jack gasped I pleasure. He almost came then and there. Daniel cried out and Jack barely registered it wasn't in pain.
"Oh God, Daniel I love you. I love you so freaking much."
Daniel pushed back again and the two men found a rhythm. It wasn't fast and it wasn't slow but if asked both would have said it was too fast and too slow at once.
"Jack, my Jack…love you Jack."
"Love you Danny."
The men pushed against each other, sweat pouring off them as their exertion reached a pinnacle.
"Danny, I can't…Danny…"
Jack came in a rush and the sensation sent Daniel over the edge at the same time. Both men collapsed on the bed, neither caring about the mess that had been made.
It took a while for them to catch their breath and when Jack finally found the energy to move he only rolled away. The effort of actually getting up too much for him to handle. He moved some damp strands of hair away from Daniel's face and brushed his cheek,
"Hey, you okay?"
Daniel opened his eyes and smiled,
"I am, are you?"
"Very."
Daniel closed his eyes again, the smile staying in place. Jack couldn't help but stare at the young man before him.
"You're incredible." He whispered
"So are you." Daniel replied
Jack reached down and used the comforter to clean up what he could of both him and Daniel.
"We need a shower." Daniel mumbled
"Later."
Jack pulled the comforter out from under them essentially clearing the mess and reaching under the bed he pulled out a second blanket, covering them for the night.
Daniel snuggled in and Jack sighed contentedly
"Happy Birthday Jack."
Jack stared down at his lover in surprise,
"How did you…"
"I love you."
Jack settles down and wrapped his arms around Daniel, holding him tight.
"I love you."
As he drifted away Jack reflected on the evening that had past and he made a promise,
*We will have a future Danny, a long and wonderful future. God help anyone who gets in our way.*
Kissing Daniel one last time he let sleep wash over him,
*Best birthday ever!*
I wanna be inside your heaven
Take me to the place you cry from
Where the storm blows you away
I wanna be the earth that holds you
Every bit of air you're breathin' in
A soothin' wind
I wanna be inside your heaven
The End - For Now