Thoughts From Abroad

by harrypanther

Modern AU/ Oneshot. Astrid's boyfriend has been gone a year on a remote engineering project. Six months ago, contact was lost with the research station. Will Hiccup come back? And will she be waiting when and if he does?

Modern AU/ Oneshot. Astrid's boyfriend has been gone a year on a remote engineering project. Six months ago, contact was lost with the research station. Will Hiccup come back? And will she be waiting when and if he does?

Disclaimer: I don't own How To Train Your Dragon. Rights remain with Cressida Cowell and Dreamworks.

Inspired by the song "Thoughts from Abroad' by Clifford T Ward.

A/N: This song is very special to me-it is one of my mother's favourites which makes her recall my late father. I was listening to it while driving back from seeing her…and this popped into my mind.

I probably need to get out more. Anyway-enjoy hp.

It had over a year since he left, a year of missing someone to turn to in the evening, to trade banter with in the morning, to snuggle up to on those cold Berk nights and Astrid Hofferson was feeling very lonely. Sometimes, she almost forgot how he sounded, having to work hard to call his voice up from her memory, the light, nasal tone often laced with sarcasm or dry humour. She could still see him because she had images, selfies and photographs stuck on the mantle, all over the fridge and by the bed. And she had some of his clothes in the chest, wrapped and stored for him so when she was desperate, she could haul out one of his sweaters and hold it to her face, drawing in the faintest hints of his so-familiar scent. Sometimes, when she was really desperate, she would hug it and try to imagine she was still hugging his long, lean shape. But inside, she was cold and alone and wondering if he would ever come back.

Astrid had met Hiccup Haddock in their Freshman year at University as they collided in the main canteen. He had been stuttering and blushing as he had knelt by the gorgeous blonde to clean up the mess, apologising profusely and insisting on replacing her spilled lunch-though he plainly didn't have enough cash to replace his own food as well. And feeling bad for him, she had shared her mac and cheese-and over a plate of lukewarm pasta, she had gotten to know the slightly shy, self-conscious, charming and self-deprecating auburn-haired young man. His green eyes had locked on her face and she had found herself mesmerised. He was pale, a few faint freckles scattered on his cheeks and he was clearly self-conscious-but he was kind, amusing and generous and she found that she wanted to repay him for his generosity. So she had asked him out. Delighted, he had accepted and the date at the grill had been so memorable that they had never looked back. They had been together ever since.

His degrees in hydraulic and hydrostatic engineering and his thesis on reducing the ecological impact of fossil fuel extraction had made him in demand in the developing field of marginal hydrocarbon extraction. An inventor at heart with a talent to visualise solutions to problems others didn't even understand, he had developed an entirely new and far safer means of removing gas from almost impossible locations by patenting and inventing a new technological process. During penniless student days, he had worked tirelessly on his theory and the means to realise it and Astrid had loyally stood by him until he was finally hired on graduation. Working with the largest Archipelago energy company, he had led the project, been involved in every stage of planning and identified the location where they could extract gas cleanly and safely-but it was fraught with problems. And the main one was that the location was far above the Arctic Circle, an area locked in ice and frozen darkness for at least four months a year and accessible for far less that that with the capricious weather and shifting ice.

Astrid's career was far more prosaic, a teacher specialising in Physical Education-though Hiccup had found time to attend every soccer game she had played in during College. She was a caring, creative teacher who worked hard and invested in her students and had found her dream post in Berk High School, developing the programme that she herself had benefited from. And it had made the decision all the harder. For they had been planning a life together, hoping to buy a cottage on the outskirts of the city to settle down marry and start a family-when the opportunity had come up. So they had sat down in their tiny duplex apartment in Berk City and had discussed it. Hiccup was passionate, because he knew that proving his technology would mean it would be widely adopted and could spell a far cleaner and safer future-as well as a far more successful one. But he had to be present throughout the initial project to deal with any problems or issues that may arise to ensure it was a success.

But it would mean he was gone for the year of the project, isolated with the drill and extraction team in the high Arctic, in an area where satellite communication was precarious, mail infrequent and the ability to visit non-existent. But Astrid was a vivacious and beautiful woman and though Hiccup loved her with all his heart, he knew he couldn't ask her to wait for him. He wouldn't ask her to promise to hold on for him because he knew a year was a long time and she was young and deserved more. And he gave her permission to find someone new, to move on if she felt that was right for her. His eyes begged her to wait but he would not speak the words, because he loved her and he wanted her to be happy.

"You know I love you, Milady?" he had said, his voice quiet and rough with longing. "You know I will be lonely as hell out there? And you know I will suffer every day without you?" He took a shuddering breath. "But I have to go. I am the only one who truly understands this technology. If this works…if we are successful, the world will be a better, safer place for our children."

"If you are successful?" she had teased him. "My brilliant, driven boyfriend will succeed. I know it. I trust you. I believe in you."

"But it is so long to wait," he whispered, leaning close and nuzzling her hair, drawing in her perfume and trying to fix her scent in his memory. "And I want you to be happy, Astrid. Gods, ever since we first met, it is all I ever wanted. So…if you find someone else, you mustn't deny yourself happiness. You don't have to wait for me." She had punched his shoulder then, her eyes narrowing in annoyance.

"I love you, mutton-head!" she scolded him. "And I will wait until Ragnarok for you to return." She leaned close and her soft lips pressed hungrily against his. "Just…make sure you come back," she mumbled. He had kissed her then, desperately and he had nodded.

"Nothing is going to stop me," he promised. "But please don't wait. If-if you find a chance at happiness…take it…"

But she had kissed him then, seduced him then and they had made love with a passion and urgency that seared the night in her memory and his. But in the morning, she had still watched him pack and had almost begged him not to go…but she had bitten her lip because she knew how important this was to him, the culmination of all his work and dreams. The ride to the airport was silent, punctuated by tiny glances, indrawn breaths that almost heralded a heartfelt plea…but the words had gone unsaid. At the airport, they had shared one last, torrid kiss and he had looked back with that familiar, heart-wrenching smile that had her eyes swimming with tears. His emerald eyes had swept over her one last time and he had mouthed the words 'I love you," before he vanished down to the gate and was gone.

At first he had written as much as he could-which wasn't that often. Voice access via Skype or phone was almost non-existent and they had shared one brief almost-unintelligible conversation before the line dropped out-so he had written, his spidery left-handed scrawl so familiar from the horribly bad love poems he had attempted early on…until he accepted his limitations and instead he had sent her love poems from the great poets of the English Language. He had downloaded them all onto his phone.

"I have been reading Browning, Keats and Wordsworth," he told her in one letter, shortly after he had left on the Project. "I love the words and the way they say them. Try 'Home Thoughts, from Abroad.' It's a really beautiful poem." She had blinked and made a mental note. Though he had the brain of an engineer and inventor, he had the soul of a poet and he had never led her astray, unexpectedly quoting from a classic poem or some obscure work she hadn't even heard of. "I hope you are well. Have you found someone to laugh with? To keep you happy and sane? To love and cherish you as you deserve…unlike some selfish loser who had run off to the ends of the earth?" She blinked. He always asked because he was still so self-deprecating after over four years that he imagined she would leave him-and he knew what he had done was unfair. He just wanted her to be happy-even if he cost him. And because he knew that personal wasn't always the same as important. "I miss you," he added at the end. "I miss you, Astrid. I really do."

"I miss you too," she whispered as she clutched the letter to her chest and tears spilled from her azure eyes. "I miss you so much, Hiccup. Be safe. And please come back to me." And she had curled alone in their bed, a sweater hugged to her chest and the sounds of her soft, sobbing breaths the only noise in the forlorn silence.

Work had been hard and she had thrown herself into extracurricular activities, taking on coaching teams out of hours and participating in volunteering in the community. Of course, she had Hiccup's black Labrador, Toothless and her Golden Retriever, Stormfly, to keep her company and she took them jogging, morning and evening for as long as she could to make sure they were distracted. And though Toothless was heartbroken, he had latched onto Astrid and Stormfly and stayed protectively with her as the months passed and the last letter arrived.

Hiccup had been gone six months and he reported the Project was at a crucial phase. The drilling was breaching the hydrocarbon-bearing layers and this was the point where his technology would be put to its ultimate test. If it failed, there was a possibility of explosion and destruction of the entire mission. It was small but if disaster struck, they would be on their own, for winter was already locking them in-and it was unlikely he would be able to send any further communication until the supply flights resumed in the Spring.

"It is dark and cold here," he wrote. "I miss you but I know I cannot ask you to wait. Have you found someone to care for you, to laugh with you? Are you laughing now?"

I'm not, she thought, drawing her legs up under her body. I miss you.

"I'm not," he wrote, the words more sprawled than usual, showing he was writing in a hurry to make the last transport. "The days are incredibly short-and the nights long and cold and clear. The aurora is spectacular but its beauty pales by you. I thought of you as I read 'She walks in Beauty' by Byron this evening. I miss you but I want you to be happy. Yours, ever-H."

Frowning, she pulled the volume of poetry from the shelf and watched as Toothless wandered over, sniffing the letter and whining as he caught the scent of his master. She was very uncomfortable now but as she flipped the page open, she read and tears sprang to her eyes:

She walks in beauty, like the night
Of cloudless climes and starry skies;
And all that's best of dark and bright
Meet in her aspect and her eyes;
Thus mellowed to that tender light
Which heaven to gaudy day denies.

"Oh, Hiccup," she whispered. "Be safe. I'm waiting…"

oOo

But the months passed, busy and eventful. Thanksgiving, Snoggletog and New Year came and went and Astrid spent time with family and friends and tried to ignore the pitying looks from people who believed she should move on because she had been abandoned. There was no word from Hiccup-though she wasn't expecting one because they were isolated in the frozen Arctic Night. Friends tried to set her up with dates but she consistently declined-though the loneliness was eating her up. And every day she arrived back to her home with no Hiccup there and she began to despair he would ever return. And every time someone asked when she had last heard from him, the anxiety began to swell just a little more. Until she realised that the number had passed five months and she began to worry. She tried calling the base but the location was unreachable. The company couldn't give her any information because the entire operation was highly classified and she wasn't a company employee.

"But I am his next of kin, his girlfriend," she had protested.

"And the station is so isolated that we can barely contact them ourselves," the woman had revealed. "There have been issues with the power plant and the weather has been dreadful. A series of weather systems have prolonged the winter and they are still isolated. Supply planes can't get through. But the data is still flowing from the station. That's all I can give you."

Frustrated, Astrid had given up, because she knew there was nothing more she could do-though her friends grew more insistent in their suggestions that she moved on.

"I know this great guy," Heather, her best friend had said one day in the teachers' lounge. Heather was slender, intelligent and determined, already head of modern languages and a great organiser. Her jet hair was usually braided over a shoulder and her grey-green eyes were intelligent. She had long made her opinion known of Astrid's stubborn insistence in hanging on to her vanished boyfriend, seeing his abandonment as selfish and unfair. Astrid was young and deserved someone in her life.

"And you know I'm not interested," Astrid huffed, pouring herself a coffee. She slumped into the chair next to her. Sophomore gym had been especially trying that morning and four students were on detention for nearly hurting themselves by disobeying orders and clambering on unsecured equipment. Well, they were on detention after one hundred push-ups and a three mile run planned for after school before detention. "I only love one man."

"And where is he, Ast?" Heather had pointed out. "A thousand miles away. And has been for almost a year. And no word for almost six months. If he is as inventive and determined as you say he is, he would have found a way of contacting you. But he's not. And he keeps telling you to find someone new. Face it, Ast-he wants you to find someone else." She had rolled her eyes and sipped the coffee. It was a conversation that had been repeated daily for months but every time, the small edge of anxiety and doubt had nibbled a little more at her stubborn resolve. Hiccup was determined and very clever-and she was sure he could have contacted her…if he had wanted.

But he loved her. He missed her. He had wooed her with poetry and actions so tender and thoughtful that it was impossible to doubt his commitment to her. But was that as great as his commitment to his invention, to his precious process and the inevitable fame and fortune that would accompany it? And she was lonely, desperate and desolate.

"It's one more month until they come back, Heather," she had said obstinately, flicking her blonde braid over her shoulder and crushing the nagging anxieties. She was a Hofferson and she would not give in to fear. "I've waited this long. I'll wait the last couple of weeks." Heather smirked at her, eyeing the blonde thoughtfully.

"The offer is there," she repeated. "You need to get out and find someone. He's not coming back."

Finally, twelve months was up and the engineers began to return…but there was no Hiccup. She had been twitching with apprehension as she had driven back to the Heliport where she had last seen him and she had arrived ridiculously early for the shuttle. But as the hall had filled with families, the air of anticipation had thickened and the hubbub of voices had grown louder. And finally, the arrival was announced as the shuttle from the company's private airfield brought the staff back to their waiting families…but the hall emptied and the pilots exited and finally, frantic, she had walked around until she tried to find anyone. But the single staff member she finally located in the security office confirmed that everyone from the chopper had disembarked and there was no one else.

Hiccup hadn't returned home.

Now frantic, she bombarded the company with calls, demanding to know where he was. They had been polite, sympathetic-but could not help. There was no information forthcoming. Another month passed-and then another…until she came to the crushing conclusion: he wasn't coming back. Something had gone wrong. And she had reached the shattering realisation.

Hiccup was lost.

oOo

She dived into despair, neglecting herself and everything else, so her mother had needed to come over and take care of her. She had been a mess, weeping and not eating, hair stringy and eyes hollow. The house was uncared for and so was everything else. Finally, they had taken her home, away from the memories and back to her family. The Hoffersons had rallied round and gently and persistently forced her to come back to life, to accept that she was alone and think about moving on. But she had refused to date, refused anyone else. Because she only wanted Hiccup-her Hiccup, her brave, inventive, idealist, self-deprecating Hiccup. The man who wrote about poetry from the middle of nowhere and who had wanted her to go on. But she read and reread his letters until they were almost falling apart and her fingers lingered over his final words in every one.

I miss you.

"No one knows anything!" Astrid screamed, smashing cups and crockery in her rage. "I have called and called, I have written and turned up in person-and no one knows anything! I know he went…but he's not come back and no one will tell me if he is alive or dead. And I found out…he didn't put down a next of kin…so that if anything happened, I wouldn't have to be told!"

"I don't understand," her mother, Inga had commented, grasping her daughter and throwing a hug around her sobbing shape. Astrid's moods had swung back and forth ever since he hadn't returned from the Project. "I thought he loved you."

"He did," she sobbed, not even realising she had finally used the past tense. "Gods, he told me to move on so many times. And he hasn't come back. He knew…he must have known it was dangerous. Damn him…why couldn't he tell me?" Inga closed her eyes.

"Because he didn't want you to spend the whole time fearing every time the phone rang, the door knocked or a letter arrived," she realised. "Because you would be afraid that it was the news you feared. He wanted you to forget him and move on-because he feared he wouldn't come back. He wanted you to have forgotten him when the news came through. He only wanted you to be happy."

"And if he came back?" she whispered. "He would be alone, thinking I had forgotten him when I love him. I love him and miss him and…I want him…"

"I know, my baby," her mother whispered, hugging her fiercely. "We're all here for you. We all love you. You aren't alone." But she closed her eyes as tears slid down her cheeks.

"But he is," she whispered.

So she had carried on, her spark gone. She went through the motions of work, dropping every extra-curricular activity and anything but what her minimum contracted duties were. Her lessons were perfunctory and her interactions snappish and bitter. And eventually, Heather, who now acting Deputy-Head, had been forced to call her in and speak to her. Astrid had sat silently and folded her arms, her face already folding into a scowl. Sitting at her desk, Heather had laid down her pen and stared at her friend. Astrid had lost weight and looked pale, her eyes deeply shadowed. She knew that her friend was not sleeping well, that she had lost interest in everything and was rejecting every offer to be set up with a date, starting to avoid her friends who kept suggesting she pull herself together and move on.

"This has to stop," Heather told her firmly. There was no room for friendship here-and she doubted that Astrid would respond to a friendly word any more than she had over the previous year or more. This was getting serious and if nothing improved, her friend would be in serious trouble…getting fired kind of trouble. "Your punctuality has slipped, your lessons are short and even the students are complaining that you are cold and harsh. I can't allow this to slip. What has happened to you?"

A pair of dulled azure eyes had flicked up to look ironically at the raven-haired woman.

"I know you miss him!" Heather snapped in exasperation. "But he wanted you to be happy. He asked you to move on, to find someone else-someone to make you laugh. But you're not laughing. You're not even living. you're just going through the motions!"

"So what if I am?" The question was cold, clipped. Heather sighed.

"Because he wouldn't want it, Astrid," she sighed. "He loved you with all his heart. He wanted you to be happy and…"

"You've just spent a year telling me how much he clearly didn't love me because he didn't get in touch," Astrid retorted angrily.

"I was wrong!" Heather yelled back. "Look, he clearly loved you…but part of loving someone is letting them go. And you have a lot to live for, Astrid. The last thing he would want is for you to throw away everything that you worked for, everything you dreamed of, because you were moping!"

"I. Am. Not. Moping," Astrid ground out through her teeth.

"Then what are you doing?" Heather snapped. "Because for all the world, you're acting like a love-lorn teenager whose boyfriend has gone off with another girl. Hiccup asked you to move on."

"I miss you," Astrid murmured.

"What?" Heather said, taken aback.

"He missed me, every single letter. He loved me and missed me. He said the words but his eyes pleaded with me to stay. And I did. I waited. I believed. I clung onto hope. And now all of that is gone and I find myself desolate and empty and-and alone." Astrid blinked, then chewed her bottom lip fiercely. "And I swore I wouldn't show it at school. Because…"

"You are," Heather told her soft. "You are. You're taking out your anger and resentment and misery on the students. And you can't. It's not fair. It's not their fault this happened."

"So it's mine, is it?" Astrid's face was angry, combative.

"That's not what I said!" Heather sighed, exasperated. She rose and walked to sit on the edge of her desk, looking directly into Astrid's face. "I knew Hiccup as well. And he was so proud of you. He always said you were a fantastic teacher-because you cared. Because you wanted to make a difference, to make things better for the next generation than they were for the last. That was what drove him on as well-to build a better, safer, cleaner world. He knew you would make an excellent mother when the time came because all that caring would nurture a very special home. Don't let that all go to waste, Astrid. Don't let the things he loved most about you wither and die. Because then, you will have killed him." She paused, seeing tears sliding down the blonde's ashen face. "This isn't you, Astrid. Become the person that Hiccup loved once more. Be that person for him. Make the difference he can't. Be his Astrid. And for the Gods sake, start living once more! Be the woman he loved, the outgoing, vivacious, smart, feisty girl who is my friend. I miss her."

"I miss her too," Astrid whispered and she began to sob. Heather leaned forward and wrapped her arms around her friend, feeling her lock into a fierce embrace, tears already soaking into her shoulder. "I miss him."

"I know," Heather sighed. "But Hiccup is gone. I'm sorry, Astrid. I'm so sorry."

oOo

Days passed into weeks and slowly, Astrid began to re-emerge. It was just tiny signs-the lessons were competent but they began to become enthusiastic and engaging again. She restarted coaching the junior soccer team. And she very tentatively tried the occasional night out. But not a date, yet-she still wasn't ready for that, to risk exposing her vulnerable and wounded heart to someone else when there was still a yawning Hiccup-shaped hole in it. Though it never stopped her friends from generously pointing out the talent on offer.

"I mean, that one's dreamy," Raquel 'Ruffnut' Thorston, Astrid's schoolfriend had suggested, pointing out a very buff black-haired man with liquid brown eyes and a playful grin. "Gods, he's so dreamy and grrr….I could get my teeth into that…"

"Go ahead-no one's stopping you," Astrid had commented dryly, sucking her soda through a straw and snatching a look at her watch. Cami, another school friend, swatted her on the back of the head.

"On the clock?' she teased her. "C'mon-there a nice tall one there…"

"Or my brother over there?" Heather suggested, indicating to a very buff, ginger-haired man at the bar. His pale green eyes flashed in her direction but flicked away again, uninterested and Astrid was relieved. They were the wrong green, the wrong shape. Looking at those would only make her soul ache for the right green eyes, not a poor substitute. She gave a rueful shake of the head.

"Not ready yet, girls," she murmured. "But you go ahead-and have fun. No one's stopping you." But they looked at her with sad eyes as she had finished her drink, paid up and caught a cab home.

It was almost eighteen months after he left and finally, Astrid was beginning to feel more like herself. A new teacher had joined the science department and he had gently and enthusiastically struck a friendship with the beautiful and sad PE teacher. Trying to fend him off had only encouraged him and he had responded by sending her a poem.

She had almost stopped breathing when she had received it. It was nothing special, just couple of lines penned on a torn out sheet of paper from a note pad. But she knew the words.

She walks in beauty, like the night
Of cloudless climes and starry skies;…

Tears running down her face, she had collapsed to her knees, hugging the scrap of paper to her chest and rocking back and forth. And the man, Rune, hadn't understood why she had been so devastated. She had looked up into she caring grey eyes and had sighed.

"Lord Byron," she murmured. "My…former boyfriend wrote this to me. In the last letter I ever got from him." Stricken, he had begun to apologise but she had shaken her head and swiped her face dry. "I'm just a little vulnerable," she admitted softly. "And this is very sweet. Thank you." Emboldened, he had asked her out and overcome, she had said yes. Her parents and Heather had all cheered as she had prepared and gone out to the neat Italian restaurant and spent a delightful evening with Rune Jonsson. As she had hoped, he had been amusing, charming, witty and caring and Astrid had found herself opening up to him, explaining her reticence, her desolation and the grief she had come to terms with. He had listened gently and over coffee, he had sympathised, sharing his own recent break-up of his long term relationship which had prompted his relocation to Berk. And when he ordered her taxi, he had smiled and she had leaned forward, kissing him lightly but definitely on the lips.

"Thank you," she murmured. "For everything."

oOo

Yet it was three days later when her world jolted sideways once more. She was disturbed by a knock on the door as she was completing writing her assessments. Sighing, she had stomped to the door and opened it-to be faced by a bulky man in rough work jeans and a flannel check shirt. His face was weathered and there were many lines round his eyes from too many years working outdoors. His dark brown hair was grizzled and his bushy beard was a little unkempt but his blue eyes were genuinely apologetic as he offered her a grubby envelope. Familiar spidery writing was sprawled across the front:

Astrid Hofferson.

She gasped as the man gave an apologetic shrug. "My name is Knut Halvardson," the man apologised. "I work for Archipelago Petrochemical Explorations. I came back in April with the mission-and I was asked to give this to you. But I was so overcome with joy at seeing my own family, I forgot. I found this in my work jacket as I got it out now the weather has gotten colder." She accepted it dumbly, staring at Hiccup's writing. "I am sorry to make you wait so long. I-I hope this hasn't caused any trouble…"

"Thank you," she murmured and closed the door, staring at the letter as if it would shatter into a thousand pieces if she breathed too hard on it. It was grimy and rumpled but Hiccup's words were in there and she sat in the nearest chair, knowing her legs were about to fail her and after a long moment, she opened the envelope. The tearing of paper seemed so loud it drowned everything-even the galloping of her heart-and she unfolded the paper with a shaking hand.

"Dear Astrid," he wrote. "I could be a millionaire if I had the money. I would be happy if I were home in your arms. But neither of those are going to happen. Because I am still here, in the wilderness. In case you hadn't realised, Home Thoughts From Abroad was a promise, to be home in April or May at the latest…but I have to break that promise. And your heart. There have been problems here. Accidents. Not with my designs but with the conventional equipment it has to work with and if I don't fix it and ensure compatibility, then everything will have been for nothing. All the isolation, the loneliness will have been a waste. My dreams, my designs, all I have worked for will fail. But I know it's unfair for you to have to wait any longer. I don't expect it. I want you to find someone to make you happy, to be with you. I don't know when I will return."

Tears blurred her vision and wet blotches splatted onto the paper.

"Hiccup," she breathed.

"Be happy, Astrid. Find someone to make you happy. And carry on with your life. I miss you-H."

She clutched the paper to her chest and sobs shook through her.

"Damn you, Hiccup," she whispered. "I had almost forgotten…" She closed her eyes. "I miss you." And then her eyes snapped open and she rose, almost running to the phone. Through the window, she could see the leaves turning, reds and golds bright against the grey autumnal sky. And up north, the last days would be drawing to a close and the last supply flight would be leaving the Project. She thumbed in the familiar number and was eventually connected.

"When is the last flight coming home?" she demanded.

It had taken almost an hour to find out, wheedling her way through layer after layer of bureaucracy until she finally found out that almost eighteen months after the departure, the company was collecting the final skeleton team remaining from the now successfully-running drill site. Gas was flowing down the new pipeline to the northern Archipelago and both Greenpeace and the UN were astonished at the negligible impact on the environment of the extraction. The company was being lauded across the globe for its innovative technology but all Astrid wanted to know was that Hiccup was back. That he was safe.

So two days later, she showed at the Heliport where the final chopper was landing, arriving with her parents and standing pale and taut with anxiety in the small, grubby arrivals hall as the few scruffy and bearded men wandered through, meeting family and friends and drifting away. But the last came through and there was no sign of the familiar tall lean shape with the shaggy auburn hair and sparkling emerald eyes.

Breathing raggedly, Astrid swallowed a small sob, her eyes shining with desolation at the final confirmation of her worst fears. Her mother caught her hand and squeezed, seeing Astrid's heart finally break. Astrid had been doing so much better over the last month, finally coming to terms with her broken heart-though she had avoided Rune in the two days since she had received the letter and her mother had seen the sudden return of the Astrid she had known at the faintest hope that Hiccup might be coming back. And then it had clicked: Astrid hadn't been over Hiccup. Maybe she would never be over Hiccup-but she had forced herself to move on as he had wanted…until the treacherous return of hope. Hope which, it seemed, was finally dashed.

"I'm so sorry, my love," she said, wrapping a hug around her. "Something must have happened."

"He-he knew it was dangerous," she whispered. "That was why he gave me the choice. Gods, he told me to find someone new…though he always said he missed me. I know he loved me…but it was something he had to do. It was everything he ever worked for. And, damn it, he succeeded…"

"But he never came back," he mother whispered.

"He never said it was dangerous," she murmured. "But he mentioned accidents. And the others said this was the last flight. That there was no one left to come back." She closed her eyes. "He's not coming back…" Inga hugged her more fiercely, hearing despair shake through her.

"At least you have…."

Astrid's head snapped up as the faint staccato echo of footsteps sounded down the hall. She pulled away and turned to the single gate. The uneven sound of steps approached, way after the rest of the passengers. Pulling away from her mother, almost in a dream, she spun-to see a final tall shape limp badly through the door from the gate, listing and flinching as he made his painful way back. She took a hesitant step closer, eyes narrowing as she stared.

Grubby jeans were loose on his long legs with worn and battered work boots, stubble darkened his sharp jaw and his auburn hair was in desperate need of a cut. A faded green check shirt was buttoned askew over a faded green tee-shirt and his jacket was unfastened, his backpack slung over a shoulder. She took another step closer. Emerald eyes were exhausted and dulled, plodding on without hope because the owner had long since given up on his dearest wish. Her eyes narrowed. He was thinner and an ugly scar cut down one cheek, pulled tight as he grimaced with each painful step. He flinched and almost stumbled, his heavily bandaged right hand flying out to steady himself.

"Hiccup?" Astrid breathed, taking another step. He grimaced and looked up-and then he froze. He saw her. "HICCUP!"

A sudden look of relief, of hope, of joy crossed his exhausted features as she burst forward, sprinting towards him. He dropped his pack and shambled towards her, eyes locked only on her shining face. His arms closed fiercely around her as she hit him at chest height, her arms locking by around his neck as he swung her round in a staggering hug.

"Astrid," he breathed, his voice rough with disuse and exhaustion. "W-why…" He put her down and stared into her face. "Why are you here?"

Her hands grabbed his face and dragged him down into a fierce, starving kiss. And he leaned his entire body into the kiss, eyes closing as he poured every ounce of his emotion into the contact. Then he pulled back.

"Why are you here?" he breathed, staring into her face. "I-I wanted you to be happy. I never wanted you to have to wait…and when I had the accident…I knew you had to move on…" He gestured with his bandaged hand to his scrawny shape. "Why would you want me when I left you for so long? Why would you want me when I was hurt…?" She stared up into his beloved face, her fingers tracing the roughened tissue of the scar that cut down his cheek.

"What happened?" she asked him accusingly. "Why didn't you come back, Hiccup? How were you hurt?" His hand gently rested over hers and his eyes closed in shame.

"I was stupid," he admitted. "It was about a month before we were due to head home and there was a dissonant abnormality in the main line. The men were in danger and there was an explosion as the drilling equipment they used malfunctioned. I went into the main command pod with Lars and Vegard to lock down the system as the only person who could deal with both problems. They needed me to stop the whole thing letting go and polluting half the Arctic. I had to activate my system prematurely and the main control module exploded. I was caught in the explosion and was badly hurt. We kept it a secret so I wrote the letter that I sent when the rest of the men came back. They didn't know what had happened, didn't know how badly I was injured but I knew then there was no future in us. I had failed…and I was broken. You deserved so much better. I wanted you to be happy." She stared into his eyes, her hand warm on his cheek.

"Idiot," she murmured. "I can't be happy without you." He swallowed and his emerald eyes widened. "I've waited because imagining I would never see you again was too painful. I-I just couldn't do it." And she wrapped her arms around him, resting her head against his shoulder. Without hesitation, he wrapped his embrace around her.

"But-but the letter..." he murmured and she sighed, relaxing in his arms.

"It was handed to me two days ago, Hiccup," she said softly. "I heard nothing for months. No word from you for a year. I-I had finally given up. I mourned you as dead." He closed his eyes. "And my heart was broken."

"I missed you," he admitted hoarsely. "And it broke me to let you go. But I had to stay. Despite my injuries, I knew we could make it work. The skeleton crew agreed and stayed with me. And it took almost the whole six months-but we fixed it, stabilised the system and ensured the safeguards will prevent any damage to the environment. In the end, it worked better than I could have envisioned. It was the success I had always dreamed of. And all it cost me was a year and a half, my leg and the woman I love." She lifted her head in consternation.

"Hiccup? What…?" she murmured and he grimaced.

"Um, I was really badly hurt in the explosion," he admitted, his voice ashamed. "I was cut, burnt…" He moved his bandaged hand gently against her back and her brow furrowed. "And my leg was really badly broken." She lifted her head and stared into his gaunt face, a hand rising to stroke his cheek once more.

"Hiccup?" she murmured, her voice filled with concern.

"Um…it hasn't healed well but I couldn't leave because I knew they would never let me go back…so I had to stay to finish and accept as a result I'll be hobbled for life…" he said tonelessly. "That was why I sent the letter. I couldn't expect you to wait for me…especially as I don't return as the man who left. You are so beautiful and active and amazing…why should you be saddled with a cripple?" She pressed her second hand to his other cheek and pulled his face down, kissing him tenderly once more.

"Because I love you," she whispered. "I trusted you. I believed in you. And I want you back. I missed you." One hand gently slid up to slid through his wildly tousled auburn hair, sliding down his neck and grasping his shoulder. Then she drew back the hand and punched his shoulder firmly. He grimaced.

"You didn't miss me then," he murmured and her lips lifted in delight at the flash of his old sarcastic humour. She hugged him tight.

"Stay," she breathed and he nuzzled her hair again.

"Gods, I have dreamed of this…but I resigned myself to the fact that you would have found someone else, someone worthy of you," he admitted baldly. She wrapped her arm around his waist and slowly steered him back towards her parents. She gave a small smile.

"But I do have a new man in my life," she admitted and he stiffened, wanting to pull away and stop ruining her life, leaving her to her new beau…but she tightened her grip as her mother turned, adjusting the baby in her arms. Hiccup stared, his eyes wide with utter shock. The child wriggled, fat hands grasping towards his mother, tufty auburn hair topping a faintly freckled face with bright emerald eyes. Astrid walked forward and grabbed him, her face lighting with a tender smile as she turned to Hiccup. His gaze flicked from her to the little boy then back, his mouth working soundlessly.

"This is Harry," she said calmly. "He's ten months old." He started breathing heavily, a look of horror and guilt creasing his features. She bounced the child as she read his distress. "I didn't know when you left and I tried to tell you the only time we spoke…but the line was so bad, I guess you never heard. And I sent you a scan picture but they said the post was lost when the supply plane crashed…"

He pressed his hands to his face, shaking.

"Oh Gods," he breathed. "What have I done? I left you alone when you needed me most. You must hate me…"

But she was at his side, pulling his hands away from his face, and forcing him to meet her determined azure eyes. "My son wants to see his Daddy," she told him firmly. "I want my beloved back. And you are never going anywhere again, my Hiccup."

"S-son…?" he breathed, lifting a shaking hand to tenderly stroke the child's chubby cheek. The boy gave a little giggle.

"Ma-ma…"

Hiccup gave an astonished gasp, wrapping a long arm round his family and hugging them close.

"I am never leaving you again," he breathed, pressing an urgent kiss onto her cheek.

"And I never stopped missing you and wanting you," she murmured. "This is why I wouldn't stop waiting for you. I needed you, Hiccup. My son needed you. And now you have done what you have for the future of the planet, come back to me and help build the future of our family."

"I don't deserve you," he groaned. She kissed him hard.

"Probably not," she smiled, "but you're home now. And we will make you well."

"I chose to put planes and boats between us," he sighed, limping alongside her. "I went with your blessing to complete my work-and I did. But I left you alone when you needed me. And when I needed you. I really don't deserve you, Milady. But I missed you-because I love you." She gently placed his son in his arms.

"You're home," she told him as he hugged his son for the first time. "And I'm never letting you go."

He leaned close to her, his mouth inches from her ear. His voice was inaudible to anyone but her and she closed her eyes at his familiar scent, his familiar warmth as he slowly began to speak.

"When, in disgrace with fortune and men's eyes, I all alone beweep my outcast state,

And trouble deaf heaven with my bootless cries, And look upon myself, and curse my fate,

Yet in these thoughts myself almost despising, Haply I think on thee, and then my state,

Like to the lark at break of day arising From sullen earth, sings hymns at heaven's gate;

For thy sweet love remember'd such wealth brings

That then I scorn to change my state with kings."

She blinked, her eyes swimming with tears.

"I am the luckiest man on the planet, to find you still waiting despite everything-with my son and my hope and my future, Milady," he murmured. "I'm back. I'm yours. if you want me. Until the end of the world." She buried her face in his chest for a second, then lifted her adoring eyes.

"I love you, Hiccup," she told him. "I've waited long enough. Take me home."

The End.

Acknowledgements: Home Thoughts, from Abroad is by Robert Browning. She Walks in Beauty is by Lord Byron. Sonnet 29 is by William Shakespeare.