SPLASH.
"Rise and shine, birdbrain!" an all-too-familiar voice cried in a nasally New Jersey accent. Robin gasped, coughing and spluttering to get the water out of his throat as he looked up, seeing before him the two absolute worst faces he could imagine. Both chalk white, one was decorated with black lipstick and a domino mask much like his own, while the other had lips stained permanently red and emerald green hair. The Boy Wonder instantly tried to jump to his feet, only to find himself strapped down to the chair he was in.
"Well, well, Harley..." the Joker finally spoke as he looked their prey up and down. "I can't believe you actually did it."
"Aw, it was easy, Mister J," Harley responded, clasping her hands by her face in delight at his praise. "Boy Blunder here never even saw me comin'!"
"What...?" Robin began to speak, his eyes glancing back and forth at his two captors. As he gained his bearings, he realised they were the only things he COULD see; the three of them were in the middle of a spotlight, the rest of the room cloaked in darkness. "Wh-what are you two clowns plotting now?" he demanded, trying his best to seem as calm and menacing as his mentor.
"Clowns?" Joker echoed, one hand placed over his chest as he made the MOST offended face Robin had ever seen on him. "Why, Robin, I'm hurt! How could you think that of your old pal, Joker, huh?"
"Yeah!" His accomplice huffed, sliding her arms over the taller male's shoulders lovingly. "How DARE you hurt Puddin's feelings like that?"
The Joker chuckled, as he wrapped his own arms around Harley's waist, pulling her close. "Aw, Harley, baby..." he gave the woman a brief kiss on the cheek, earning a squeal of delight from her. "You always did understand me. If only there were more than one of you around..."
Robin felt his stomach turn from the criminals' lovie-dovie routine, but it was nothing compared to the drop when the two of them turned to look at him, their coloured lips pulled into devilish grins.
"Well, Mister J... that CAN be arranged," Harley said with a voice like syrup, smiling at the Boy Wonder. Robin felt like ice was running through his veins from the looks the two were giving him.
"Mmm, if you say so, Harley doll," Joker replied flippantly, turning and walking off. "I leave him in your capable hands. Don't let me down, now~"
Harley stood straight and gave a salute as the sound of a door closing echoed in the darkness, before turning to her quarry. Robin gulped, already trembling.
"Now then..." she began approaching and delicately running a gloved finger over Robin's mask.
"Don't think I don't appreciate the effort, sweetiepie," she began before she slipped a finger under the mask and yanked it off. "But that mask ain't EXACTLY our style, you know?"
Robin's face went almost as pale as his captor's, now exposed for her to see. She grinned, and clapped her hands in delight at his reaction.
"That's the spirit!" she announced with a giggle. "But it's not quite white enough. So let big sis Harley give you a hand!"
Robin swallowed, watching as his 'big sis' reached into the darkness and pulled in a small wheeled table, the tops of which were covered with... makeup. All sorts of powders, creams and paints, in what seemed to be a full rainbow of colours. The Boy Wonder felt his stomach fall as Harley placed a chair in front of him, taking a seat.
"Okay, now listen closely, sis, because you're gonna need to learn this yourself," Harley said cordially, as if what was happening was perfectly normal. "First, you gotta put down a nice layer of foundation."
With that, the jester proceeded to scoop out half a tube of white paste, quickly using a pad to smooth and smear the substance over the boy's face. He tried his best to move his head out of her grasp, trying to avoid the little round pad, but Harley was quick to grab him by his chin and hold him still.
"Not too much, now, just enough to cover those blemishes!" she giggled, Robin's face quickly feeling heavy from the amount of cream that was being spread over it. Every inch of his face, from his forehead to his chin was coated, until soon he was as pale and ghostly as Harley and Joker themselves.
"Perfect!" Harley chirped playfully, putting the used pads on the tray. Robin grit his teeth, scowling as he kept blinking and moving his mouth, not used to the feeling of heavy cosmetics. Harley didn't give him time to adjust, as she picked up a small brush with a container of green makeup.
"Open wide!" she ordered, running the brush in the container for a little bit before raising it up.
"Go to hell," Robin responded.
"I said..." Harley began, only to stamp down HARD on his foot. "OPEN WIDE."
Robin's mouth shot open to yell in pain and anger, and it was the chance Harley needed. She grabbed his face again, pressing his cheeks together and forcing his open lips to purse, letting her run the green lipstain over them. Robin growled and struggled as best he could, but the harlequin was surprisingly strong for her appearance. It wasn't long before Robin's lips were a lovely forest green colour, standing out against his ghost-ish white face.
"THere we go~!" Harley giggled, dabbing away the excess cosmetics with a handkerchief. "Now was that so hard, sis?"
Robin just glared at her, his green lips pushed forward in a juvenile manner.
"Aaaaand the finishing touch...!" she giggled, slipping a domino mask back over his eyes, though as opposed to the black angular one from before, this was more rounded and matched the colour of his lips. "Perfect~!"
"Urgh," Robin groaned, his cheeks glowing red. Not that you could see under his new makeup job.
"Nice work, Harley," a voice spoke, as Joker stepped into the spotlight, electing a surprised yelp from his lover.
"Oh, Mister J!" she simpered. "I-I didn't here you come in..."
"I never left, darling," Joker stated simply, making Harley's smile waiver for a split-second. "But I'm glad I didn't. You've done a wonderful job on her."
"Aw, thanks, Puddin'!" Harley squealed, beaming with pride.
"Now then, let's get the newest member of our family dressed, shall we?"
Robin grit his teeth, glaring at the two criminal comedians. "You know the second you untie me, I'll escape, don't you?"
All that did was make the clown prince of crime's trademark grin even wider. "Oh, you poor dear, I thought of that."
He reached into his coat pocket, removing what seemed to be a simple purple strap, a large stylised "J" visible on it, which he slipped around Robin's neck. Once it was secure, he whipped out his pocket knife and cut the boy's restraints. With the agility he was known for, Robin quickly grabbed Joker's shoulder and vaulted over him, reaching into his belt with his free hand and drawing a birdarang. He charged at Harley, preparing to hurl his weapon at her...
BZZT!
...only for an wave of electric pain to shoot through his body. He let out a cry of agony as he stumbled and fell to his feet, the birdarang falling from his hand. Joker chuckled and appproached, tossing a small button up and down.
"Like it, Boy Blunder?" he asked, approaching the convulsing vigilante. "I had this prepared, juuust in case you got too uppity."
Robin tried to speak, but his mouth just didn't seem to want to work. Joker smirked.
"Alright, Harley doll. Let our little Mockingbird rest, and then we can get her dressed. After all, I'm sure she'll be a good little girl..." he leaned down so close Robin could smell his breath. "...now that she knows what will happen if she's not Riiight~?"
Robin trembled one the floor, only able to manage a weak nod.
"Oh, Mockingbird~" Joker sang as he sat on the mouldy bed in the run-down warehouse he and Harley called home. The previously mentioned clown woman was sat on her Puddin's lap, playfully nuzzling him. "Aren't you ready, yet?"
"J-Just a minute!" 'Mockingbird' growled from behind the moth-eaten shade that he had been provided to give him some modesty while he changed clothes.
"What was that?" Joker responded, holding up the button, his thumb at the ready. Robin felt his body shudder already, remembering what happened before.
"Just... a minute..." he hesitated for a split-second, before finally swallowing his pride. "...Puddin'."
Joker smirked and lowered his weapon, letting its target relax for the moment. The newly-dubbed Mockingbird gazed at his reflection in the mirror, unable to believe this was what had become of him.
He was dressed in an altered version of one of Harley's outfits; a two-tone bodysuit designed to resemble a jester. The outfit was partially red just like Harley's, but what was black on her outfit was green on Mockingbird's, making it resemble some sort of clown-themed parody of his own outfit. He cringed as he pulled the hood up, hiding his short dark hair as the long horns dangled over each side of his face, ending in cute white pom-poms. The suit was skin tight, clinging to the former Boy Wonder's (lack of) curves, and leaving no doubt that he was male. The crotch in particular was uncomfortable snug, though Harley had "graciously" offered him a pair of her own underwear. Though no one could tell under the suit, it didn't make the fact he was wearing purple panties any less humiliating, nevermind that the words "Joker's Gal" were emblazoned across the rear.
Sighing, he finally moved the shade out of the way and walked forward. Underneath his makeup, his face was burning with shame as Harley let out a squeal of joy, while Joker wolf-whistled.
"Omigawd, Mockingbird!" Harley shrieked, rushing over and hugging him tightly. "You're so cute!"
"I'll say," Joker chuckled, eyeing the boy hungrily. Mockingbird shuddered once more, but forced a smile.
"Th-thanks... uh... sis... a-and thanks, Mister J..." he said, wishing the floor would simply swallow him up.
Joker smirked and glanced at his watch, doing a brief double-take. "Oh my, look at the time. It's almost daybreak!" he said with a wicked grin. "I think it's time that we gave Mockingbird her first take of the family business, wouldn't you say, Harls?"
"B-Business?" Mockingbird asked, already not liking where this was going.
"Sounds good, boss!" Harley responded. "It's Gotham City Bank today, right?"
"That's right, babe!" Joker chuckled, approaching his henchwoman and "henchwoman", sliding his arms around their waists. "We'd better get going while tall, dark and brooding is still on patrol. There's no fun unless he's there to introduce the newest member of the family, right?"
"Tall, dark...?" Mockingbird echoed, before a look of horror came over his face. "B-Batman!?"
"Got it in one, MB!" Joker laughed, reaching down and giving his new accomplice's butt a firm squeeze, making the crossdressing clown squeal. "We're robbing the bank, and YOU're going to help us!"
"B-But...!"
"Or you know what will happen," he added, his smile fading as he held up the button. Mockingbird instantly trembled and hung his head.
Joker nodded, satisfied, as his smile returned. "Now then, shall we, ladies?"
"Sure thing, Puddin'!" Harley giggled, standing on her tip toes and giving the Joker a kiss on the cheek.
"O-Okay..." Mockingbird muttered.
"..AHEM."
Mockingbird flinched. "I-I mean... sure thing, P-Puddin'!" he said with fake enthusiasm. He saw the expectant looks both clowns were giving him, and had to hold back a sob as he stood on his tip toes and planted his green lips against his new boss's cheek.
"Attagirl!" Joker laughed, giving Mockingbird a firm slap on the behind. "Now, let's get going!"
He quickly marched to the door, Harley practically skipping behind, while Mockingbird took up the rear. He was stuck. He didn't know what he could do. He just hoped that when Batman saw him, he'd be able to find some way to help him...
ROBIN'S NEW LOOK: MR. J'S NEW HARLEY - END