- Can you explain to me what's your problem? You're unbearable for now- Jacob tells me. Then he make a pause, like he's thinking about, and then add – I wanna say, you've always been, but now you're more than usual- on his face appears a sarcastic air. I feel the anger rising in me, like a fire that, by now I know, I'm not able to turn off. Sometimes I'd like to have human reactions. I would come nearer, I would slap him, and I'd go away irritate. Instead, I'm strict to turn into a monster, to attack that know-it-all teen ager which, unfortunately, is also the alfa male of my bunch. If three werewolves drifted could be a bunch.
I'm fast in turning into. I jump on him, knocking him down, in the right moment when he change too. We start biting, running after, insulting by our thoughts.
I can't decide if I like you the less when you're a human or when you're an animal. If we wouldn't belong to the same bunch, I would say the animal one, at least I wouldn't hear you talking nor thinking my reaction to those words, full of nothing but hate, is thinking deep about Bella Swan, about her look when she will turned into a vampire or, into the better chance,, when she'll be dead. The following Jake's howl, is piercing. He goes far from me, than he become human again. I do the same.
- You don't have the faintest idea of what I feel, Leah. And you don't care about it. You only care about yourself, everything which concern you. I would like to know why you hate Bella this much- he shout, bitterly. I sigh.
- Why do I hate her, Jacob? I hate her because she stays with that bloodsucker. They're the reason because we're tied to this condition forever- I lie, then I go on, sarcastic – and don't tell me that you don't hate them for the same reason. I don't understand how can you still love her. She made her choices. And you're going t pay the consequences- he low his look, sadly.
- Do you love Sam?- he suddenly ask to me. I goggle, and blush.
- None of your business- I answer, irritated. He turn his back from me, and loses himself looking at empty air.
- Your thought always run to him, Leah. And to Emily. You always say you hate them, to feel betrayed from them, but I know you keep loving your cousin, and that you will go on forever loving him- he murmur. I, unintentionally, start crying silently.
- Do you wanna know why I hate her, Jake? Do you wanna know why I hate your loved Bella?- I spit the words, like they're poison – I hate her because she's happy. She's expecting a baby which is killing her, her destiny is signed, but she feel to have everything she always desired- I sigh- Look at us, Jake. We are the same. Nobody else seem to suffer. Sam got Emily. Quil got Claire. Jared, Paul and Embry just need to eat, run and bet on everything to be happy. And my brother got used to everything, he even became friend of everything his nature impose him to abhor- now he turn, looking at me – And then, why are we like that?- I ask him – Why we're the only one who bear the weight of what we are? Why we can't accept this life like the others do?- I ask, among tears. He come near to me.
- It's not the fact that we're werewolves Leah. We pay all our fault to love who we don't belong- he tells me, in a whisper. I remove my look from his.
- We're damned not to be ever happy?- my voice is broken.
- We're damned to love. But if you could look over your pain, you would see that there's nothing better in the world- he smile, at the end.
- How can you say that? How can you go over the pain?-
- I can't. When I'm alone I feel like the weight of her absence is squeezing me. But when I'm with her...- his smile become more prominent – I even forge the fact that she's not mine- I look at him, doubtful.
- I can't stand you, Jake. I don't like you, I'm convinced that you're terribly egocentric and I will never understand why you love Bella this much- I state, then I pause, and start again, wavering. – But... if you really can love her respecting her choices, even if they're so absurd... well, maybe you're not that horrible- I admit, making him laugh. He hold out a hand to me, waiting for me to take it, but I don't do this immediately.
- I'm the alfa male, you must respect my dispositions. And now I want you to go over your reticence, take my hand and come with me making some "wolves stuff"- he tells me, in half between serious and joking.
- And you're awaiting for me to follow you with these perspectives?- I say, ironically.
- You cannot know, maybe while you were busy in sluring all about werewolf life, you lost something funny- he insist. I sigh, exasperate, but then I take his hand and keep it tight. We walk together toward the forest. Looking around, I see the trees, I breathe their essence and try to convince myself that this is my life now. Then I stare at Jake, I stare at our hands, still tightening. That I want it or not, he's a piece of this life.
We start running, leaving all behind.
