First kisses (with a little shock inbetween), first dates and the first time he says those four-little-words are the things girls (cheeks pink and romance novel in hand) dream about but in reality only ever find once in a full moon.
But all I got from him (the one that I forever stayed without a hint of like or even the dreaded word, love) was the first time we locked eyes, hunger radiating from every part of him and all I could see in them was 'I want to hurt you, pull you apart from the outside in'.
No such first date ever took place (and now it would never come, first child came instead) and kisses came and went in moods, 'I like you little wife, now I hate you oh-so much.'.
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"Do you love daddy?"
The little creature before me, wide searching eyes that seem to look through all of the lies that left my glossy lips, was the reason we stayed forever husband and wife, the anchor that kept us afloat.
With just one person, that was brought into my life like a miracle for wicked little me, all the need for love, to be loved like I was the only person in the world, were gone and he was the only one that cared for me beyond anyone in this world and the next.
In all of history he would be (the king of this world that rules with an iron fist and a soft spot for mother) the lest neglected child, so full of hugs, kisses, 'babies' and 'pumpkins' that it was a relief when he turned out just like mother and father.
"If I say no, pumpkin, will you hate me?"
"Of course not mommy, he said he didn't love you either, that you are just fine the way you are, content, is that true? Anyway I love you more anyway, daddy always seems like brains and blood, it's gross."