Safe Distance

Clint and Natasha talk the moment of weakness that led to them having a child together.

Clint Barton couldn't sleep.

He still couldn't sleep.

He had tried everything he could thing off. Drinking, reading and exercising to the brink of exhaustion but still nothing. He simply couldn't stop his mind from turning over and over. He was restless and angry never good to get a good nights sleep on. Finally he came to some sort of decision and got up from his bed. He shouldn't be doing this. He had missions to go on and things to do and he had agreed never to go see her ever. He had made that promise, that was the agreement that they had agreed on and now he was breaking it.

He couldn't help it… this just felt like something he had to do. He couldn't help himself. He had to see her.

Natasha had been watching him for an hour now. If he knew that she was here he hadn't let on… Natasha knew that he knew she was here. He was that good and she wasn't hiding from him. He hadn't moved from his spot nor had his gazed shifted from where he was looking at. He simply stood looking at the house opposite from him. Finally having enough of simply waiting Natasha got out of her car and slowly made her way towards to where he stood.

He didn't look at her when she stood next to him and she didn't look at him. They stood side by side which was nothing new for them. He had been off the S.H.I.E.L.D's grid for 24 hours so he knew they were going to be looking for him. Clint could only imagine both Natasha's and Fury's reaction to when they realised where he was heading.

"You got a lot of explaining to do" Natasha said finally breaking the silence in the air.

Clint couldn't help but smile that was the understatement of the year. "Fury mad at me?" Clint asked.

"Fury is Fury but let's just say I don't think you are going to enjoying your next couple of assignments" Natasha told him "I'm mad at you!" she said softly

"I can't begin to describe why I'm here so I'm not going to" Clint told her "I'm just here."

They didn't say anything to each other after that. They could do this for hours not talk to each other and both be okay with it. They liked the silence. They liked being part of the silence it was there style. They stood and looked at the house opposite them. It was a nice house, simple but homely and totally not something either would ever think of buying. The house wasn't important to them nor who owned it… it was the young girl who lived there that they cared about.

"She will be three years old in a few months" Clint said wishfully.

"I know" Natasha said lowering her head.

"Sometimes I wonder if we were selfish" Natasha turns to Clint as he talks still not looking at her "were we selfish to bring a child into this world? Knowing the world like we do, having seen the things that we have seen and yet we still bring a child into this world."

Natasha said nothing to reply. Their child together, a product of a fail mission together, victim's blood on their hands and lots of beer. An abortion was mentioned as soon as they realised that Natasha was pregnant but… neither could bear the idea of it. Maybe they had a moment of weakness, maybe they just wanted to something they could call their own.

"Fury had everyone believe I was deep cover for 8 months." Natasha said "no missions, no assignments, no spying, no shield just me off the grid being pregnant."

"Bet you loved that" Clint joked.

"I could barely hold her" Natasha closed her eyes remembering the first time she held her baby in her arms. She didn't know what to think or feel right now. She hated Clint for bringing her and forcing feelings that she had long since buried up into the surface. But at the same time she too had sometimes come so close to driving to this place, knocking on the door and demanding her child back.

"It's funny I can face down men twice my size and take on an army of aliens but the idea of raising my baby… I couldn't do it." Clint shakes his head. "So I gave her away."

"No Clint it wasn't like that!" Natasha snapped at him. "It was to protect her! If people knew about her and our connection to her she would become a target!"

"Our connection to her?!" Clint shook his head again in disbelief "is that to you? is that all she is to you?"

"You know what I mean" Natasha told him.

"Why did we do it then?" Clint asks her "why did we give her away?"

"Simple… we are cowards" Natasha smiling sadly at him. "Seriously Clint could you picture it? House? Little white fence? Pet dog? You working a 9 to 5 job? Me in the kitchen cooking dinner? Reading her bedtime stories?" Natasha described to him.

"Alright enough!" Clint cut her off.

He turned his back to the house. "I don't why I'm here alright? I just couldn't sleep last night. My mind kept running and running. A couple of weeks ago I was a walking talking killer thanks to Loki and there was nothing I could do about it. I killed men, men from our team, men I have worked with and now they are dead. Worse of all I nearly killed the mother of my child!"

He all but growled the last part looking right at her. Natasha had nightmares about their fight together but was never about to tell him that nor anyone else. Clint was good at beating himself up from time to time while she was good at remembering the horrible things she had done for mother Russia.

"She will never know who we are, doesn't that hurt you?" Clint turned to face her searching her face for answers.

"No it makes me happy." Natasha replied "she will never know us Clint. The things we have done and the people we have killed. She will live a normal life, job, marriage, kids the whole American dream. While we will do this line of work until we get shot to hell and die without so much a funeral."

Clint sighs and then nods. They weren't parents nor will they ever will be. They were too damaged for that. Too damaged to love anyone in the right way.

"Fury worked hard to cover up our connection to her and me being here is asking for trouble" he stated looking at Natasha. A grin formed on both there faces as they looked at each other. "Guess I'm in the bad books huh?" He asked.

"Like I said I don't think you will enjoying your next few assignments." She smirked at him.

"Going to be worse than Budapest?" He smirked.

"Hey you met me in Budapest!" She said in outrage but it was clear she was joking.

"Like I said worse than Budapest?" Clint joked.

"I will see to it you will be working on a pig's farm in France." She replied walking back to the car. Clint laughed at that.

"Think she will be blessed with my aim?" Clint asked her taking one last look at the house.

"Let's just hope she isn't cursed with your looks" Natasha deadpanned.

They drove off into the night leaving behind their daughter behind to live her life safe and without fear… it was the best they could offer her.

End

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