So this took me a LONG time. And I'm still not happy with it. But I decided to bite the bullet and post it.
Angus stretched languidly. He was sore in places he hadn't known he could be. But it was the good kind of sore. He reached over only to be meant with empty air. Frowning Angus sat up and looked around. "Mario?" He wasn't there. Where was he? Angus felt something terrible in the pit of his stomach.
Angus checked the bathroom then the kitchen becoming almost frantic as the minutes passed. He left. His legs gave way and he collapsed onto the floor sobbing. How could he? Last night had been perfect. Everything he'd thought it would be and more. How could it have meant nothing to Mario?
Angus felt sick. He just wanted sex. He doesn't want me. His perfect night with the man he was in love with had meant nothing. How could Mario do that to him? He must have known that Angus was in love with him. Angus wore his heart on his sleeve. And Mario had used him for sex.
Oh God. Angus cried harder. What am I supposed to do? He hadn't just lost a friend and the hope of something more. He'd lost everything. He couldn't possibly stay at Angels now. Couldn't see Mario everyday knowing that the other man had used him in the cruelest way.
Angus knew he should be angry. He should be absolutely furious with Mario for doing something so horrible. But he just feels sad and broken. Of course he doesn't want me. Why would he?
Mario couldn't stop smiling. Last night had been so wonderful. He's had plenty of sex but last night had been different. There had never been feelings involved before. It had made everything so much more intense.
He hopes he can be professional about it. People have already commented on his mood. He knows it shouldn't affect their work. But it's going to be so hard not to act differently. Now that he's allowed to how is he supposed to keep himself from kissing Angus all the time? From touching him?
He wants to shout it from the roof cliche as it is. Because the most wonderful person he knows thinks he's worth something. Angus wants him. It's so amazing. He never thought he could have something this good.
He hears Angus's voice and butterflies fill his stomach. Angus is talking to one of nurses grabbing a chart. Mario's smile widened as Angus turned towards him. He took a step towards him then froze.
The look on Angus's face seemed to turn his insides to ice. Why was Angus looking at him like that? Like Mario's parents had looked at him. Like he was scum not worthy of their time.
Last night they'd made love. Angus had looked at him like Maro was the most wonderful thing he's ever seen. Now he was looking at him like he was nothing.
No. No. No. What did I do wrong? What could he have done in such a short time to make Angus go from caring about him to hating him? Did I hurt him? Angus hadn't had sex with a man before. Mario had tried to take it slow, be gentle. Had he failed? Was that why? Angus had seemed just as happy as he was.
Mario couldn't breathe. He'd lost Angus. He'd barely gotten the chance to have him and he'd already lost him. "Angus…" His heart shatters when Angus walks away. Don't leave me alone. Don't forget me. Please.
Angus couldn't believe how Mario had acted. How dare he act like everything was normal when he'd just broken Angus's heart. That was the trigger Angus needed. It was like a switch was flipped. He was finally angry. So very angry.
The viciousness he felt when he saw Mario's face fall would have scared him if he hadn't been so angry. Good. Mario deserved to hurt after what he'd done.
Did he really think that Angus would just act like nothing had happened? That he could get away with treating a human being like trash? Well Angus would show him. One of them had to go. And it wasn't going to be him.
Angus held on desperately to the anger he was finally feeling. He had to. If he didn't he was going to break. And he couldn't let that happen.
The entire shift was torture for Mario. Even when he'd been ready to claw his way out of his own skin so desperate for a fix he would have done anything he'd never felt this terrible. Everytime Angus saw him he looked at him like Mario was the worst thing he'd ever seen. Like he hated him. Angus who didn't hate anyone.
Mario desperately needed to know what he'd done. If he knew there was a chance he could fix it. He'd do anything Angus wanted. He'd crawl through all of L.A. on his knees if it would stop Angus from looking at him like that.
He doesn't need Angus to be his boyfriend. He can handle just being friends. As long as Angus stops hating him. He can't bare to have Angus hate him. It hurts too much.
He's trembling as he knocks on the door of Angus's apartment. The place where just last night he'd been so happy was now the most terrifying place he could be. It was one thing to have Angus act like he hated him. But if he actually had to hear Angus say it he doesn't know what he'll do.
"What the hell do you want?" Angus glared at Mario fiercely. Hadn't he made himself clear? He didn't want anything to do with him.
When Angus started to say something Mario flung his arms around him and held on for dear life. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry." Mario didn't care how he sounded. He needed to make Angus understand. "What did I do? Please just tell me what I did wrong?" Why don't you want me anymore?
Angus was shocked by Mario's behavior. Did he really not know what he'd done? Or was he just acting? "If all you wanted was sex you should have used someone else."
Mario visibly recoiled in horror. He can't think that. "No. No. No." Mario shook his head frantically. "Why would you think that? What did I do?" What could he have done to make Angus think that?
"You left. I woke up and you were gone." Angus wasn't able to keep himself from showing the hurt he'd felt when he realized that Mario had left him.
"The hospital called. They thought Mr. Bradley was ready to be taken of the ventilator. His wife wanted me there. I left a note. I didn't want to wake you." He'd thought about it. But Angus looked so peaceful asleep that Mario hadn't had the heart to wake him.
"I-I didn't see a note." Angus felt a tiny bit of hope begin to stir inside him. Could he have been wrong?
"I left one. I swear." Hesitantly Mario held out his arms. He sighed with relief when Angus let him hug him. "You're the best thing that's ever happened to me. I would never do that to you."
Angus leaned into Mario's embrace. He felt horrible for thinking the worst. Of course Mario would never do something so terrible. "I'm sorry. I know that's not you. I just….. don't know why you want me."
Mario frowned. "Baby…" How could Angus not see what he saw? I should have told him. Then this wouldn't have happened. He wasn't good with words. But he could try for Angus. "Of course I want you. There's no way I couldn't. You believe I can be a better person. You make me want to be a better person. You're so good Angus."' Mario's voice softened. "I never thought I could have something like this."
Angus smiled shyly. "You've got me. I want this too Mario. I'm not going anywhere."
Mario smiled in return. "Me either. Not without waking you up anyway."
Angus laughed tugging Mario towards the bedroom. "Good."