Red…
Blood on snow...
Shards of glasses….
Lifeless eyes….
It was Yukikaze all over again.
Only this time, Ayanami can't stand it anymore. The ice has cracked, and no efforts on his part is doing anything to help it. Melting violet averted its gaze from his fallen subordinate, instead inspecting the attackers.
Men in Barsburg military uniform. Traitors.
Violet steeled itself once more, but nothing can erase the abyss that has cracked in those amethyst depths, deepened day in and day out throughout the years of self torturing.
The Chief of Staff crumbled to his knees beneath the winter's winds.
Slender fingers reach for bloodied cheek. Amethyst meets lifeless Sapphire. Then, before he can collect himself enough to stop it, a name fall from his pale, quivering lips.
"Hyuuga…"
"The reports from our last operation are finished, Ayanami-sama." Konatsu said, setting the papers down on Ayanami's desk. The young Beigleiter has circles beneath his eyes, result from the increasing workload and emotional strains.
"Thank you, Konatsu. You're dismissed for today." Ayanami said without looking up from his work.
"Are you not leaving, Ayanami-sama?" Konatsu asked, knowing the answer full well.
"I'm staying."
The youth just nodded solemnly.
Ever since Major Hyuuga has been gravely injured, the Chief has buried himself into his work, never eating, never sleeping. Noticeable signs of exhaustion paint itself onto the Chief of Staff. And without the Major, no one can persuade the stubborn boss to care for himself anymore.
Konatsu make his way to the office's door and turned it open, before glancing back. Soft winter winds blew in from the balcony, caressing the ivory locks over violet eyes. They didn't look up.
"Ayanami-sama… You should visit the Major sometimes... I think he needed you."
The tip of the pen stopped dead on the paper. Violet gazed up for the first time in days. Still, those depths gave no reply. He nodded once then return his attention to the papers in front of him.
"Well then, have a good night, Ayanami-sama." The boy saluted, stepping out and pulling the door shut in front of him, leaving Ayanami alone in the dark office.
Normally, there would be a sleeping Hyuuga. Lounging nearby and never doing anything, keep glancing at the time and keep telling his boss to go take a sleep. Never has he been completely alone like this.
He never thought it could get so lonely.
That night, Ayanami took some of the pills stored on his bedside, as was getting more and more regular lately, before pained violet sinks into a fitful, uncomfortable sleep. Nightmares plagued him. The same scenes kept playing and replaying itself in his sleep-drugged mind.
Sword on flesh. Blood on snow. Lifeless gaze on his own's. Twisted figures of ones he loved being taken. Again and again.
Sometimes he feels that the pills themselves are killing him, not the lack of sleep.
Semi-clear liquid surrounds Hyuuga's body, various tubes poking out of his body connecting him to some alien machines outside. His breaths come in grasps. And his sight was painfully limited.
Despite his near escape from death and the fact that his body is recovering relatively quickly, his mind doesn't. And nothing can cheer him up, even visits from fellow Black Hawks, because one fact had yet to change.
Aya-tan never came.
The lack of his presence worried him. If the Chief of Staff was well, he must at least visit once. It set his brain thinking of various possibilities that might have happened to the silver-haired chief during his absence. And one question kept gnawing at him. Have I failed again?
Hyuuga reminds himself that the prideful, workaholic boss wouldn't want to waste his time visiting a useless subordinate. That makes him smile.
After all, he'll just have to get well quickly and return to that man's side.
He let the the thought sooth his mind and drift him into pavilion.