misstressdickens over at tumblr asked for some canon Chelsie Fanfic a week or so ago. And although I am on a (permanent?) writing hiatus, I couldn't resist this time. This fic is not finished but olehistorian wanted something new to read... so I typed it into Word on this thunderstorm ridden night while listening to piano music... gothic novel, anyone?

TO ME SHE IS BEAUTIFUL - I

Elsie could not think straight. Whenever she tried to focus on her thoughts on her work, concentrate on the rota in front of her, her mind drifted off.

Mrs Patmore had done her best in relaying the words he had said about her. Tell her that to me she is beautiful. A smile crossed Elsie's face when she thought about that particular part of the message. I love her. She closed her eyes and took a few deep breaths to stop herself from bursting into tears of happiness. She had never experienced the inner unrest that apparently came with being in love. She regarded herself as much too old to be going through all of this foolish giddiness. Yet she was also extremely happy at the same time that having such feelings was still possible at her age. And that these emotions were reciprocated amazed her even more.

They had known each other for decades. Worked together over such a long period of time. At the beginning she thought him aloof and pompous, his head always held high, back straight, voice booming whenever he talked. There was nothing quiet or gentle about him. But this first impression did not last very long. After their third or fourth night over a shared glass of wine, once she had been promoted to the position of housekeeper, she was able to see behind the façade. With every year that passed, she found out more about his likes and dislikes. Soon she knew what made him laugh and which topics to avoid in their evening talks. Because some of them led to endless discussions between them and though they brought her joy, she knew they were stressful for him. Especially when they talked about progress.

Their relationship developed slowly. Form being only colleagues, two servants too busy with their own work to have time for much else; to a friendship that allowed them to talk more freely about certain things. Most importantly, their conversations became more private, confidence grew between them as the years passed by.

Elsie tried to remember when this warm friendship had turned into a more significant relationship where they both knew they could trust each other fully. Once they had reach that understanding, she knew that they would grow old together. Not necessarily as husband and wife but at least in companionable, deep friendship. And that filled her with great happiness and pride. That such a man like Charles Carson held her in such high esteem, called her a friend and companion.

Love, this feeling deep down inside her, had developed much later but very gradually. It had taken her some time to recognize it as the feeling she had so far only read about. Many of the books described it in that silly, girlish manner she could never relate to. In fact, she had not taken these descriptions very seriously. They were fictional after all.

Ye now she was sitting here, thinking about some words a man had said about her. Just like one of the heroines in a novel. I want us to live as closely as two people can for the time that remains to us on earth. Elsie put her pen down. There was absolutely no use to continue with her work.

oxoxoxoxo

Had he made a fool of himself? Said too much to Mrs Patmore? The words were all intended for Elsie. She should have heard them directly from him not repeated by someone Elsie in form of a message. Especially that one sentence, the most important one, the one he had never said aloud to anyone.

I love her. I love you.

His heart still beat faster when he thought about it. Love, such a strong emotion, such an impossible emotion for someone like him. So many years of his life had he spent without even considering that he might not be a bachelor forever. Of course there had been their friendship, the only true and honest one he had ever had. But until that day when she had returned from the hospital with the good news of not having cancer, he had not thought about her as someone who was much ore than a friend. However, on that day he had been unable to name what he was experiencing. The realization hit him much later.

As was his nature, he had never allowed himself to act upon his feelings. Every strong emotion he had experienced after Alice had left his life had always been supressed. For a good reason, that's what he had always told himself. That ridiculously frivolous youth had cost him too many years of his life and too much pain to be repeated ever again. But maybe things would have gone another way sooner had he actually listened to what his heart told him.

Charles closed the book he had tried to read. He simply could not concentrate on the words any longer. The conversation he had had with Mrs Patmore yesterday still occupied his mind completely.

In my eyes she is beautiful. Something else he should have said to her sooner and only to her. No wonder Elsie kept avoiding him. No wonder she kept postponing the decision about which day to choose for their wedding. She was probably disappointed and hurt that it had been Mrs Patmore who had told her all of this and not him.

Charles rubbed the bridge of his nose to get rid of the headache that started to develop. Never before had he experienced such an emotional roller coaster. He had always been the person who had his feeling completely under control. At least he thought he had. Apparently that was no longer the case.

perhaps tbc?