Yuuki needs to know who will be with her in her final moments...
Disclaimer: I do not own Vampire Knight. Songfic song by Evanescence.
Breathe No More
The hallways of the Sun Dormitory were as vacant as the barren wastelands that seemed to be occupying Yuuki Kuran's heart.
Her footsteps echoed dully as she slowly traced the way back to her old room, though the dull contact on her boots hitting the floor sounded louder than anything else in the world right now.
The school had long since been evacuated of both humans and vampires, and she no longer knew the whereabouts of any of her old companions.
It seemed to take eternities until she finally came across the room she and her old security partner had once lived together in. She hesitated, standing outside of the room and staring at the door, not really thinking about anything.
Half of her wanted to go inside and the other half wanted to just keep standing there, letting her blank mind wander aimlessly. She kept her head partially bowed the entire time she stood there, her long, chocolate brown hair falling silently over her shoulders.
Not too many nights ago, she had run away from Kaname, as she had been with him several months and just, for some reason, could not bear it any longer. There was just something so…sickening about being with him like that. She never really liked it from the start; since the very first time he had laid his rough hand on her shoulder, she had suspected that he never really loved her. There were many hints she had picked up on that suggested to her that it was all a hoax and that he really only wanted to be with her for reasons other than love of his sister. She did not know what other reasons he may have had for wanting her, but she just knew that deep down she really did not love him either.
So she had run away a few nights ago, and the fact that he had not come after her or even attempted to find her yet had proved her suspicions true. Yet perhaps there was still time for him to come and find her, but she was not intending to wait much longer.
Slowly, Yuuki raised her hand to the doorknob and let her hand rest on the cold metal. She gripped it half-heartedly, her fingers shaking slightly, and turned it, giving a small shove with her shoulder to force open the old door.
She stepped inside to find that nothing at all had changed, aside from an extra layer of dust or two covering up some things.
She had no uncertainties of where she wanted to go and what she intended to do.
As though her feet were weighed down by pounds upon pounds of steel, she made her way over to the bathroom she and her old partner had once shared. She briefly remembered how many times she and Zero had walked in on each other by accident. They usually shouted a few sharp words at the other, quickly backed out in apology, and then later that night, they would chuckle it off together.
She came to a halt in front of the large glass mirror she had wasted so many hours in front of as a 'human', primping and fixing herself up, turning her head a million different ways every morning to make sure she would appear halfway decent. She stared at her reflection for the longest time, noting on how similar she looked to herself, and just how much she had changed. It was as though her past self, the 'human' Yuuki was trapped behind the glass.
She longed for those days as a lone wolf cub longed for its mother's pack. She longed for them so bad that it hurt, it killed her inside. She wanted those carefree days back, the ones when she was still nothing more than a Guardian of the school, a human girl with human friends.
It was as though, the moment she had been transformed back into the beast she was by nature, her entire past life had been locked behind the looking-glass.
Very tentatively, she outstretched her arm toward the glass, her thin, pale fingers trembling. When her skin finally made contact with the cold, hard glass, it sent a terribly uncomfortable shiver throughout her body.
She let her fingertips linger there for a moment, and then before she knew it, she had her fists clenched and her hands balled tightly.
With an agonized cry, laced with distress and pain, she smashed her knuckles against the glass, and watched as tiny fragments of herself fell from the wall before her.
I've been looking in the mirror for so long
That I've come to believe my soul's on the other side
All the little pieces falling, shatter
Shards of me too sharp to put back together
Tears mixed with the falling shards on their way to the ground.
Yuuki was overcome with emotions she no longer understood the meaning of. She did not remember all the feelings she had kept concealed for so long, anymore.
Nothing mattered to her anymore, not her sanity, not her friends, not even her own life.
She collapsed onto the ground on her knees, tears streaming down her face and pooling around her. Her long hair looped and cascaded down before her, the ends of her tresses brushing against the ground.
As she stared down at the ground, she saw a million smaller versions of herself reflecting back at her. Her shoulders trembled as she let her fingers graze the tiny glass pieces. But as her fingers finally managed to touch one of the pieces, her reflections, all the thousands of them, suddenly vanished.
Her heart nearly stopped and she gasped, suddenly feeling lonelier than ever before. Her lips trembled and her body began to shake, more tears spilling out onto the floor.
Then, a skeptical smile formed on her face. "That's right…" she whispered, her voice breaking just like her heart had so many times. "Vampires don't have reflections."
She bowed her head again, lamenting that she had let her mind take over and form fake reflections to trick herself into believing she was still somewhat human. No. She could no longer find the strength nor will to speak, so she thought to herself instead. There is not a trace of human blood left in me.
As if to prove her reality, she lifted her fingers up to her mouth. She let the tips of her fingers graze her sharp fangs, tasting the tiny drips of blood that she had acquired from touching the broken glass.
She licked the blood away and swallowed, savoring the forbidden taste.
Too small to matter
But big enough to cut me
Into so many little pieces
If I try to touch her
And I bleed,
I bleed
And I breathe
I Breathe No More
She then seemed to lose what little shred of sanity she had left.
Fiercely, she sunk her fangs into her skin, draining the sweet nectar from her veins. She continued doing so for a period of time she did not keep track of.
By the time she finally grasped an ounce of sense enough to stop herself, her hands were covered in blood up to her wrists, her arms dripping with it past her sleeves and dangling off her elbows. Her uniform was stained with crimson, as was the floor and her face.
It all felt like some sick dream - or rather nightmare. Yet she figured out long ago that she would never wake up no matter how hard she tried.
She wanted someone to find her right now, and tell her that none of it was real, yet the Dormitory remained as silent as it had been upon her arrival, like a cemetery. She hunched over as though she were going to be sick from the sight of all the blood she witnessed before her, as she had not realized just how much she had caused herself to lose.
For a moment, she sat there, hunched over and panting, her hair trailing in the pools of fresh blood, staining it scarlet.
The blood continued to flow from her hands, and only now did she begin to feel the excruciating pain her very own fangs had caused her. Her jaws parted in a silent shriek of agony before she slowly laid down on the bloody ground. Her body curled up tightly, and she put all her weight on her injured hands, attempting to apply pressure and stop the blood flow.
However, she had forgotten the shards underneath her, and as she pressed her hands into the floor, tiny fragments embedded themselves into her fresh wounds. Yuuki screeched in anguish, so loud she thought her lungs would burst. She gritted her teeth, her fangs drawing more blood from her lip. Shifting, she desperately tried to shake off the glass from her hands and arms, but she had pressed down too hard at first, and they felt as though they were jammed to the bone.
Yuuki remained still, her voice still quavering from the effects of her scream, lying on her side, wheezing like a half-drowned dog. The pain was horrible, perhaps the worst thing she had ever been cursed with experiencing, thousands of times more painful than when her elder brother's fangs had made contact with her throat not too long ago.
After what seemed like eons, her flesh had finally bled itself out, and Yuuki somehow managed to sit up in a kneeling position. She felt nauseous at the pints of spilt blood that surrounded her, the once clean, white tile floor now barely visible. She felt dizzy, but remained sitting up, folding her bloodied hands into her lap, her skirt now also stained and dripping puddles.
This was what she had come here for, this is what she wanted to do, but it was thousands of times more painful and more difficult than she ever could have imagined it would be.
Take a breath and I try to draw from my spirit's well
Yet again you refuse to drink like a stubborn child
Lie to me, convince me that I've been sick forever
And all of this will make sense when I get better
Yuuki squeezed her eyes shut, trying to make herself forget about the pain that she felt.
She knew that any moment now, someone who may have heard her scream could come running, whether the school had been abandoned or not. Sooner or later, someone or something was bound to be attracted to the scent of so much blood, and she prayed it would not be other vampires. No. I can't let that happen. She told herself firmly. I came here to do this myself. I won't let anyone else interfere before I'm finished.
Yet it was still just too painful at the time, and she could continue no farther. So all she did for several moments afterward was slowly lap up the dripping blood from her arms and wrists. Perhaps it would be easier and less painful to simply suck her veins dry. No, wait that won't work. It'll just be returning into my body. The only way is to let it all bleed out.
She decided she would wait a while until the pain had died away a little. She would wait until she was completely numb and then get back to work.
As she waited, to pass the time, she tried to stare back into some of the biggest shards of the broken mirror, attempting to force her mind to form the image of her reflection once more. After she had been turned back into a vampire again, the only means of know what she looked like were prior memories of her human reflection and several paintings that Kaname had had commissioned. Yet she could not bring herself to conjure up another false image of herself and she soon accepted her trials as futile.
She then wept, frustrated since she could no longer see the human reflection of the girl both Kaname and Zero had fallen in love with. She wanted to see the girl she had once been at the time when she had been able to be with them both, when she was privileged to see and talk to them both everyday and every night.
She wished she could see them both one more time, and find out which side of her they preferred.
She wanted to know who loved her, and who loved her reflection.
But I know the difference,
Between myself and my reflection
I just can't help but to wonder
Which of us do you love?
She had waited long enough.
Surely, by now the night was nearly upon her; she could smell the crisp, cool scent of the air outside even through the walls and walls of brick and stone that separated her from it.
Her body now felt completely empty and she was numbed beyond the frozen Winter night outside; the time she had been waiting for had finally arrived.
Yet before she did anything else, she bowed her head and sent silent prayers to her most beloved people. She prayed that the Headmaster, her adoptive father would always be well. She knew he was aware of the undying affection and appreciation she felt toward him, so she knew she did not have to worry about him too much.
She prayed for Yori, her one and only true human friend who had stuck with her through thick and thin, and revealed all of her secrets to. All of them.
She prayed for her beloved family, that her parents would forgive her for what she was about to do and that they might understand her intentions.
She prayed that Kaname would be able to move on without her and she wished that he and all his companions would be well.
Lastly, she prayed for her old partner, the only other one who had been told the secret of the Moon Dorm's residents from the beginning. She prayed that Zero would eventually forgive himself for what he blamed himself for, especially about the fate of his twin brother as well as Shizuka. She prayed that he would always be safe, and somehow manage to find happiness even if it were in the subtlest of ways. She would forever miss those nights they patrolled together, the stories they had told and the troubles they had gotten into together…
Yuuki stopped herself there, letting her thoughts trail off in case she was somehow persuaded to back down from what she planned to do.
She reached forward, grasping the largest piece of glass her damaged hands could manage to grasp. She slowly raised it to her throat, running her thoughts and raking her brain for anything or anyone else she wanted to pray for before she saw this through once and for all.
Deciding there was nothing more she needed to do or ask for, she brought the blade closer to her neck. It was a few moments before she could finally bring herself to graze her skin with it, drawing a small trickle of blood from her body. Yet her hands were shaking too much, and the thought of penetrating one of the most major veins in her body was just too much for her.
So instead, she lowered her arms and the broken glass. Yet she was not going to back down. She was going to do what she came here to do.
She tried to force herself to stop shaking, for she knew all too well that if she misjudged or was off even a tiny bit just because of a small tremble to two, she could wind up not striking efficiently enough and it could take hours upon agonizing hours to finally bleed out.
So she took a deep breath, knowing it would be one of her last, sliding her sleeve up to reveal her bare, deathly pale skin.
She thought she heard footsteps coming down the empty hallways, but she knew it was all an illusion of her mind and senses. She heard them quickening, as if the person knew she was there and they were worried about her.
Yuuki let a small smile cross her lips but then she quickly shook her head, pushing away her fantasies.
The footsteps grew louder, but she ignored them. She rested the sharpest tip of the glass on her arm, pricking her skin so a single bead of crimson popped up, looking painfully red against the alabaster skin.
She sniffed once and brought herself to speak. Surprisingly, when she did so, her voice hardly quavered at all and her tone was strong and sure, making certain she had no regrets left in this world. "Kaname…Onii-san, Zero…everyone…I'm sorry. I just…can't take it anymore…"
The footsteps were closer than before now, as though they were now outside the room she had entered earlier. She could have sworn that she heard the doorknob turn. Then again, perhaps she did.
But it did not matter, for it was already too late now.
Her mind and her heart were set on this.
"Farewell, Onii-san…"
At that moment, she jabbed the broken shard of glass into her arm, biting back a scream of pure traumatized agony. She squeezed her eyes shut past the tears and forced her arm to move, slicing the mirror fragment down her arm and blood spilled forth like a red waterfall that had just flooded past a blockade. She then threw the glass to the ground, letting out a pained scream and gasping raggedly. She remembered how to speak, and with her last few breaths managed to voice her intended final words.
"I love you…I'm sorry…"
She then cracked her eyes open and looked at the ocean of blood spilling around her.
"I love you…" she gasped painfully, determined to finally say the words.
Suddenly she heard something at the entrance of the room and she glanced up slowly, the words still hanging on her tongue as she looked up to see wide, scarlet irises full of fear and total shock staring back at her.
"I love you…" she forced out one last time as he stepped in closer to her."…Zero…"
So I bleed, I bleed
And I breathe, I breathe,
I breathe, I breathe no…
"Y…Yuuki…"
His voice was so familiar, nostalgic, and comforting to her ears.
She thought it was a dream for the longest while, and she just wanted to listen to his voice replaying over and over in her mind.
"Yuuki…" she sighed as he said her name again, her eyes closing slowly.
Then, she slumped forward, expecting to hit the ground littered with scattered glass on the cold floor.
But she never did.
Instead, she felt strong, warm arms around her, catching her.
She managed to open her eyes once more, her once so sharp vision now blurred. She saw splotches of red mostly, but then she saw calming silver, and then the lavender eyes of the one and only person she ever truly loved.
Her lungs were filling with blood, and it was becoming harder and harder to breathe. She could taste it bubbling up her throat and dripping out from her mouth.
She listened to his voice as he spoke, feeling elated and freed in knowing that he would be there with her in her final moments.
"Yuuki." He repeated her name. "What…? Just…just concentrate on your breathing. I'll get help." She felt him moving away from her, the warmth of his arms fading fast. Desperately, she cried out, her voice catching in her throat.
"Zero!" she wailed. "No, wait! P…please…" she then coughed, choking on the blood that was now rapidly filling her throat. She could feel her body going numb as it all flowed away from her, slipping away from her body as though she were being drained by the fangs of one of her own kind.
"Yuuki, no-"
"Zero…" she cut him off, gasping, now feeling her life slipping away. "It's okay…just…stay…with me…please…?" she ended with a question, as though asking him permission that he would stay. As though asking him if it was okay that he stayed with her in her final moments. "Zero please…please stay-" she cut off as her body shook with violent coughs.
"Shh!" He hissed fiercely. "Don't talk, you idiot! Of course I'll stay here…" her shuddering died down into weak sobs and panting, and she realized that he was crying. "Yuuki…Yuuki!" He growled.
"Zero…I…" she could feel her breath leaving her and knew she only had one left. "I'm sorry…I love yo…u…" she could no longer speak.
"I love you too Yuuki." He whispered to her.
But he never knew if he had been too late and if she had heard him or not.
Her breathing ceased and her eyes went dull.
He kissed her, praying that she would feel it, but knowing deep down that there was no way she could now.
He then looked down at the fallen vampiress in his arms, his vampiress. There was a tiny smile on her lips and a single fresh tear still lingering at the corner of her eyelids. The amounts of blood pooled around the two of them was an insane amount, it was sickening to look at and nauseating to smell. Yet it was also the sweetest thing Zero had ever smelt.
He had intended to hunt her down and kill her, or so he always said. But he never really intended to do those things.
Ever.
It was all a lie.
And yet he had let her die in his arms like that, thinking he wanted to kill her.
But he loved her, and she loved him.
There was one less pureblood in the world now, but Zero would have done anything in order to change that.
But now that she was gone, he had no reason to live anymore.
He then grasped the chunk of glass she had used to end her own life with.
He reached over and gently closed her eyelids, making sure her beautiful, smiling face would be the last thing he ever saw.
He knew she would never want him to do this, but he simply could not live without her. He could never survive in this world now knowing that she was no longer in it. What right did the afterlife have to take her when she belonged to him?
Zero brushed a stray strand of hair from Yuuki's face, as gentle as though he were caressing her very soul.
He made sure that he would leave behind a corpse at least half as beautiful as hers.
He managed to smile, tears still streaming down his face.
"I love you, Yuuki."
He then raised the bloodstained glass, and closed his eyes…
Bleed, I bleed
And I breathe, I breathe
I breathe…I breathe…
No more…
A/N: End.
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