|The unpredictable events of this thing we call 'life'|
*…
today, Maclaren's Pub
"Hey Robin! It's been over a week since we last saw you here!" Lily greeted her from their usual booth, raising her beer.
"Yeah, Robin, thank you for delighting us with your sublime presence…" said Marshall ironically, imitating his wife's movements without looking at Robin.
"It's nice to see you too, Marshall." said Robin tiredly, practically throwing herself onto the booth next to Ted, who offered her some of his drink.
"Marshall is right, Robin." said Ted friendly, stopping for just a second to watch his best friend take a little satisfied bow "We haven't seen you in days. We were starting to get worried…"
Robin opened her mouth, but Lily was way quicker than her "Yes, we should probably call Barney and tell him you're alive! He's been asking for you all week…" Lily's little smile was greeted by a loud 'umph' coming from Robin.
"What is it?"
"It's about him." Robin closed her eyes solemnly as she said this, but when she noticed none of her friends seemed to have noticed how serious the situation was, she went on "I need to talk to you guys…"
The serious tone in her voice shook her friends who were now sitting up straight with concern in their eyes.
"What's wrong?"
It was only several seconds later that Robin said, biting her lower lip
"Something happened with Barney."
\\
8 days earlier
Barney joined the little group stealing a chair form a nearby table.
"Good evening, everybody!" a big smile lighted his face up.
"Seems like someone's really happy today!" Lily pointed out, smiling back "Are things going well with Nora?"
"They are going great! I mean: take a look at the hotness of the girls around here. I haven't fantasized about any of them and it's already been… three minutes!" everybody laughed taking a sip… Everyone but Robin, who seemed to have developed an intense interest in her empty glass. "Well, I guess my record is already over" Barney went on, pointing at his friend "Robin, that shirt is way too revealing for me not to notice you expanding boobs." he teased her.
But Robin's eyes had absolutely no intention of leaving the table.
"So, Barney… did you and Nora just… you know…" began Marshall, winking at his friend "is that why you look so happy? Did you just…"
Barney's answer was the first verse of their beloved "Bangity-Bang" song. Marshall and Ted soon joined in, happy and excited.
"GUYS!" Robin interrupted with a desperate cry. "Guys, please stop!" she said rubbing her forehead.
"Honey, what's wrong?" a concerned Lily gently placed her hand over Robin's.
"It's just… please stop the sex references. I haven't had sex in months, I'm extremely susceptible… and Lily move your hand before I jump you."
As Lily promptly removed her hand from the table with Marshall's help, Ted pointed out
"Is that why you're dressed like that? Are you planning on sleeping with a random guy tonight?"
"Exactly. Now if you'll excuse me, I've just spotted a very charming blond man in his thirties over there."
"Hellooo!" said Barney pointing at himself with a grin.
"I think she means that balding forty-year-old slightly overweight who is currently drinking his fifth beer at the counter."
Everybody looked several times from the stranger to Robin with unbelieving eyes.
"He'll do." was her answer to their silent question. And with that, she stood up and walked towards him.
\\
today
"Yes, well, we all remember you 'very charming' latest conquest…" Ted teased her trying to get her to smile, but her sad expression seemed to be permanent.
"You guys remember that guy and I went up to the apartment?" everybody nodded "Well… we were soon joined by Barney."
\\
8 days earlier
Robin tried to ignore the repeated knocking on her door, but was eventually forced to open it.
"What?" she blurted out at the sight of Barney.
"Hey Robin… woah!" he said, surprised of her missing shirt "I can see you skipped the foreplay!"
"What do you want, Barney?"
"Ok, first of all, I like the way that bra supports your boobs: they look more-"
"Barney!"
"Ok, Robin… you really shouldn't sleep with this guy." he finally said, with his eyes almost pleading her not to.
"What?" she was shocked "Give me at least three good reasons not to."
"Well… you don't know him and-"
"Oh, like that stopped you from sleeping with anything that moved, in the past."
"Robin… that's different."
"Why?"
When Barney was about to put his answer into words, a middle-aged man came out of Robin's bedroom, wearing nothing but his boxers and shoes.
"Rosy, is everything ok?"
"No, unknown-man-who-clearly-has-no-taste-in-matching-his-boxers-with-his-shoes, it's not ok-"
\\
today
"Wait, does Barney match his shoes with his boxers?" Marshall seemed to be extremely thrilled at the idea.
"Dude, shush!"
\\
8 days earlier
"-'Rosy' and I are having a serious discussion here." Barney half-screamed, hating the man for interrupting.
"It's all right, Henry. Barney was just leaving, wasn't he?" Robin asked with a furious look on her face, staring angrily at barney with wide eyes.
"Yes, of course I was." the disappointment in his voice could be heard miles away as he walked towards the door "and, Henry?"
"Yeah?"
"She used to be a man." and with that, Barney was out.
\\
today
"Ouch!" Ted couldn't be more clear.
"Yes, and after that, Henry left blabbing some excuses." Robin looked more and more mortified by the second.
"Well Robin, I'm sorry Barney ruined you 'date', but is that really why you look so terrible?" Lily asked and Marshall nodded in agreement.
"There's more… Barney came back."