Disclaimer: Kuroko no Basuke belongs to it's original creator.
In retrospect the current situation appears clear. This foggy, and muddled daily life make sense again.
The meaning found buried underneath tattered memories, playing through my head like an old VCR film. Training sessions that could drain the life out of a person, intense practice matches, joking around and doubled training menus; walking home eating ice-cream together (almost like a family), small talk, and quiet rainy days, irritating each other then laughing it off; the first national victory-of many to follow.
At some point I felt my lonely heart beat sadly in my chest. Slow, agonized beat, beat, beating, like a dying bird trapped in a cage. It yearned to voice out those bold type faced words written, yet unable to utter them. Unlike the eloquent provocative words in books. Mine stayed silent stuck in my head and glued to my tongue. Locked in my brain. Out of sight, in the shadows…
The young boy is hiding. A small child alone in the chilling dark air, gripping their flashlight-their beacon of hope- so tightly pale knuckles turn sheet white. As they cower from the terrifying monsters under their bed.
Monsters that soon grow restless then agitated. They hiss and holler, spit and howl out a noisy riot into the frigid night air.
BANG! BANG! BANG! CRRRREEEEEEAAAAK!
Cold night turns calm once more. What an eerie contrast. Sucking in a quick breath the boy huddles into himself. When he opens his eyes he sees it: the beast. Wide cornflower blue eyes fixate unwillingly upon raging cobalt blue. Intensity that would have surely burnt to cinders hadn't the child hastily averted his gaze.
A tiny boy's very first encounter with one of the monsters that scared him endlessly each night. How was he to react? What was he to say, when faced with an apparition of terror?
Sometime during our second year at Teiko a puzzle piece fell out of place. At first, mostly unnoticeable. Fast and too soon, the radiant golden triumph became rusty and tarnished. A powerhouse machine could still function with one then, even with two gears a touch out of place. At least until those renegade gears began turning quicker and quicker burning up menacingly. Steam erupted from the machines nostrils like a seething dragon. It's piercing golden eyes glared threateningly.
At some point I found myself taking comfort in the diverting words of great writers. Each well-worn yellowed page I turned carried me further from my worries. Temporarily forgotten. Seeking comfort and warmth only found here; the library was like a home away from home. My personal sanctuary.
Though, people can only hide for so long and even a phantom like myself is no exception.
Racing out of the gym and chasing after my dearest friend. My heart was pounding so hard-was it from excretion or fear? As rain poured down a dreary grey sky. I was caught completely unprepared. An expression like that just didn't belong on his face. Meeting my best friend's eyes, my stomach curdled. Aomine-kun's bright cobalt eyes had dimmed to a dark swampy navy blue.
"I don't remember how to catch one of your passes anymore."
Why did you have to say that?
That swamp trapped me and I sank slowly down, water filled my collapsing lungs…Having your nightmares come alive is petrifying. My friends all transformed into beasts so uncanny to the ones I used to hide from in the dark. Only now the sun was still up. That trusty flashlight nowhere to be found, and these monsters were my friends.
Mixing feelings, confusing and clashing ran through my lead filled body. I know the typical step one takes when hiding isn't an option anymore: running. Even so, I found myself strangely confronting my captain instead. Our encounters always left unsaid words hanging silently in the air. Words unspoken by a stubborn boy without a clue how to argue his own points. Unlike the eloquently speaking characters he read of; dfferent from those wise philosophers.
It was almost funny how I-a boy who wore a constant poker face- seemed more emotional about the whole ordeal than even my shrewd calculating captain. Then again, Akashi-kun likely predicated it all. Not only that, my captain was highly confident, possessing unshakeable powers of reason. Still, only the stoic redhead remained on speaking terms with me; the other regulars had grown impossibly distant. Their silhouettes had too, escaped my sight. To still have a friend by my side made me immensely grateful. Despite the stone walls built between us. I desperately longed to return the favor while not knowing how.
It was also Akashi-kun who made me first consider quitting the Basketball club after joining the first-string, that is. In a brutally logical and blunt manner my heterochromatic captain pointed out: I could simply leave if I disliked the rules of the Basketball club so much. At the time, it stunned me to hear him say such things.
That same day after mulling over everything for a long time. I took an important step. A first step. A fashion to properly voice my opinions. Even if not yet through words. I wasn't running away that day when I handed in my resignation letter. It was like physical proof of my resolve. Surely, I knew, as long as I continued to play Basketball, we would all meet on the court again. As enemies rather than old friends. It's no matter. One day they'll smile when playing Basketball again.
No more playing like bloodthirsty savages. Scoring points like candy. Hating Basketball; remaining transfixed to that sport. Seeking to crush down to oblivion, and perhaps transform others into monsters too. Wanting others to hate the sport as much as they did: the deep pain it brought, the spiteful rage.
Although the exact manner is a bit befuddling, maybe it went something like this:
The realization was a devastation. Unsaid words were a weakness. Rendezvous holding on to a past that won't come back. Finally, the letter of resignation. Proof of my growing resolution.
"Let's meet again at the Winter Cup."
A challenge.
Somewhere between countless philosophy books-or perhaps, the simple passing of time- I obtained a novel perspective about Teiko. Maybe one of the reasons I had such great difficulty letting go was frank: I saw my team as they were a year prior. Hallucinations of the past rather than the cold reality. Each time distance increased between us I found myself starring through a telescope witnessing visions that existed a year ago. Like gazing at Armageddon. I lived in a time capsule. A box ripped to shreds by sad monsters.
People can only live in the present, after all.
Author's Note: Thank you for reading! That's the first short down, and there's more to go. This is actually pretty fun, and hopefully somebody has a good time reading these. If you feel like it, a review would be appreciated.
See you later, Cindy C.