Though I swore never to write for Twilight again, this scene (end of chapter two, Eclipse) has always annoyed me. Meyer could have actually made Bella a stronger, more likable character, but she sacrificed it all for the sake of the plot (which could easily have been altered to suit a slight scene change) and the pseudo-relationship of her protagonists. And I figure, hey, this is stuck in my head and any writing is better than no writing (not really, depending on who the writer is), so here we go: how I would have preferred that scene to play out, in as realistic a manner as I could manage, given the characterisation tweaking. Some dialogue is from the book, while the narration is something like 97% original, although I did try to use Meyer's style, as much as I was able without feeling stupid. Little tip of the hat to her, there.
Disclaimer: Alas, no Twilight rights for me. I'll have to make do with my self-respect. My, I am full of vitriol this morning. I apologise. Not terribly sincerely, but out of courtesy.
Let's Be Realistic
"Gah!" I gasped, caught off-guard by the other figure in the cab. "What the hell are you doing here?"
Edward did not move, save for his hands, which were fiddling with a black object, the details of which were impossible to make out in the darkness. The action unnerved me almost as much as his sudden appearance; Edward only fidgeted when he had something serious weighing on his mind. In this case, I could say with reasonable certainty that it had something to do with my attempt to elude his overprotective supervision.
"Alice called," he murmured.
Called it. "Hold on, you have Alice watching me?" Just the thought made me indignant and a little hurt.
"She got nervous when your future rather abruptly disappeared five minutes ago."
My eyes widened, even as I began to feel tears prick at them, urging me to blink.
"Because she can't see the wolves, you know," he explained, voice still low and almost frighteningly flat. "Had you forgotten that? When you decide to mingle your fate with theirs, you disappear, too. You couldn't know that part, I realise that. But can you understand why that might make me a little… anxious? Alice saw you disappear, and she couldn't even tell if you'd come home or not. Your future got lost, just like theirs.
"We're not sure why this is. Some natural defence they're born with?" He almost seemed to be speaking to himself, acting as if I weren't even there. This was a relief, in a way, not having his ire focused on me. Initial scare and Alice's betrayal aside, this exchange was going incredibly well. Then, as my eyes adjusted to the lack of light, I managed to get a proper look at what was in his hands, and the realisation, when I finally had it, made my blood run cold.
"Edward." I fought to keep my voice steady. "Did you… Is that from my truck?"
His eyes met mine for the first time since I had climbed into the vehicle. "I'll put it back together in time for school, in case you'd like to drive yourself," he said, as if that constituted an acceptable response.
My vision swam. I imagined this was something like what the Hulk would experience, if the Hulk were a pissed-off teenage girl. "Are you freaking kidding me? Put it back now!"
Edward said nothing for a moment, even his expression remaining impassive. "I can't, Bella."
"Yes, you can," I said firmly. "Now, Edward, or, I swear to God, we are over."
"This is for your own good. I can't let y–"
"Don't give me that bullshit! You have no right to tell me who I can and can't see!"
"Bella…"
The tears which had been forming the whole time finally spilled over. "Get the hell out of my truck, put that thing back where you found it and go home, you stupid – bastard!" Despite my efforts to control it, I was starting to stammer – an irritating and really unneeded side-effect of my distress.
Edward reached for me, presumably to offer some form of comfort. I jerked out of reach.
"Get out. Now. I'm going to go talk to my friend –" I made sure to emphasise the word, although whether it was noticeable in my rough, broken voice I was unsure. "– and I might see you tomorrow."
He hesitated, and I turned to face the windshield. "Fucking now, Edward."
I waited, silently seething, while he exited and made his way to the front of my truck, popping the hood and reaching into the engine for mere seconds before he was closing the cover again. Patience long since used up, I twisted my key in the ignition and, satisfied by the answering roar, peeled away from the curb, trying to ignore the figure in my rear-view mirror as it became increasingly smaller.
And that, dear reader, is how you assert yourself in a relationship – with lots of yelling and swearing. The rating, by the way, is for those bad, bad words. I prefer not to swear when in company, having been raised Mormon, but I wouldn't hesitate in this situation, believe you me.
-TeamVampire