(And heeeeeeeeeeeere's Ramiro!) Thank you, thank you, my dear audience… hey, I liked that introduction, Angelica. (Well, considering what you're about to present, I thought it was the most adequate.) Maybe you're right. Anyway…
(Before you continue, can you help me give everyone a test of my amazing abilities?) What kind of abilities? (Well, you'll see. Angelica grabs an envelope and shows it to the audience. I'm going to guess the answer to the question in this envelope before you read it to us.) You know, the psychic stuff is more Dil's territory, don't you think? (Hey, just give me a hand here, okay. Angelica puts the envelope on her forehead, and concentrates. The answer is… 'Rugrats/AGU characters, Microsoft, and The Skeleton of the Elephant Man'. Angelica handles the envelope to me.) Now I have to see this. I open the envelope, and read the letter inside. "Mention 3 things Ramiro doesn't own." (And that it's our Disclaimer!)
Okay, bad puns aside, as you could see in the summary, I'm not posting an actual story this time. (Yep; his brain is running out of the few neurons it still has left.) Thanks for the remark, Angie; anyway, this time I'm presenting some jokes starring Angelica and company. (And, depending on the joke, we'll appear as Rugrats, teenagers, and, probably, as adults.) Since we don't know how many chapters will this story last, we'll keep it as an open fic.
Okay, enough of this. Angelica, do the honors. (Yes. And now… live, from New York, it's Saturday Night!) groan. (Just kidding! On with the show!)
Jokes' Collection.
A Rugrats/AGU fic by Acosta Pèrez Josè Ramiro.
-Rugrats.
Tommy and the other babies are at his backyard, trying to think about what they're going to play.
"I have an idea, friends!" Tommy suddenly says, getting everyone attention. "Let's play we are zoo's aminals!"
"What a great idea, Tommy!" Lil exclaims, and immediately starts crawling and making roaring sounds. "I want to be a tiger!"
"Then, I want to be an elephant!" Phil immediately starts doing pachyderm's noises.
"And I'll be a kangaroo!" Kimi giggles and starts hopping around.
"Monkey! Monkey!" Dil laughs and actually do some pretty good monkey-like noises.
"And I'll be a bear!" Tommy playfully smirks, and starts growling. Chuckie then looks over everyone's head, and gulps.
"I want to be a spider." Chuckie says meekly, making everyone to stop playing and give him a puzzled look.
"But the spider isn't a zoo's aminal, Chuckie." Kimi tells her brother. Chuckie sighs, and then points at the distance.
"I know… but here comes Angelica, and that's the only animal she fears!"
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Angelica is at the park, smiling widely, and approaches Taffy, her and the babies' nanny.
"Congratulate me, Taffy!" Angelica tells the teenager. "I just did a very good thing."
"What did you do, Angelica?"
"I just saved Finster from getting very hurt."
"Wow! That's impressive, Angelica." Taffy smiles at the little girl. "How you saved him?"
"I forgave him."
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
"I'm telling you I'm right, Lillian!"
"And I'm telling you that you're wrong, Phillip!"
"I'm not!"
"You are!"
"I'm not!"
"You are!"
"I'm not!"
"You are!"
"I'm not!"
"You are!"
"I'm not!"
"Why are you two arguing now?" Susie approaches Phil and Lil, stopping their argument.
"Because Phil is wrong, and he isn't accepting it!"
"No, I'm right, Lil, and now Susie is going to prove it." Phil points, and then directs to the Afro-American girl. "Susie, avocados have eyes, right?"
"Of course not, Phil!" Susie can't help but chuckle at her little friend's statement. "Avocados have no eyes!"
Lil smiles in triumph, and Phil gets a worried expression.
"Are you sure?" Phil asks Susie, who nods in reply. Phil then covers him mouth, and gets a sick look.
"Oh, no… then, I just ate a toad!"
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
All the families are at the park on a picnic, and Angelica is sitting at the lawn, rolling a can of soda over and over. Tommy and the other babies look at her, and approach the girl to ask her why she is doing it.
"Oh, this? Well… you babies want me to show you a trick?"
"Yes, Angelica, please." Tommy says, kind of excited, and all the other babies nod in agreement.
"Well, if you roll a can of soda for a while, and then open it, the soda doesn't jump out and you don't get dirty or soaked."
The babies then notice the large picnic basket their parents brought, and decide to practice Angelica's trick. Tommy and Dil roll a can; Chuckie and Kimi roll another, and the DeVilles do it with a third one. Then, after a while, they decide to open the cans at the same time.
FOOOOSSSSSHHHH!
All the babies get soaked, and then glare at Angelica, who is fighting the urge of laughing at their faces, and shrugs at them.
"Well, I told you it was a trick."
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Susie looks angrily at Angelica, who's laughing loudly because of the last prank she just played on the babies.
"Angelica, when are you going to stop being that mean with the babies?"
"Ah, I'm just having some fun, Carmichael." Angelica slowly stops laughing. "And if you ask me, being honest and nice is overrated."
"Oh, you think that?" Susie folds her arms, and starts lecturing her. "Did you already forget the story about George Washington and the cherry tree? He cut it down, but he was honest, and his daddy didn't punish him."
"Of course he wasn't punished, Susie… he was carrying an ax!"
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
The doorbell rings at Angelica's house, and her father, Drew, opens it, revealing a mid-aged man who handles him a card.
"Good afternoon, Mister Pickles. I'm you daughter's singing teacher."
"There must be a mistake." Drew tells the man, puzzled. "I hadn't paid for any singing lessons for my daughter."
"I know. Your neighbors did it."
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Susie and Harold open a lemonade stand at the park; it's the classic set-up, with a large box and a jar of lemonade and some plastic glasses on it. Susie is attending the costumers (other kids her age) while Harold is making more lemonade; Taffy, at a distance, is looking at them.
Tommy, driving his Reptarmobile, approaches the stand, with Dil sitting next to him.
"Hi, Susie! How much your lemonade costs?" Tommy asks Susie.
"It's a coin, or a cookie, Tommy." Susie explains him. Tommy then takes out a cookie, and gives it to Susie.
"Please, give me one glass for my brother."
Susie gives the glass to Dil, who starts drinking. Harold stops his work, and looks at Tommy.
"You aren't drinking any, Tommy?"
"No, Harold, I can't drink. Don't you see I'm the one driving?"
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Angelica, Harold and Chuckie are at Tommy's house, and, as usual, Angelica is making the red-haired boys do her will.
"Angelica, I don't think this is such a good idea." Chuckie tells Angelica while she and Harold help him climb the table to reach the cookies jar on it.
"Don't argue with me, Finster! You should thank me because this time I'm letting you and Harold have some cookies too." Angelica tells him, and, a moment later, Chuckie is getting the cookies and passing them to the girl.
"Harold, you go see if my Aunt Didi is coming while I help Finster down."
"Okay, Angelica." Harold then runs to the kitchen's door to do his job, but then notices the waste basket is half-open, and decides closing it.
"Nice job, Finster." Angelica smiles at the nerdy baby, who also smiles in reply. The girl then puts the cookies in a pile, and separates a few ones for her companions.
"Hey, Harold, come get your cookies!"
"Actually, Angelica, I'm not hungry… if you guys don't matter, I think I need to go to the bathroom." Harold replies while getting a sick look and running out of the kitchen. Angelica and Chuckie get puzzled looks since this is the first time they see Harold rejecting food, especially cookies.
"What's wrong with him?" Angelica scratches her head in confusion. Chuckie then walks to the door, and notices the wastebasket as well. He gives a look inside, and quickly closes it. Then looks at Angelica, sighing.
"He had his first encounter with one of Dil's bags of dirty diapers."
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Lil and Phil are at the beach, making a sand castle, and Kimi sits next to them, with a sad expression.
"What's wrong, Kimi?" Phil asks her, noticing her looks.
"It's just that Mommy said I'm too small to go play in the sea like Angelica and Susie."
"Hey, that's fine. I wanted to swim there too until I discovered why the sea is salty." Lil tells her friend, who immediately looks at her, puzzled.
"You know why the sea is salty?"
"Yes… because the fish pee there!"
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
At the kindergarten, Susie and Angelica, alongside the other kids, are getting a lesson on animals from their teacher, Miss Weamer.
"Now, let's see who paid attention." The teacher smiles at the kids, and gets a thoughtful expression. "Let's see… who can tell me the name of a mammal that has no teeth?"
"The whale, Miss Weamer." Susie answers while raising her hand.
"Very good, Susie!" The teacher says, "Any other? Yes, Angelica?"
"My Grandpa, Miss Weamer!"
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Angelica and Timmy McNulty are arguing at the park.
"I'm a boy, and that means I'm stronger, smarter and braver than you, Pickles."
"Well, I'm stronger, braver, and smarter than you, McNulty, and I can prove it!"
"Oh, yeah? How?" Timmy gets a cocky look while folding his arms. Angelica looks around, and gets her trademark evil grin.
"You see that plant with thorns?" Angelica points at a thorns-filled bush at a distance. "If you give me a cookie, I'll lick it."
"Seriously?" Timmy wide opens his eyes in surprise.
"That's right… of course, if you can't find a cookie, or you want to just admit I'm better than you, well, I'll understand it." Angelica replies in a superiority tone, making him anger. Timmy leaves, and returns a few moments later with a cookie.
"Here's the cookie. Lick it!" Timmy snaps at Angelica while handling the cookie to her. Angelica shrugs, and grabs the cookie.
Then, she licks it, and walks away munching it, leaving a stunned McNulty.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Kimi is at her house scrabbling something on a piece of paper using several crayons.
"What are you doing, Kimi?" Chuckie asks his sister while approaching her.
"Oh, Lil and I are playing mail, so I'm writing her a letter."
"But you don't know how to write." Chuckie points to her; Kimi looks at the paper and then smiles at him.
"Who cares? Lil can't read either."
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Susie is at the kindergarten, with a sad expression on her face. Angelica notices her, and sits next to her friend.
"What's wrong, Carmichael? You're usually the cheerful one."
"I'm a little sad because maybe Harold will never talk to us again."
"What?" Angelica gets a shocked expression. "But he is always very nice with us… sometimes he's a little annoying, but he still is our friend! Why he isn't talking to us any more?"
"Miss Weamer just told him he must never talk with his full mouth."
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Harold and Angelica are at her house, playing with her Cynthia doll and some of his action figures, when Charlotte passes next to them, mumbling something and showing a large frown.
"Angelica, your mom's angry?"
"No, Harold, she is just a little upset."
"And what's the difference between 'angry' and 'upset'?"
Angelica gets quiet since she has no idea about how to explain that to her friend. Then, her face brightens with her trademark evil grin.
"I know how to explain you! Come, we need the telephone; you just do what I tell you."
Angelica grabs the telephone, and dials the number of Jonathan, her mother's assistant. She then handles the telephone to Harold, and whispers something at his ear.
"Hello? It's Angelica Pickles there?" Harold asks Jonathan, trying to sound a little older.
"You got it wrong, kid! Angelica isn't here." Jonathan replies the other side of the line, and hangs off.
"You heard his tone? He was upset. Now, I'll show you how an angry person sounds." Angelica explains Harold, and dials the number and gives some instructions to Harold again.
"Hello? It's Angelica's house?"
"What? Of course not! That brat, thanks God, doesn't live here!" Jonathan replies in a slightly harsher tone, and hangs off.
"Wow! Now I know the difference, Angelica. Thanks."
"Any time, Harold… and now, just for fun, I'm showing you how it's to be 'furious'." Angelica dials again, but, this time, she is the one talking.
"Hello, Jonathan? It's me, Angelica; there's any message for me?"
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Charlotte finds Angelica eating the last cookie from the jar.
"Angelica, you know you can't eat cookies before dinner!" Charlotte talks in an authoritarian tone while Angelica lowers her head. "Now, you'll have no dessert tonight!"
Angelica sighs, and nods in reply; Charlotte picks up the jar and walks away. Once she is out of sight, Angelica grins and thinks out loud.
"And nobody else, Mommy, because I ate that too."
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Angelica and Susie become singers at their church's choir. One day, Angelica is asked to sing a solo, which, obviously, makes everyone to cringle at their seats. However, the when the priest rolls his eyes and tries ignoring the girl's voice, notices The Virgin Mary's image behind him, and gasps in amazement.
"Oh, my God!" The priest exclaims. "The Virgin is crying! It's a miracle!"
Everybody looks at the image, and, as the man said, they confirm The Virgin is crying. The next day, Angelica appears at all the newspapers and national TV as a miraculous girl, and, since then, she becomes the choir's main singer.
One Sunday, Angelica wakes up with a sore throat, so she can't sing that day. Susie replaces her, and, this time, The Virgin Mary's image doesn't cry. However, after a few minutes, everybody freezes when hearing the altar's Jesus talking.
"Now, that's a singer, and not that girl that makes my mom to cry."