Whispers in the dark

Summary: This summer Harry faces a new enemy stronger than anything he has ever faced before and much harder to defeat. What's more he has new distractions, new problems and a barrel full of worries. Can he come to terms with who he is and can Remus and Sirius stay by his side as the going gets tough?

An: this is the first story that I have written in a long time. The course that I am taking at colledge seems to be eating up all my time and inspiration as well as the various medical conditions that have taking up alot of my time. I hope that you enjoy the story and also that you be kind to me. I have tried to portray both the self harm and the mental disorder used in the story as truthfully as i can, and in as realistic a way as i can. Eventually i hope to start writing again for my other stories such a Vanyali Knurla but i'll just have to see what happens.

Warnings: contains mentions of neglect and child abuse, m/m pairings, self harm and mental disorders. (May change) Also this story is unlikely to be updated very often due to all my commitments and issues.

Harry stood, much as they had left him some hours before, staring out of the grimy bedroom window out into the street below. Since they had gone he had not only magically locked the door, but he had pushed the dusty dark wood chest of drawers in front of it to. It would not do for someone to come unexpectedly, especially since they worried about him so much already. Turning slowly from the bleak view he padded softly towards his bed before reaching under it with a calmness that frankly scared him, knowing what he was about to do. Strangely the thought also soothed the bubbling emotions of the last year. Gently, almost reverently he pulled out the battered shoe box, bringing it into the dim light, before slowly opening it to reveal its contents. It had taken him a great deal of time to collect them without being found out by the Dursley's. Sitting down on the lumpy mattress covered in a red and gold quit cover, he lifted the smallest of the glinting objects from its home and held it in his hand. This was really going to happen and despite his mind telling him to stop, that there must be another way. His body said that it had to happen. It was the only way. He still couldn't tell anyone, what would they think of him, after all. That he had finally gone as nutty as a squirrel that's what they would think. How could he break it to them that Harry Potter, The-boy-who=lived spent the majority of his time, when not with others talking to people who weren't there. Couldn't possibly be there but yet they were for him. With the knife in his hand they had grown quieter and quieter, paler and paler until they had disappeared entirely. Obviously they didn't want to watch the show, Harry smiled. The first genuine smile he had given in just over a year.

That last happy occasion had soon been blown apart. It had been in one of the tents that Mr Weasley had borrowed for the Quidditich world cup at the end of his third year. He had been dreaming about playing Quidditch for England in the future and then the death eaters had attacked. Harry thought that it may have been that night, that all of these foreign feelings and the voices had come from. Though he couldn't really remember living without them. They kept him company through the lonely weeks he had to spend at his aunt and uncles house. They motivated him, told him that he wasn't a freak that they cared about him. Of course locked in his room there was no one to see him talking to them and no one to hear his voice? His Uncle had after all sound proofed his room so that none of them had to hear his freakish pet. They didn't react well to being woken up in the night by hedwig. One of the only things that had stopped them from merely killing her had been his godfather's letter at the beginning of the holidays.

But here at Grimauld and at Hogwarts he couldn't talk freely to them without people noticing. So he had tried to ignore them for as long as possible, only making them grow louder and louder until he couldn't take it anymore or he only moved his lips when conversing. This, though better than the previous idea and being easier to hide than actually talking to them still drew small amounts of unwanted attention. Harry sighed pushing up the leg of his pyjama bottoms, until his thigh was exposed, pale as the moonlight. Lowering his hands to rest the knife on his leg, he pushed gently at first gaining courage as time passed as he tried harder leaving a deep red indentation in his leg. Losing his bravery he raised the knife and returned it to the box and began to roll down the leg of his pyjama bottoms. A knock on the door startled him and he kicked the box under the bed, before running to the door, picking up his wand on the way. Hurriedly he pushed the chest of drawers back to its rightful place stirring up a great deal of dust before retuning to the door and removing the locking charm. Opening it cautiously he caught sight of the retreating back of his God father walking down the corridor.

"Sirius!" he shouted attempting to catch up with him, before he got to the stairs. The closer he got the more depressed his godfather looked, his hair hung limply around his face and his strong shoulders were sagged with a look of defeat. At the sound of his voice Sirius immeadiatly whilrled round to face him, quickly pasting a happy smile onto his face that didn't quite reach the stormy grey eyes. That's right Harry signhed mentally we're all telling lies to one another.

"Harry," His godfather stated in suprise, obviously not expecting him to emerge from his bedroom, or his lair as every one was now calling it t. It was true, that he seemed to be spending an inordinate amount of time in there reading, listening to music, anything really to quieten the voices all around him. Indulging himself here and there with a few minutes of conversation with Finrod or discussing the fall of the Noldor with Manwe and how it could have been prevented. Harry admitted to himself, he couldn't recall at the exact moment how long it had been since he had left the room for anything but to use the bathroom or to sneak foods from the kitchen in the wee hours of the morning. "we need to talk you and me and Remus." His godfathers face had sobered and for a few seconds Harry panicked. They couldn't know, nor could they? Someone was spying on him; he knew it, but how. In the panicked state he was in Harry didn't catch the worried look that Sirius gave him at the increased rate of his breathing. Cautiously the older man leaned forward, brushing a lock of hair away from his face before heading down the rickety stairs. Stopping at the first step he turned back and beckoned Harry to follow him with a long finger, in way that showed that this wasn't a request. It was an order.

an/ I hoped that you enjoyed the story so far and i would feel flattered if you were to drop me a review on your way out. Thanks!

...raven...